Chapter 26 #2
William quirks a brow. “Because it seems beneath me?” He folds his arms over his chest, but his expression remains lighthearted. “I do recall somebody telling me I need to do things for myself instead of relying on attendants. Or—how did you put it? Remove yourself from your bloody high horse.”
“I didn’t say bloody”—I emphasize his accent, grinning—“for the record.”
He sinks into a seated position. I join him on the hard cement.
“It was needed. Self-reliance is an important trait, and I admit even I found my odious character a bit off-putting upon some reflection.”
“You’re forgiven, considering we’ve yet to understand how you’ve broken the barriers of space-time to arrive”—I press my pointer finger on the top of his kneecap—“here.”
William follows my movement. “I apologize if I upset you earlier. I don’t mean to be so forward.”
I collect my hands in my lap. “We’re similar, I think,” I say, staring out into the rain. “You want to do right by your family. I do, too. They’ve always known what’s best for me. There’s a comfort in that, I think. Like a safety net. If I listen to them, I won’t mess my life up too badly.”
“I understand,” he says quietly. “More than you may believe.”
We let that hang there. The rain continues to pick up in a low, hushed whoosh.
“The other day, when we were learning the dance,” I begin, “you said you haven’t had much to offer so far. But I don’t think that’s true.”
“My presence has been a nuisance to Sumner and an obstacle to you. This is a problem that cannot be solved with money or power, not that I have either under these circumstances.” A sigh slips through his lips. “But I digress.”
“Ignore Sumner. You’re not a nuisance, William. You’ve been helping to keep the school from falling into the wrong hands. That’s not nothing.”
I’m careful not to reveal more than I should, but I need him to know he’s not a burden.
“Thank you,” he says, relief in his tone.
“My father is not an unkind man, but he is indomitable and often unchangeable. I fear failing him and the life he’s set up for our family.
That doesn’t mean I don’t often wish I could give it all up.
And I am no fool, Delaney. I understand how it sounds, especially given Caroline isn’t afforded the same opportunities.
If she were, I’d happily pass on the estate to her.
To my mother, even. I’d encourage her to go after her true desires. ”
I pull my hands into the sleeves of my sweater. “And what about yours? Teaching, right?”
“My father would be scandalized, but yes. I’d choose to immerse myself in academia. There is so much unexplored richness in this world. To tune it out would be a shame.”
“I think you should.” Confidence grows in my voice. “He may not understand at first, but you could make him see. So could Caroline.”
He’s quiet, as if considering this. Then he leans back against the glass pane behind us and rolls his head toward me. “And you? If we are so similar, then why haven’t you wielded the power of your own decisions?”
I should have seen it coming. It’s a fair question. The rain continues to plink lightly against the structured awning overhead. I pull my knees to my chest and rest my chin on them. He studies me.
“My dad knew me better than anyone, and then he died.” My hands grip the outside of my shins. “It feels like, in a way, I don’t know who I’m supposed to become without his guidance. So why not honor him by doing what he thought was best for me?”
“But you have doubts that it is what you truly want?”
I swallow. Nod.
Suddenly, William rises to his feet and marches straight into the rain. I push myself up and scramble to the edge of the overhang as pellets slosh down his face and soak his jacket.
“What are you doing?”
“We”—he waves a hand between us—“have been playing it entirely too safe, do you not agree? We are quite literally seeking ease in remaining dry instead of embracing the slight discomfort of a little rain.”
The meaning doesn’t go over my head. Are there really bad and good decisions, right choices and wrong ones, or are there opportunities to explore multiple directions? And do you really know unless you stop considering what could go wrong and try?
Adrenaline spills through me as I sprint toward him. The scent of wet stone fills my lungs. My shoes squelch on the saturated ground, rainwater soaking my hair, my skin, running tiny rivers down the back of my neck, but I don’t stop until I’m in front of William.
He laughs, eyes squinting through the rain as he extends a hand.
When I take it, he twirls me in practiced circles like he did in our dance lesson, graceful and elegant even when I’m slightly off-balance.
Our shoes are caked in mud, slick and slippery, and this time I fumble into his chest, frantic heartbeat racing from running or excitement or the way his lids lower as he looks at me.
A misty curtain of wind brushes over us.
Fine water particles collect in droplets on his eyelashes and cling to his bottom lip.
“I must speak this.” His chest falls on an exhale.
“Delaney, in the limited time I have known you, I have quickly come to recognize you as a marvel beyond the simplest term of the word. Candlelight holds no close comparison to your luster, nor all the stars in the sky. To be near you is to know happiness at its purest source, a richness no amount of coin could gratify. In all of my days I have not known such affectionate feelings toward another person, and I would rather admit this to you at my own behest than continue to live with the internal agony of withholding it.”
My stomach swoops, eliciting tremulous waves of elation.
It feels as though my heart may burst. Never in my life has someone spoken so eloquently about me with such enamored conviction.
It doesn’t feel real. It shouldn’t be real.
I’ve tried to suppress this crush, tried to talk myself out of it and make those growing emotions small.
But I’ve wanted this. To feel seen and heard and accepted by someone who unabashedly likes me back.
Maybe it’s not a good idea, but I’m tired of analyzing the weight of good and bad decisions. This choice will be completely my own.
“Then let’s spare ourselves the agony,” I say.
His hair is plastered over his forehead.
I smooth the strands to the side as an excuse to touch him, my hands drifting down to his jaw.
He reaches around my lower back and tugs me closer, and I press onto the balls of my feet to bring my mouth to his.
I’m met with the taste of rainwater, shivering at the contact and the sweeping pressure of his lips.
A heated longing stirs my heartstrings as his hand traces up my spine and curves around my neck, and I don’t want this to end.
Part of me wonders if this was meant to happen.
Fate, or cosmic circumstance, or a flaw in reason.
Were we meant to find each other? Did our wishes intervene in a cataclysmic way?
An explosive cheer plummets through the rain.
When William and I break apart, my mind a useless haze of dizzying comedown, we turn toward the commotion.
The entire rowing team is exiting the athletic center, which grants them a front-row view of us on the grass.
Montfort twirls his sweatshirt over his head like a lasso as the others wolf whistle and clap.
Except for one person.
Sumner hangs near the back, a defeated, vacant stare behind his eyes.
His mouth flattens into a firm line as he shrugs his gym bag over his shoulder, ducking his head as he steps into the downpour.
His gray shirt is instantly bathed in rain, the color darkening as the water permeates.
Next to me, William breaks into a good-natured grin in response to the cheers.
A conflicting emotion twists in my chest as I watch Sumner go, his figure retreating toward the houses, never once glancing back.