Chapter Ten
Delta
We’re sitting at Mama’s dining table with every possible detail of this party spread out in front of us. Jazz playlist, seating chart, catering notes, rental order numbers, weather backup plan, all of it. This is the final planning session before the big day.
Mama swears up and down she does not want a big birthday this year, which is why there are currently six notebooks on the table and three grown adults taking notes like we’re planning the Met Gala.
Paige has color-coded sections labeled “Catering,” “Music,” and “Backup Music in Case the Main Music Gets Too Grown.” Lena has a list titled “People Who Are Not Invited Even If They Show Up.”
“You don’t have to make this such a big deal,” she says, flipping through the menu packet like she’s reviewing it out of obligation.
Lena doesn’t look up. “You’re getting a big deal.”
Paige checks a list on her tablet. “It is your first birthday since Mr. Harlan passed. We’re not giving you a quiet casserole and a card. You’re getting a full celebration like you deserve.”
Mama waves her hand. “That’s too much.”
Trace sets a fresh cup of tea in front of her. “Not for you.” She hesitates, it’s small, but we all see it. I nudge the schedule toward her. “We’re just finalizing lighting and table placement today. Everything else is done.”
She looks at me, voice softer. “I don’t want to be the reason everybody runs themselves ragged.”
Paige lifts her eyes. “Ma’am, we survived foaling season and calving season! This is nothing.”
Lena snorts. “And nobody cried this week, that alone means we’re winning.”
That gets Mama to smile, even as she shakes her head.
“I don’t know how to celebrate this birthday,” she admits. “It’s my first one without him.”
I rest my hand on hers. “You don’t have to pretend it’s easy, but we’re not letting the day pass like you don’t matter.”
She blinks fast, nods once, firm. “Then make it nice.”
Paige closes her notebook. “Done.”
Lena starts packing up. “And do not say a word about the dress, you’re wearing it.”
Mama sighs dramatically. “That dress is too young for me.”
Trace answers without missing a beat. “No such thing.”
She waves him off, but she’s smiling hard now.
One by one, everybody leaves, Paige and Lena to the barn, Trace out to the pasture. He gives me a look on his way out and it has enough heat in it to make me blush and then he’s gone.
The screen door shuts behind Paige and Lena and suddenly the house goes quiet. The kind of quiet that makes it way too obvious I’m alone with my mother and there is no one left to hide behind.
Mama flips through a stack of papers like she’s checking something, but she’s not checking a damn thing. She’s waiting. I know that posture.
Then she says it, casually, like she’s commenting on the weather.
“You’re in love.”
My whole brain misfires.
“Who?”
It comes out way too fast. Like I really don’t know what planet I’m on.
She lifts her eyes just enough to let me know she heard all that panic. “Baby, don’t play with me.”
“I’m not— I mean— I don’t— nobody said— love?” I wave a hand like maybe I can erase the word from the air. “I am single. Very single. Nobody is loving anybody. Not a soul.”
She just stares.
I keep going because silence feels like death. “I go to work. I go home. I mind my business. I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
She raises one eyebrow. The eyebrow that has ended wars.
“Oh. So the glow is from… vitamins.”
I open my mouth. Nothing comes out. Great.
“And the smile you’ve been walking around with is from… the weather.”
“Wyoming has nice skies!” I throw out, desperate.
“And that little extra sway in your hips is because… your knee is acting up.”
I gasp. “I have not been swaying!”
She makes a face like, girl please.
I collapse back in my chair and cover my face. “You are unbearable.”
She laughs and scoots her chair closer. “You can lie to the whole state if you want to. You can lie to the horses. You can lie to that man if that’s the game you want to play. But don’t lie to me.”
I peek through my fingers and she softens, really softens.
“Baby… I’m happy for you.”
Just like that, my defenses drop.
She reaches over, pushes my hands away so she can see my face. “You think I can’t tell when my child is finally happy again?”
I swallow because that lands.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit, voice low.
She smiles, not teasing this time. “Nobody knows what they’re doing when it matters.”
She pats my cheek once, warm and loving. “And for the record, that man is in love with you too.”
“Mama…”
“Hush. I’m old, not blind.”
I groan, but I’m smiling. “First of all you are not old.” I breathe out through my nose, slow. “What if I get hurt again?”
She squeezes my hand. “Don’t run from something good because you’re scared it might hurt later. Love is not punishment, it’s a blessing, let yourself have some.”
My eyes burn before I can stop them.
She pulls my head to her shoulder, the way she did when I was little. “You deserve joy, Delta Whitmore. Right now, not someday.”
I take a breath, my voice barely there. “Mama, he has trauma.”
Mama pulls back enough to look me in the face.
“Your daddy wasn’t wrapped all that tight either, actually.
That’s one of the things that attracted me to him.
” She wiggles her eyebrows and I look horrified.
“Girl, you deal with it; we all got some shit with us, some more than others, the question you have to ask is, ‘is he worth it?’ and if he is, then you work with him. Marriage can be a truly beautiful thing; not like what your first marriage ended being, but it does take conscious intentional, thoughtful work with someone willing to give as much as you. And from the looks of it he is willing to put in work if you know what I mean.”
“Mama!” I yell, covering my ears, closing my eyes, and shaking my head as she laughs. And somehow, sitting there in that kitchen with party notes everywhere and her perfume mingling with coffee and biscuits… I believe her.
Trace
Wind hits fast and the tarp on the fence snaps loud. Ranger jumps hard to the side and the jolt goes straight through my body before I can think. Panic comes quick. It always does. My chest tightens and my pulse spikes.
This time, I loosen the reins instead of pulling. I don’t grip tighter instead I give him space. My heart is out of rhythm but I force my voice to stay steady.
“It’s alright, I heard it too, we’re fine.”
Ranger circles, blowing hard, waiting to see what I’m going to do, leave him or fight him, I do neither. I stay with him while the fear moves through both of us.
He settles slowly, both of our breathing evens out. Finally his head lowers.
Paige stands at the gate with Taryn next to her. They don’t step in because I handled it before they had to do anything. Once Ranger is calm, they walk toward me.
Taryn speaks first. “That was regulation breathing. You grounded yourself and him, that is what we work on, not getting rid of fear, being able to stay steady while it happens.” She folds her arms, more teacher than therapist.
“Most people think trauma work means never getting scared again. That is not what we do here. We teach the body that fear can happen without shutting down. Without exploding. Without abandoning yourself or the horse.”
Paige nods once. “That was real progress.”
My palms sting from gripping the reigns too long, but not nearly as long as before. “It still scared me.”
“Good,” Taryn answers. “Healing means you can be scared and stay present anyway.”
I don’t have anything to say after that.
Ranger bumps my boot with his nose and I rub his neck steadying both of us.
Taryn takes the lead rope and Paige gives me a small nod.
I step away from the arena and walk toward the fence, catching my breath for a moment.
I don’t show it, but inside, something is shifting.
I came here to pull myself together for me and get stable enough to not be a problem, that was the plan, work, therapy, routine, improvement, nothing more. Now there is something else in the picture, someone else… Delta.
I don’t say her name out loud, it is the first time I’ve wanted to be better for anything beyond survival. The first time there is a future I want instead of a future I merely survive. Ranger nudges my shoulder again before Paige leads him out, a small gesture. “See you later buddy.” I tell him.
I head toward the barn. My body is tired, but it’s not the same kind of tired I dragged here months ago, this comes from work and effort. I’m not there yet, I know that, but now I believe I can get there. My phone buzzes in my back pocket. I don’t check it right away, but it keeps buzzing, so I do.
DELTA:
I found the gift you left on my nightstand.
My chest tightens in a good way. I didn’t think she would mention it.
I text back.
ME:
You didn’t have to say anything.
She replies before I can put the phone away.
DELTA:
I did if I wanted you to know I liked it.
I stop walking.
Another message lands.
DELTA:
You’re becoming a problem, by the way.
I huff out a laugh. My fingers move before I think.
ME:
What did I do now.
A pause long enough to make anticipation kick in. Then:
DELTA:
I can’t sleep after you leave in the mornings anymore.
You kiss me, the door shuts, and my whole body stays awake.
It’s rude.
I wipe sweat off my forehead and smile like an idiot in the middle of the barn aisle.
ME:
I can stop kissing you in the morning if that helps.
Her answer is instant.
DELTA:
Don’t even think about it.
My pulse jumps. I didn’t know I needed that until I read it.
ME:
Then what exactly am I ruining.
She takes her time answering. It’s intentional. It works.
DELTA:
My ability to function like a normal adult.
My focus.
My sleep.
My peace.
Take your pick.
I lean against the wall because standing suddenly feels optional.
ME:
If it makes you feel better, you’re ruining me too.
Three dots. Then:
DELTA:
Good.
That one word goes straight to the center of me.
ME:
What are you doing right now.
DELTA:
Pretending to work and replaying last night in my head.
You?
I glance back toward the arena, then toward the barn.
ME:
Trying to convince myself to finish the day before I come find you.
She doesn’t miss a beat.
DELTA:
Finish fast.
I shut my eyes for a second because that did something to me.
ME:
Don’t tempt me.
DELTA:
That is the entire point.
I try to come up with a response, something that matches what I’m feeling without saying too much, but she text again before I can.
DELTA:
Bring your overconfident self to dinner tonight.
Mama wants you there.
So do I.
That last part hits me right in my heart.
ME:
Dinner.
Tell me what time.
DELTA:
Six.
ME:
I’ll be there.
DELTA:
I know.
I put the phone back in my pocket, and my whole day shifts. Whatever I was carrying, whatever weight I walked into the arena with, it’s lighter now. For a man who didn’t know if he deserved a life anymore, that matters, more than I plan to admit out loud anytime soon.
I put my phone away and shove my gloves into my back pocket. I’m headed toward the feed room when Cash steps through the doorway and he isn’t smiling.
“Got a minute?” he asks.
It isn’t a question. I nod and he waits until the door swings shut and we’re out of earshot, then he crosses his arms and studies me.
“I like you,” he says. “You work hard, don’t complain, and you show up even on the rough days and I respect that.”
I don’t answer, he didn't come over here to compliment me. Cash continues, steady and calm. “Delta is family to me, she’s like a little sister to me and it’s been that way since the day I came to work here and Harlan introduced us. I’ve seen her unstoppable, and I’ve seen her damn near broken.”
I stay still.
“She came back here after her first marriage fell apart and then she lost her father. Twice in a row life cracked her in half and nobody knew how bad it was but me, Paige and Lena.” She didn’t crumble, she rebuilt herself while she built this ranch up in the middle of grief and didn’t let anyone see how bad it hurt. ”
He looks me in the eye.
“She’s not someone I will watch get hurt a second time. If you’re here to pass the time, get your confidence back, scratch an itch, or burn off whatever is in your head, walk away now. Don’t lie to her, don’t string her along, don’t use her and don’t touch her again.”
He doesn’t raise his voice.
I meet his stare. “I’m not here to hurt her.”
“Everybody says that before they do,” he replies.
“I mean it.” My throat tightens, but I keep my voice steady. “I care about her. I… I care about her, a lot.” I stop before the word on the tip of my tongue gets out.
He nods once. “Then don’t make her regret trusting you.”
There’s no challenge in his tone. He loves her and wants to protect her and I can only respect that.
He turns to leave, then pauses with his hand on the door. “Delta doesn’t need perfect,” he says. “She needs stability, if you’re going to show up for her, show up all the way.” He walks out without waiting for a response.
I stand there for a second, letting his words settle, he’s right, Delta deserves stability.
She deserves everything and I want to be the man who can give that to her.
Not some obscure day in the future but now.
I grab a bag of feed and haul it to the pallet.
I almost told another man I love her. The truth is I’m all in, whether I say it out loud yet, or not.