Chapter 22 Ben
twenty-two
Ben
Leaving the rink, Lukas is quiet until we reach my car. After taking care of the suitcase and sliding it into the backseat, he breaks his silence.
“That could have been worse.”
“Definitely. Can we make a promise right now?”
It’s been bothering me since I met the owners at the brewery.
“I don’t see why not.”
A light snow has started as we drive back to our apartment. One that I didn’t know if I’d still be living in once all this stuff was behind us.
“I don’t want any more secrets. I told you I was Slappy in the beginning because honesty matters to me, Lukas. A lot. Even if we’re asked to keep it a secret, things like this that are big are…we should talk to each other. Can we promise to talk to each other and no more sneaking?”
“Absolutely. I wanted to tell you so badly, but not on the phone either.”
I pull into our parking lot and park in my spot. After killing the engine, I turn to Lukas. “When I got us Chinese food that last night, I was so in my head and worried I’d fucked up, a kind stranger offered an ear. I spilled my entire story to Austin in the back of a Chinese takeout place.”
Lukas’s eyebrows shoot up. “You didn’t know it was him?”
Laughing, I shake my head. “Nope. I don’t know hockey, and I never followed this town after I moved, either. But he told me to go to management and keep it quiet until I talked to them. When I walked into that room, I was so confused.”
Lukas laughs softly. “You’re not the only one. Can we take this inside?”
“Of course.”
Lukas carries his bag and holds my hand as we walk through the falling snow to our building. “You know the only thing I like about winter is hockey.” He shakes his head with a smile. “I don’t care for snow or cold, but fuck do I ever love the ice.”
The elevator door closes, and we remain silent again. Big words are forming in my chest, and I don’t trust myself to speak until we’re behind our apartment door. If I can even speak at all.
Once inside, Lukas drops his suitcase at the entrance to the bedroom and excuses himself to change. It’s a different sort of homecoming. Normally, we’re jumping each other and naked the moment we lock the door behind us, but this is different and for once…I’m nervous.
While Lukas changes, I start the oven for the dinner that I had James help me prepare. It’s nothing fancy, but more than I can usually handle on my own. It was surprisingly easy to make lasagna. Who knew?
Lukas enters the kitchen just as I’m sliding it into the oven.
“What’s this?”
My brain stutters as he enters the kitchen, shirtless in a pair of loose-fitting pants. Flannel pants. Because being a hockey player wasn’t enough, he has to be all lumberjack-y too.
“I, uh, made dinner for us. Well, I had help, but yeah, I, um…can you put a shirt on? You’re distracting me.”
Lukas’s slow grin, the one I dream about, spreads as he licks his lips. “Am I? What am I distracting you from, baby?”
When I don’t reply, Lukas steps back. His brows knit together, and I reach for him.
“It’s not bad. It’s just, I thought…I…” Puffing a breath, I finally just give in and step into him. His arms go around me, holding me tight, and it’s the best place I can ever spend my time.
“I said in the car I didn’t want to keep any more secrets, so here goes.” Peering up into his handsome face, I just blurt it out. “I’m in love with you. I love you and us. I love that you trust me with your plants and I…fuck…I’ve never told anyone else I love them.”
Lukas silences my rambles with a soft kiss. “I’m relieved to hear that because I love you too, Ben. You make me want more from life than just what hockey brings. Until I met you, I never allowed myself to have it all. Hockey was always first, but now…it’s you who fills my thoughts.”
“This is weird for me because I’ve always been independent, and I’ve never even lived with someone before. Well, except for James, but he’s my best friend. I’m constantly thinking of you. Waiting for you, eating with you, kissing you…”
I trail off because I think he gets the point.
“Are you scared of losing yourself?”
“No.” I shake my head and push up on my toes to meet his lips. “I’m scared of all this disappearing because I fucked it up. I went to the owners without telling you, and I was terrified I’d fucked up your career.”
Lukas feathers a kiss on my nose.
“But I chose it, Ben. You told me, and I made the choice you were worth it. You’ll always be worth it. If today’s meeting told me I had to pack my bags and my career was over, I’d have left if it meant I’d still come home to you.”
“You don’t mean that,” I whisper. “You love hockey. I’d never ask you to give it up.”
“No, you wouldn’t. I know that. Hockey won’t be here giving me homemade ice packs and baking me lasagna when I’m sixty.
It certainly won’t keep me warm at night either.
” Lukas sways us together in the kitchen.
“Sometimes hard choices are some of the easiest to make, Ben. You make me happier than I’ve ever been. ”
“What if…what if one day I don’t make you happy?”
I know we don’t have crystal balls to see into the future, but Lukas is so…I don’t know, maybe fairy-tale-like. As someone who has never looked beyond the end of a week, the prospect of a future with this man isn’t something that’s come easily.
“I don’t want to think that one day you won’t make me smile. I’d rather think of all the days you’ll make me smile instead. They never end, Ben.” He kisses me again, this time with more passion, and my head swims. “I love you, and I’m so glad I tried to do a handstand in a bar and fell into you.”
His lips trail down my neck while his hands slip under my shirt. If I were an ice cube, I’d now be a puddle because Lukas just…he just ticks every box and pushes every single button, and I fucking melt every damn time.
The man turns me on by doing barely anything. He wrestles my shirt over my head and lets it drop to the kitchen floor.
“Did you set a timer?” he murmurs as his hands find the zipper of my jeans.
“Huh? Oh! Y-yeah. I set a…” My mouth drops open as Lukas drops to his knees, taking my pants down with him. He raises an eyebrow and looks up when he notices my undies.
“It’s the Christmas season. I couldn’t resist.” I shrug.
“Your dick is Rudolph’s nose.” Lukas slides the fabric aside with a single finger before kissing the inside of my thigh. “Is he supposed to guide me somewhere?”
“He was supposed to make you laugh.”
Lukas kisses my belly before sliding the festive underwear down and having me step out of my pants, leaving me naked in the middle of the kitchen. The soft whir of the oven is the only sound, along with my ragged breathing as Lukas kisses his way up my body.
When he rises back to standing, he tilts my chin and places a tender kiss on my mouth. “It made me smile, and it made me thankful to have you to come home to.”
“Lukas…”
I’m not one to be at a loss for words. Especially with him.
But right now, I’m all scrambled inside.
My tongue feels too thick, and words can’t seem to form in any coherent order anymore.
Maybe I said I love you too much, and my brain just had a meltdown.
My hands clutch his shoulders, and Lukas seems to know my struggle.
“I’ve got you, Ben. I know.”
He kisses me, and I climb his body as his hands lift me by the ass. I can’t stop kissing him, even as he walks us from the kitchen to the bedroom without bumping us into the walls. The bed creaks as he lays me gently on top and blankets my body with his.
“Quick and dirty for now, baby. I’ll make it up to you later.”
“Nothing to make up. It’s always good with you.”
Lukas reaches into the drawer and, after warming the substance in his hands, drops the lube on the bed. His slick hand on my dick has my hips pushing up, seeking more. It’s always more with Lukas. More sex, more conversations, more of his scent on my pillow and more of sharing this space with him.
My toes, still in my red and green socks, curl into the bedding as I reach up for Lukas. “I want to kiss you when I come.”
“Anything you want, Ben.”
I won’t over-analyze the fact that phrase, in the softest of voices, sends me over the edge.
My orgasm is hard and fast, leaving me gasping into Lukas’s mouth, still gripping his shoulders as I reacquaint myself with the earth.
It’s only when his shoulder muscles bunch under my fingers and warmth hits my skin that I register I haven’t even touched his cock.
He jerked me off, then himself, and he eases himself to the side with a shaky arm.
“I don’t know how you can hold handstands so long. I could barely hold myself above you without collapsing.”
“It’s a state of mind sometimes,” I say.
Lukas dusts a finger over my cheek. “My state of mind right now is to tell you I love you.”
The timer on the oven begins buzzing, and we both laugh softly.
“Let me get that out of the oven. We can clean up, and you can tell me all night if you want. I’ll never tire of hearing it.”
Lukas’s hands grip the wheel as we drive towards the rink.
It’s his first game at home while being benched.
Riding pine, I learned, is what the players call it.
Of course, I had to snicker like a teenager and tell Lukas that riding pine is the best thing ever.
It earned me a side-eye, but it also earned me an intense orgasm while bent over the couch, so I’d say it was worth it.
He told the team yesterday why he was sitting out games, while I waited patiently for him at the pub across the street.
He expected to be pushed aside by his teammates, maybe even shunned as they moved towards the Christmas break in pivotal games without their captain.
Lukas was lower than I’d ever seen him when we drove to the rink.
But that’s not the response he got.