16. Ryder
16
RYDER
S inging is the one thing I knew I was born to do. As far back as I could remember, the stage provided me with a safe space. It was the one place I felt confident and like I knew what I was doing.
My childhood and teen years were filled with choir practices and competitions. My mother would drive me from one town to the next, to enter me in competitions. Sometimes I looked forward to it, and sometimes she dragged me kicking and screaming. If the prizes involved cash, she would always insist I enter. It didn’t matter how I felt. And while I loved singing and anything to do with music, I was also a kid who wanted to play with his friends.
At ten, she forced me to participate in a talent show while I had chicken pox. Needless to say, I did not win that one.
When my voice broke, she had no hesitation in telling me how I was not pulling my weight. And then, when I could return to my music, she was elated at the fact that my voice had improved.
At seventeen she entered me into the competition which got me into The Poets. Since then, I’ve rarely heard from her. I deposit money into her banking account every month and unless she needs more, she rarely contacts me. I had also gotten too used to the fact that the only time she contacted me was when she needed more than the substantial monthly amount that I provided.
Still, seeing her name on my phone gave me a familiar jolt. A reminder that I did have family, dysfunctional as it was. I hit the green button and let out a long breath, wondering what she needed from me.
“Hey, Mom.”
Without a greeting or any other preamble, she laid right into me. “You fired Terrence.”
Too much had happened over the last few weeks for me to show her much politeness when it came to my former manager. “If you know I fired him, then you know why I did.”
“Because you believe the word of some slut over the man who has shepherded your career for more than a decade.” Her voice was high and tight, and not for the first time I wondered if there was something happening between her and my manager. “You’re an ungrateful little shit.”
I took a long deep inhale, closed my eyes and took control of my anger. A few weeks back, I would’ve argued with her, but now I knew that it wasn’t worth it. When I reopened my eyes, I spoke with a calmness I didn’t know I possessed. “Mother, you have a grandson. Shouldn’t that be your concern?” Then another thought hit me. “Was Terrence giving you a cut as well?”
“Of course he was. I deserve it after everything I did for you. I was the one who recognized your talent and who took you all over the state so you could win those contests.”
I didn’t point out that she used me and the prize money I earned so she didn’t have to work. I also didn’t need to confirm my suspicions that Terrence had my mother on her back. And he had also probably contacted her hoping she could sway my opinion.
The reality was that in the past she probably could have. That was before I saw what family actually looked like. And while I was not prepared to just abandon my mother, I had no feelings toward a man who kept me from my son for over a decade.
Fortunately, I did not have to continue arguing with my mother as Jason walked into the studio. “Mom, I need to go. I have work to do. You can expect the transfer as per usual.”
Jason was closely followed by my former bandmates. We’d broken up a few years back when two of us wanted to break out with solo careers and the other two wanted to pursue other interests. My mother and Terrence had a lot to say about that at the time as well. In hindsight, I could see they were afraid of losing their cash cow. Boy bands made a lot of money, far more than the sum of the individual solo careers.
Before my mother had a chance to reply, I hit the red button and turned to the men entering the room. On the Californian leg of my tour, I wanted to do some kind of a reunion with them. Roan, the best songwriter among us, had written something that was perfect for us to release during the tour. The song was about nostalgia and remembering being young. My album and tour would be called New Horizon and the song would be a good fit for it.
Most of my New Horizon album had already been recorded before I left Los Angeles. I’d add the song I recorded with Layla, as well as the two I did with Ethan, one of which would be labelled a bonus track on the album. The last one to be added was the one I’d recorded with The Poets, the album's second bonus track.
I had the perfect idea for a music video for the song. Part would be storytelling to a degree, but there were parts which required a dance sequence. That was where Jason came in. He was my choreographer of choice.
We’d each recorded our bits separately since it had been difficult to get us all together. As it was, we only had one day to rehearse and then another to shoot and those were not even consecutive. Even though the production on the song was not done we had enough so we could sing it in the video.
Roan, who was a year younger than me, handed me the sheet music with the lyrics. He and I would have solo parts along with Oscar who was a tenor. We could both reach the very high notes, but they were more his thing than mine. Carlo would do the harmonizing.
Jason flopped down on the sofa next to me. “Why don’t you guys go through it a few times so I can hear it and get a feel for the song. We’ll use Skylar’s studio for the actual dancing.”
Yeah, it turned out that Noah Moore, son of the owner of Moore Pictures and husband to Everly, had a similar story to mine. Except he was a Marine who went into the private security sector only to discover his one-night stand had his child. His daughter, Skylar, was a dancer and for one of her birthdays, he’d built her a dance studio alongside her mother’s recording studio. It just so happened that Jason had been her dance partner since childhood, and they still danced together. Skylar had offered her studio and agreed to be one of the women in our video.
The video was my idea. I wanted to capitalize on the fact that we had all grown up. Well, almost all of us. Roan and Carl were both married with a kid each. Roan had gone into acting and Carl had given up being on stage completely to become a personal trainer to the stars. I had gone the solo route and now I was a father and hopefully would soon be in a committed relationship.
Oscar was the only one who was still trapped in a life of partying and women and all the trappings that came with it. Something told me he was perfectly happy to stay where he was.
Since the night we slept together, Shiloh and Ethan had been at my place every evening for dinner. There were times when they were there late enough that Ethan slept over. Whether he slept over or not, I still ended up dropping him and Maggie’s children at school since Shiloh’s injured arm made driving difficult. I loved that I fitted into her family’s routine so seamlessly. Of course, Shiloh never stayed over again after that. She didn’t want to confuse Ethan or get his hopes up or some other bullshit. Because that was what it was. Bullshit. Just because we weren’t having sex, or sleeping in the same bed, didn’t mean we were not a couple. One time comfort sex, aside.
We ate together every night. We negotiated schedules. I was welcome at her parents’ home, whether she was with me or not. She listened to me rant about the fact I would need to work with Oscar again, and I worried about her job. That was what people in a relationship did. Right?
Jason slapped the back of my head. “Are you going to join us or continue daydreaming?”
“I was not daydreaming.” Even I could hear the lie.
All Jason did was roll his eyes. “You were. And she’s my friend and a good woman. Trust me, you could do a lot worse. In fact, as someone who has met most of the women you’ve been with, you have done worse. Just don’t hurt her, please. She’s our glue.”
I knew he was only looking out for her, and I was happy she had that. Still, it stung that my friend thought I needed that kind of warning. “You know she’s more likely to hurt me, right?”
“Oh, I know.” He smiled at me and stood from the sofa. “If you think she’s not in for a lecture, you’re mistaken. She has a good man in front of her. I’ll make sure she sees it.”
Immediately, the sting evaporated. Jason was a townie in Marina De Ferrier and I knew he grew up with values which were different to what my mother passed down to me. He was surrounded by good role models. He knew what a good man looked like. And he thought I was one. That was enough for me.
“You don’t need to lecture her.” The last thing I wanted was to be the cause of conflict between my friend and the woman I was falling for. “She trusts you. She’ll eventually come around.”
He nodded and slapped my back. “Let’s get to work”
The song Roan wrote about remembering summer love and finding the one, was catchy and the lyrics were easy to remember. There was no way we wouldn’t release it as a single and it definitely warranted a video of its own.
While singing was my passion, dancing was something I’d needed to learn once I joined a boy band. I wasn’t terrible but I would never be Jason Wilder, or even as good as Roan. Oscar and I were on par, but Carlo always struggled with our choreography. Jason suggested some placements that would mitigate his awkwardness and I already had some ideas for the video which would also not draw too much attention to his dancing.
As usual, singing and dancing took more energy than people tend to think and by the end of the day I was exhausted. When Oscar suggested we all hit a bar, I just shook my head. “I have dinner plans.”
He frowned at me in disgust. “With your baby mama. Please don’t tell me you two are together now. Did you ever consider she was lying to you?”
My body went stiff and my vision hazed with a red blur. I was so sick of everyone implying Shiloh was lying to me or that she slept around. Most times they managed to imply both in the same sentence.
Roan had the foresight to hold me back. Unfortunately, no one saw Jason coming. Before anyone noticed he had even moved, he had socked Oscar so hard he landed on the floor.
There was no mistaking the menace in his voice. “You will watch your mouth when speaking about my friends. That woman is worth more than you could ever imagine.”
I shook Roan off and stepped up to Oscar. “That was the last time you even hint at Shiloh’s character.” I shook my head and sneered down at him. “I have no idea what Layla ever saw in you.”
Their relationship was the one thing I’d never understood about Layla.
“She saw success. Our relationship was the best thing that ever happened to her career.”
“Dude, that woman is the biggest pop star in the country.” Probably the world, too. “She never needed you. But look what happened to your career the moment she dumped your ass. Remember that. We may look better as a foursome, but with some good PR, we could all kick you to the curb. You will behave yourself. Especially when we start recording the video.”
Which would be in a few days when Carlo and Roan’s wives came to town. Since the song was about remembering old times, I wanted the video to reflect the fact that we were adults and settled. So, they were having their wives in the video and I needed to convince Shiloh to join us.
Jason held his hand out to help Oscar up. “Skylar already asked for double her normal call rate if she needed to work with you.”
Skylar would be one of our back-up dancers and she would feature as the woman alongside Oscar. When we were younger, Skylar had met us through her mother. Oscar had propositioned her back then, and she had immediately put him in his place.
I narrowed my eyes. “And if you think Hilton has the power to ruin you if his girlfriend tattletales to him, that is nothing compared to what will happen if you make my woman uncomfortable in her own town.”
With that I stomped out of the studio, yet I still managed to hear Jason. “Well, if that wasn’t a declaration, I don’t know what is.”