Chapter 14 Ben
fourteen
Ben
Inever thought I’d perform again after the circus fiasco.
My reputation was mud, and I no longer lived in a city built for entertainment.
But I did it.
In the most unlikely venue and costume. The adrenaline surge that comes with performing is finally hitting me. Exhaustion like I’ve never felt before settles in, and while I wait for Lukas, I rest my head back in the driver’s seat and close my eyes.
A gentle knock on the window startles me, and with a blurry blink, I turn towards the window to find the handsome face of Lukas looking back. His hair is still damp and I open the door to step out.
“Sorry. I guess I dozed off.”
“I took longer than expected. They wanted a radio interview, and then I needed to shower. Coach had a few things to say and—”
“Don’t apologize for your job, Lukas.”
His palm slides across my neck, and he dips his head close to mine. “I watched James’s video. You were amazing, Ben. I’m so proud of you.”
“Yeah? It looked okay with the suit on?”
Lukas laughs before kissing me softly. “I prefer without, but even with the suit on you were great. You really boosted the crowd for us, you know.”
“Really?” I reach for my overnight bag from the car and lock it. Lukas takes my hand, and we stroll towards his building.
“Oh yeah. When the crowd is loud and cheering like that, it can be like an extra man on the ice. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like an extra boost of energy.”
When we step into the elevator, I lean against him, and he wraps an arm around me, pulling me close. “You tired, baby?”
“Mmm, you smell nice,” I mumble. “Are we on to pet names now?”
The elevator doors open, and I yawn. Lukas again just smiles in that way that does all kinds of things to me and takes my hand again.
“I don’t just want to call you Ben, and I thought it fit. If you don’t like it, I won’t use it.”
His keys jingle on the pink rabbit’s foot keychain as he opens the door.
“What’s the story with the rabbit’s foot? Is it a superstitious thing?”
He closes the door behind us and kicks off his shoes while locking the door behind him.
“It was a gift from my grandfather on my tenth birthday. He knew I was a shy kid and told me if I just kept it in my pocket it would give me the courage I needed.” Lukas takes my bag and tosses it into his room. “Do you know what a worry stone is?”
After leaving my shoes at the door, I follow him into the kitchen, where he turns on the oven and pulls a frozen pizza from the freezer.
“I think so? You rub it when you feel worried, and it’s supposed to take the worry for you?”
He nods. “Yeah, that’s it. I used to use my rabbit’s foot like that when I started playing hockey and when my mom got sick the first time. That’s why it’s missing fur.”
Lukas keeps himself busy, and there’s a shift in the air. Almost like he needs the worry stone now, but finds other things to do with his hands instead.
“I didn’t hate the name,” I offer, and he pauses his movements. “Baby. It’s okay for you to call me that if you want to.”
He breathes out and turns towards me. “Ben…I’ve been alone for a long time. By choice, though. I want you to know that I really like having you around. I like everything about us so far. You’re someone I never thought I’d get the chance to know.”
Such soft words from the tough man. Just hours ago, I watched him slam people hard into the boards and assert himself on the ice. There was no vulnerability on the ice. But there is now, and I suppose this is the moment for me to do the same and show him I’m in for this.
“I like everything about us too, Lukas. I’ve never had anyone take care of me like you do or make me feel like you do. While we’re being honest here, I’ll tell you it scares me too.”
When the oven beeps, he slides the pizza into the oven, sets a timer and turns back to me. He bites at his lip while he leans back against the counter. His muscular arms bulge as he surveys me with something new. Something I can’t name.
“Would you water my plants while I’m gone? Usually I’d ask one of the guys’ girlfriends, but…I’d like it to be you.”
Plants? Really?
“Are you just looking for an excuse to give me the key to your apartment?” I laugh, and he finally returns to the playful Lukas, as he grabs at me.
“I can neither confirm nor deny.”
“Yeah, I can water your plants. Daily? Every other day? Tell me.”
Lukas pulls me into the living room, excited for a reason I’m not sure of until he opens his mouth and starts talking about plants.
“This one is the most important. My grandpa had it in his apartment, and I took it with me after he died. This plant has been strapped in the passenger seat and seen more of the country than most people.”
“No pressure there, Lukas. You should have started with the one you like least.”
He doesn’t have many. Four plants in total, and they all have a colourful history.
His spider plant, which a roommate left behind, and he couldn’t just throw it away.
A succulent, a billet team’s family gifted him that refuses to die, his grandfather’s ficus, and the ivy that hangs in the corner that I think is the prettiest.
When his arm stretches to open the cupboard door in the kitchen to show me the watering can and plant food, one of his tattoos leaps out at me, and I glance back at the plants.
“Is that ivy out there why you have it tattooed on you?”
He nods. A wistful smile on his face. “My mom always liked ivy. We had them all over the house growing up. Most of them died when she got sick, and I was away. Someone sent that one to the funeral home. I think one of her home care people?” The oven timer sounds, and he removes his pizza.
After placing it on a cutting board, he turns to me again.
“Anyway, ivy is a symbol of eternal life and even fidelity. When I got the tattoo, it was to remind me of Mom. For as long as I was on the earth, so was she.”
Lukas turns to cut the pizza as my eyes sting with unshed tears.
Such a short time ago, I thought he was merely a good fuck and a memory to reach for from time to time.
But the more time we spend together, the more I realize there are so many layers to this man.
His heart is too big for his body, and he hides it all. Even with his on-ice persona.
The toughness and the fighting, it’s not who he is. Not even a little. Like the plants he cares for, he’s adapted to his environment to thrive, and for the first time, I truly doubt my life choices and wonder if I’m good enough to be with him.
“Do you want a slice? I eat a lot after games. If it’s early enough, I cook something better than this, but you’re tired.” He squeezes my shoulder. “I don’t want you to stay awake just for me.”
“I could join you, but only for one slice. I don’t want to take away from you at all.”
We eat our pizza in mostly silence because I’m processing this new side of Lukas, and I just want to fall asleep for a week.
“Babe?”
“Huh?”
“I’ll clean this up. You’re falling asleep sitting up. Get into bed, and I’ll meet you there.”
“Normally, I’d push back and insist on helping, but I’ll take that offer. Thank you.”
Lukas takes our plates, and I head to the bedroom, torn between falling asleep, or staying awake for an orgasm. I’ve barely slid under the blankets when Lukas enters the room and quickly sets his alarm before shedding his clothes.
“Do you have a morning class?”
“No. Not until noon,” I mumble and shift as he pulls me against his body. Fuck, he feels nice against my back. I press my ass against him, and he laughs softly, his breath skating over the back of my neck.
“Get some rest, Ben. We have time in the morning.”
“Gonna hold you to that.”
“I hope you do.”
With a final burrow against him, I close my eyes and let sleep take me to the most amazing dream where I could sleep like this every night.
My eyes pop open when the first stream of sun peeks through a crack in the curtains.
A quick glance at the clock on the bedside table reveals it’s 6:59 A.M., and somehow during the night we shifted with me half draped over Lukas like a human weighted blanket.
His face is relaxed in sleep, his chest rising and falling in a gentle rhythm I like. The man is gorgeous even when he sleeps. Long dark lashes kiss his cheeks, and the slight scruff around his scar is immensely hot.
My libido didn’t wane overnight, and I’m still as horny as a teenager who just discovered Pornhub.
But uncertainty weighs on me. Last night we shifted to far more than sex and dating.
Lukas shared more than before and trusts me with his plants.
Plants that mean a great deal to him. Nobody has ever trusted me with that kind of responsibility.
Except James, but he’s my best friend, so that doesn’t count.
Old Ben would slide under the covers and wake him up with a blow job without a second thought. New Ben is hesitating, and I don’t understand why.
“Everything okay?” Lukas’s sleepy voice rumbles.
“Why do you ask?”
“You propped yourself up at least three minutes ago and haven’t moved. I’m going to assume you’re watching me sleep.”
Unbidden, my cheeks heat. “And if I were?”
“I might like it.”
“What if I were thinking about going down on you?”
“I’d definitely like it.” His low, sleepy laugh eases the anxiety, but I don’t move.
Lukas opens his eyes. I swallow hard as his gaze is just as naked as he is. “Ben?”
“I’m fine. Honest. I just…”
I don’t know how to say what I want because I don’t know what it is I feel. Lukas stretches a hand to my cheek, and I close my eyes. God, how can those hands be so gentle?
“Ben, you don’t have to do or say anything you don’t want. But I need to know that you want to be here. That's all I ask.”
“Yes. A thousand percent I want to be here.”
“Then you’re free to do what you want. Sleep, or blow me, or something else. Nothing will disappoint me.”