14. Shiloh
14
SHILOH
T he drive home was quiet. Tiffany’s declaration had left Ryder speechless. Something that hadn’t happened in the two weeks since he’d been back in town.
Even getting me into the car, he didn’t say anything. Since the hospital insisted I get wheeled to the entrance, he was the one to push the wheelchair. He helped me into the car and drove to his house in silence. I had no idea what he was thinking
After a quick call to Ethan, Ryder placed a plate of spaghetti and meatballs in front of me, as well as two painkillers. “Eat. Doc said you need to take those pills with food.”
“Then what?” I mean, I wasn’t expecting us to have sex but I needed to know what was happening. “Are you taking me home?”
Ryder frowned as I took a forkful of food. “Seriously? You have had an adrenaline dump and need sex, and your solution is that I leave you alone? Or are you waiting to be alone so you can go…”
“Get laid. You can say it.” If he was going to judge me, we might as well get it out of the way. “That’s what happens. When I have a day like today, I go out and get laid. Always out of town and never with someone I know. If you’re going to judge me, I’ll have you know that you’ve been with?—”
“Why the hell would I judge you?” He looked offended at the notion. “If you use sex as a way to self soothe, so be it. There are a lot worse ways. Hell, I’ve done worse to forget.”
“Then why am I here?” Nothing about the situation made sense to me. “Why did you bring me here instead of letting me go with Maggie and Tiff?”
“Just eat Shi.”
“No, answer me.” The fact that he was trying to take care of me irritated the shit out of me. I knew I was being irrational, but the last thing I needed was for him to be nice to me. “Why are you feeding me instead of letting me go?”
He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Because I don’t want you having sex with anyone but me. And if we’re going to go there, I need you pain free. So, eat your food so you can take those fucking pills and then we can see where things lead us. Okay?”
“You want to have sex with me?”
“From the moment you stepped into the studio. And every day since.” He brought his own plate and sat next to me. “And if that’s what you need tonight, I can be that for you.”
Sex with Ryder. I could do that without getting feelings involved. I mean, it wouldn’t be what we had all those years ago. That was two people who were young and na?ve falling in love when neither of them were ready for it.
Nervous energy filled the room as we both finished eating and I took my painkillers.
Ryder stood and held his hand out for me. “Can you shower without getting that bandage wet, or would you prefer a bath.”
A shower would be quicker, but that meant getting my arm wet. “I’ll run myself a bath.”
“You’ll do no such thing.” Ryder led me down the hall, through his bedroom and into his bathroom. “It’s not fancy and some things need updating, but the bathtub is big.”
He picked me up and set me on the counter. Then he ran the water and filled the tub.
“I don’t have any bubble bath or those fizzy things, I’m afraid.”
“Do you have cheap shampoo?”
“I have kiddies’ shampoo in Ethan’s bathroom.”
“Pour some of that in, it will foam nicely.”
In the seconds it took for him to retrieve the shampoo, I took a few cleansing breaths. I knew if it got awkward, we would stop. In fact, I was positive Ryder would stop if I even looked uncertain. But what we were about to do was a big deal. We weren’t having sex because it was a natural step in our relationship. We didn’t have a relationship. What we had was a child. A beautiful boy who would get very hurt if things went sour between Ryder and me.
As it stood, we were getting along well. Sure, he was becoming impatient with my need to have everything just right before I would let go of the reins. But that was understandable. He needed to know Ethan had a routine and he needed to fit into that.
I was also sure I needed to learn how to loosen those reins a little. Not that I would admit it to anyone.
The bubbles started forming almost as soon as Ryder drizzled the shampoo in. Once he turned off the water he came over to me. His fingers grazed the skin at my waist as he lifted the hem of the white shirt I normally wore under my body-armor. His hand went around my back and he unclasped my bra. I rolled my shoulders forward and allowed the plain white bra to fall forward, exposing my breasts. His eyes dropped and my nipples puckered.
Next, he lowered to pull off my boots and socks.
“Stand for me.”
He helped me move off the counter, barely an inch between our bodies. Kneeling down he unzipped my navy-blue pants. His fingers hooked into the waistband of the pants and my panties at the same time.
Tingles ran up my spine at the slowness of it all. The goosebumps on my thighs had nothing to do with the temperature, but more the awareness of him looking at me. Getting his fill.
With the way he was looking me, the intensity of his gaze I should’ve felt embarrassed. There should’ve been the need to cover myself. But I felt none of that.
The hunger on his face emboldened me and I lifted my hands to my breasts, using my thumbs to play with my nipples.
“Are you going to just sit there and look at me or do I get to see all of you as well.”
He blinked as if remembering I had eyes and maybe he should look at them. “Fuck, babe. You’re beautiful.” He moved from his knees onto his haunches. “I’m not getting undressed until you’ve done with your bath.”
“Or, we could both get in the bath.”
He let out a sigh. “Shi. I want you more than I’ve wanted anything. And I am aware of what you need. Trust me. But there is also part of me that is hoping this is not a one and done.”
“What are you saying?”
He stood up and led me to the bath. I stepped in while he lathered soap on a washcloth. “I’m saying I’m not sure I’ll be able to let you go if we do this.”
His words rattled around in my brain. He didn’t want this to be a one time thing. Could I do that? Could I have a fling with him and not get my heart involved? No. There was no sense in believing otherwise. Would it be worth it, though? God, I hoped so.
I took the cloth and the soap from him. “If you touch me, I’m going to end up dragging you in here with me.”
That was when the fun started. Ryder stood and held my gaze as he pulled his shirt over his head. My mouth watered as my gaze dropped to his chest and then his abdomen. He rested his ass against the counter and toed off his shoes. As I rushed through the process of getting myself clean, I never lost his gaze. His hand went to his jeans, and he gripped himself before unsnapping the button and lowering the zip. He pushed the pants over his hips and kicked them off. It wasn’t the smoothest move but it was quick.
Naturally, my eyes dropped to the bulge in his boxers.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk.” A sinful grin played at the corner of his lips and he pointed to his eyes. “Shiloh, my eyes are up here.”
“Yeah, but your dick is down there.” The corners of my mouth lifted and as my gaze raked back down.
He let out a chuckle but made no move to remove his boxers. Quickly I rinsed the soap from my body then rested on my arms to stand. The flash of pain had me wince and before I could hide it, Ryder was right at my side.
He offered me both his hands. “Easy, Shi.”
Next, I was surrounded by a fluffy white towel. He didn’t give me a chance to dry myself, instead he slowly and methodically made sure every inch of me was dry. Only then did he drop those boxers.
Yep. The man was still as impressive as I remembered.
He pulled me closer. “I’ve been waiting to do this for nearly ten years.”
His mouth dropped to mine. His lips were exactly as I remembered them. Soft and smooth. A beautiful contrast to the stubble that rubbed up against me. With our mouths fused together Ryder lifted me and my legs swung around his hips.
My hands went to his hair, gently playing with the soft strands at the top. He was definitely not gentle. His fingers gripped my messy bun, loosening the knot and allowing it to flow over my shoulders.
“Grip your legs tight around me.”
I did as he said and he released one of the arms holding me close, and moved his hand between us. The moment his fingers touched me, I was ready explode. “Fuck, babe. You’re so ready for me.”
I moved so my pelvis hit him just right and his hardness dug into my stomach. “I’m not the only one.”
Ryder carried me to the bedroom and lowered me to his bed. “Spread your legs and watch what I’m doing. Watch how I toy with this pussy.”
As I rested on one elbow I dropped my gaze down my body. Ryder pumped his finger into me and sensations rocketed through every cell in my body. “Damn, Ryder, I need more.”
He inserted a second finger and twisted his movements. As much as I wanted to watch what he was doing, my body had a mind of its own. My head fell back and I screamed his name as the climax took over.
Nothing registered except the feelings flowing through me. Before I had come down completely, Ryder entered me. He was fully buried before I was coherent and all I could do was groan and hold on.
Then he did the one thing I wasn’t expecting. He rolled us over so I was on top straddling him. How did he know that was what I needed.
“Take what you want, babe.”
The gesture floored me. Yeah, I knew he was still getting something out of it. But how did he know that I needed the control?
Slowly, I moved my body, raising up on my knees, then lowering myself. I rested my hands on his chest, my fingers digging into his muscles as I found my rhythm.
“Fuck babe, you feel so fucking good.” I generally didn’t like to talk during sex. Especially on a night like tonight. But with Ryder it turned me on more. “You’re gripping me so tight, like you never want to let me go.”
My pace increased to the point of being erratic. Ryder held my hips steady and pumped up in time with me. His name fell from my mouth. Why, I wasn’t sure. A plea maybe. “Fuck, Ry. I’m going to come.”
“Can feel it, babe. Let go now.”
And I did. My body clenched and the noises I made were almost non-human. I knew the moment he joined me over the edge. The roar that escaped him was primal.
He held me close to him. “Babe, I’m never letting you go.”