Chapter Eleven
Jenna
I felt like I was suffering from the worst hangover I’d ever had in my life.
Running after Maverick wasn’t an option. Doing anything quickly didn’t feel like an option. Instead, I did the only thing I could think to do—take things one step at a time.
First, I needed to calm down.
I felt sick with panic as I searched my brain for any recollection of the previous night. I knew I had a date with Josh, but I didn’t remember meeting him.
'He didn’t touch you .'
“Shit,” I breathed, burying my face in my hands.
I needed something for my headache, and my mouth felt dry, but I wasn’t ready to get up yet. I wanted desperately to remember what happened. I tried again to access my memory banks, but there was nothing there after I got home from work.
I remembered talking about Josh with Lindsey.
I remembered Abbie acting weird around Logan.
I remembered being tired at the end of my shift but deciding not to cancel my date last minute.
Then it was all gone. Everything I’d done after leaving work was gone.
Somehow, Maverick knew more of the story.
I dropped my hands and searched around me for my phone. It was plugged in and sitting on my nightstand. I assumed I had Maverick to thank for that.
Picking it up, I unlocked the screen and navigated to the phone app. When it opened, it displayed my recent calls, and I paused when I saw Maverick’s name at the top. I clicked on the little blue information icon to get the details of the call.
I had called him .
Three times, it appeared.
He answered at nine-thirty-two, and we spoke for fourteen seconds.
I couldn’t remember it, but I called, he answered, and he made sure Josh didn’t touch me .
On the verge of tears, I pressed the call button.
It rang through to voicemail.
I tried again, and again, and again.
He wouldn’t answer me.
If I hadn’t felt like shit, I would have gotten in my car and gone to find him.
But I did feel like shit.
I also wasn’t sure if I had my car.
No way I’d driven myself home.
Neither could I have ridden on the back of Maverick’s Harley.
Did he drive me home in my car?
It felt like I was living in a really bad version of The Hangover , and it wasn’t the least bit funny.
I got up and slowly made my way to the bathroom. On my way there, I realized I was naked under an old nightshirt. Certain I hadn’t dressed myself that way, I decided I had Maverick to thank for that, too.
I was halfway down the hall when I paused to consider the irony.
I’d pushed Maverick away because I thought he was dangerous. I’d gone out with Josh because I thought he wasn’t. In the end, it was the former who’d brought me home, stripped me naked, dressed me in sleep clothes, and tucked me in without assaulting me. Since I wasn’t a complete idiot, I was sure, if given the chance, Josh’s actions would not have been so noble.
In the bathroom, I grabbed some pain killers for my head and swallowed them down with water from the tap. I drank from my hands, then splashed my face. As I dried off, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. My eyeliner was faded, my waterproof mascara smudged, and I looked pale even to my own eyes. Coffee wasn’t exactly a cure-all, but I figured it might help, so I exited the bathroom and headed for the kitchen.
I stopped partway there when I saw my purse on the counter, my keys laying beside it. Curious, I then turned and made my way toward the stairs. I carefully descended them and opened the door to my garage. My car was parked inside.
The last thing I did was phone Maverick at nine-thirty-two the night before.
It was after ten the next morning. My car was in my garage. I’d been called in sick for work. I was wearing sleep clothes. And Josh hadn’t touched me .
I managed to lower myself down until I was sitting on a step at the bottom of my staircase before I burst into tears. I was too out of sorts to fully process any of what I was feeling. It was a jumbled mess of relief, regret, confusion, embarrassment, and a killer headache my crying did nothing to diminish.
I’d gone out with a thirty-five-year-old man who decided the easiest way to get me to bed was to drag me there.
Never in my life had someone slipped a drug into my drink.
At least, I assume that’s what happened, as the plans I remembered making were that I was going to meet Josh for drinks at Montgomery’s.
I thought back on every interaction I’d had with the man up until the previous night. I tried to identify any clue that would make his actions less shocking. Except, I couldn’t, which was why I hadn’t hesitated to go out with him for a third date. In fact, as far as I could remember, he’d checked quite a few boxes.
“ Fuck the boxes ,” I shouted at myself as I sniffled and wiped at my running nose.
I needed coffee and a shower. I wasn’t sure if either one would make me feel better or remember anything, but crying alone at the foot of the stairs was not helping.
Even though I was practically aching for a warm cup of caffeine, I showered first, hoping to wash away my tears. I took the time to shampoo and condition my hair while I was in there. By the time I was finished, my pain meds were starting to ease the pounding in my head. I dressed in a pair of leggings and threw on an oversized sweatshirt, longing for the feeling of comfort. I was on my way to the kitchen when I stopped and picked up my phone.
I tried calling Maverick again as I journeyed down the hall.
He still didn’t answer.
For reasons I wasn’t ready to articulate, it made me want to cry.
I willed my tears to stay at bay and continued toward the kitchen.
It was while I was brewing my coffee that I opened my text thread with Tess.
I didn’t want to be alone, and I needed someone to talk to.
I’d made a giant mess I didn’t even know how to begin to clean up.
Tess didn’t know about Maverick. She didn’t know about Josh, or the fact that I’d created a profile on a dating app at all. Her life had been so full, with both good and hard things to manage. I didn’t see the point in piling on any more until something significant happened on my end. This wasn’t the significant I was hoping for, but the time had come. I was in need of my best friend.
Hey. I’m calling in a best friend emergency.
I was halfway through my mug of coffee when she shot me a reply.
Hi! I’m free after work. Should be around four. Tell me when and where.
I tried not to think about the five hours between that moment and four o’clock.
Could you come over? As soon as you’re off?
I watched as the typing bubbles appeared and waited hopefully.
I’ll be there.
By the time I reached four o’clock, I’d managed to make myself feel better physically if not mentally. Hydration helped with the aftereffects of whatever Josh had slipped into my drink, and food made me feel human again.
As far as my mental state was concerned, I’d spent a good amount of the day sorting out my emotions. Yet, while I was able to clearly identify what it was I felt, I was still at a loss as to what to do next.
Obviously, I had no intention of seeing Josh again. I’d reported him in the app, then deleted our messages. I thought about calling the police, but I didn’t actually do it. I felt embarrassed. I was too old to be roofied on a date. I should have been smarter, more observant. Besides, I didn’t actually have any proof that it happened at all. He hadn’t raped me; and even if I went to the hospital and gave myself a blood test, proof of drugs in my system didn’t prove he’d been the one to do it. I didn’t want to get into a he-said/she-said battle. I had other things to worry about.
Like Maverick.
My doorbell rang and I peeled myself off the couch in order to answer it.
It took approximately a half a second for Tess to read that the situation was not good. I knew this because she was across my threshold with her arms wrapped around me by the end of that second.
“Hi,” she murmured as she squeezed me.
Leaning into her a little, I felt myself start to crumble. I hadn’t cried since I found my car in my garage, more out of stubbornness than anything else. It wasn’t all that astonishing that one hug from Tess could knock down all the flimsy walls I’d constructed in my mind throughout the day as I tried to sort through my mess.
“I fucked up,” I admitted on a whisper.
“Okay. We’ll fix it. Whatever it is, we’ll fix it.”
I nodded, needing to believe her.
She pulled away and handed me a small paper sack. I stared at it as she shut us inside, certain the treat was a chocolate croissant from our favorite coffee shop. For the first time maybe ever, the thought of eating it didn’t bring me joy. I mumbled my thanks and then we both headed for my living room.
I put my croissant on the coffee table as we sat facing each other on my couch. Tess was in a pair of pink scrubs, her wavy locks down and skimming the tops of her shoulders. Her golden-brown eyes were focused intently on me when she insisted, “Lay it on me.”
My breath caught when it hit me this was the first time I was going to say it out loud.
Tears filling my eyes, I confessed, “I downloaded a dating app a few weeks ago, and I met this guy. We went out for drinks a couple times in the last two weeks, and we were supposed to go out again last night. I can’t remember any of it, but I met up with him, and I’m pretty sure he slipped something into my drink. I’m guessing some version of rohypnol.”
“Oh, my god,” Tess gasped, reaching to take hold of my hand.
I nodded, sending tears down my cheeks as I went on to explain, “He seemed great on paper. At first, we got along pretty well, I thought. After our second date, I could tell he was ready for more, but I wasn’t. He was attractive, but I just—I wasn’t ready to go there with him. And I keep trying to figure out what red flags I missed. Maybe the fact that he would only meet me for drinks was—”
“Jen, stop. This is not the kind of thing you can explain away. You are not at fault here. You know that, right?”
“I just feel so stupid,” I shrugged.
“Babe, you’re the victim of assault,” she reminded me with a frown. “You’re not stupid. Did anything happen? Are you okay? I mean—how did you make it home?”
I gave her fingers a squeeze before I let her go and reached up to dry my cheeks.
Avoiding her eyes, I admitted, “The answer to that is partly why I feel stupid. Tess—I’m so confused.”
“Jenna, babe, help me understand. I don’t understand,” she begged.
“I called Maverick,” I said softly. “I don’t remember doing it, and I haven’t been able to piece together the logistics, but he’s how I got home.”
“Maverick? Like—Maverick the Stallion?”
Still avoiding her gaze, I nodded, “Yes.”
Her bewilderment was impossible to miss as she pressed, “You called Maverick, and he brought you home? How does he know where you live? I didn’t even know you had his number. I don’t even have his number.”
Peeking up at her from beneath my lashes, I murmured, “Well, you’ve never had sex with him, either.”
Tess’s spine straightened as she gaped at me. “You didn’t,” she stated.
“I definitely did,” I whispered.
She then reached over and gently touched my face with her fingertips. “Are you Jenna Hayes? Were you abducted by aliens?”
I tried to laugh but dissolved into tears instead. “I think I’m a horrible person.”
“What? No, you’re not,” she spoke comfortingly. “Look, Jen, I’m trying really hard to keep up, but I’m going to need you to start from the top.”
I nodded, took a deep breath, and wiped at my cheeks again.
“The night you and I went to Steel Mustang, after the scuffle—he kissed me. Before I could think better of it, or think anything at all, I kissed him back. But then I stopped it and went to the hospital with—well, you know. And that was it. Nothing happened.
“But then Mary-Kate was brought to the hospital three weeks later, and all those Stallions were around. Maverick sought me out and asked me on a date. At first, I told him no—but he challenged me on it. And, I don’t understand how, but he makes me see myself more clearly and, well, the point is, he was right. I didn’t have a good reason to tell him no. Not really. He’s good looking and easy to talk to and fun to flirt with—so I changed my mind and said yes. We went out the next night. He even convinced me to get on his motorcycle.”
Tess’s eyes widened, but she said nothing to interrupt me.
I dipped my chin in acknowledgment and continued to speak.
“I know. It was insane. Anyway, we went to dinner, and he brought me back here and—this time, when he started kissing me, I couldn’t stop. He’s an incredible kisser. I couldn’t push him away. I probably should have, but I didn’t, and we ended up having sex.”
Tess rolled her lips between her teeth, as if she really wanted to say something, but she still wasn’t planning on interrupting me. Needing to get it all out, I didn’t put her out of her misery, but kept going.
“I wasn’t sure if I could go through with it. The whole Wild Stallion thing. I’m not as fearless as you. And, well…hot as he is, he’s not the guy you bring home to your parents. At least, not mine. So, I told him I didn’t want anything serious, and I suggested maybe we could just have sex again because, I mean, it was honestly the best sex of my life.” I closed my eyes, and shook my head as I added, “Trust me, I know how selfish that sounds, given he was genuinely interested in me, and I felt awful after I said it. He wasn’t exactly happy about it at first either, but—a couple nights later, he came back.”
I sighed and pried my eyes open, willing myself to meet Tess's steady gaze. “We started a purely sexual relationship. For a week, we had sex almost every night. But that all stopped after you told me about Mary-Kate’s mom.”
Her brow furrowed in confusion. Before she could ask, I explained, “She died on a Sunday. That Sunday was the only night Mav didn’t come over. There were too many coincidences.” I paused when the expression on her face went blank. “You know, don’t you? He had something to do with it.”
With a shake of her head, she simply replied, “Finish your story, Jen.”
I hesitated but then continued, “I told him to leave. I told him we were done. But last night, I called, and he came and got me. He brought me home. He changed my clothes. He got my car back here somehow. He stayed with me all night. He even called the hospital and told them I was going to be out sick today. He took care of everything.”
I sighed, frustrated when I started crying again.
“I’ve tried calling him all day, but he’s not answering me. And even though he did all those things, he barely spoke to me before he left.” I hiccupped, then swallowed a sob as I pressed on, “I think I hurt him. And it sucks because I’m pretty sure I actually really like him, in spite of all the reasons why I shouldn’t. He’s dangerous, but not all the time, and I don’t know what to do with that.”
“Wow. Okay,” Tess breathed.
We stared at each other for a minute, and I knew she was trying to process all I’d shared. I didn’t rush her, aware that it was quite a bit to swallow. While I waited, I wiped at my face as I tried to take deep breaths and stop crying.
“I don’t quite know where to begin. But I’ll say this—men like Mustang and Maverick? They’re only dangerous when provoked. Mustang says Stallions are in the business of protection. They’ll do that at any cost. They’re not evil, Jen. They just—they follow their own rules.”
“And that doesn’t terrify you?”
“Sometimes it does,” she admitted with a nod. “But consider this: I’ve seen the rawest parts of my man. He doesn’t hide it from me, the formidable version of him. There’s a darkness hidden in all of us. That guy who drugged you? He showed you his darkness, and it was for selfish gain.
“Maverick has his own scary side, but he would never use it to hurt you. Not like that. Not physically, and not on purpose. I know this for a fact, because he’s got a club full of brothers who would never accept him again if he did. That’s who they are.
“You said it yourself—underneath his vest, my man is a good man. Maverick is, too.”
What she said made sense, and a part of me wanted to accept it without any further doubt. But I still had questions.
“And the woman who was killed in that accident?”
Tess drew in a deep breath, held it for a second, and blew it out slowly. “Trix never put Mary-Kate first. She prioritized her own desire to get high over her child’s well-being. She used her daughter as a pawn in a game she was playing with Mustang, and she lost. Mary-Kate could have died. She’s everything to Mustang.”
Fidgeting with my fingers, I tried to read between the lines.
“So, he told you? He told you what really happened?”
“No. And I didn’t ask,” she stated adamantly.
I sighed in relief—though, why I was relieved, I wasn’t quite sure. For some reason, Tess's ignorance made me feel better.
“I trust him,” she continued. “He hasn’t given me a reason not to, so I didn’t need to ask him what happened. I didn’t need him to tell me anything. Something tells me, Maverick didn’t divulge any details to you, either.”
“He told me nothing,” I said with a shake of my head.
“Listen…” Tess reached for my hand again, and I let her have it. “I’m not saying you should date him. You need to do what makes you happy. But I do think it’s unfair to measure every guy against this ideal that doesn’t actually exist. It’s one thing to be picky and to have standards—it’s another thing to expect perfection. Nobody is perfect. No one is going to check all the boxes. Not even you or me. But you can find the right fit; the perfect person for you .
“You and me? Definitely imperfect, but perfect for each other. That’s what makes us special. If you can find the guy with the jagged edges who fits with all your jagged edges, that’s the ideal. Not some fantasized memory of a man who was dumb enough to let you go.”
I nodded, fully aware that she was right.
Whether or not Maverick was my imperfect person was still up for debate.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to be, but I knew one thing for certain—I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
“So, what are you going to do about the creep?” asked Tess.
“Not much I can do,” I replied with a shrug. “I didn’t even know his last name. I also don’t have much proof that it was him. I don’t know. I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole,” I confessed with a shake of my head. “But I did report him in the app. And, for now, I think I’m going to take a break from meeting guys over the internet. I know some people have luck with it, but I’m not sure it’s for me.”
“Well, if you ever dip your toe again, let me know next time? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me any of this.”
“You’ve had a lot going on.”
Tess rolled her eyes, and I didn’t blame her. The words sounded lame even to my own ears.
“Clearly, you’ve had a lot going on, too! There are no excuses. We never have time, so we make it. You know that.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry.”
“Do you need me to get you anything? Are you good for dinner?”
“I’m okay. Thanks for coming over. I really needed it.”
“I can stay,” she said, giving my fingers a squeeze. “We can order takeout or something.”
“No, no. You already brought me a treat. I’m okay. I know you came straight from work. You should go home, spend some time with your family.”
Tess smiled. “How weird. I have one of those, don’t I?”
This time, when a soft laugh bubbled out of me, it didn’t dissolve into a cry.
“Yeah. You do. And they are very lucky to have you.”
She let go of my hand in order to wrap me in a hug. “You have me, too. Call me if you need anything?”
“I will. Promise.”