10. Shiloh
10
SHILOH
I t was no secret I loved routine. It had been two weeks since Ryder strolled into town. Two weeks of him doing exactly as I asked. Two weeks of doing things my way. Thankfully, I hadn’t needed to work another night shift but I did have some overtime. The man never hesitated. He called Tess and asked if he could join Ethan for dinner. I felt like such a jerk for denying him but I needed to trust. And what if he didn’t do things exactly as I wanted them.
Would it be the end of the world? Probably not. Still, I insisted and he played along so I could focus on my job.
Until today, that was. Ethan had the day off school because of a teacher’s conference and of course, I couldn’t swap with anyone. And, while Tess was more than willing to watch Ethan if needed, Ryder had insisted that Ethan spend the day with him. Not only that, but Tess had agreed with him.
Neither of them understood how nervous that made me. Well, that wasn’t true. They did understand, neither of them cared. Okay, that was another lie. They did care. They more than cared. They just believed it was time I got over myself.
What did that even mean? How did one even get over themselves? My self needed order. I needed to know what was happening.
A knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. I walked through the house in my white T-shirt and regulation pants while shoving my protective vest around my body. Before I could get to the door, Ethan was already opening it.
I glared at my son. “What did I say about opening the door without checking first?”
“But Mom, I did check.” He rolls his eyes at me. “I saw Dad pull up and walk to the door.”
Both Ryder and I froze. For the past two weeks, Ethan had been calling him either by his first name or, if he could get away with it, nothing at all. Both of us let the accidental impoliteness slip since we knew Ethan needed to figure out the dynamic for himself.
Ryder’s eyes glossed over as he swallowed. “That’s right. Besides, he and I have a secret knock. He would’ve known if it’s not me.”
I raised a brow as my eyes darted between the two of them. Ethan nodded.
“But we cannot tell anyone. Dad said that if he doesn’t knock like that, I shouldn’t open for him.”
Okay, it wasn’t how I would keep him safe, but it would have to do. It was clever, I had to admit that. I couldn’t see when Ryder would need a false knock, but at least they seemed to think the system was necessary.
“So, what are you two up to for the day?” I knew they were going to the studio at some point. But surely that was not the sum total of their plans.
Ryder’s face fell and he turned to Ethan. “You want to get your stuff, I need to talk to your mom about something real quick.”
Ethan looked between the two of us before he nodded and ran down the hall to his bedroom.
“What’s up?”
“I want to get a DNA test.”
“What?” His words took the wind right out of me. “Do you not believe that he’s yours? Because?—”
“Of course I believe he’s mine.” The outrage on his face told me he was telling the truth. “Besides the fact that he’s an exact carbon copy of me at his age, I have no reason to doubt you. It's not something you would lie about.”
“Then what is this about?” Even though he assured me, I still couldn’t stop rage racing through my blood. “This makes no sense.”
He frowned and shook his head. “It makes perfect sense. And if you stop thinking the worst of me and hear me out, you might understand. I never said it was rational. But I do need it.”
Worry etched into his features and my anger morphed into concern. This was something he needed. But I needed to understand why. “Talk to me, Ry.”
His head tilted and that gorgeous face softened. It was the first time I’d used that nickname since he had been back.
“I don’t want anyone to take him from me.” He rested his ass on the back of the couch and folded his arms. “I cannot lose him, Shi. I can’t explain it. My name is not on his birth certificate. And I know we can change that, and I will. But…I just can’t lose him.”
There was something he wasn’t saying, but we would deal with one problem at a time.
“You think I would do that to you?”
He shook his head and looked down as if the carpet below his sneakers was the most fascinating thing.
“No. I don’t think that.” He swallowed hard as he continued. “But you have a dangerous job and if anything happens to you…I just cannot lose him.”
“No one’s going to take him from you.”
“We say that now, then grief hits. And people are hurt. I mean you struggled to hand him over to me for one day without supervision. And…I just need this.”
It was my turn to swallow. There it was. He was right. I knew the reality of my job. All it took was one idiot criminal and one lucky shot. He was right to put a plan in place. If I couldn’t trust him, my parents may try to honor my wishes with the only information they had. My behavior.
Though, I wasn’t so sure, after the argument I’d had with Tess.
I relaxed my shoulders and let out a long sigh “I get it. Have you made an appointment?”
He nodded. “I figured I could always cancel if you disagree.” Ryder blinked hard. “The paper won’t change how I feel about him. I loved him the moment he walked into the studio holding your hand. Spending time with him is the thing I look forward to at the end of the day.”
I knew that. He’d shown up for dinner every single night. If he was going to be late, he called me and then spoke to Ethan himself to explain. I had no doubt the man was all in and Ethan was a priority in his life.
He took a deep breath as he slowly blinked. His shoulders relaxed and he tilted his head as if seeing me for the first time.
That dangerous smirk aimed in my direction could melt my thong. “Is it inappropriate for me to tell you how hot you look right now?”
“Totally inappropriate.” I tightened the Velcro at my waist. “Think about why I need to wear a bulletproof vest instead.”
“No.” He frowned at me as if I had gone insane. “After the conversation we just had, I am trying really hard not to think about that. You have cuffs, right.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “And a taser.”
He let out a chuckle and stepped up to me. “Not my kink, but I suppose I could get into it, if it was your thing.”
Tingles ran down my spine. Up until that moment, neither of us had acknowledged the attraction happening between us. It was there, we both knew it. But I needed to continue to deny it.
I dropped my eyes and took a step back. “You will not find out what my thing is.”
The fact of the matter was that I had never used my cuffs outside the job. Not that the idea didn’t have appeal. It did. And with Ryder, it had lots of appeal. Taser? Not so much. I knew what that baby could do and I was not letting it anywhere close to my naked body.
Loud footsteps came stomping down the hall. “Have you two kissed and made up?”
Ryder laughed and I frowned at my son. “There was no kissing. And nothing to make up.”
He darted his eyes between me and his father. “You two should really get to that kissing thing. Just not in front of me.”
Ryder shook his head, a smirk still playing on his lips. “Are you ready to go?”
Ethan tugged his backpack over his shoulder. “I even packed my game console and some games.”
“You do realize I have those things at my place right.”
Ethan’s eyes lit up. “That’s right. I sometimes forget you’re loaded. Or do I say we?”
“Yeah, kiddo, we’re loaded.” He turned to me with his brow raised.
All I could do was nod. “Get the test. Get your peace of mind.”
He removed a sheet of paper from his pocket and handed it to me. “You need to sign this. It basically states you give your consent for the process.”
“Just like that?” I took the form from him and motioned for him to turn so I could use his back as a backing board.
“Give your mom a kiss.” He took Ethan’s backpack and slung it over his shoulder. Then he looked at me. “Don’t worry about dinner, I’ll sort it out.”
Something about that declaration rattled me and my stomach both fluttered and plummeted at the same time. The domesticity of it all seemed right. But there was also something intimate. An understanding I never had before.
Once they both left for their day, I finished getting ready before heading to the diner to pick up breakfast sandwiches for me and Joel.
It had been a long time since Harry hadn’t been at the diner first thing in the morning. Therefore, it was a surprise to see Maggie at the counter handling things. She was chatting to Valerie. I hadn’t realized she was still in town.
I needed to make time to meet her for a drink. We were practically family before I was rescued and since her mom had died, she had no one.
She smiled the moment she saw me. “Shiloh…I haven’t seen you around much.”
“I’ve been busy.” It was true. Sort of. “With Ryder in town, and making sure Ethan adjusts to his presence, I’ve been a little overwhelmed.”
Maggie rolled her eyes but turned and called to the kitchen. “Two breakfast sandwiches to go.” It was the thing about living in a small town filled with family businesses. Everyone knew your order. “Well, well. If it isn’t my long-lost sister. You think since you’re hanging out with rockstars, you can neglect dear old me?”
I pulled her into a hug because the reality was that it had been a while. We both had kids, and most mornings I did drop offs and she did afternoon pick-up. But we didn’t actually see each other all that much.
“Where’s Harry this morning?”
“Flu. Tess ordered him to stay home and asked me to fill in this morning.”
I could only guess that her kids, who were three and seven, were with Tess.
“So…” She smirked at me and I braced myself for what was coming. “Have you banged the rockstar yet? Also, how could you not tell me he was your baby daddy.”
I frowned. “I wanted to tell him first. Then when I couldn’t get hold of him, I didn’t want to tell anyone.”
Valerie nodded. “Besides, you need to be careful with that one. Who knows where all he’s been.”
For some reason I didn’t like her pointing out that Ryder played the field. “Actually, I am well aware of where all he’s been. The paparazzi have documented his encounters well over the years.”
Maggie frowned and then faced me. “And now? Is he treating you right?”
“It's not like that. He’s here for Ethan.”
“But you want there to be something.”
“No.” That wasn’t exactly true. “Maybe. I think. Fuck, I don’t know, Mags. He makes me feel things. And not just down there.”
“You can say he gets you horny.” The bell rang behind her as more people walked in the door. “Your order’s up. Wanna get it while I help these two.”
I turned around and noticed Theo Snow and his Head of Security walk in. We were all friends and he was one of the people I would do anything for. Still, since he took over his father’s business there had been rumors. The business was not all on the up and up. But no one had any proof.
I made a quick run to the kitchen to get my order. When I came out Theo and his friend were seated and he and Maggie were glaring at one another. As much as we were all friends, the fact that Maggie never believed him about her ex-husband still niggled. He’d warned her about him, and when the man was sent to prison, Theo showed way too much told-you-so energy. And Maggie never got over that.
Still, they would do anything for one another, even if that meant glaring at each other while they did it. None of us felt the need to intervene. They would eventually get over what had happened.
With a quick kiss to my sister and a wave to Theo and the other two, I headed toward the police station.