Chapter 12
twelve
JULIAN
8 YEARS EARLIER
Every week, I looked forward to Friday nights. For one hour, I was able to focus on nothing but playing the sport I loved with guys I’d grown up with. Football was drilled into my life as early as I could walk. You couldn’t really escape it when you came from a line of legendary quarterbacks. I never wanted to be the team leader, but as a starting tight end, I was the right-hand man. I tried to forget the pressure to be great like my dad and grandpa, but it followed me every time I stepped onto the field.
“Perez! We’re down by a touchdown with a minute to go. I told Damon to get the ball to you. Do what you do best.” Everyone was high-strung, since we were playing our renowned rival for the championship, but it felt like just another game. It was impossible to feel fazed by the other team with the energy that surged from the crowd and the constant adrenaline, but what really kept me grounded was knowing Mila was somewhere in the stands. We’d been officially dating for two months, and not only had she not missed a game, we hadn’t lost one. The first thing I did before any game was look for her in the crowd so I’d know where to find her after I made a play.
I ran over and huddled in the circle as Damon went over the final play. Between his good arm, my speed, and the fact that we’d been playing ball together since we were kids, we gained a reputation for being a “dynamic duo”. We could practically read each other’s minds at that point, so we somehow got the team wins when it seemed highly unlikely.
Despite our friendship being rocky before I started dating Mila, all of that went out the window when it was a tight game. As soon as the ball snapped, I ran full sprint down the field, juking through players twice my size as fast as my legs could carry me. With Damon being swarmed, the play he’d called changed, and instead, he launched a hail Mary. By some miracle, I caught the ball with one hand and landed on my back. It wasn’t until the crowd erupted in loud cheers and my teammates swarmed me that I knew I’d made it into the end zone. Winning a game was a high I was addicted to feeling, but it was nothing compared to seeing Mila through the crowd flooding the field to celebrate. I didn’t care for the trophy—I just wanted her. When she leaped off the ground into my arms and crushed her soft lips against mine, that was the real win.
“I’m so proud of you.” I never told her, but she was the first person to ever tell me that. I didn’t know how much I needed to hear it until it came from her perfect lips.
“I made that last touchdown for you.” I placed a kiss on her forehead and planted her feet back on the ground.
She smiled. “That’s why I wore your jersey with pride.” It was my selfish idea for her to wear my jersey on game days; I wanted everyone to be reminded she was mine—as if they’d forget from how much I talked about her.
On the walk back to the locker room, I looked at the players posing for pictures with their family and friends with a level of envy. My dad went to all my games, but contrary to what people thought, it was never for me. The only thing he loved more than himself was sitting in the stands, reliving his glory days with the his old football friends while he scrutinized every play I made.
“I’ll be quick.” I pecked Mila’s lips before going into the locker room, where the guys were amped up on adrenaline from the win. “I can’t believe we’re goddamn champions! We have to celebrate. You’re coming to my house tonight, right, JP?” Elijah shouted from across the room.
“I don’t think so. I’m gonna hang out with Camilla.” I ignored the teasing because I knew they were just jokes. Damon was nearby, completely silent; he’d learned not to make any comments about her.
Elijah shouted back. “Bring her. I invited her friend.” I was surprised he and Taylor even knew each other.
“I promise, I’ll be nice. You won us the game, JP; the least you can do is celebrate with us,” Damon chimed in.
I quickly stuffed my gym bag with my sweaty clothes. “I’ll call you guys later if I can make it, how about that?” They knew I wasn’t going, but I didn’t have the heart to tell them. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go, or that I’d become the asshole who ditched his friends, but there was something I’d planned on doing if we won, and getting drunk with our entire school wasn’t it.
“I never pegged you for the type to ditch us once you got a girlfriend,” another one of my teammates nearby teased. A few months before, all I ever did was party with them until we passed out on someone’s lawn, and then we’d do it all over again the next weekend. Mila made me want something different. “You would do the same if you had a girl like Camilla Vega.”
* * *
I parked two houses down from her house so Mrs. Vega wouldn’t see my car and I could stay with her for a little while longer.“Thank you for coming tonight. I play better knowing you’re in the stands.” Our fingers grazed as they met on the middle console. She was the only person who went with no ulterior motive, for just me, and I never took that lightly. Even in the dark car, I could see her blue eyes searing into mine. “I wouldn’t have missed it.”
I gently took her face in my hands and kissed her deeply. I never got tired of the way her lips felt like velvet, or how they tasted like the green apple lip balm she always wore. I was only sixteen, but I knew I never wanted to kiss anyone else.
I broke us apart and gained the courage to say the words that had been sitting on my tongue for days. “I love you.” It didn’t surprise me when I fell so hard for her, or how fast I did. I hated myself for not having the courage to make a move sooner.
“What?” I felt when she went stiff under my fingertips.
“I love you, Mila,” I repeated with the same confidence. The feeling crept up slowly, and then hit me all at once when I watched her admire a sunset from her favorite spot. I never knew home could be found in a person, but she was it. There wasn’t a shred of doubt I loved her.
“I’m sorry.” She reached for the handle of the passenger door and climbed out, leaving me with a feeling like I’d been punched in the gut. She neared her house, but I knew I had to go after her. “Mila! What do you mean, I’m sorry?”
She slowed down but kept a steady pace forward as I chased after her. It was déjà vu of homecoming. “I mean I can’t do this right now.”
She had tears rolling down her cheeks when I caught up and pulled her back to face me. “You can’t just say I’m sorry after I said I love you. At least tell me you don’t love me back, but don’t just walk away,” I pleaded.
She freed herself from my grasp. “I just need some time to think, Julian. That’s all.”
Something in me snapped when she gave me her back again. “I finally get it. That’s your thing, huh? When things get real, you bail?”
The anger in my voice triggered hers to crack. “If you really think that, you don’t know me as well as you think.”
I inched so close, I could feel how fast her heart was beating. “Who’s fault is that? You don’t let me all the way in. You won’t even let me meet your dad!” I nearly threw up seeing her flinch when my voice rose. For a split second, I was exactly who I had feared becoming my entire life.
“You want to talk about not letting people in? You can’t even look at me any time I bring up meeting your parents.” She didn’t know I was doing her a favor by protecting her from those people.
My voice softened as I searched her blue eyes. “Where does this leave us, Mila?”
“Just go home, Julian.” I felt my heart break into pieces. I wanted nothing more than to take back what I said, but it was too late. The damage was done. The least I could do was listen to what she’d asked, even though the last place I wanted to be was somewhere she wasn’t.
When I peeled away in my car and looked into the rearview mirror, the sight of her standing alone on the sidewalk triggered my eyes to fill with tears. I wasn’t sure if it was just a fight or a breakup, but I refused to accept the latter.