CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO Ginger
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
Ginger
26 days to go
CECE
Goes on honeymoon, comes home to find out my brother and my best friend are boyfriend and girlfriend
Ugh. I will set my father straight. Cole and Mabel came to support me, and of course he turns it into something about him.
CECE
Typical. We all know Edward; any political association in his back pocket is a good one. I’m sorry he put you on the spot like that, babe.
I’m used to it at this point. I just never thought he’d put Cole or Mabel in the middle of it.
CECE
I have to ask … Is this thing with Cole serious?
That is exactly what I plan on finding out tonight. Mabel is going to your mama’s, and Cole and I will be having a long, overdue talk.
CECE
I know, I’m heading there after work. I’m having dinner there and watching movies with them. It’s a girls’ night.
Side note, I’m sure my mama knows about you two. She called me last night during your father’s speech on the local news. Her words, and I quote, were: “I always knew those two would end up together.”
I breathe out a sigh and roll onto my back, the early morning light seeping through my blinds.
I’m scared. And the truth is, we kind of stayed closer than we let on after you went to Seattle. There’s a lot of history between us and I don’t want to ruin that.
I have no idea why I’m telling CeCe this other than the fact I’m tired of not being honest with everyone, myself and Cole included.
CECE
I know
How? Why didn’t you say anything?
CECE
Cole got a little drunk two Christmases ago. It was when my dad was at his worst and he told me you two were friends, and that you helped him through everything with Gemma. I never said anything because I knew you’d tell me when you were ready. No pressure, but whenever that is, I’m always here. Just leave out the mushy details.
I grin.
Thank you
CECE
For what?
For constantly being there but never judging.
CECE
Always, babe. Men come and go but you’re my kindred spirit. Not Angels for life. And if you need to talk later, I’ll be at the big house.
I take a deep breath and set my phone on my bedside table. I’m desperately trying not to read too much into Cole’s cryptic attitude last night and the fact that, for the first night in two months, he didn’t come to my bed. When I got home, which was not long after him, he was either in with Mabel or in his own room. I couldn’t tell because both doors were shut.
As I get up, the face he made when my father spoke his name in his speech keeps playing in my mind. And I know, no matter what Cole’s going to do, I have to do what he said: get out in front of it and not let anyone fuck with me, even him. Enough is enough.
I put on my robe and make my way to the kitchen. When I get there, Cole is already at the table. Mabel is in the living room eating a muffin and watching TV.
“Morning,” I say, as if him not coming to my bed last night doesn’t bother me.
He looks up at me. That same pained expression from last night lines his face.
Mabel calls out to me that it’s pruning day and it’s time to pick the last of our raspberries. We were planning to make jam with our little harvest.
I grab a mug so I can pour myself a coffee and mentally tell myself to put on my big girl pants. I’m just about to lay down the law and tell Cole we need to talk tonight. But when I go to turn around, he’s already there.
His arms encircle me as he grips the counter at my sides. I look up at him, caged in, breathing in his delicious scent. He takes my mug, sets it down and looks into my eyes like he has so much to say but can’t bring himself to with Mabel in the house. His knuckles graze my cheek before he slides the pads of his fingers into my hair, tracing the line of my cheekbone lazily before he tips his forehead down to meet mine.
“Favor,” he says.
“You want to tell me what’s going on, Cole?” I ask as I look up at him, a million questions in my eyes.
He must sense my unease because he slides his hands down my arms and holds my hands tight. He speaks in a hurried whisper, so Mabel doesn’t hear.
“I made a mistake with you, with us, with all of this,” he says. “I fucked up. This is all my fault.”
He waves toward Mabel in the living room and I recoil at his words. A mistake?
“And last night it … came to a head. I need you to let me sort this out. I need some time. That’s my favor.”
The words tumble out of him and I gulp. Panic rises up in my throat. I knew this would happen. I knew things would get real and he would run—
“Daddy, I need more juice please!” Mabel calls.
“Coming, buddy,” he says, his eyes still on mine. Cole drops his lips to my cheek, kissing me like he would a friend. “Look, I’m on no sleep and I have a lot of shit to sort out today.” He’s talking to me but glancing at the clock on the wall. There is hesitation in his every action this morning, just as there was last night—even in the way he moves to brush the hair off my forehead and kiss me there.
“I’ve got to go,” he says, squeezing my hand, and I feel his angst in his touch.
I nod, not knowing what to say, and discovering that all my resolve to make him tell me exactly what’s going on has somehow gone out the window. He gives me one last look before grabbing Mabel’s juice and taking it to her. And then he’s gone.
I hear the door close behind him and I lean on the counter, placing my head in my hands. Gemma’s words play through my mind. But it’s not just Gemma’s words that I remember; it’s CeCe and Liv’s too.
Could I have been completely, and utterly, wrong about Cole? Panic rises in my gut. I should’ve thought this through more. But the way I felt, the way we felt together. It was perfect.
I spin around and look out the back window to the pool beyond, contemplating how I let this happen. How I let myself fall madly, crazily, insanely in love with Cole Ashby. All I can do is hope I’m wrong about what’s going on in his head, because if I’m not, I have no idea how I’m getting out of this with my heart intact.
“Can I have another muffin?” Mabel says, startling me as she stands in the doorway.
I turn to her and smile. “You’re hungry this morning.”
“I had a tummy ache last night. Daddy stayed with me,” she explains. My eyebrows raise up.
Oh .
“Is your tummy all better now?” I ask.
“Yes. Sometimes it hurts when I’m nervous,” she says, looking down and twiddling her fingers.
“Do you want to talk about why you’re nervous?” I ask, pulling another blueberry muffin from the package from Spicer’s Sweets. She looks up at me, her amber eyes full of honesty and way too much maturity.
“I like when you’re here and …’ she starts, then looks at the backyard. “Our tomatoes are so big …”
Her bottom lip starts to quiver. My heart.
I immediately set down the muffin in my hand and go to her, crouching down and putting my arms around her. My heart shatters into a million pieces and I squeeze her tight.
“Listen, sweet girl—me and you?” I say, pushing the hair off her forehead to look at her properly. “We’ve become good friends, haven’t we?”
She nods and winds her little fingers in my hair like she did the night we came back from the cottage. It’s a comfort thing, I’m sure.
“You’re my best girl, and no matter what happens, when those tomatoes are ready to be picked, you’re still going to see me all the time, okay?” I tell her with a sense of certainty I’m not sure I feel. “Because if I didn’t see you, I’d miss you way too much.”
I tweak her chin and she nods and smiles at me.
“Okay. Will you still see Daddy?” she asks. “Will you miss him too?”
“Of course I will,” I tell her. I squeeze her again. “Now, let’s eat. We’ve gotta fight those thorny bushes and make some jam.”
I tickle her and she giggles, knowing how hard it is to pick all those berries without getting pricked by the thorns.
We get ourselves dressed and I remind Mabel to put on pants as opposed to shorts to avoid getting poked. I grab our clippers, tossing them with gloves for both of us into a couple of baskets, and we head out into the yard.
The sun is already warm and there is a light breeze as we move through Cole’s yard. Mabel skips ahead of me and picks a few wildflowers that have seeded from our garden into the grass and pops them into her basket for pressing. Two bunnies munch on clover in the corner of the yard and don’t move when we pass them, and Mabel does her best tiptoeing so as not to scare them. I smile at her; she’s so carefree, so happy. I hope this is the way she’ll always be. Worry knots in my stomach at the thought of leaving her and heading back to my own place in less than a month. How am I supposed to pretend I haven’t fallen in love with her too?
Mabel is animated with chatter as we drive to the big house; her morning nerves are long forgotten and, when we pull into the driveway leading to Silver Pines, I breathe out a sigh of relief the way I do every time I come here. In a lot of ways, this ranch was like my home when I was younger. Unlike my own parents’ house, it was a place of no judgment. A place where parents just loved their kids. A lot of the time it was like the entire place ran on laughter and inappropriate humor.
I look at Mabel in the rearview mirror. She’s watching the horses out of her window and I smile at the beautiful scene that surrounds us. Ivy and Wade are sitting at a picnic table near Silver Pine’s largest breaking pen, eating their lunch. A thick brush of trees sways in the distance and, just beyond them, I see Rowan McCoy working with Wade’s derby horse Angel’s Wings. Ivy is so pregnant she looks like she may burst any moment as she kicks her sandals off and runs her feet through the cool grass. I’m guessing she’s uncomfortable in the summer heat. But even so, she’s beautiful and manages a little smile and a wave to us as we drive by them and up the extra few hundred feet to the big house.
“There’s my girl,” Jo calls, coming into the foyer in shorts and an old Shania t-shirt of CeCe’s. Her long blondish-gray hair is in a big bun tied up with a scarf. Mabel hands her a jar of our jam and Jo takes it like it’s the most precious gift she’s ever received. She looks down at the label stuck on the top: “ Daddy’s Girls Jam ” and the year. Mabel wrote everything herself.
Jo’s eyes meet mine in question but she says nothing.
“I can’t wait to eat it, Daddy’s girls! Let’s pop it open and put it on some biscuits,” she exclaims, her eyes moving back to Mabel.
What am I doing?
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out.
IVY
Saw the news. Just letting you know my house is a safe space as a nonrelated member of the Ashby clan, and I’ve always got chocolate.
I laugh before replying.
I just might take you up on that soon.
IVY
Anytime, girl. I’ll be here folding little clothes and waiting for this baby to stop kicking me in the ribs.
I smile and put my phone in my pocket, hating how much I wished that it was Cole texting me, cracking some joke or sending a dirty message. Anything that will tell me everything is fine between us.
“Let’s put these snacks together, and I’ve got all your bracelet-making stuff out back darlin’,” Jo says to Mabel.
“Will you make a bracelet with me?” Mabel asks, looking up at me hopefully. I tuck a rogue strand of hair behind her ear, feeling the need to be close to her. The same way she seems to feel about me.
“I don’t know how.”
“I’ll show you.” She smiles and takes my hand, leading me into the yard.
“Constantly looking at your phone isn’t going to make that call come any faster,” Jo says, nodding at me as I struggle my way through making my bracelet. I’m probably failing because I’m trying my best to copy Mabel while simultaneously looking to see if Cole has messaged me. I glance down to read my screen.
WARDEN
Hearing how upset you were last night showed me what I’ve been doing wrong, Ginger. I let my work consume me and put it before you and your mother. I have no excuse other than that the pressure of this job is unfathomable to anyone on the outside.
Why have you never told me how you feel?
We need to talk, when you have time. Please call me.
And I was wrong to judge your sheriff. I can see he really cares about you.
That gets my attention.
WARDEN
I only want what’s best for you. I am a proud man, but I can admit when I’m wrong.
Who is this really?
I smile, and experience a flicker of hope that he might have actually listened to me last night. Finally.
WARDEN
Just a dad who isn’t perfect.
Can we have lunch next week? Just the two of us?
Of course.
I breathe out a sigh as I turn my focus back to my bracelet. My dad’s apology doesn’t change everything between us, but it’s a start.
I reflect on the way my father has tried to control every choice I’ve ever made, every friend I’ve ever had. The way he talks to everyone around him, his staff, even my mother sometimes. As if they’re almost beneath him. It’s how he treats me too, the only difference being that he calls me “darling” or “ bella ” when he pushes me toward all the places and people in my world that are right for him but not for me.
Cole encouraging me to say how I feel has made me grow more powerful. He’s pushed me to take my place, wherever that is and however it may be received by those around me, including Edward Danforth.
With Cole and Mabel, in the most unlikely situation this summer, I’ve felt needed, trusted, wanted for exactly who I am. And honestly? It’s the closest thing to true love I’ve ever felt.
Our arrangement is up in a few weeks, but I don’t want to leave. And like anything else I’ve ever wanted, I know I have to take the bull by the horns and tell him how I feel. If we’re going to crash and burn, at least I’ll know I did my best to give us a real shot.
“See, you wrap this piece over the top of these other two strands,” Mabel says beside me, pulling me from my thoughts and teaching me how to make the simplest bracelet in her kit.
“I only have one other strand,” I say, holding my wonky bracelet up in defeat. Jo and Mabel laugh.
“No, darlin’,” Jo says, eyeing what I’m doing. She scoots over beside me, reaching down to my bracelet and comparing it to hers. “Here’s your problem,” she says, and her eyes meet mine before taking my bracelet into her hands. “See, you’ve got this one little strand here and two here. You need to weave them into each other.”
She crosses the one through the other two, repeating the action a few times before I get the hang of it. Mabel munches happily on our delicious, still slightly warm jam on toasted homestyle biscuits.
“You were missing a step. Leaving your one lonely little strand out there on its own,” Jo says, taking a bite of her own biscuit. “You can’t make anything strong like that, honey. Three strands together make an unbreakable cord, much better than one can make on its own.”
She winks and smiles at me. Suddenly, I feel like I’m no longer taking bracelet advice. Maybe CeCe is right—maybe this woman really does know everything.
“Makes perfect sense,” I say.
“What do we have here?” Wade calls as he makes his way out the patio door.
“Uncle Wade! Try my jam!” Mabel squeals, picking up a jam-covered biscuit and handing it to him. He eyes up the label before taking a bite.
“Who is the Daddy’s Girls Jam company?” he asks as he chews. “I’d like to invest.”
Mabel giggles. “Me and Ginger and Daddy. That’s our team.”
“Sounds like a pretty solid team,” Wade says with a small smile.
Jo pats my shoulder then scoots back to the other side of the picnic table. “I thought so too. And you know, sometimes all a team needs to be the very best at something is a leader to steer them in the right direction,” she says, though she doesn’t look at me this time. She doesn’t need to. I understand every word.
I smile and weave myself a perfect bracelet as Mabel shows Wade how to make one for himself.
“I’ll be the leader,” Mabel says as she concentrates on her bracelet.
“Then you’ll be the best team there is,” Wade says, his eyes on me. I flash a grin at him from across the table.
Suddenly, a little sun, some homemade jam and a bracelet-making session has affirmed everything I already knew.
I’m not a teenager anymore, and I want this life with Cole and Mabel. And as scary as it is to have this conversation with Cole and risk changing us forever, I’m going to do it, whether Cole’s ready or not. Because I’ll be ready enough for both of us.