8. Shiloh
8
SHILOH
O ur first stop was Bowzer’s where I learned that Ryder was in the process of carbo loading as he worked out before his tour began in a few weeks. He would be playing at venues along the West Coast before taking a break over Christmas. And then he would be playing in the rest of the country.
“So what happens when you’re out of town and in another time zone?” I didn’t want Ethan to get used to having his dad around just for him to be disappointed when he left again. “It's not like we can go touring with you.”
His frown told me he’d given it thought. “Shi, you’re a cop. Your life is here and so is Ethan’s and he needs to be in school. I wouldn’t dream of taking you guys away.”
“So, what’s the plan?” He took a deep breath, but before he had a chance to talk, I interrupted him. “Please don’t tell me you plan on coming back here every time you have a day off.”
“Well, yeah. My son is here.”
“And your son needs the time you do spend with him, for you to be present.” I pulled him onto the chair next to me. I understood where he was coming from, but I wanted him to take care of himself, too. “You can’t do that if you’re going to spend hours travelling every chance you get. You’ll be exhausted and I don’t know if you’re moody when you’re tired. Or cranky. And I have no intention of finding out.”
“Cranky.” He smiled as if that was something to look forward to. “I get a little snippy when I’m over-tired. Also clingy.”
I didn’t want to think about how he knew that last part. The little time we had spent together all those years ago, he hadn’t had a chance to be clingy. Or snippy, really. Although, since some of the band were still under eighteen at the time, the work hours were regulated by the law instead of the record label.
As for the clingy part, I guessed he learned that from some former girlfriend. Though if the tabloids were to be believed, Ryder Hawkins dated regularly but never committed. Something I needed to remember. It didn’t matter how hot he was, or how he looked at me. The man was not the same person I knew ten years ago.
“Well, I have to deal with a nine-year-old who, ironically, gets cranky and clingy, when he’s over-tired.” The similarities between father and son kept coming at me. “I have no desire to put up with it from a full-grown man”
Ryder let out a low chuckle. “Shi… you’re a good mother. And while I never had a good one, the last thing I want from you is mothering. We’re co-parents.”
“That’s good to know.” I wasn’t sure what he was driving at, but I was glad he saw me as a partner in this journey.
“Co-parents, Shi.” He narrowed his eyes as he stressed that word. “As in we do this together. I’ve made a commitment for a national tour, and I think it's important our son sees that we both honor the commitments we make. But it also means that I am home for breakfast and dinner every chance I get.”
Breakfast and dinner? I did not agree to that. Spending more time with Ryder, watching him be a father was the last thing I needed. Not on top of that sexy voice and sweatpants which showed off more detail than they should. I needed him to be an ass in some way.
“We agreed to one meal a day.”
“Yes.” Again, that smile stole my breath. “On average, one meal a day. And for every meal I miss, I need to make up time with him.”
I had to give it to him. He had all his answers ready.
I rolled my eyes at him. “Fine. Breakfast and dinner during the tour. But then take my advice and don’t travel here unless you have a few days off. That way you’ll get quality time with him.”
“But what if you need to work the night shift again?”
I’d learned that was something he took seriously. He was a parent not a babysitter, which meant if I couldn’t be with Ethan, then he needed to be.
“Look.” While I understood there was no love lost between him and his mother, I still needed to be careful how I worded what I wanted to say. “You are the only child of a woman who was never designed to be a parent and I am really sorry for that. But I have a support structure for a reason. I have friends and sisters and parents who want to babysit. And you can be part of that, yes. But if you are going to be in Ethan’s life, you need to accept that. You will rely on them, because they will rely on you. At some point, Maggie will need help baby sitting and you will step in. Or Harry needs help at the diner, and you’ll fill in. That is what family does.”
I stifled a smile at the idea of Ryder in a Bowzer’s shirt waiting tables.
“But I am not family.” He leaned back in his chair. “I’m the man who let you down when you needed me the most.”
“Ryder. You’re Ethan’s father. Of course you’re family.” As much as I needed to stay away from him, I needed him to understand that Ethan came with a family and he needed to embrace that. “And you love your career. We will support that.”
He nodded but he didn’t look convinced. And because my family also had the worst timing in the world, Harry chose that moment to show up at our table.
“Are you two going to order or just take up seats in this place?”
I looked around the diner and noticed several empty seats. No, my dad was just being an ass. To appease him, I stood and hugged him, burrowing into the warmth I always felt when Harry held me. “Harry, this Ryder Hawkins. Ryder, this is my foster father, Harry.”
Ryder stood and held out his hand. “Pleased to meet you, Sir.”
Harry looked at Ryder’s hand and then back at the man. “You’re the asshole rockstar who knocked up my daughter.”
Yep, word had already gotten to him.
“Dad.”
“No, don’t Dad me. He abandoned you.”
“You don’t know the full story. And that is still not a reason to be impolite.” I knew exactly which buttons to push. “I’ll tell Mom that you’re being rude to Ryder.”
My foster mother was originally from Nashville. She embodied Southern charm, and would never accept any of her family being less than polite. No matter who they were with.
Harry slowly turned his gaze to me. “You wouldn’t.”
“You know I would.”
He took Ryder’s hand and gave him a firm handshake. “Are you staying in town?”
“As much as I can.” He smiled despite Harry’s frosty attitude. “I’ve put in an offer on a house on the edge of town, close to Forte Femme.”
Wait what? “You did? When?”
“Last night when I was online and I couldn’t sleep.” He looked back at Harry. “We’re just discussing what to do when I’m on tour.”
“Tess and I will pitch in when needed.” Anyone who didn’t know him, would not have seen that offer for what it was. Help.
“I appreciate that sir. But I have lost so much time?—”
“You right, you have. But it's important that Ethan sees you doing what you love and what you're good at.”
I thought that was good advice. But the way Ryder’s face fell told me he didn’t see it that way. I wasn’t sure if Harry saw the change, but I was ready to step in if needed.
“Yes, Sir.”
Harry nodded. “You and I still need to have a conversation. I don’t like what you did to my girl and I need to make a few things clear.”
Yeah, I needed to step in. “I don’t think that will be necessary. This is not the nineteen-fifties.”
Harry ignored me and continued to stare down Ryder.
Ryder obviously got the message, I didn’t. “Yes Sir.”
With that Harry walked away and Ryder looked at me. “It's a guy thing, okay. I hurt someone who means the world to him. He’s going to have words, even if there are mitigating circumstances. I can assure you I would do the same for Ethan. Except I hope he never hurts a woman, like I hurt you.”
Well, how was I supposed to resist that? “Perhaps, but there is no need for him to get all duel-at-dawn on you. I can do my duel if I need to.”
Ryder narrowed his eyes and smiled at me. “I’m sure you can.”
“What’s that smile for?”
He let out one of those low sexy chuckles that drove me crazy. “I may not be the smartest man around. But I don’t think I should share what just ran through my imagination.”
Between the roughness in his voice and the sexy smirk that was almost a permanent fixture, heat ran down my spine and tingles raced in places they shouldn’t have.
A few minutes later, Harry brought out our meals and we were both quiet for a while. While I knew that Harry’s omelets were the best, some days, a greasy fry up with toast and hash browns and all the breakfast fixings was just what was needed.
After brunch, I took Ryder around town. I showed him where Minty’s was if he ever needed to carbo load with pastry and sugar. The bookshop where Tiffany organized our book club meetings every month. Then there was the florist, and the Town Hall.
“Can I ask you something?” I looked over at Ryder as we made it back to his car after finding an ice-cream truck. He nodded as he opened the passenger door for me. “Do you mind showing me the house you put an offer on?”
He tilted his head to the side as he hesitated for just a moment. “Of course.”
“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” Why was I suddenly nervous? “I mean, it's your personal space. I shouldn’t invade it without an invitation.”
“Shi, our son is going to be spending a considerable amount of time there.” He closed the door and rounded to the driver's side. As he buckled up, he continued. “It makes sense that you want to see where he’ll be spending time. And it’s close to the cottage.”
The drive was a little under ten minutes from the ice-cream truck. When we pulled into the driveway, my breath stuck in my throat.
The house was beautiful. It was also huge. “Ryder, you’re going to rattle around in there. And what are you going to do with it when you’re in Los Angeles.”
“I might have to take a meeting or two in LA, but that’s like a two hour return trip.”
“Don’t you have a home in Beverly Hills or something?” Damn, I didn’t mean for that to slip.
“You’ve been checking up on me.” He nodded as we continued to look at the outside of the house. “I like that. But I put my Condo on the market. I can stay in a hotel if I need to be in LA overnight.”
“You what?”
“Shi, my son lives here. I don’t see why I would need to live anywhere else.”