Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Blair
I woke up in an unfamiliar room, a warm body beside me. I snuggled into the warmth, remembering who I was with. She must’ve carried me all the way to the back room in the middle of the night.
I felt tender arms wrap around me, and I melted into the embrace. I wanted to continue waking up in Drea’s arms. She made me feel safe and secure. She made me feel like she would always be there to protect me from anything.
“Mmm, good morning, beautiful.” A sleepy Drea smiled at me and kissed my forehead softly.
“Good morning, sleepy head. Did you carry me back here last night?”
She shrugged. “You fell asleep on the couch, and I didn’t want to wake you to take you home, but I also didn’t want you sleeping on that hard couch. So I brought you back here to the bed. I’m sorry. I should have slept in my office.”
I frowned. “What? Are you crazy? No, this was—” My phone interrupted me, and I cursed when I saw it was Cara calling.
“Shit, I better take this. I’m sorry.”
She kissed me gently. “Don’t be sorry, love. I’ll be right here when you get back.”
I groaned, not wanting to get out of our warm bubble.
“Hey, Cara.” I cleared my throat, trying not to sound guilty of anything. “What’s up?”
“Hey, doll. What are you doing? You sound like you just woke up or had sex.”
I let out an embarrassing sound somewhere between a choked laugh and a squeal. “Sex?! What? No, don’t be ridiculous. I wasn’t having sex… I just woke up.” It wasn’t a lie, so why did I have to make it sound like one? Play it cool, B!
“Are you okay? You sound off? I just wanted to see if you were free next weekend for lunch. I know Drea has a wedding to go to, so I thought we could have a meeting to finalize a few things for the book signing and talk about your next book. I also want to catch up with my best friend. I feel like it’s been forever, and I miss you. ”
I looked over at Drea, who was looking so peaceful as she snuggled in the bed. “I miss you, too, Cara. Next weekend?” Drea looked up at me and tilted her head. “I can’t, I’m sorry. I’m going out of town… family thing. How about the following week?”
“Sure, that sounds good. I’ll call you with the details later. Get some more rest. You sound tired. Love you, doll.”
I smiled nervously. “Love you, too.”
I sat down on the bed and groaned, covering my face. The bed shifted, and I felt a soothing hand drawing sweet circles on my back. “What’s wrong, darling?”
I turned to her. “I hate this, Drea. I hate lying to her. She’s my best friend, and I’m hiding one of the most…”
I hesitated for a second. I almost admitted to Drea that she was the most important thing in my life. Last night, I’d told her I knew I wouldn’t be the last woman she had in her bed. It broke my heart in half, and part of me wanted her to disagree, but it was silly to expect her to.
Drea was not someone to be tied down to one person. I tried very hard not to think about what would happen when she left. Who her lips had been on. Who had been touching her or getting sweet moments like these. It wasn’t any of my business, and I shouldn’t be caring about those things.
“I mean… hiding the most fun I have had in a very long time. I can’t wait to be done with the signing.”
She wrapped me in a tight hug, and all my worries drifted away and were replaced with the feeling of being with her. “I know, I can’t wait either. It hasn’t been easy hiding you from her or my friends.”
I forced myself to get up and gather my things. I couldn’t stay in this moment forever, no matter how much I wanted to.
“I better go before Kaia gets here. Call you later?”
She kissed me so softly. I wanted to forget everything and fall back into bed with her. “You better.”
As I left the bookstore, I realized something that caused me to stop in the middle of the sidewalk. I was falling for Drea Voss, and I was falling hard…
“Come on, brain!”
When I got home, I locked myself in my office and started writing. Well, I tried to start writing, but nothing came out. For three hours, I sat at my desk and… nothing.
I was ready to pull my hair out. I texted Drea to vent about my writer’s block, but her only suggestion was to offer a way to… massage the block out of my hand. Which in turn made me lose even more focus because I started thinking about what that would look like… and I almost said yes.
Writer’s block was a normal part of writing, and I knew that.
I had been struggling for years, but I thought it would get better.
The more I wrote, I thought the less it would happen, but boy was I wrong.
It made imposter syndrome a bitch to deal with, and being on the best-seller list hadn’t made it any easier.
If anything, there was even more pressure to produce amazing quality books.
After another forty-five minutes of just staring at my computer screen, willing the words to appear, I finally shut it down and walked away. I needed a break. I needed something else to occupy the space in my brain, and hopefully in the process, make space for new ideas to form.
Sighing in defeat, I turned off my office light and left the room. I knew the perfect thing that would put me in a better mood.
The first time I showed Drea my… rather unconventional hobby, I expected her to laugh at me as Cara had. Instead, she simply kissed my temple and smiled brightly. “The most old lady hobby to exist, but still very you.”
I headed out to the backyard, where I had a gnome garden set up. My grandmother used to be obsessed with gnomes, and the hobby kind of stuck with me.
A Japanese maple tree guarded the garden.
I had carefully pruned it so the canopy fanned out to create a shaded area.
The leaves constantly changed colors throughout the seasons, beginning with a deep purple color, then green at the height of summer, and bright orange and yellow in the fall before being bare in the long winter.
Looking closer at the ground, I could see small stone paths, about two inches wide, carefully laid out, leading in several directions.
Following the path to the right, I noticed the small mushroom-shaped house surrounded by a white picket fence.
Moss and dark beach pebbles surrounded the tiny house.
On the miniature garden bench sat a gnome and a honeybee, each holding teacups.
Looking left, I noticed two more gnomes that needed to be moved further out from the bleeding hearts so they could survey their little world.
I carefully moved the two girl gnomes underneath the little white gazebo that had once been a small birdcage.
One of the gnomes was particularly special to me.
She had a light-pink hat with white hearts all around, and her dress was the same shade of pink with white frills at the bottom.
I had inherited her from my grandmother and rightfully named her Mellie.
She was her favorite, and growing up, I saw her take extra special care of her.
I never learned why she was so special to her, but it didn’t matter anymore.
She was now my favorite. Whenever I needed to talk to someone, I’d pick up Mellie and go sit somewhere and talk.
I settled down with Mellie under the maple tree like I had countless times over the years. “Hey, Gran. I know, it’s been a while. I’m sorry about that. Work has been hectic, but that’s no excuse.” I could already feel the tears coming, but I pushed them back.
I always got like this whenever I talked to my grandmother. She had been such an important part of my life, and I would come out here to talk to her about anything and everything. Whenever something was going on in my life, Gran was the first person to know about it.
I settled further against the tree and took a deep breath. “Things are going pretty great right now. I’ve been writing almost nonstop and spending a lot of time getting ready for this book signing. Cara is still amazing, and…” I trailed off, my thoughts instantly going to Drea.
My grandmother was very familiar with Drea and our history.
I had come out to this tree to complain about her so many times, but afterward, I always felt better.
It was as if the shade of the tree was her way of comforting me from beyond.
Like the shadows were her hands caressing my shoulders, letting me know it would all be okay.
I knew it sounded silly, but it calmed me to think about it.
“There’s a new development in my life, Gran. You won’t believe it. You remember Drea, the bookstore owner? So, our… rivalry, I guess you could call it, it’s kind of over. We’ve been…” What should I even say? We’d been dating? I definitely wouldn’t be using the words fucking or having sex.
“I think I’m falling in love with her, Gran.
I know, it sounds… crazy. Believe me, I feel crazy just thinking about it.
It hasn’t even been that long. I don’t know how it happened, to be honest. We had a horrible first meeting, as always, but after that?
I started to see beneath her icy layers, and eventually, I wanted to see more.
I won’t give you all the glorious details, but I’m happy.
For the first time since… they died, I’m truly happy. ”
At that point, the tears found their way out, and I just let them fall.
It had been so long since I lost both my parents and my grandmother, but the wound was still fresh.
I knew I had my brother, but he wasn’t as close as I would’ve liked him to be, and I still felt alone.
Except when I was with Drea. With Drea, I felt safe, secure, seen.
“You would like her. She’s quite the looker, as you’d say, and she has the biggest heart.
The way she took care of me when we had a bad storm would’ve made you happy.
And did I mention she’s British? You know that’s my weakness.
Oh, and I’ll be flying out to see Chris and the twins soon.
It’ll be their birthday. Ten years old, can you believe it?
I can’t either.” I laughed. “I wish you could be here to see them grow up. I love you, Gran, and I miss you like crazy. I wish you were here with me.” I kissed Mellie and placed her back safely, wiping the tears from my face.
I went back inside, feeling a little sad but a little more motivated to write.