Chapter 37
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Elise
D ove pulled up in front of my apartment ten minutes after I did. Thank goodness for the ride share being available or Luc probably would’ve convinced me to talk to him.
No idea what I would’ve said. I couldn’t even identify what I thought except that something delicate and tentatively brave had crumbled inside me when Luc’s grandfather revealed what Luc had done.
I swung the door open to find her sweet face wrinkled with worry, hair up in a ponytail and wearing… sweats. I rarely saw her in anything other than scrubs and her favored pretty dresses, the presence of something else stole my attention.
“What’s wrong? What did he do?” Dove asked, hands clasped together and nearly white-knuckling herself into submission so she wouldn’t reach for me until I raised my arms for a hug.
She launched into them, holding me tight. Even while I felt crushed, attacking me with her affection made me nearly glow with love for her.
When we pulled back, I still felt locked up. Like I couldn’t make sense of it.
“Elise, you’ve got to tell me. Do I need to call the police? Did he hurt you? Should I call Nikki and have her get Bruce? What?”
“He didn’t touch me. You don’t need to call anyone.” My face crumpled right along with my heart. “But he lied to me.”
The sob that came out was filled with so much grief, it should’ve been ridiculous. Could I even explain why I felt so upset?
But Dove didn’t demand that. She held me close and let me sob into her sweatshirt. She petted the back of my head and practically cradled me until I came up for air, my face undoubtedly a blotchy mess of sadness.
“You go get out of this beautiful dress and take a minute, and then we’ll talk.” Her bright blue eyes were wet and she made no attempt to hide she’d been crying sympathy tears. My sweet, tender-hearted friend was just precious.
“Thank you.”
A few minutes later, I returned to find her nestled into a spot on my tiny couch with a mug of tea steaming in her hand, and one for me sitting on the coffee table. She had a sleeve of cookies and a bag of popcorn, too.
“Where did you find snacks?” I had no memory of bringing them, and since I hadn’t been home in days, I didn’t think I had much in the cabinets anyway.
“I brought them. Emergencies always require snacks.” She picked up the mug. “Take your tea and start talking. Or… you know, sit in silence, too. We can do whatever you want.”
I suspected that if I sat here in silence, she’d internally combust. She was a verbal processor, and she loved so deeply, this whole situation would be ripping her heart out. That was part of why I’d reached for her—because she wouldn’t let me spiral into an awful state and let my mind take over with my worst fears.
And a big part of me desperately wanted her to talk me out of feeling so hurt.
I needed her to tell me this wasn’t real. Because hearing Gérard Devereaux tell me the truth, when a man I’d felt safe with—someone I’d trusted more and more—had so blatantly chosen not to be honest, signaled the end of a fantasy.
And silly me, I hadn’t realized it was one I’d been spinning since that first day he talked to me about something more than donuts.
With a long sigh as I cupped the mug of tea in my hands and absorbed its warmth, I started talking. “My ex invested in the business. It was about forty-five percent. I had a small business loan, but a few things happened in the beginning and the store needed repairs I hadn’t budgeted for. In the end, Callum gave me the money as an investment.”
Dove’s eyes were big, but she nodded. I almost wished she’d interrupt, but she didn’t give me the excuse to clam up again.
“About six months ago, Callum started talking about wanting his money back. I told him we could work out a payment plan but that I wasn’t sure I could get him the full amount within the year.” I closed my eyes against the onslaught of self-recrimination coming. “I hate that I ever took money from him and believed he’d be reasonable about it. I hate even more that I didn’t have paperwork in place to define repayment or what any of this would look like past him just giving me the money and making it seem like…” I shook my head.
“Hey. None of that. I’m fully aware that guy was a jerk and you still have to grapple with how some of it happened. But you’re not going to sink into that right now. You made the best decision you could at the time, and I have no doubt you’ve attempted to deal with it as best you could considering the human garbage on the other end of the deal.”
Dove’s fierce words unearthed a watery chuckle from me. “Thank you.”
She sipped her tea, waiting a moment before she said, “So how does this connect with Luc?”
Clearing away the tightness in my throat, I willed myself not to cry again.
“Uh, long story short, he figured out Callum was pressuring me about either selling the business to a donut chain out of Salt Lake, or getting back together with him? And he offered to help. I told him no. Without telling me, he did it anyway—he bought out Callum and now owns part of the business.”
Dove’s mouth opened, then snapped shut.
“I know it seems silly not to just accept his help, but that’s exactly how I got in this situation. I trusted someone—I let him in and he crushed me, Dove.” My voice whittled down into a whisper. “I couldn’t let Luc do that. Even though Luc is ten times—a hundred times the man Callum is. I can’t do it again. I can’t be under someone’s thumb financially.”
Dove nodded, her face full of compassion. “That makes perfect sense. It’s just… do you think that’s why he did it? Why Luc did?”
This was where things got twisted up in my gut. Because in my heart of hearts, the easy answer was no. Thinking of just Luc and how little he seemed to care about money or how much he appeared to be cautious of being like Callum, the answer rang out a clear and resounding no.
But… he’d lied. And the reason we’d gotten together for a fake engagement was all built on a lie to begin with. So why would I look at that evidence and pretend he was someone else?
Wasn’t that exactly what I’d done with Callum? Hadn’t I worked myself into the ground to convince myself he wasn’t being mean and controlling? That he wasn’t holding me a little too tight, being a little too clingy and aggressive?
Luc isn’t like that.
The words echoed through my mind, and I wanted to believe them. I wanted to reach out and grab them and stuff them into my chest and make them true.
“I don’t think it was the whole point for him, no. But I’m not sure if maybe it was part of it.” I hated those words, but I couldn’t look away from them. If I did, then I hadn’t changed a bit.
“Oh, my friend. I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks. I just feel…” I started to say I felt like I’d taken a step backward, but was that true? Was this like anything I’d been through with Callum? Luc had lied, and that wasn’t okay, but did it have to mean I couldn’t trust myself? Did it suddenly mean I’d become my mother, throwing myself at any wealthy man who gave me a second look, because a man who’d asked me to be his fake fiancée had lied and bought out my sole investor?
No. It didn’t mean that.
“You just feel?” Dove asked, gently, but not giving up on me either.
“I mean… heartbroken. Angry with him. But… I don’t think I’m angry with myself.” Tears welled in my eyes. “And I’m proud that I tried. That I let myself be with him like this, even if this moment feels crappy.”
“Yes. Yes. You’ve made huge strides, and he needs to make this right somehow, but it takes nothing away from what you’ve gained through the experience,” Dove said, right as the doorbell rang. Her gaze jumped to the door, and she held out a hand to me. “I’ll get it. You stay put.”
Since the entryway was basically a straight line down the hallway to the couch, I could see Luc’s dark eyes and hair when the much shorter Dove swung the door open. My heart leapt and everything in me wanted to talk to him.
“She’s here. She’s fine. But no, you can’t talk to her,” Dove said, raising her chin and setting one hand on her waist in a defiant pose right as I walked up and put a hand on her shoulder.
“It’s okay. Just give me a minute?”
She narrowed her eyes like I might be making a secret distress signal, then stepped back. I pulled the door closed behind me and crossed my arms, needing the reminder that no, I wasn’t going to go to him or hug him, even though insanely, that was what I most wanted right now.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want him having any leverage to hurt you.”
His voice was rough, like he’d lived a week without sleep between this moment and the hour or less since I’d last seen him. His hair was askew and somehow he looked sallow and more worried than I’d ever seen him.
“I told you I didn’t want your help. I know it might not make sense to you, but I didn’t want anyone else having leverage over me either.” He didn’t know the full extent of how my mom had looked for men to prop her up and how much I hated that was the legacy I had in her, but he knew a little.
His jaw ticked. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I wanted to help and it wasn’t right, but I just kept wondering, what would you have done? What was your alternative? Giving into him and selling the shop? Or letting him start dating you and hurting you again?”
The words came out harsh and his lips formed the closest thing to disgust I’d ever seen on his face.
“No. I wouldn’t ever be with him again. Believe it or not, I’ve been researching other options. An additional small business loan, and even a program through the convention and visitor’s bureau for local small shops. I—honestly, it doesn’t matter what I was going to do because it wasn’t up to you.”
He exhaled slowly as though to calm himself down. “I know it wasn’t. I’m sorry I did this without telling you. I didn’t keep it a secret to deceive you. I just… I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t want one more thing for you to manage.”
“But it’s my business! It’s my life and my livelihood. It is exactly my problem and one hundred percent not yours!” My voice had notched up, and I pressed the back of my hand over my lips to calm myself. The last thing I needed was a neighbor calling the cops on me for a domestic disturbance to put the cherry on top of the day.
And yet… had I ever verbalized myself so clearly to Callum when we were together? Had I done anything but cower those first few times he’d lied or hurt me? Even this, this heartbreaking disappointment and anger with him was… progress.
He ran a hand through his hair and looked away, that sharp jaw visibly clenched beneath the trimmed stubble. When he looked back at me, desperation bled from his eyes.
“I want it to be my problem, Elise. I want you and anything to do with you to be my problem.” He shook his head, forehead scrunching up like his words were all wrong. “Actually, no. Not my problem. My joy. Everything about you would be my joy, if you’d let it.”
He took a step toward me, then stopped himself. “There is no part of me that wants to take anything from you. I don’t want to coerce you or convince you of anything other than my sincerest regret that I hid this from you. My arrogance drove on this one and I have no excuse—I won’t try to make it better.”
He… he wouldn’t?
“More than anything, I need you to know I will do whatever you want me to with it, but for now, here’s this.” He handed me an envelope.
I eyed it, my brain not fully functioning. “What is it?”
“Just open it. And if that’s not what you want, you tell me and I’ll do exactly as you say. Exactly. No strings, no expectations. S’il te plait, mon c?ur, please look at it.”
I sucked in a halting breath. “Okay. I will.”
I wouldn’t tell him no. I could. But I wouldn’t.
More progress.
He nodded, hesitating for a moment before turning and descending the stairs. I watched him as he walked with long strides toward the parking lot and my heart skipped when his dark gaze caught mine before he ducked into his car.
I didn’t know what to think, but that was like no other apology I’d ever received. And the words ringing in my ears as I went back inside were the ones that stayed with me all night.
Everything about you would be my joy.