Chapter 8 Lukas
eight
Lukas
I’ve never been in serious relationships while playing hockey because, in the early years, the easy picking fruit was everywhere.
Women formed the majority of the puck bunnies, but it was a nice surprise to find the men being more forward at bars.
The options were endless, as they say, and I had a very exploratory first few years.
I didn’t want to have to worry about a partner waiting for me back home.
I wanted to explore my sexuality as much as possible without that hanging over me.
Travelling to different cities and having nights to fill worked for me.
Until it didn’t.
The time left with my playing career nears its end, and the stream of faces and forgotten names isn’t as desirable as it once was. No one could be more shocked than I when I realized I now wanted some stability in life.
Ben meets the physical checkbox, and our chemistry is explosive. I hope we can find common ground with our clothes on and see if this takes us anywhere.
We decided on a pizza place near the campus of the local university since it’s open late, and after we order, Ben leans back in the booth and looks around the restaurant.
“I took exactly one semester at this university.” He laughs as he points to a poster on the far wall. “That poster hasn’t changed in ten years.”
“You went here? What did you take?”
“Oh. Business management. Then I got offered a contract I couldn’t turn down.” His lips purse, and he sighs. “According to my father, I was an idiot for leaving school.”
His whole demeanour shifts, and I touch his foot under the table with mine.
“You don’t have to tell me deep stuff on the first date if you’re not comfortable, Ben.”
“It’s not deep, Lukas. My dad didn’t want a son who joined the circus. It’s that simple. The gay part was easy, but he couldn’t bring himself to be proud of his son the acrobat.” He sighs again and shakes his head. “Sorry. I don’t want to bring down the mood. Where did you go to school?”
“Well…it was a very prestigious university that I had a scholarship at.”
“Oh…brains and brawn. I love it. What did you take?”
“I only did a sampling. I didn’t know what I liked, but I do know I hate philosophy.” On paper, it sounded interesting. Reading and listening to a professor talk about it was an entirely different matter. Sorry, Thoreau, but what I listened to put me to sleep.
“You didn’t have to pick a major with your scholarship?” Ben’s brows knit in confusion.
“No. It was a sports scholarship, so I didn’t have to. I just had to maintain an average. Which I did, but I dropped out when I signed a professional hockey contract.”
Ben’s eyes widen. “You play hockey? Is that how you got the black eye?”
“Yeah. It happens frequently. Is that a problem?”
Our server arrives with the pizza, interrupting us long enough that I wonder if he’s going to reply. With hot slices on our plates, Ben blurts, “What team do you play for? Is it professional or just hacking with friends?”
He catches me mid-chew, and after swallowing, I answer. “The Bloomburg Aspens. Not the big show but still professional.”
Ben takes a giant mouthful of pizza and nods. More than once, and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s burning his mouth with pizza cheese and too embarrassed to say it or if I’ve just made him uncomfortable somehow.
“I heard they have a mascot,” he finally says after swallowing and quickly bringing a beer to his lips.
“Yep. First time. A beaver named Slappy. It’s ridiculous, but I guess it pulls people into the seats, and that’s what we need.”
“Heh…yeah. A beaver.” He twists a napkin in his hands.
“Ben, did I say something wrong? You’re…well, not acting like yourself.”
He drinks from his beer bottle and mutters under his breath before whipping his head up and meeting my gaze.
“Listen, Lukas, I like you. In fact, I like you more than anyone I’ve ever slept with. Which is a lot.”
“Uh…okay?” Should I ask how many? Or does he mean he likes me a lot? I’m unclear because he’s being weird. “Thanks? I think?”
“I guess that sounds…not good. Shit. I mean…like…I’ve never dated any of them, but you make me want to date, and I don’t know if I should now because…” He bites his lip, clearly struggling to tell me something.
“Ben, don’t. It’s fine. If you have an issue—”
“I signed a contract, Lukas. That’s my issue. I figured I’d have nine months to work two jobs, and the whole secrecy thing wouldn’t even come up. But then you show up, rock my world, and you’re all…nice and shit.”
When did dating get this weird? This is not how I expected tonight to go. I don’t even know how it’s going, because I don’t understand a single thread of this conversation.
“Ben, I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me.”
He jams another chunk of pizza in his mouth while staring at me as he chews. Am I supposed to figure out what he’s trying to say?
Finally, he swallows and blows out a long breath. “Lukas…it’s me, hi. I’m the beaver, it’s me,” he sings, and my brain tries to reach for how I know that tune.
“Did you just use Taylor Swift to tell me a secret?”
Ben spreads his arms wide. “Yes, and thank you for noticing. I’m a terrible singer,” he sighs, the earlier nervousness returning.
“The contract. I signed it with the same damn hockey team you play for. I’m Slappy the Beaver, and I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but I can’t keep that from you.
If this works out, how do I tell you after? ”
It’s now that I notice Ben is bordering on panic. His knee is bouncing and jostling the table, and none of his usual cockiness appears. No smart comments. Just a man looking at me, hoping I hold the answers.
“Are you forbidden from being involved with players too?”
He shakes his head. “No. I’m just not supposed to tell anyone I’m dating, but I can’t keep that a secret from you when we’re essentially co-workers. Sort of. It’s not like I’ll be skating with you or anything.”
“So if we keep seeing each other, will you be uncomfortable with that?”
Ben snort-laughs so loud the next table looks over. He waves an apology before leaning over the table towards me and lowering his voice.
“Uh…no. Big ole fucking no. I just don’t want to put you in an awkward position if there’s any team policy or whatnot.” Ben’s soft gaze finds mine. “I know I’m usually loud and carefree, but I don’t want you in trouble.”
“What about you, though? Would you lose the job?”
“Technically, yes. It’s in the contract not to tell. If they find out I told you, that’s a problem.”
I’ve always been one to follow the rules—curfew, tests, the speed limit.
On the ice, it’s the only time I get in hot water breaking rules because it’s my job.
But I won’t let my job interfere with a man who could be a part of something bigger than hockey.
I’ve put hockey first for years. It’s time to put myself first.
“Well, I guess we just have to do our best not to let anyone find out.”
“You’d do that?”
I don’t know why he seems so shocked. He made such an impression on me I tracked him down to his yoga studio after one passionate night. Which was the best decision of my life.
“Ben…hockey isn’t forever. I love it, but I have a life too, and I’m not about to stop chasing someone who could be more than hot sex every time I show up on his doorstep because of it. Unless you don’t want to risk losing your job. Then I understand. But I’m all in here if you are.”
“Oh, thank god,” he breathes. “I was hoping you’d say that. I don’t want to start anything with a lie, you know?”
It’s not a lie between us, but it’s a secret to be kept.
It shouldn’t be that hard.