Chapter 38 #2
“You know what it means, Drea. Blair isn’t Skylar. She isn’t going to wait around until you decide she’s good enough to keep. She isn’t someone you can just fuck when you feel like it and then move on to the next. She’s better than that, or at least I thought she was.”
“Excuse me? How dare you! You don’t know anything about—”
“That is enough!”
I froze at the angry voice and turned around, wanting this to all be a dream.
“Blair… what are you doing here?”
Blair looked between us confused, which told me she hadn’t heard what I’d said, thank fuck.
“Rylee said you two were wasted and screaming, and asked me to come get you,” Kaia answered.
Blair scowled, looking between us. “What is wrong with you two, fighting in the middle of a bar?! What is going on?”
“Don’t come in here acting all high and mighty. When were you going to tell me you were fucking her?!” Cara stammered out, pointing at me.
Blair blinked. “What… What are you talking about?”
I turned to Kaia. “Why the hell would you bring her here?!”
Kaia frowned and opened her mouth, but Cara interrupted. “Don’t change the subject. When were you going to tell me you two had been fucking for months? Everywhere, according to Drea. I cannot believe she was there the night I stopped by, and you hid it from me!”
“Cara, I’m so—”
“I’m supposed to ask what strap she uses, but I really don’t need to know that. And I definitely don’t need to know the sounds you make.”
Blair gaped at me, darkness in those once soft hazel eyes. “Are you serious?!”
Cara shook her head. “I can’t believe you, Blair! I expected this from Drea, but not from you. I really thought you had more self-respect than this.”
“Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?” I glared at Cara, trying to ignore the anger in Blair’s eyes while my own was boiling to the surface.
“It means that fucking around and disrespecting the people who care about you is kind of your thing. Look what happened to Skylar. She—”
“That was a long time ago, and this is different.”
“Different?” She scoffed. “Please, you’re still the same person you were when Skylar dumped you. Crawling into anyone’s open bed. I just didn’t think Blair would be stupid enough to fall for it, but I guess desperation can get the best of us some—”
“That is enough! You can say what you want about me, but you will not disrespect Blair!” I stood up and took a step closer. I was seconds away from putting my hands on someone I had respected for so long.
“Like you didn’t just do the same thing, Drea! Honestly, you are such a—”
“Drea, you know I love you, but you guys need to go,” Rylee said in a polite but authoritative voice.
“We were just leaving,” Kaia spoke out, grabbing me by the hand while Blair tried to get Cara.
“Don’t fucking touch me. I don’t know where that hand has been. I’m going! Goodnight, Rylee!”
“Sorry, Rylee,” Kaia said apologetically.
Once we got outside, Blair refused to even look in my direction. “Blair, please look at me,” I pleaded. This whole night had just taken a twisted turn.
“Kaia, can you please take me home?” she said, completely ignoring me.
“Of course. We can get your bag from the store on the way. Cara, do you need a ride?”
She scoffed. “With those two? Not a chance. I’ll find my own ride.”
“Cara, can we—”
“No, Blair, we can’t! I don’t even have the words for how angry I am. You’ve been going behind my back and lying to me for months?! Do you have any idea how that makes me look, how that makes you look? Were you really out of town when I wanted to get together, or were you two having a fuck fest?!”
Blair blushed and sighed. “I was out of town… at Fallon and Mackenzie’s wedding.” She winced.
“They know too?! This is insane!”
When I saw the look in Cara’s eyes, I wanted to take a step closer to Blair, but I knew it would make the situation worse.
“Cara, I’m really sorry. We didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” I was desperately trying to diffuse the situation, but all I could think about was getting Blair to look at me. Even just a glance would calm the fire spreading through my veins.
Cara shook her head and scoffed. “I can’t fucking believe this! I really hope the sex was worth it, because it may have just cost you your publishing deal and our friendship. Fuck you both!”
“Cara, you can’t be serious? This is what you wanted. You wanted us to get along—”
“You think I wanted this?! You think I wanted my best friend to lie to me? You think I wanted to find out that my best friend was sleeping her way for a check? You think I wanted everyone in my fucking life to be sneaking around behind my back and lying to me? Get real!”
“Cara!”
Cara stormed off before Blair could get a reply, and she turned to me, eyes turning dark. “Real fucking nice, Drea.”
We all got into Kaia’s car without another word.
The car ride was dead silent until we arrived at the bookstore. “I’ll be just a second, Kaia,” Blair said as she got out of the car, not even glancing my way.
I got out of the car, following behind her. I was going to find a way to fix this somehow.
When I opened the front door, I spoke. “Blair, I’m—”
She walked right past me into the store, ignoring me completely.
“Blair!” I called after her, but she didn’t turn around. “Blair, just stop and talk to me, please.”
This time, she stopped in the center of the store and turned around slowly.
“Talk to you? You want me to talk to you? I barely want to look at you, let alone speak to you, Drea, so why don’t you start?
Where did you get the fucking nerve to speak about me like I am just some whore you can play around with?
Is that really all I am to you? Just someone to screw when you’re bored? ”
I frowned. “Blair, of course not. I wasn’t thinking. We had a lot to drink, and things got way out of hand.” I took a few steps closer to her. When I got closer, I saw tears starting to form behind her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
She scoffed. “You’re sorry? So am I, Drea. I hope you’re happy, because my career is probably over now! What were you thinking?”
“It just came out! She was trying to get me to go out with her friends. I kept telling her no, but she wouldn’t stop pressing, and finally I couldn’t take it anymore! I just blurted it out in the heat of the moment.”
“Well, maybe you should go out with them.”
“I don’t want to go out with any of them, Blair. Just… let me fix this, please.”
“There is nothing to fix. I knew you had commitment issues, but damn, that was taking it to another level. If you aren’t happy with someone, just end it, Drea. You don’t need to get drunk and make a fool out of yourself in order to do so.”
She started to walk away, but I grabbed her wrist, stopping her abruptly. She yanked her arm away and looked at me, tears streaming down her face.
“Blair—”
“Don’t you dare touch me! I am not yours to touch. Apparently I never was.”
“I’m sorry, please,” I begged. I couldn’t hide it as my voice mirrored the cracking in my chest.
“I… I can’t.” Her voice broke, and I hated myself a little bit more with every passing second. How had I fucked up this badly?
I watched her walk away without another word. I waited until I saw Kaia’s car drive off before I slumped against the counter, and let the darkness take over until I felt something wet and warm slide down my face and onto the floor.
I was sitting in my office when the door opened. It had been over an hour since Blair left, and I was embarrassed that a small part of me hoped she had come back.
“Blair’s home safely. Do you want to talk about it?” Kaia’s sweet voice used to cheer me up, but now, mixed with the whiskey and the wine, all it did was fuel my internal fire.
“So you can go run and tell everyone everything? I don’t think so.”
“Drea, no, of course not. I—”
“Why on earth would you bring her with you knowing Cara didn’t know anything about us?!” I yelled. “You know what, it doesn’t matter now. It’s done. Just leave so I can be alone.”
“Drea, please talk—”
“I said leave, Kaia! I don’t want to talk, especially not to someone who couldn’t keep a secret if you paid them!”
I must have been really drunk, because I could have sworn I heard Kaia curse at me.
“What?” I asked.
“You heard me. I said fuck you!” Nope, I definitely heard it that time.
In the five years I’d known Kaia, I had never, and I did literally mean never, heard that woman say a bad word about anyone, and certainly not those words.
“First of all, I don’t know if you forgot that I have been keeping your secret about whatever you two were doing even long before you asked me not to tell anyone. Do you not realize these walls are thin?” A slight blush appeared on my face. No, no, I had not realized…
“I heard everything, but I kept quiet because I respected you and it wasn’t my business to tell. But that doesn’t matter anymore. You aired your own dirty laundry.”
“We may be friends, Kaia, but I am still your boss, and you will—”
“Oh, don’t play the boss card… God, I am so sick of this, Drea!
I cover for you when you are hungover after your random hookups.
I hear you bitch and bitch and bitch about Blair for months, yet you still work with her and make all of us deal with the tension between you two.
I had plans with a friend, but I canceled them to help Blair while you were out getting drunk and insulting her!
Rylee called me to come get you and said you two were yelling in the bar, and Blair insisted on coming.
She told me what you were saying about Blair, but I didn’t tell her because I was loyal to you and I would never do that, even if she deserved to know what you really think of her. ”
“Excuse me? You don’t get to—”
“I have canceled plans to be here for you when you needed me the most, and you don’t appreciate it! You have never once shown you give a shit about me, Drea.”
I had never seen this side of Kaia, and any other night I would have been taken aback. But tonight was just a never-ending shit storm, and I was not in the mood to be disrespected in my own store.
I stood up. “Then leave! Just like everyone I care about in my life, fucking leave! I don’t need to take this, and I don’t need you!”
“They leave because you push them away! You pushed Skylar away because of your selfishness, and now you’ve pushed Blair away.
Are you that blinded by your own self-importance that you can’t see the hold you had on that woman?
She is devastated over you, and you don’t care.
Did you even care about her at all, or were you just using her to get over Skylar because she was convenient and—”
“That is enough, Kaia! I will not stand here while you question me about my relationship with Blair, which is none of your concern, by the way!” I wouldn’t stand for her talking to me that way. She had no right.
“What relationship? You don’t have one anymore, and your friendship with Cara is certainly not doing any better. You did this to yourself, Drea, and now you have to live with the consequences, alone, because I’m done.”
“With what, this conversation? Good, shut the door on your way out.”
“No, with all of it. I am done being your punching bag. I’m done being your servant you think you can call at all hours, and I am done being a witness to your self-destruction.” She dropped her keys on my desk and walked out, slamming the door behind her.
She was right, and I had no right to be angry with her.
She’d just happened to get caught in the line of fire.
I wasn’t blind to Blair’s feelings for me.
I should have told her how I felt. I should have done a lot of things, and now I wouldn’t get the chance.
I really fucked up, but I did this to myself—
Something I said earlier gave me pause. My relationship with Blair…
Relationship. In my twenty-nine years of existence, I had never once so casually referred to a situation I was in as a relationship.
But I had said it to Kaia without batting an eye.
Without even so much as a thought. Blair had integrated herself into a part of my life, my heart, and I had so willingly accepted it.
But that was what we had… what we used to have. I had been in a relationship, and I’d ruined it. I was so undenyably in love with Blair, and I’d driven her away.
Not three seconds after the door closed, the sound of glass breaking filled the room as I picked up the wine bottle we had bought for Blair and threw it against the door.