Chapter 38
thirty-eight
CAMILLA
I hadn’t been by to see my mom in weeks, not since Julian showed up at my doorstep and made me question how long I had been surrounded by secrets.
I fetched the spare key from under the mat and let myself into her quiet apartment she’d been living in since finally getting the guts to leave my dad five years before. I took partial credit, after begging her to finally start living her own life, since she no longer had to worry about me.
The last time I saw my dad was sophomore year of college when I told him I’d known about the affair the entire time, and as long as he had another family, he wouldn’t be mine. You can guess who he chose.
“Mom?” I yelled out in the empty space.
“I’m in here, Cami.” When I walked down the long hallway to her room, I found her snug in her sweater and tucked under the blankets. “There’s my girl. I’ve been wondering where you’ve been.” I took her cold hand when she reached out to me and sat beside her bed.
“How are you?” Some days, she was perfectly fine, but others, when her lupus flared up, she could hardly get out of bed because of the pain. I’d hired a nurse to check on her every day, and her boyfriend of three years constantly kept me updated. Still, nothing compared to seeing her bright blue eyes in person.
“It’s a good day today, but I want to hear what’s new with you, other than that giant rock on your finger.” I rushed to her place as soon as Greyson and I left the restaurant the night we got engaged. She’d never smiled harder.
The realization of why I originally went to her house suddenly hit me. “Julian showed up at my place and told me the promise you had him keep.”
Her face fell before she used all the strength she had left to pull herself up. “I’ve been meaning to have this talk with you, but never found the right time. Yes, I made him promise to wait, but only because I wanted you to have the chance I never had, Cami. I won’t apologize for making sure your dreams came true.”
I stayed eerily silent. My entire life had always been a web of lies—my dad and his affair, Mom knowing about it the whole time, Julian’s reason for staying away. They all led me there.
“You didn’t think to tell me?” We talked nearly every day; surely, it should have come up at some point.
Her fragile touch grazed my face. “I was, Cami. After you graduated college, I was going to tell you everything so you could find each other again, but then?—”
“Greyson.” My voice wavered when I said his name.
She nodded. “You finally looked happy again, and I didn’t want to take that away from you. For that, I’m sorry.” I held onto her shaking hands and let her sweet perfume comfort me. I felt like a puppet, my strings being pulled by the people around me, who kept secrets to do what they thought was best for me.
“Julian also asked me to go back to Willow’s Cove with him.” I shook away the memory of his tear-filled face.
“Is that what you want?” Her words made the room grow cold.
“I thought I was so sure of everything I wanted out of life, and then one day, I woke up and didn’t know who I was anymore. When I was in Willow’s Cove, I started to remember, but I can’t just drop everything just because the first guy I loved popped back up. Right?”
Since I was eighteen, I stood firm on keeping the promise I made to her of not going back to Willow’s Cove, but when I had no obligation to stay away anymore, did I still want to? “I know better than to try and persuade you again, but just ask yourself something, Cami. In five, even ten years from now, who will give you the life you want? Don’t think of anyone else, just you, because you’re the one who has to live with the decision you make.” The question made the hairs on my body stand, and while I took her advice to heart, I couldn’t let myself face it at the time.
“I should get back home. Greyson and I are looking at wedding venues today.” I would’ve missed when her face went grim had I not been staring at her.
“I love you, Cami,” she said. I kissed the top of her head and tucked her back under the blankets. “I love you too. I’ll come by later to check on you.”
My head swirled with thoughts as the brisk air hit me in the face. I went to get answers, and that’s what I got, but I left more confused than when I walked through the door. Whoever said moving on was easier when you had closure was full of crap.
As I put in the code in the elevator to take me up to the penthouse, I dug through my bag and realized my phone was missing, but I was sure I left it on the table that morning. “Grey? Are you ready to leave? Our appointment is in fifteen minutes,” I shouted as I walked through the door, but I was met with silence. I walked until I found him sat at our kitchen table with a look of devastation while holding my phone in a tight grip, as if he was on the verge of smashing it. “You forgot your phone.”
I kept my voice calm as I rushed over to him. “Why do you have that look? What’s wrong?”
He could barely look at me when he finally spoke. “Julian wasn’t just a friend, was he, Cami? Before you lie to me again, please don’t.”
Time stopped. I was a deer caught in headlights. “He was my first boyfriend.”
“That makes this make more sense.” He laid my phone on the table and let a message that sounded like Julian’s voice play on speaker. “Mila, I know I said you wouldn’t hear from me again, but there’s one more thing I didn’t say back at your apartment. If all I have now are memories of you sitting under the sun at the cove reading your beat up copy of Persuasion by Jane Austen, then I’ll consider myself lucky. I’m going to love you for the rest of my life, and no matter how many years pass, or who we become, if you’re ever back in Willow’s Cove, I’ll be right where you left me.” I looked up at Greyson, then back to the phone with my heart battering against my chest.
“Why didn’t you tell me he was here?” His jaw was clenched, so I chose my words carefully. “I didn’t want you to think anything happened. He just stopped by unannounced.”
His laughter was anything but light. “He flew over a thousand miles to tell you he was still in love with you. I don’t think that’s just stopping by, Camilla.” He hadn’t called me by my name since we first met.
“I’m so sorry. I should have told you. It didn’t mean anything.” I was relieved when he let me grab his hand, squeezing it tightly as tears threatened his eyes.
“You know the worst part? I think you didn’t tell me because a part of you is still contemplating which one of us you want. Am I right?”
I shook my head and grasped his hand for dear life. “I’m still here, Greyson. When he asked me to stay in Willow’s Cove with him, I said no because I love you.” I choked on the tears sliding down my cheeks.
“Do you love him?” he asked. I expected him to be angry, but he waited for me to speak with a touch of sadness in his eyes. It made the next words feel all the heavier. “Ye-yes.” I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat as our eyes met from across our kitchen table—the same table where we’d shared countless meals and conversations.
After reading endless books and watching every rom-com under the sun, I always wondered how people fell in love with two people, but that summer, I found out just how easy it was. The choice was laid out in front of me—Julian, who was part of my past I thought I’d left behind, and Greyson, a part of a future I thought I was sure of.
“Who do you love more?” he asked.
I froze. Goddamn Willow’s Cove. Everything was fine until I went back and got my life turned upside down. “You,” I said.
“I wish I could believe you, Cami, but I keep thinking if you loved me more, there wouldn’t be a reason for you to choose in the first place.”
“Julian and I just have history, and I guess when I went back to Willow’s Cove, I got confused, but you know I love you, Grey.”
He smiled faintly, but I could tell it was forced. “You know, I read the end of your book. How the guy chased her down and told her everything she’d wanted to hear, and they lived happily ever after. It was never about us, was it?”
He took my silence as an answer. “Can you please just tell me if you’re gonna walk away? Because if I have to see that, I’ll never be the same again.” We were both crying, our faces red.
“As long as you want me, I’m not going anywhere.” I was clinging to the last threads of us for dear life.
“Do you still want to marry me?” he asked.
I nodded without hesitation. Our life together was all I’d known for three years, and I didn’t want to let it go. He wiped away the tears in his eyes before leaving kisses all over my hands and arms. “I still want you, Cami. Say the word, and we’ll forget this happened, but we can’t build a life if even a small part of you wants one with him. I won’t share your heart with anyone else.”
Of course, he was willing to forgive me. That’s the kind of person he always was. Greyson Carter—the guy who wore his heart on his sleeve but was always too scared to let people see it.
In five, even ten years from now, who will give you the life you want? Mom’s voice repeated in my head.
I’d always planned my life so far ahead, but suddenly, I couldn’t picture what the near future looked like. I chose the life I had with Greyson, so why did it feel like I gave up a part of myself when I let Julian leave?
Greyson deserved all my heart, but could I give it to him?
Either choice I made, someone gets hurt. My entire life, people made decisions on my behalf, and suddenly, I was faced with the question: what did I think was best for me?