Chapter 21 Lukas
twenty-one
Lukas
Coach Nix slides into the booth across from me at the hotel bar.
Most of the team is in their rooms either asleep or winding down before our travel day tomorrow. But I couldn’t let this go on any longer.
“Thanks for meeting me, Coach.”
“Of course, Lukas. Great game today. I hope you’re planning to spend more time on the PK because that’s where you shine.”
Nodding, I agree. My shot blocks and play reading have been top-notch, and penalty killing is a favourite. Never thought I’d say that, but this season I seem to be in peak form.
“Thanks. I think our lines are well balanced, and that helps.”
My gaze drops to the drink in front of me. Unlike some of my teammates, I don’t like to drink after a game. It fucks up my sleep, and I value sleep more than anything when on the road. So, a drink in front of me now is a rare occurrence.
Coach notices that too.
“I feel like you might want to talk about something non-hockey related.”
“You’d be right.” I take a swallow of the drink as Coach waits patiently. “I need to tell you that I may have violated team policy.”
Coach sits up. “What kind of policy?”
“Um, the dating amongst the staff one. I’m assuming there’s something like that. There always is.”
He puffs out a breath. “I’d have to confirm, but usually the rule is not to date someone with authority over you. Like me or an owner.” He pauses. “A teammate would probably be allowed if disclosed.”
“Um, sort of. It’s…he’s the mascot.”
Coach remains quiet for a few moments, and I clutch the glass so hard it should shatter.
“You’re not supposed to know who the mascot is. That much I know.”
“I met him before I knew, Coach. We got involved, and he wanted to be honest. I promised to keep it a secret, but a few of the guys already figured it out.”
He huffs out a breath. “You’ve put me in a bad spot, Lukas.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. He’s already moved in. Breaking up isn’t an option. I…he’s the one.” I can’t say the other words. Not to Coach when I haven’t even told Ben to his face.
“Until I look into it, I have to make you a healthy scratch. Which means for the next two games you’re out of the lineup, Piney. I’m sorry.”
Nodding, I take another sip. “I figured you’d need to do that, and I believe in this team to get it done without me.”
Coach’s face softens, and he sits back in the booth.
“You’re a good leader, Lukas, but you’re human and made a mistake.
Coming to me even after the fact tells me you want to do the right thing.
I know you live for this team, I really do.
” He frowns. “I can’t let you play until it’s sorted though.
It will suck having you off the penalty kill after you just hit your stride. ”
Sighing to myself, my shoulders sag and I stare at the melting ice in my drink.
“Yeah, I’ll miss it. But…can I say anything to the team?”
Coach immediately shakes his head. “No. Keep it quiet until I gather the facts. Until then, you’re a healthy scratch.”
“Okay. Thanks for not ripping me a new one over it.”
He chuckles at my word choice. “There’s no point in yelling. What’s done is done. Just promise me you’ll keep your head down and out of trouble going forward.”
“I will.”
He stands to leave and pats me on the shoulder as he passes.
Once Coach is gone, I finish my drink and head back to my room. Burnsy is still awake, scrolling on his phone. He sits up when I enter.
“You’re in one piece, so that’s a good thing.”
Tossing my suit jacket on a chair, I shrug. “It went better than I thought.”
“But….”
“I’m benched until he looks into it.” I sit on my bed before flopping back.
“Fuck. That sucks, Piney. I’m sorry.”
“Me too. But I get it. I just have to hope this is a temporary thing and I’ll be back before long.”
It feels like an impossible task to undress and move under the covers for sleep. I’ve let my teammates down and maybe even Ben, too. I finally have it all, and now I might lose it because I jumped without looking.
“Lukas,” Burnsy calls softly, and I turn my head. “Get some sleep.”
“Yeah.”
He powers off his phone and switches off the lamp before I’ve even removed myself from the bed. I slip out of my clothes and slide under the covers to the soft sounds of Burnsy snoring.
This road trip will be the longest of my life.
It’s weird not dressing for the game and being in the room with the guys at the same time. It’s not like I have an injury they know about. That would make things easy.
More than once, I’ve gotten some side-eye, but nobody has come right out to ask what’s going on. Until Evans opens his fucking mouth.
“Were you benched for a reason, Pine? Breaking rules or something we should know about? Not very captainly, is it?”
Burnsy glares. “Shut the fuck up, Evans. Don’t start spreading rumours.”
“It’s not a rumour if it’s true.” Evans spits.
A few of the guys around us pause and listen. Burnsy presses his lips together, and I know he wants to come to my defence, but he’s not supposed to know what’s going on either. Being my friend and roommate, though, he knows far more than he should.
Instead, I stand and stare down at Evans. “I’m a healthy scratch. That’s all it is. This team is more than strong enough without me to win a game. Right, boys?”
A chorus of agreement sounds, and I nod to Evans. “I’ll still be here watching. Give ’em hell for me!”
The team heads out of the visitors’ locker room towards the ice until it’s only me and Evans.
“Some captain you are,” he sneers, slapping his helmet on and walking past me. “You’re right, though. We don’t need you to win.”
As the door closes behind him, I let my chin drop. That’s what I’m afraid of.
My phone buzzes halfway through the second period.
Ben: Are you not playing tonight?
I know he listens to a streamed broadcast for most away games, and I didn’t tell him prior because I didn’t know what to say.
I’m not sitting in a private box or anything; this arena is rather old and doesn’t have that, so I can’t just call him to explain from my seat either.
It’s not the kind of information I want to deliver over text either.
Lukas: I’m not.
Ben: Are you okay?
Lukas: It’s a healthy scratch. I’m just sitting out.
There’s a long pause where his dots pop up and disappear, then start over.
Ben: Don’t lie to me, please.
He doesn’t even need to be here, and I can hear the sadness in his voice.
Fuck this whole situation. Leaving my seat, I walk the hallways until I find a family restroom, duck inside and throw the lock. I still have phone service, and I dial Ben.
“Ben, I’m sorry.”
“Just tell me, Lukas. And don’t think I’m that dumb again.” I flinch at the hurt in his voice. “I might not understand hockey, but I know you don’t just get left out of a game when you’re playing well.”
“I deserve that. You’re right. I told Coach about us.” I huff a shaky breath. “I was worried Evans would say something first, and it would look worse. He overheard me talking to you and figured it out. I’m benched until Coach looks into whether I’ve even broken any rules.”
Ben sighs. “Oh, Lukas. I wish this weren’t so fucking complicated.”
“It’ll work out. I know it will, and I’ll be playing again in no time.”
There’s a knock on the door, and I flinch. “Baby, I have to go. I ducked into a family bathroom, and someone needs it. I’ll talk to you after the game?”
Thankfully, he laughs. “Get out of there, Lukas, and yes, we can talk after.”
Ending the call, I open the door to find a woman with a toddler and a diaper bag. “I’m so sorry.”
She smiles at me, recognition on her face. “You’re Lukas Pine. My kid loves you.” The toddler laughs. “Not this one, my older one. If you sign something for me, I’ll tell no one you were in here.”
“I was just making a phone call, but I’d love to sign something for you.”
She rummages in her diaper bag and finds a pen, but nothing for me to sign.
“Maybe a hunk of paper towel?” She suggests.
Shaking my head, I grin. “I have something better.” Pulling the team toque I had shoved in my pocket, I hold it up. “Would this do?”
“Oh my god, yes. I’ll be the world’s best mom.”
“I bet you already are,” I say as I sign my name on the logo patch on the toque, and when she says nothing, I glance over. “Do you need help?”
“No, I…thank you for saying that.”
“You’re welcome. I lost my mom too soon, and I told her all the time that she was the best. She was. Sometimes I was a shithead.” We both laugh as she wipes at her eyes. “But I always knew she was a good mom, even when she gave me hell, you know. So…yeah, you’re a great mom.”
She takes the toque from me and places it in the diaper bag with a soft ‘thank you’ while dropping the change table. “If you don’t need my help, I should get back to the game.”
“Go ahead, and Lukas?”
I pause with a hand on the door. “Your mom did a great job.” With a thank you of my own, I step out and rush back to my seat.
I hope the woman is right. Because right now I feel like I’m failing at everything.
We split our road games this trip 1-1-1, so it wasn’t terrible.
What was terrible, though, was sitting out the last two.
It was great that they played well without me, but there’s always that little voice wondering if they’ll cut my ice time.
Captain or not, you play the hot lines and players and do what you can for success.
A letter on your chest or even tenure on a team does not give you a free pass.
I’m proof of that. While being investigated, I need to ride the bench, and that’s just how it goes.
The bus rolls past the sign for Bloomburg on a sleepy Sunday morning, and the one bright light from all this is seeing Ben again. I didn’t like how our last conversation went, and I don’t want him ever to doubt me. After he risked his job, it’s not right for me to keep anything from him.
I need to fix this.
My phone buzzes, and when I glance at my phone, it’s from Coach.
Coach: Meeting with ownership at the rink before you go home. Meet you in the team meeting room.