Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Blair
Screwed. I was completely screwed. There was no other way to put it. I was so in love with Drea. There was nothing else to call it, and I couldn’t tell her.
I was too scared she wouldn’t feel the same way. That was not how Drea lived her life. She didn’t settle down with one person. Even in her last relationship, she couldn't commit. She loved, but she couldn’t be in love. I knew she cared for me, but how deep did that run?
I didn’t want to think about it anymore, so I slipped out of bed before I got too comfortable and let the words slip out.
She was still sleeping soundly when I left, and she looked so perfect I didn’t want to wake her. Instead, I grabbed my notebook and a pen and headed to the patio.
I always carried a notebook if I didn’t have my laptop in case inspiration struck. Her patio was enclosed, so I could feel like I was outside without actually being outside.
I had wasted about two sheets of paper by the time Drea came out. I was trying out ideas for a title, and they were all terrible.
I warmed when I felt soft lips on the side of my neck and smelled the delicious scent of coffee. “Mmm, good morning.” I turned into her waiting lips.
She kissed me softly, and I wanted to melt into her touch. “Good morning, sweetheart. What are you working on?” She sat the coffee down, and I scooted over on the couch so she could sit.
“I’m working on a title, but so far I have nothing.” I groaned and snuggled into her warm body. She had put on some plaid pajama pants and a tank top before she’d come out.
“I know you’ll find one you love. Do you want me to leave you to it?” She got up to leave, but I stopped her.
“No!” I squeezed her tighter so she couldn’t leave. “I need a break, anyway.” I looked up at her, and she smiled.
“Okay, then.” She kissed my forehead.
My smile fell as I whispered, “Please don’t leave me.” I hoped she picked up on the meaning behind my words.
Don’t leave me out here. Don’t leave me for someone else…
“Blair, I’m not going anywhere, okay?” I snuggled deeper into her embrace, wanting to believe her words.
I sat there for another hour, trying and still failing to think of a good title, before my alarm went off, reminding me of my meeting with Cara.
After Drea insisted on helping me take a shower, I called a car to take me to Cara’s. I was thankful she wanted to stay in today and not go to some fancy restaurant.
The past few days with Drea had expended more than enough energy, and I was exhausted, but in the best way. I’d never complain about being too tired from spending time with her or having way too much sex.
Cara was already out on her porch when I pulled up, and I was grateful we didn’t track each other’s locations.
“Hey, doll!” She waved to me as I paid the driver and headed up the driveway.
My steps quickened until I was basically sprinting to give her a hug. I had missed her. “Hey, I’m sorry I’m late.”
I would’ve gotten there sooner if Drea hadn’t “helped” me in the shower. I had to learn to control myself around her. One look at her naked body, one lick of her lips, and I was against the wall, coming and screaming her name.
“God, I’ve missed you, doll! I feel like it’s been way too long since we’ve had a chance to spend some time together without work!” Cara’s voice broke me from my horny thoughts, and I shook my head, bringing myself back to the moment.
I had to agree. The past few months had been crazy busy for both of us, and while I loved my job, I missed my best friend.
“I know! What’s been going on with you outside of work? Today is a no-work day!”
She laughed, leading us to her couch. “Well, I’ve been going on a few dates, but nothing too exciting.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Am I trying too hard?
Am I looking in the wrong places? I feel like all I do is go on dates, but I don’t date, you know?
” Her smile fell, and I reached over to place a comforting hand on her arm.
“I’m sorry, Car. I don’t think you’re trying too hard or looking in the wrong places at all.
You’re doing what everyone else does. You’ll find your person, I’m sure of it.
If you’re feeling lost or frustrated about it, then maybe it’s time for a break?
They say once you stop looking, that’s when you find what you need.
” I shrugged, but it was true. At least for me.
Once I stopped trying to find someone in bars or on dating apps, that was when I found Drea, although she was right there all along and I just didn’t see her.
She exhaled sharply. “Maybe you’re right. It’s getting to be exhausting, and I’ve been feeling deflated about it all. Maybe I should focus more on my career for a while. Anyway, enough about me, I want to talk about you. Your life is more exciting than mine. How was your trip? How’s Chris?”
I snorted. “You think my life is exciting? That’s sad. And what trip? Chris is fine.” I gave her a confused look.
“Your trip out of town? You said there was a family thing and that’s why you couldn’t hang out.”
Shit. I had completely forgotten about that. I should’ve known she would bring it up. “Oh. Yeah, Chris is good. He just needed help with the boys,” I lied. I hated lying to her more, but I couldn’t tell her where I really was.
“Right. Is everything okay with you? You’ve been acting kind of weird for a while.”
“I’m fine. I’ve just been, you know, writing and preparing for the book signing. You know how I get when I work with Drea.”
I really hoped she would drop it. I honestly didn’t think I was acting any different, and I didn’t think she would’ve called me out on it if I was. She was always so busy with work and trying to find her person that I honestly hadn’t thought she was paying much attention to me at all these days.
“You guys seem to be getting along better these days, huh? Especially at our movie night. She saved you from falling? Months ago she probably would’ve been the one to push you down herself.”
I laughed nervously. “Uh, yeah, probably.”
“So, how are things going with your mystery date? Are you going to tell me who it is yet? When do I get to meet her? Or him? I feel like I don’t know you these days, Blair.”
She looked sad, and I was so tempted to tell her everything, but I was scared. I didn’t want to do it without Drea with me, and I didn’t know how she would react. I decided to give her a little something.
“Things are still fresh, but you’ll meet her soon, I promise. I don’t want to jinx anything with us right now. I’m sorry I’ve been acting so weird. The signing will be over soon, and then it’ll be time for our recharge vacations.” I smiled, hoping she would believe me.
I sighed in relief when she seemed to. “Good. I want to meet her, Blair, and I’m serious! I understand things are new for you, and I don’t want to ruin your happiness. That’s all I want for you. You’re my best friend and I love you. I’m looking forward to a much-needed break.”
I stood up and gave her a hug. “I love you too, Cara. I’m sorry if I haven’t been a good friend lately.”
“Oh, honey. You’ve been a great friend, as always. I just want to meet the woman who makes your eyes sparkle when I bring it up. I haven’t seen you this happy since Gwen, and I want to know who is responsible.”
My chest tightened at the mention of my ex. I hadn’t heard that name in over six years. After we’d broken up, she’d moved to Montana, and I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since, and I had no plans to. Even before I met Drea, that chapter of my life closed and I wanted to move on.
We were together for three years, and I kept waiting for her to propose, but she never did. We never had screaming matches or anything, but we would always argue about little things.
I had overheard her talking to someone on the phone, and she’d referred to me as her “friend.” We had a long conversation about it, and I found out she wasn’t out to her family and wasn’t sure she ever would be. I understood that, and I was patient with her.
Coming out was never easy, and I wanted to be there for her and give her whatever she needed. A year later she told me she was going home for the holidays and was taking some guy who was pretending to be her boyfriend.
We had a long fight after that, and I finally stood my ground. I loved her, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t hide our relationship, especially if she was making no moves to change things.
I shook my head, letting that memory go. I wanted to tell Cara so badly about what had been going on in my life. I was happy with Drea, and I wanted her to know. But we’d agreed to wait until after the signing to tell her.
I only had to wait a few more weeks. Things were going to be even more crazy the closer we got, so I was sure it’d be easier to hide it from her until then.
“Thank you for this today. I needed a break, but I need to get back to work.”
“You work too hard, Cara. You need to take a vacation.”
She laughed. “In a few weeks, I will. Do you need a ride home?”
I nodded. Usually I’d take a car home, but I wanted just a little more time with my best friend. “That would be great. Thanks.”
It wasn’t a long drive back to my house, but I was anxious she would try to bring up Drea again. If she did, I wasn’t sure I’d have any more lies to give.