Chapter 10
ten
CAMILLA
8 YEARS EARLIER
Somehow, I’d let Julian trick me into another bet that resulted in me spending my Saturday night getting ready for homecoming. Up until then, I’d purposely avoided going, since it seemed more of a popularity contest than a dance. I fixated on the black silk dress Taylor helped pick out. She thought making a statement with a ribboned back was best, but the last thing I wanted was to attract more attention.
When my mom appeared in my door, she covered her mouth to hide what I was sure was a beaming smile. “Estás preciosa.” Since Spanish was her first language, it naturally slipped out whenever she was emotional.
“I don’t feel beautiful. This dress doesn’t fit the way I want. Maybe it’s a sign I shouldn’t go.” The dress fit like a glove, but I searched for any excuse to skip the dance.
She rested her hands on my shoulders. “Sounds a lot like when Julian took you out for the first time, and now look at you.”
I rolled my eyes. “We’re just friends, Mom.” Despite Julian and I spending almost every day together for months, and him sneaking in a kiss or two, we were still figuring out if we wanted to be more—and by we, I meant me. He was everything I wanted: kind and confident. He made me smile, and I had to admit he was a really good kisser. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to let him all the way in. It was almost frustrating how his patience with me made me fall even harder for him.
“I said the same about your dad.” I didn’t tell her, but that was exactly what I was afraid of. “Right.”
She must’ve sensed how high strung I was, because her voice softened. “Cami, you can’t spend your teens wasting away in your room. You’ll have the rest of your life to be a homebody, so go make memories while you can.” It was her superpower to always say the right thing when I needed it most.
“Most moms encourage their teenage daughters to stay home,” I said. She walked over to my jewelry box and returned with the emerald necklace that was once hers. “You haven’t figured out by now that I’m not like those moms? Go get into trouble, just not too much where I get a knock on the door from the cops.” I used to think it was weird how my parents never hovered, but they had me so young—they were teenagers not long before I was.
I smiled at the emerald dangling from my neck. “It’s so pretty.” It always looked better on her, but she’d handed it down to me on my thirteenth birthday. “It goes with your dress. Now, you look perfect.”
I scoffed. “Isn’t it a rule when you become a mom to tell your kids that?”
“Maybe, but it’s easy to follow that rule when you’re my kid.” Our laughter halted when the doorbell rang downstairs. Julian was always right on time.
“I’ll get it so you can make a grand entrance.”
When she left, I took advantage of my last seconds alone and looked in the mirror one last time. The girl staring back at me was unrecognizable, and it wasn’t because of the dress. One day, I was spending my Saturday nights crossing books off my long reading list, and then the next, I was on my way to homecoming with Julian Perez. I had whiplash from how fast everything had changed, and while a part of me was terrified, the other wanted to welcome it.
“Cami, get down here!” my mom shouted. My heart pounded against my chest when I heard Julian’s deep voice with hers in the living room, but I started for the stairs with my head down and my hands trembling. A little voice in my head was shouting at me to run back upstairs and not come back out, but when I looked up and captured his eyes, everything ceased to exist. No one had ever made me feel beautiful without saying a word until Julian. He looked at me how I looked at the sunsets that fell over the cove each evening. He waited at the bottom of the stairs in his all-black tux that matched my dress, a bouquet of green carnations in his hands. My favorite flowers growing up were lilies, but that was just the beginning of things that changed because of him.
His mouth gaped when I finally reached him. “You look beautiful, Mila.”
He looked devastatingly handsome in a fitted tux and neatly slicked back hair. “You clean up pretty well yourself.” One thing I knew for certain was Julian Perez was much hotter than any fictional man I’d conjured up in my mind.
A smile touched my lips when I noticed the subtle pop of green in his pocket. “Nice touch.”
“I thought you’d like it.” He raked his eyes over me with a seductive look that made my insides twist. I nearly closed the distance between us, but my mom broke my daze when the flash of her camera went off. “Seriously, Mom?” I groaned.
“Just a few pictures.” Since she was blocking the door, we had no choice, but I couldn’t help but realize they were the first pictures Julian and I ever took together.
We couldn’t have run out the door fast enough when she finished. “Have fun! Curfew is at midnight, Cami,” she shouted after us as we raced to his car.
“Okay, I love you!” I yelled back.
“I thought I was meeting your dad tonight,” Julian said as he opened the passenger door to his old Mustang.
I bit down on my lip to buy time. “He had to leave town last minute.” It technically wasn’t a lie; it just wasn’t the full truth. It was better off that way, since I wasn’t sure I wanted him to be a part of that night anyway.
“He must have an important job if he travels all the time.” A lump grew in my throat. “If that’s what you want to call it,” I mumbled. The air suddenly grew thick, so I changed the subject. “I’ve never been to a school dance before, so cut me some slack tonight.”
His irresistible grin made my heart flutter. “I just want one slow dance with you.” I panicked. My only experience with dancing was when my dad put me on his toes and twirled around the living room when I was six, but it was hard to say no to him. “Deal.”
* * *
The dance committee chose the “Starry Night” theme, even though I’d suggested something more original. Still, people seemed to enjoy it as they gathered under the paper maché moon and danced until beads of sweat glistened on their foreheads. I was partly envious, but I remained a bystander who watched from my chair. Julian caught me gazing at them when he came back with drinks. “You want to dance?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m okay.” I would have rather stayed in my seat the entire night than make a fool of myself.
“You might actually have some fun tonight if you stopped overthinking, Mila.”
“I’m not.” I said sharply.
“Prove it.” All I heard were Mom’s words: Go make memories while you can. I hated when she was right. I was seconds from leaving the comfort of my chair when Taylor approached our table, looking stunning in the navy blue dress she’d gushed over for weeks. “Thank God I found you guys. I’m leaving after they announce king and queen.”
My brows narrowed. “Since when do you care who wins?” She’d always thought the entire idea was bullshit, so I was curious what the sudden change was.
A mischievous smirk grew on her face. “Since I put your name on the ballot.” I froze. “You did what?”
“What’s the point of being on the dance committee if I don’t take advantage of the perks, Cami?”
I was horrified, but I looked over and noticed Julian glowing with pride. “I guess I’ll be casting a vote for the first time.” I wished she was joking, but I knew Taylor never needed an excuse to do something stupid.
I shrugged. “It’s not like I’ll win anyway.” My only saving grace was I’d been good at staying invisible, at least before Julian, so I was confident no one would vote for me until Taylor pursed her lips. “Well…”
“Taylor Hale, I’m going to kill you,” I gritted out. There were only a few instances when I used her whole name.
“Relax, Cami. I just snuck into the box and counted the votes a little early. You’re tied with Jaime.” Once the initial shock wore off, I looked over at Jaime Torres, who was mingling with a crowd surrounding her like vultures. She wasn’t just a cheerleader, the soccer team captain, and on the varsity volleyball team as a sophomore; she also happened to be Julian’s ex-girlfriend. They had a brutal public breakup, but everyone in school knew she still had feelings for Julian, even him. We had a short-lived middle school friendship, but once we started high school, she developed a new personality that clashed with mine and Taylor’s.
Julian noticed goosebumps rise on my arms before I did. “Are you cold? I have an extra jacket in my car. I’ll be right back.” He paced out of the gym before I could tell him not to go through the trouble, and as soon as he was out of sight, Taylor turned to me. “So, are you two together yet, or are you still in the denial phase about your feelings?”
I swallowed hard. “I told you, we’re just taking things slow. Honestly, I don’t know if we’ll ever get there.”
Her face was never capable of hiding her true feelings. “We both know that’s bullshit. He’s already there; he’s just waiting for you.” When I looked around to make sure no one was near, I noticed Jaime making her way out of the gym, giggling with her group of friends.
“It’s not that simple, Tay. He could break my heart into a million pieces, and I don’t need that kind of distraction, especially when I’m trying to build my resume for college.” I avoided relationships for a multitude of reasons, yet I found myself unable to avoid Julian.
“Everything worth it comes with risks, Cami. Do you want to stay a bystander and watch other people take them like you always have, or do you finally want to get what you want?”
Her words hit me like a truck, and I suddenly felt suffocated. “I need some air.” What I really needed was to find Julian, but when I walked outside, there was no sign of him by his car in the parking lot. The crowds of people making their way in blocked my path, but I froze when I turned the corner and saw him and Jaime alone by the bleachers. I watched as he backed away the closer she got, but something in me snapped. Seeing Jaime with him wasn’t what irked me; it was that it only proved what I already knew deep down: we were in two completely different worlds—his was one where everyone in school either wanted to be him, or be with him, and I was in the one where I wanted to stay hidden. We weren’t supposed to work, so what did that mean for me if I gave him my heart?
Despite my uncomfortable heels, I bolted in the direction of my house, tears threatening my eyes, but I didn’t get far before his deep voice called after me. “Mila!” I didn’t stop until he caught up and blocked my path. “That wasn’t what it looked like. I went to get the jacket, and she cornered me. I was trying to push her away.”
“It doesn’t matter, Julian. We’re not together, so you can talk to your ex-girlfriend or whoever the hell you want.” I tried to walk around him, but he blocked my path again.
“Why are you walking away if it doesn’t matter?”
I shoved him out of my way. “I want to go home, that’s why.” I could have told him why I was upset, but I blamed it on being sixteen.
“Why can’t you just admit it, huh?” I kept walking even after he shouted after me. “You like me, and you’ve been looking for any reason not to. Jaime is the excuse to push me away, am I right?” I huffed loudly enough for him to hear but kept my back turned, even though every part of me wanted to turn around and tell him he was right. I was grasping at straws to find any reason not to let him in, but all he kept giving me were reasons to do the opposite.
“I’m scared too, Mila. I’ve never cared about anyone like this, and that terrifies me, but you know what terrifies me more?” The desperation in his voice forced me to finally face him, tears welling in my eyes. I was scared. No matter how desperately I wanted to give my heart to Julian, I couldn’t let go of my fear of letting someone past the walls I’d spent my entire life building. “What?” I asked with a broken voice.
He inched closer to graze my face with his fingertips, and his brown eyes pleaded as they clung to mine. “I’m terrified of missing out on you.” Those were the words that won me over, but I let him continue. “I don’t want to be your friend anymore, Mila. I want the whole school to know I’m yours, but only if that’s what you want too.” He was too close for me to think straight. All I knew was I didn’t want him to let me go.
His lips came nearly inches from mine. “The odds are against us working out, Julian.”
“Fuck the odds.” My train of thought halted when he crashed his soft lips to mine. The kiss was demanding, as if he was finally claiming my lips as his. It wasn’t our first, but it was different . It felt like I’d come out of a daze, and once I was fully awake, I knew I wanted to be his just as much as he wanted to be mine.
Taylor’s voice repeated in my head. Everything worth it comes with risks. Giving someone the power over your heart was terrifying, but so was getting on a plane, learning how to drive, or swimming into the open ocean, yet we still took the risks. If Julian was willing to make the jump, I had to let him catch me and hope we wouldn’t fall.
I leaned into his hand cradling my face. “I don’t want to be your friend either.”
He’d never smiled so brightly. “I really want to kiss you again, Mila, but not here.” I wanted to spend the rest of the night only with him, but he guided me back into the gym where the principal, Mr. M, was in the middle of announcing the king and queen. The idea of winning seemed so far-fetched, I hadn’t entertained it until the moment everyone’s eyes turned to the back of room, where Julian and I stood. “I can’t do this,” I whispered as he dragged me towards the stage to get crowned with our fingers laced together.
“All you have to do is put the crown on and walk off the stage.”
I found Taylor in the crowd and threw her a narrowed-eyed gaze. “I swear, I didn’t rig it!” she shouted over everyone’s cheers. I didn’t know if they’d voted for me as a joke or because of Julian, but either way, I couldn’t get away from everyone’s dissecting stares fast enough. The snarl I spotted on Jaime’s face as Mr. M placed the plastic crown on my head made it a little satisfying, though.
“You still owe me that slow dance, Vega.” When we made our way to the middle for the traditional cliché king and queen dance, I panicked from the hundreds of eyes suddenly watching our every move, and kept him at a distance. “You should know the last time I slow danced was in my living room on my dad’s toes.”
His lips curved into a smile before he lifted me to stand on his toes. “Any more excuses?”
“Yeah, everyone’s staring.” I wasn’t surprised he didn’t falter, because he never did. “I don’t care what they think, and neither should you. Just look at me.” His closeness, mixed with the sound of his voice, made all the faces around us start to blur until he was the only one who existed. I ran my fingers through his wavy hair and soaked him up as he tried to close the gap between us.
“After this, everyone will know about us,” I said.
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and cradled my face. “It’s about damn time.” His last words stole my breath as he smothered my lips with his own.
At sixteen, there wasn’t much I was sure of, but I knew making that bet with Julian in English class was the best risk I’d taken.