Chapter 1
Travel Grays
"Whew!" I expelled a deep breath of air.
I was beat. No, I was dog tired. Cold air left my breath as I walked toward my apartment building. That fall, Chicago weather had already kicked in.
I had worked my morning shift at the Burger Royale. It was a local burger joint that everyone loved here in Chicago. After work, I changed and headed to my night class.
It was the last class I needed, and graduation would be in May. I couldn't wait. I'd worked my ass off for that day.
I exited my car and locked it. I then tiredly walked up the four stairs to my apartment building.
My son's father and I lived together. We tried to make the family thing work.
Well, I tried to make it work. However, it was more like we were roommates.
I did everything, and he only contributed when he felt like it.
I wondered if he cooked. A scoff escaped me. How dare I even think something like that?
Mook hadn't cooked for me in years. A lot of things had changed since our high school years together. He was now more in the streets, and his main concern was the next come-up.
I should've stopped and grabbed myself something, but I was too tired. I'd wait until tomorrow to eat, but I hoped like hell Mook didn't forget to feed Deshoni. He was our son. Mook wouldn't forget to feed him, at least I hoped not.
When I made it inside the building, I hiked up two flights of stairs to the second floor.
As I walked down the hall, the sound of a child crying perked me up, and my eyes opened a little more.
The wheels in my sleep-fogged brain started to turn like a hamster on a wheel.
I knew that cry. That cry was very distinct. It was my son crying.
Deshoni had a distinct cry because he always sniffled two times between every cry. I ran the remainder of the way to the end of the hall. My hands shook as I fumbled with my keys.
All kinds of horrible thoughts filled my head as I struggled to unlock my door. My heart raced, and perspiration appeared out of nowhere. Deshoni's desperate cries continued to spike my anxiety and soar through me.
My baby needed me. Finally, I'd gotten my door open and burst through like a psychopath. The front door slammed against the wall, then slammed closed behind me.
I dropped my purse and backpack while a high Mook laid asleep on the couch. That nigga could sleep through anything, especially when he was high off those pills. I bolted to the back and into Deshoni's room.
He sat up in his bed and cried his little heart out. My poor baby. I scooped him up so fast and held him tightly to my chest.
"Shh. It's okay, baby. Mommy is here. I got you now, son." I soothed him as best as I knew how.
I cradled his chunky body and bounced him while I walked out of his room. His pull-up was soaked, and so were the clothes he wore to daycare today. Ain't no telling how many times he peed on himself or if he even ate.
It looked as if Mook had brought him home and shoved him right in his room so he could get high. I walked back into the living room and observed it. Deshoni's cries had slowed down, but he sniffled repeatedly.
Now that he was with me, he was able to relax, and I could really access the living room.
Mook had pills all over the table. It looked at first as if he'd started packaging some before he got high.
The semi-filled and empty baggies laid next to a stack of small white and light green pills.
There was also a pile of powdered coke present.
I shook my head. Drugs ruined lives and households. I knew all too well.
My baby boy and I could no longer live like this. We deserved better. If Mook wanted to change like me, then he would. I had a feeling he never would, though.
Tears coursed down my face because it was time to let go. My high school sweetheart needed help, but at this point, only God could help him. He was too far gone for me to continue trying to convince him he was worth so much more.
I walked over to him and repeatedly kicked the shit out of Mook's legs until he groggily sat up. Mook's bloodshot eyes opened. He looked so confused until they settled on me and our son. He gave me a lazy smile.
"Hey, hey, bae. What's wrong?"
Mook clumsily rose and tried to reach for Deshoni, but I stepped back so he couldn't grab him. The smile that was once on his face melted, and his brows furrowed together. "What the fuck is up, Travel?"
"You!" I spat. Deshoni flinched in my arms. I felt so bad for scaring him.
"I came home from class, and Deshoni was screaming at the top of his lungs.
He's soaked from his own piss, and he still has the clothes on he wore from daycare.
Did he even eat? Yo' ass is passed out on the couch with pills everywhere.
What if he had climbed out of his own bed and eaten some of those pills or the coke?
You know, having this shit out is bad for my own recovery. "
I sighed, fighting back my own tears because I knew what I had to do.
"Mook, I'm tired of this shit. I'm over it. I can't do this anymore. If I can change my life around for our son, so can you. You just refuse to change. I'm done, Mook," I expressed in an exhausted tone.
"What the fuck you mean? You leaving me? Okay, I fucked up, but ain't no breaking up. You get that idea out yo' fuckin' head right now. Travel, don't play. You know what we got is for life!" he stated with wide eyes and a menacing tone. He stepped in front of me, and his eyes bored into mine.
When Mook was gone off those pills, there was no telling what he was capable of. Still, if I backed down now, he'd forever try to bully me. I took a step back and tightened my grip around my son.
My eyes wandered over the man I once loved so deeply, but he was no longer the boy I once knew. He was coated in a beautiful brown complexion, with light brown eyes, and long brown locs.
Mook was fine as hell. He knew it, too, because I'd definitely bodied plenty of bitches he fucked around with behind my back.
It was his height, broad shoulders, medium build, and bowlegs that made me and every other bitch drool, not to mention his tongue play was the best I'd ever had.
Well, he was the only man I'd ever been with after all, but that was still my opinion.
As physically attractive as he was on the outside, it didn't make up for the cold piece of work he could be. Now was one of those times.
I swallowed hard. "Mook, don't force me to call the police and your probation officer. I'm going to clean Deshoni up, then we'll be out of your house."
I went to walk away when Mook gripped my arm.
"You tryin' to leave me and head to that bitch ass nigga, Trek? What y'all gon' be a family with my muthafuckin' son? I'll die before I let that happen."
"Trek is my best friend!" I shouted. "How many times do I have to tell yo' high ass that?" I snatched my arm out of his grip and stumbled back against the table.
Mook didn't hear anything I said. His red eyes lowered, and he lunged at me. With quick reflexes, I grabbed a handful of the powdered coke on the table and threw it in his face.
"Argh!" he yelled and stumbled around like a drunk. He was temporarily blinded. "I'ma kill you, bitch!"
I snatched my backpack and purse from the floor and flew out of his place and into my car. I'd barely had Deshoni strapped in his car seat before I hauled ass away.
<<<
I cried in the car softly as I pulled into the first late-night convenience store drive-thru available.
As I waited for the essentials I ordered for us, I texted my best friend, Trek, and told him I was on my way with Deshoni.
Minutes went by before he responded that he wasn't there, but to use the spare key inside the hanging pathos plant next to his front door.
Trek loved flowers. He was a big ass gangsta, but he also had a natural green thumb. I shot back my reply, then pulled out of the drive-thru once I got my order. It was a little after ten o'clock, so it wasn't super late.
The drive to Trek's house seemed to be hella long. We'd only lived half an hour away from each other, but it felt like it took me hours to arrive. My heart kept trying to steer me back to Mook, but my head said to continue to Trek.
For the first time ever, I listened to my head. "Whew!" I released another deep sigh.
My sobbing session picked up again. I was completely heartbroken. Did I have the strength to actually walk away from Mook? I wasn't sure, but only time would tell.
I'd finally made it to Trek's lavish three-story home. I entered his PIN code on his PIN pad, and once the gates opened, I drove through and up his driveway. My eyes looked in my rearview.
Deshoni was sound asleep. All that crying had tired my poor baby out.
I'd make us all a big breakfast in the morning.
Just staring at his little face made my tears resurface.
This would be a long ass week for us, but I'd do everything I could to make the transition easier for us. We were safe and in a better space.
"Here goes nothing," I voiced out loud.
I exited my vehicle and removed Deshoni and his stuffy. We hiked up the three steps to Trek's front door, then dug out his key from his hanging flowerpot.
Deshoni and I entered Trek's lavish home. I then tiredly climbed the stairs and headed to the guest bedroom we usually stayed in when we came over. It was the next biggest bedroom, next to Trek's room.
I gently laid Deshoni on the bed. I made quick work of undressing him and giving him a good wipe down. Before I fully pulled up his fresh pull-up, I placed a little ointment between the creases of his thighs and around his private area.
He'd sat in that soiled diaper so damn long that I didn't want to run the risk of him catching a little rash. Tomorrow he'd get a good bath. Once my baby was snuggled in bed by the wall, I took my time and brought our things in.
I put Trek's key back where it was and made sure my car and his house were locked up. My body was worn out. I felt so heavy and drained mentally, emotionally, and physically.
My tears wanted to fall again, but I was already over crying. As broken as my heart was, I craved a hot shower and bed more than anything right now. I'd worry about my feelings and emotions tomorrow.
When I made it inside my new room for a while, I plopped down on the bed and scarfed down the room-temperature fast food. I hated eating so late, but if I didn't eat tonight, I'd be grumpier in the morning. After I ate my cheeseburger and stale fries, I jumped right into the shower.
Naturally, I cried a little more. A gut-wrenching cry expelled from me. My heart was shattered. I hugged myself tightly as the hot water pelted against my skin.
Niggas would never understand the hurt and pain they put you through.
They'd never understand the sacrifices you make to forgive their mistakes and indiscretions.
Women give men so much grace and fill their cups all day, every damn day.
Yet, when we look around, that same grace, patience, or loyalty isn't reciprocated.
The more I thought about that, the more I stopped crying.
I grew angrier instead of continuing to pity myself.
I should've been left. I deserved so much better.
Deshoni was both of our son, and he deserved better.
We'd survived without Mook. We had no choice.
Feeling pity for myself was out of the question.
I had to be strong for my son and myself.
Deshoni and I had a solid support system around us.
My parents would forever be there for us, but I'd hear nonstop how they warned me to leave Mook.
Well, they'd be happy to finally know I did.
The only thing I feared now was if he'd really kill me.
After I scrubbed my body clean and moisturized, I dressed. I crept into Trek's bedroom, and his signature fragrance of citrus, spice, and a fresh, clean scent filled my nose. I instantly felt safe and loved.
He was really the only person I needed. His big steppa energy, soft touch, and nurturing presence would forever calm the storms in me. Since he wasn't here at the moment, I had to settle for my other routine.
I grabbed his tablet off the charger and exited his room. My eyes roamed over the room door next to his. It was the only room in the house I wasn't allowed to go into. Well, I could, but he said I wasn't ready for what was inside yet. How could I ever be if I didn't know what was on the other side?
I reached for the knob but then thought better of it. I'd been through enough for the day. I'd wait until I had the courage to find out.
I headed back into my room. Once inside, I slipped under the plush covers and settled in. I'd worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. I went to my favorite Lofi state of mind channel on WeTube and allowed the serene and animated channel to lull me to sleep.