Chapter 32
thirty-two
CAMILLA
My leg tapped against the marble floors as I waited in the room stacked to the brim with books. After spending two weeks drafting the first couple of chapters of my book and submitting it to Lucy, we were asked by my publisher for an in-person meeting. I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad news, so I braced myself for either.
“Stop fidgeting, Cami. You’re making me nervous,” Elena said. The anxious feeling in my stomach reminded me of how I felt the day of my book signing in Willow’s Cove.
It had been two weeks since I’d left, and every day since, New York hadn’t felt as lively as it once did. I could no longer drown out the sounds of traffic outside my window, the crowded sidewalks made me feel boxed in, and I found myself looking for anything that reminded me of everything—and everyone—I’d left behind for a second time.
“Camilla, they’re ready for you.” A woman at the front desk smiled and guided us over to where another woman I’d only seen once, sat at her desk. Elena always tagged along for important meetings because when I tended to freak out. She always managed to keep her cool. “It’s nice to see you again, Camilla. Thank you for coming on short notice.” She smiled politely.
“No problem. It’s good to see you, Jane.” I hid my shaking hands under the table.
“I received your pitch and read some of the chapters your agent sent over, and with your first book continuing to chart, I think this book will have no problem selling as well. I do have one question.”
My eyes quickly darted to Elena. “Ask away.”
“What inspired this manuscript to be so different than the last?” I knew the answer right away, and I spoke while running my fingers over the C necklace I hadn’t taken off since I’d landed back in New York.
“My first book reminded people what it felt like with their first love: the innocence, playfulness, and maybe even a little confusion sometimes, but I think that’s why they gravitated towards it. My second book will be about what it feels like to lose it.”
I was convinced she was going to back out when the room grew silent, but then a soft smile tugged at her red lips. “I don’t read many books that come across my desk because I’m surrounded by them all day, but I did read yours, Cami. It took me back to when I was a teenager and was so head over heels in love, I couldn’t think straight. I have high hopes for the finished manuscript for the next one, but I just have one request.”
I nodded. “Anything.”
“Since we’re marketing it as a romance, the ending should have them end up together.”
I had no plans for an ending yet, but it was no shocker they wanted a happily ever after since romances were supposed to sell the dream, despite it rarely happening in real life. “Okay. Deal.”
She stood and reached her hand out to me. “Then we have ourselves a book to sell next year. We’ll be in touch about your deadlines, and I’ll send your contract over to Lucy.”
“Thank you. It means so much.”
Before Elena and I walked out of her office, she called after us. “By the way, does it have a name?”
After sitting at my kitchen table for hours scribbling down names, there wasn’t one that felt right. “Not yet, but I’ll get right to it.”
When I walked out of the building, I let out a breath. Holy shit. I did it.
“Well, you handled it pretty well without me. Since I just sat there and looked pretty, coffee is on me today.” Elena’s red bottom heels tapped against the pavement as we walked to the nearby coffee shop where we were regulars because they had the best matcha latte in the city.
“I can’t believe she liked the pitch.” I thought my first book deal was just a stroke of luck, but hearing directly from Jane that she was anticipating my next book lit me up inside.
“Why wouldn’t she? You’re a great writer, Cami. I’m not just saying that because you pay me.”
“Remind me to give you a raise for being a kiss ass.” I smiled.
“Don’t worry, I will.” When she whipped her hair around to open the door to the café, I found us a table by the window while she ordered our drinks. I usually loved people-watching, especially when I first moved to the city. Everyone moved like they had somewhere to be, and that once excited me as someone who grew up where nothing happened. But since I’d gotten back, I’d been chasing the spark I felt when I first moved to New York. It was nowhere to be found.
“I have a question,” Elena said as she took the seat across from me and handed me my matcha latte. “Shoot.”
“What really happened with that Julian guy? Because your pitch sounded eerily close to home.” Right until she brought him up, I’d almost gone the whole day without thinking of him or the devastated look on his face when I left.
“Nothing. I stayed in his guest room for a week; now, I’m back home.” I took a sip of my perfectly sweetened matcha to avoid her burning glare.
“Whatever you say.”
My eyes narrowed. “What is that supposed to mean?”
She folded her hands in her lap before a knowing smirk tugged at her lips. “I was in a room with you two for five minutes and could see he was in love with you. Anyone with eyes could have.”
I contemplated if I should let Elena into the past I’d hidden from Greyson or let it stay buried, but maybe, she could’ve made sense of my tangled thoughts. “You know how my publisher said she fell so head over heels for someone, she couldn’t think straight? That’s how I felt about Julian in high school. While I was in Willow’s Cove, I guess lines started to blur, and I remembered why I fell for him so hard.” Her eyes held no judgment as I continued. “When he asked me to stay in Willow’s Cove, of course I said no, but there isn’t a second I don’t think about him. That makes me a shitty person, doesn’t it? What about Greyson?” If he had any suspicions my mind was elsewhere since coming back home, he didn’t tell me about them, but every night, when we’d eat takeout at our kitchen table, I couldn’t help but think of Julian and his home-cooked meals.
“Considering I’ve never been in love with one person, much less two, I’m probably the wrong person to give advice. Have you talked to your mom about it?”
After giving my dad an ultimatum and finally divorcing him, she moved into a one bedroom apartment in lower Manhattan not too far from me and Greyson. I hadn’t stopped by to see her since I’d been back. The last thing I wanted was for her to find out I was reeling over the same guy I was at eighteen. “Not yet.”
Her eyebrows furrowed as she sipped from her cup, seemingly in deep thought. “Then I guess I’m your only voice of reason. It doesn’t make you a shitty person, Cami. It’s just like you said: lines got blurred, so of course you’re going to be confused. First loves have a way of reeling you back in, but you decided to come back with Greyson, so that should tell you all you need to know about where your heart lies.”
I barely touched my latte as I sat in anguish. “Don’t you want to judge me even a little for juggling two people at once?”
She chuckled before throwing me a wink. “Since when is that my thing?”
She was right about knowing where my heart lies. I’d come back with Greyson, but I couldn’t ignore how that same invisible string I’d felt for six years was pulling me back to Willow’s Cove.