4. Lenni
FOUR
lenni
“Okay, how about this one?” I hold up a fire-engine red minidress to my body.
Jade looks up from the rack of jeans she’s combing through and groans. “Oh my god, Red . Get over it!”
We laugh, attracting the attention of the salesgirl tagging secondhand T-shirts a few feet away. Her eyes linger on Jade, whose hair color du jour is baby blue. “Is that a no?” I ask.
Jade takes the dress from my hands and places it back on the rack. “Unless Reeve is taking you to a rave for your first date, that’s a hard pass.”
“Please. I don’t think Reeve does dates.”
“True. And if he did, it would be something totally unoriginal like dinner and a movie. I mean, calling you Red? Seriously? So lame.”
We both know she’s right, just like we both know I secretly swoon over said lame nickname. Therefore, I choose to say nothing.
Jade eyes me. “Okay, what exactly are we doing here? You want something short, tight, or otherwise sexy, my closet’s the place to go.”
We’re in my favorite consignment store—my favorite because it’s basically the only place I can afford to shop and because the owner always gives me a heads-up when a cool band tee comes in. And I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing here except trying to find the perfect clothes to transform me into whoever it is I seem to be turning into.
“I wish,” I tell Jade. “You know my ass wouldn’t fit into anything you own.”
“Reminds me, I need to try your lower body routine.” Jade runs a hand absently over her butt. “But for real, what are we doing here?”
“Finding an outfit for the football party.”
“If Reeve was worth a damn, he’d like your boyish style.”
“I thought you were excited to help me shop outside the men’s section.”
“I am! I fully support your newfound body confidence and your style and all of it. I especially support you finally having a crush, I’m just wondering why it has to be him.” Who knows the exact moment Jade decided she hates Reeve Dalton, but if she ever changes her mind, hell will freeze over. Jade’s decisiveness is almost as admirable as it is frightening.
“It doesn’t have to be him,” I tell her. “It just is. He’s the one that stoked the feeling. That’s all.”
I poke through the clothing rack again, starting to hate what this crush is becoming. It began as just a feeling: The feeling of being invisible all my life and then, without warning, finding the attention of the most wanted guy on campus concentrated entirely on me. Who wouldn’t crave more?
“You know what I think?” Jade’s green eyes flare. “I think you just like the attention.”
I sort faster through the hangers.
“You do!” Jade declares. “I can’t believe it, but you do! Two-plus years of living together and I’m finally rubbing off on you.”
I bite back a smile. I’ve never liked attention, especially from guys, which worked out beautifully because I rarely got any. And it’s only now that I’m basking in the glow of Reeve Dalton’s gaze that I have to acknowledge how crappy it is that I used to feel superior to girls who got off on male attention. “Maybe I do,” I admit. “In small doses and from certain people.”
“And Reeve is certain people because he said you look good in red?” She curls her lip like she finds this repulsive.
“He said he’d never seen me in that color before and I should wear it more often.” I’ve already told her this story, but stuff like this never happens to me, so she’s going to hear it again. “Which means he’s been watching me long enough to notice what I wear.”
“Because he sees all women as prey. A hunter can describe a deer’s coat color in fine detail, I’m sure.”
“He was nice to me before the red top.”
“When?”
“First day of class. I was late, almost every spot was filled, and he took his backpack off the seat next to him so I could sit down.”
“Whoa, basic human decency? You’re right, that is impressive for a dog.”
I sigh. Trying to change Jade’s mind is a waste of time. Besides, she’s probably right. Reeve might have manners, but he wouldn’t have looked at me twice if not for the fact that one morning, liking what my weightlifting routine had done to my body, I took a risk and wore the only tight shirt I own to class.
“You are so far above that fool it’s not even funny,” Jade can’t help but add.
“I never said I was planning on doing anything with him. I’m only talking about how he makes me feel.”
“Which is what?”
“Like I’m one of those girls: fun, easygoing, knows how to have a good time.”
“I don’t think you want Reeve to consider you a girl who knows how to have a good time.” She gives me a meaningful look.
“Why? You’re usually a cheerleader for casual hookups.”
“Because you don’t do casual sex. You don’t do casual anything.”
“That’s the problem. Flirting with this guy for a few minutes before class is the most exciting thing I’ve done as a college junior. Maybe I need more casual sex. Or casual something in my life.”
A slow, conspiratorial smile spreads over her face. “I remember you. You’re that girl who used her bra to sling water balloons at unsuspecting guys from the top floor of our dorm the first week of college.”
I smile at the memory of spending the first month of freshman year carefree and optimistic. I chalk it up to being drunk on freedom and false hope for turning my life around in every conceivable way. You meet one amazing person when you arrive at college and it’s easy to start thinking like that. But I shake it off. “That’s not me anymore.”
“Oh, come on. You can plan your future and worry about your family and still blow off steam once in a while. All I’m saying is ease into it. I mean, when’s the last time you even kissed someone? Freshman year?”
“No way! It was this year.”
“When?” Jade narrows her feline eyes like she’s zeroing in on prey. Why did I even open my mouth?
“January.” I turn away and feign interest in a table full of costume jewelry.
Jade follows me. “January first, you mean?”
“I guess.”
“January first at 12:01 a.m.?” She laughs. “At the New Year’s party where everyone had to kiss whoever was standing closest to them at midnight? Lenni! I bet you didn’t even use tongue!”
“A kiss is a kiss.”
She shakes her head. “Not with Reeve Dalton. I guarantee a kiss leads to getting naked with him. What if he asks you to spend the night on Saturday?”
I don’t tell her about the text Reeve sent me earlier, the one suggesting I stay over Saturday night after the party and promising he’ll make me a mind-blowing plate of French toast the next morning. Before I share that with Jade, I need to figure out why, after the initial thrill of reading those words, I’ve felt nothing but anxiety ever since.
“I might not even go to the party.” I sigh. “Look, I’m just enjoying this crush for what it is. I haven’t let myself have fun with a guy like this...ever.”
Her eyes soften. “Who could blame you? You’ve been through a lot.”
I look away and nod. I trust Jade more than anyone in the world, but I hate talking about my past. “I need to force myself to move on.”
“Force yourself? I don’t think so.” Jade reaches out to squeeze my hand. “But I get what you’re saying. You should have your fun and not have to worry about defining it...yet.”
“I sense a ‘but’ coming on.”
“But Reeve Dalton isn’t relationship material. Just FYI.”
“Please. A relationship is the last thing I want, especially not with some athlete.”
“All right, I’ll lay off you. But I reserve the right to gag every time I hear him call you Red.” Jade’s phone chirps. “Oh, god,” she says as she reads the text. “Sam has lost his damn mind.”
“What?”
“You know how he keeps track of everything? Apparently today is the anniversary of our first date.” She holds up her phone to show the picture her boyfriend sent, which features the two of them leaning in close. She rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling.
“Aww. I remember that night.” Jade had been unenthusiastic and on the verge of canceling, having only said yes to a date because she was in a dry spell. But by the time she came home that night, she was practically in love. “So what did he get you this time? A hot-pink Maserati?” Sam is a masterful and generous gift giver.
“He says he’s treating me and a friend—obviously you—to a spa day on Saturday. Ooh, he must have a Design, Build, Fly meeting. Those always go for hours.”
“That’s really sweet.”
“He’s so cheesy,” Jade says, her voice brimming with affection. Sam is cheesy sometimes, but he’s also the perfect boyfriend. Our friends love to give Jade and Sam crap for having such a picture-perfect romance, but I think they’re the sweetest. Who doesn’t dream of having the kind of love you never need to question? “So what should I book? Massages and manis?”
I shake my head. “I’m covering the volleyball game on Saturday.”
“Girl, aren’t you tired of saying yes to every damn thing your editors ask you to do?”
“The fact that they’re asking me to do more is a good sign. Did I tell you Darren liked my volleyball article?”
“Of course he did. You’re such a good writer even I enjoyed reading it. I’m telling you, if those fools don’t make you an editor by spring, I’m burning down the newsroom.”
“Thanks, that’ll definitely help me achieve my goals!”
“Yeah, yeah. Achieve this, Darren.” Jade throws up her middle finger. “Anyway, I’ll tell Sam we’ll do the salon thing Sunday instead.”
“No, don’t change it for me. Take Madison, she could use the pampering.” Our friend, Madison, is fresh off a devastating breakup. “Besides, I’d just end up picking off the nail polish an hour later.”
Jade makes a sad face. “I’ll miss you.”
“Tell you what, let’s get breakfast Saturday morning and you can help me agonize some more over what to wear to the party.” I quickly add, “If I go.”
“Deal. But you know it’s not your outfit you need to figure out.”
I know, I know.
A guy like Reeve has plenty to offer a girl that doesn’t include a relationship. I’m just not sure that girl is me.