5. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
The front door opened then clicked closed. Owen could hear Sebastian rustling around in the hall, and looked up from his computer screen, waiting for Sebastian to appear. After a moment or two, his footsteps could be heard padding up the hall and he popped his head around the doorway.
“Morning, sweets.” Sebastian, dressed in sweats, held up a white paper bag with a familiar logo on the side. “I’ve got croissants.”
Sebastian disappeared in the direction of the kitchen, and Owen pushed back his chair to follow. His chest filled with warmth, more at the use of the shortened endearment he hadn’t heard for a while than the prospect of the sweet pastries, even though his appetite appreciated the gesture. Ever since Sebastian had discovered Owen’s sweet tooth, he’d teased him mercilessly for his love of sugar, giving him the nickname but indulging him with sweet treats on a semi-regular basis.
“How was your run?” Owen asked as he made them both coffee, dropping the capsules into the machine and waiting for the cups to fill.
“Not as much fun as it would have been if you’d been with me,” Sebastian said, and Owen glanced up to see the hint of sadness in his eyes.
Once upon a time, a morning jog was how they’d started their weekday. Together. Jogging wasn’t Owen’s favourite pastime, but he had loved the time with Sebastian. They’d discussed everything under the sun until they were too breathless to do more than run side by side then stop for coffee or breakfast. Now, more often than not, Sebastian started his day with a run while Owen started his by checking his email.
“I’m sorry. I had an order to sort out first thing this morning.” The lie made him feel queasy, but admitting he wasn’t up to the exercise was somehow worse. He forced an upbeat tone. “You know how some customers can be.”
The guilt doubled as Sebastian leaned across to grab a knife from the cutlery drawer and placed a kiss on Owen’s cheek at the same time.
“That’s okay, I understand. I still missed you, though. The music playlist, as good as it is, is no substitute for our morning chats. But at least we can catch up now, over breakfast.”
Sebastian picked up the plates with the croissants and juggled a dish of butter and a jar of strawberry jam, carrying it all to the sunroom. The room had been a verandah when they’d first moved in, open to the temperamental Hobart weather, but they’d enclosed it with glass, making the room the ideal place to catch the early morning sun’s rays. It was their favourite place to spend the early hours of the day, especially on cooler mornings.
Owen joined Sebastian at the table with the cups of freshly brewed coffee and they ate quietly for a while. The scent of coffee filled the room, and the sun was warm on his back. Happiness and a sense of peace settled in Owen’s chest as he watched Sebastian lick a blob of the bright red jam from his thumb. Owen might be the one with the sweet tooth, but Sebastian seemed to enjoy the pastries just as much. Once Sebastian had devoured a croissant, and drunk half his coffee, he sat back and studied Owen, Owen’s sense of happiness waning. He knew that look—Sebastian’s dark eyes serious, as he searched Owen for… For what? Signs he wasn’t recovering as fast as he hoped?
“How did you sleep last night, sweets?”
And there was that endearment again. Now it grated as if Sebastian was using it just because he was raising a topic he knew Owen didn’t want to talk about. I don’t need buttering up.
Owen stiffened. His grip on the handle of his coffee cup tightened and the dark liquid slopped onto the polished timber surface of the dining table. Sebastian reached out with a napkin and sopped it up, his gaze never leaving Owen. Owen made a conscious effort to place the cup on the table without spilling any more coffee.
“I slept fine.”
Sebastian stared. He watched Owen, unblinking, his gaze piercing. Owen consciously tried not to squirm under the scrutiny.
“Uh… I… I did wake a couple of times in the middle of the night—“
“I knew—“
“But I wasn’t awake for long,” Owen rushed to fill in. “So all in all, it was an okay night’s sleep.”
“You don’t have to hide—“
“I’m not hiding.” Owen pushed his chair back and stood. “I slept fine.” He picked up the coffee mug and turned towards the kitchen.
“The doctor said—“
Owen spun around. “For God’s sake, I know what the doctor said. I was there.” His tone was snappy, and he instantly regretted the words. Sebastian didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. Again.
Owen placed his cup back on the table and knelt at Sebastian’s feet. “I’m sorry.”
Sebastian reached out, laying his palm on Owen’s cheek. He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes for a moment before meeting Sebastian’s gaze again. “I know you are, Owen. I’m sorry too. Sorry you feel you can’t talk to me.”
Owen fought back the urge to look away. As much as he hated talking about his health, and admitting he wasn’t one hundred percent, Sebastian deserved the truth. He took a deep breath before speaking, Sebastian’s touch encouraging the honesty. “You’re right,” he finally said. “I did have a bad night. Every time I rolled over, the pain in my shoulder woke me. Then I couldn’t get comfortable so falling back to sleep was hard, so I tossed and turned for a while. I guess the lack of sleep makes me a bit grumpy in the mornings.”
“Thank you.” Sebastian’s smile was gentle, his eyes warm, as he stroked his thumb along Owen’s jaw. “I know it’s hard for you to open up—“
“I don’t like complaining.”
“It’s not complaining when I ask how you’re doing. I want to know. I want to help. Are you sure you shouldn’t be taking the medication again, if only to help you sleep?”
Owen rose and sat back in his seat. “I hate taking those pills.”
“But surely a good night’s sleep will help. The doctor warned that the chronic pain and sleep disturbance could affect you mentally, and I don’t like to see you suffering.”
Owen tried to look positive, not letting the depression show—because that’s what it was. He knew the combination of pain and lack of sleep was impacting the way he was feeling. He just didn’t want Sebastian to see how much. “I really am doing a lot better, babe. I promise you. I have bad days and good days, but the bad days are getting a lot less.”
“I still think maybe we should push for the surgery. Sooner rather than later.”
Owen nodded. “The doctor wanted to give it a couple of months, but I’ll talk to him right after Christmas. I promise.”
Owen felt a lot better when Sebastian smiled and relaxed. He could almost see the stress fading, the stiffness leaving his shoulders, as Sebastian settled back into his seat.
“All right, I’ll stop hassling you,” Sebastian said, his mouth turning up at the sides, and his eyes crinkling. “For now.”
Owen breathed a sigh of relief, even though he knew they’d have this discussion again in the future. He broke off a piece of croissant and loaded the buttery pastry with a huge spoonful of sticky jam. The sweet goodness on his tongue, the sunshine through the window, and the smile on Sebastian’s face was enough for now.