Chapter Eleven #2
Grace picked up her smoothie and took a long pull before tilting it Maven’s way.
“Speaking of which, we need to get going. Our plan was just to get the ball rolling here and pass things off to your very capable hands.” She looked at me.
“I’ll be at the next meeting, Ariana — maybe by then we’ll have a venue locked in for this gala you’ve inspired. ”
“Count on me for calls and coordination,” Maven added, gathering her notes. “I’ll be more of a behind-the-scenes girl until the event itself, but you know I’ll be there day-of, doing whatever needs to get done.”
“Or…you could actually hand this off the way you planned and go spend time with that sweet baby girl of yours,” Grace challenged.
“And you could set a date for your wedding.”
Grace stuck out her tongue.
“Ariana, would you like to join us for a girls’ night soon?” Maven said when they reached the door. “We have a little group that likes to get together for crafting—”
“Some of us craft. Others just drink and tell hilarious stories.” Grace winked and pointed her thumb into her chest.
“We’d love to have you,” Maven said with a chuckle, ignoring her friend. “If you’d be interested?”
My heart surged in my chest at the thought of making friends, which was a foreign concept to me these days. I used to have them — some from undergrad, some from grad school, many from when I worked at the youth outreach program in Boston before I met Nathan.
But that was the keyword — before. It had been a long time since I’d had close friends, or even distant ones.
“Sure,” I said, my skin warm. “I’d love that.”
I thought I saw something knowing in Maven’s gaze as she tilted her head at me, but she just smiled and nodded before I could read it. “Great. I have your number, so I’ll text you next time we have a date.”
“Should we add her to the group chat?” Grace asked.
“Easy, killer. We don’t want to scare her off before we have the chance to charm her.” Maven hit me with one last wink, and then they were gone.
And it was just me and Shane.
The air in the room thickened, heating enough to make me tug at the collar of my blouse for a little relief.
We hadn’t been alone in nearly two decades, and I felt every single one of those years like little zaps of electricity now.
Shane rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, eyes flicking to the empty chairs before finding mine again. Then, wordlessly, he reached for the berry smoothie and offered it to me.
“Thank you,” I muttered, taking it with unsure hands.
“My pleasure,” he said. His eyes searched mine a moment before he inhaled deep and rubbed his hands together. “All right. Catch me up.”
He pulled out the chair beside mine instead of taking one across the table, the scrape of it against the floor loud in the quiet room before he sat.
The nearness of him was immediately distracting — his shoulder close enough that I was suddenly aware of where my arms were, how I was sitting, how fast my heart was beating.
It helped, having something to do with my hands.
I handed over sheet after sheet as I discussed how the program had been working up until now, what needed attention, and the ideas Grace, Maven, and I had briefly discussed.
Shane nodded as he listened, following along with the attention of a coach going into a playoff game rather than one simply helping with a community initiative.
It was at least twenty minutes before I took my first sip of the smoothie Shane had brought, and when I did, I hummed, smiling. “Wow.”
“Good?”
“Not bad,” I said. “But also, I just… it’s been a long time since I’ve had a smoothie.”
Shane smirked, his eyes catching mine like he wanted to ask something but thought better of it. “Nothing compared to The Smoothie Guy, but it’s a close enough fix. Sometime, I’ll have to take you to the smoothie spot in Ybor. That’s the one that might put our Boston go-to to shame.”
That had my smile faltering a little, the way he was talking as if we were friends now. As if me suddenly ending up in the same city as him was going to erase years of pain.
“Anyway, I’m happy you’re going to help with the players,” I said, surprised by the coldness in my voice. But I leaned into it. “Do you have any idea which ones would be on board to do some of these events on top of their schedule?”
Shane was still looking at me in that strange way, like he wanted to say something but wouldn’t allow himself to.
“I have a few ideas. Jaxson Brittain for one. He had a strained relationship with his parents, and I think he’d be interested in helping out.
Plus, it would make Grace happy, and he’d do anything for that. ”
I smiled.
“Then there’s Daddy P. This is his last season.” Shane cracked his neck at that with a sigh. “And I think he’d like to give back before he goes.”
“Great. We can mark them down. Now, do you think the gala is a possibility? I mean, timewise?”
“It will be tough, but I think if we put our minds to it, yes.”
“Do you have any idea where we could host it?”
“I’ll talk to the PR team. I bet they have some ideas.”
“And what about food. Do we have—”
“Ari, I’m sorry.”
The words struck me like a lightning bolt to the chest.
My hands froze where I was jotting down notes, my eyes zeroed in on the ink on the page so I didn’t have to look at Shane.
I couldn’t. Not with those words hanging between us.
They’d shot out of his mouth quickly and breathlessly, like he’d been holding them back this entire meeting and couldn’t fight them any longer.
“I realize I’ve said these words to you before, and I also realize they don’t mean a thing after…” he continued quietly, his voice low and controlled, like he was holding it together by sheer force of will. “But I am. For whatever it’s worth.”
I didn’t look at him, but I felt everything behind what he’d said — the restraint, the careful steadiness, the emotion he was keeping tightly leashed.
The apology itself was simple. The truth beneath it was not.
My heart was thundering in my chest, the temptation to look at him nearly eating me alive. But I knew if I did, I’d crash all the way out.
“I don’t think we should talk about this.”
“Why not?”
“It’s in the past. It doesn’t matter now.”
“Doesn’t it?”
“I’m married.” I finally snapped my gaze to him with those words, and the way his jaw tightened, his nostrils flaring, I knew I’d hit my intended mark. “What happened between me and a college boyfriend twenty years ago is of no consequence. Okay? So let’s just drop it and move on.”
Lie.
Big, fat lie.
But I held his gaze like I meant every word, arching a brow as if to ask, “Anything else?”
For a moment, I thought he might call my bluff.
Shane searched my gaze intently, like he was looking for a crack in the armor I’d quickly thrown up around me.
But after a moment, he only nodded, wetting his lips before he cleared his throat and picked up a stack of paper in front of him.
“Of course. You’re right. It’s all in the past.”
I nodded, the sound of my pulse in my ears nearly too loud to think over.
For a moment, we were both silent. I was just about to launch into the next phase of our to-do list when Shane spoke first.
“How’s Georgie?”
The question caught me off guard, and I finally let myself really look at him.
The edge I’d braced for wasn’t there. Instead, his expression had softened, something genuine and unguarded in his eyes. It was the same care and concern he’d always had when it came to my brother.
Maybe the question should have stung. Maybe it should have made me angry. But it only warmed my heart, an easy smile finding my lips at the fact that Shane had asked about someone he knew meant everything to me.
“He’s… God, Shane, he’s incredible.” My eyes welled with pride as I said the words. “He’s in med school.”
“What? Holy shit.” Shane’s jaw dropped before a grin split his face. “That’s amazing.”
“He is amazing. He’s acing all his classes, chomping at the bit to get into the hospital and really dig in. He’s leaving his options open, but thinks he wants to go into pediatrics. Specifically, oncology.”
Shane whistled. “Wow.”
“I know.”
“You must be so proud of him.”
My eyes stung again. “I am. I really am.”
“He’s lucky to have you.”
That comment soured my delight. I wasn’t sure I shared his sentiment.
My poor brother had been unwanted by his father, had to witness horrible things happen to his mother, and then try to find normalcy with an older sister who had no idea how to raise a child.
I couldn’t give him half of what I wished I could.
And if it wasn’t for Nathan, he wouldn’t be in med school. There was no way I would have ever been able to afford sending him.
I sniffed, forcing a smile. “Speaking of family, how are your grandparents?”
Shane was watching me like he’d seen my train of thought, the doubt, without me even saying a word. He tried to smile, but it only reached the corner of his mouth before it fell again. “They passed several years ago.”
“Oh, Shane… I’m so sorry.”
“They lived a great life. Grandma passed first — just old age, as the doctor said. And Grandpa went right after.”
I nodded, and without thinking, I reached for him, hand wrapping around his wrist with a squeeze.
I knew how complicated his relationship with them was.
He was thankful to them taking him in when his parents died, but they also hadn’t known what to do with him, so they’d thrown him into sports and wiped their hands.
They had been in their retirement era, ready for it to be just the two of them, and Shane hadn’t fit into that narrative.
But they loved him. They housed him and clothed him, made sure he was fed and had plenty of money for whatever he needed when he made it to college.
Hockey was expensive, and they’d footed every bill without question.
But none of that made up for what he really wanted, what he needed, what he was missing.
Parents.
Family.
My throat constricted when I thought of how hard it all must have been for him.
I felt a tinge of hurt and jealousy, too. I wished I could have been there for him through it.
I wished we could have stayed in each other’s lives.
Shane stared at where I held him, a muscle ticking in his jaw. When he lifted his gaze to mine, I felt stripped to the bone.
“Ari, I—”
A heavy knock on the door made both of us jump, and just as we retreated into our own space again, the door swung open to reveal my husband.
“Ah! I knew it. Hard at work already.” He grinned wide, sweeping into the room without care and bending to press a kiss to my cheek, which flamed when my eyes skirted to Shane.
“I was chatting with our rookies, making sure they felt good going into today’s practice.
And I remembered you were here, darling, so I came to take you to lunch. ”
“We were just finishing, anyway,” I said, stacking up all the pages and slipping them into a folder.
My neck was on fire, like I’d been caught with my tongue down my ex’s throat rather than just sitting in a room with him.
“Shane, thank you again for your help. Do you think you can get with the players, get a feel for who we can depend on, and we can discuss at the next meeting?”
“Oh, I’m sure all the players will be more than happy to help,” Nathan answered for him. “And Coach here will thwomp them if they give you any grief. Isn’t that right, McCabe?”
Nathan squeezed Shane’s shoulders and shook him hard, all with a loud laugh that had always charmed everyone around him.
“I’m sure we won’t run into any trouble,” Shane answered carefully, and then he shrugged out of Nathan’s grasp to stand, gathering his things. “I better get to it. Enjoy your lunch.”
His gaze slid to me only briefly, enough for me to see there were still a thousand things left unsaid.
I hoped he could read my unspoken reply.
Leave it in the past, Shane.
Please, just leave it in the past.
Because I knew that was the only way I could survive being in his vicinity again.