Chapter 25
APRIL - ORLANDO, FLORIDA
Now playing: All I Wanted - Paramore
Life since March had been a whirlwind. Promos, photoshoots, interviews, you name it. The buildup for mine, Cal, and Evan’s Triple Threat main event at Wrestle Empire was quickly approaching, and we were selling the feud in a way we never had.
Creative had taken a bit of a turn with my character for this.
“Timeless” Silas Reed was in more of a heel role this time, something I’d never done, but the fans seemed to fucking love it.
I wasn’t some legacy prince in this business; I was a vengeful, hate fueled machine that was ready to claim his redemption.
Cal, as always, was the anti-hero everyone was rooting for. The role suited him well, far better than when they wanted him to be a heel when we first started. Cal didn’t fit the role of a bad guy, even if he looked the part. The fans loved him. He was far too likable, and everyone felt that.
Then, there was Evan. He was the “Showstopper,” the guy that talked a big game and could back it up every time.
He was the true babyface, the one everyone should want to win, but this match was completely divided.
Every live show we did on the road to the main event, we felt it.
Sometimes the crowds were absolutely die hard for Evan, sometimes for me, but almost always for Cal.
It was proof he’d fulfilled his spot here in this company. He was the face, the one everyone loved, the one that was the example, the ideal.
Damn, it was kind of sexy, now that I think about it.
Our flight into Orlando was early, which meant we had a few hours before we needed to go to the Performance Center and train for tomorrow’s show.
The thought of it felt like a dream. I hadn’t been back there in nearly a decade.
It was the place everything started. Where Cal and I first met.
Where I found my wrestling soulmate who could perform on the same level as me without stopping.
Where I found my actual soulmate, the one I wanted to spend my life with, that I would never let go of ever again.
Cal promised Lena that he’d work with her during training on some moves she felt needed perfecting, and I agreed to help too. He made the stipulation that he’d only help if she let him go straight to his hotel room and sleep until training. She pouted but agreed.
When we got to the hotel, we all went to our respective rooms. But within ten minutes, I had left mine and gone over to Cal’s. I had no interest in sleeping in my room alone, and I knew he didn’t want to sleep in his alone either.
He’d slipped me his spare room key when Lena wasn’t looking, so I let myself in without a second thought. When I opened the door, I saw Cal standing at the sliding glass door, looking out at the balcony. It was still early morning, the beautiful spring haze still lingering in the sunlight.
I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He instinctively leaned back into me, his head resting on my shoulder. I kissed the side of his neck as we looked out at the city, the city that brought us together nearly a decade ago.
“It feels so weird being back here,” he said with a smirk.
“I know.”
“I hated coming back here for years, you know,” he said, turning in my arms to face me.
I looked at him, feeling a twinge of guilt.
I knew where this was leading. He didn’t even have to say it.
Half the reason I didn’t want to stay living here after the botch was because of the ghost of him that would linger.
I couldn’t imagine having to come back here on tour, or being sent here for training when we weren’t speaking. I probably would have just hidden away.
But Cal wasn’t like that. He never had been.
“I’m sorry,” is all I could say.
“You don’t need to be. It was just… I don’t know.
Over the years when I had to come back here, I just always felt like even though I had everything, I didn’t?
Like, Orlando gave me you, and coming back when I had to without you…
it was like this weird admission of failure. I don’t know how to really explain it.”
I leaned my head down to rest our foreheads together. Cal carried his hurt when it came to us differently than I did. So different. I often assumed he didn’t feel anything back then, but I knew that was far from the truth. Cal was just good at hiding what he felt, where I spiraled in mine.
“Let’s relax while we have time,” I said, pecking his lips.
“I could really use a shower,” he said.
I nodded, grabbed his hand, and dragged him toward the bathroom. We showered lazily, enjoying the water, enjoying each other.
“So,” Cal started as he rummaged through his duffle bag for clothes. His tone was completely casual, but his eyes were sharp. “There’s something I’ve wanted to ask you since Tampa.”
I pulled a pair of boxer briefs on and hesitantly responded. “Okay?”
“The math just hasn’t been mathing for me. You said you hadn’t been with another man since me,” he said, zipping his bag.
I raised a brow. “Yeah? I wasn’t. That wasn’t something I was capable of.”
“But in Tampa, you said you’d had a long-term girlfriend?” he said, watching me closely. “You didn’t… branch out?”
“I mean, I guess not? I tried. I dated Amanda for two years,” I said.
Cal choked on the water he’d just opened. He was sputtering with a laugh before he could stop. “You dated a woman long term? Like… you chose to?”
I bristled immediately. “Yeah, is that some big deal? Why is that so hard to believe?”
“No, it just… I don’t know, Si,” Cal giggled, shaking his head.
“You’ve told me you don’t like being the one in control.
You like to not be on top, in fact, you’re fucking eager not to be.
And you were back then, too. I just can’t picture you having to…
be on the other side of things for two years. ”
“Well, we didn’t exactly switch roles ever, did we?” I snapped back. “We were kids.”
“Oh, so it’s my fault you had to top a woman?” Cal teased, a smirk playing on his lips. “Because I didn’t put out more, you had to compensate?”
I rolled my eyes, feeling the heat rise in my neck.
“My point is, did you like that? Topping a woman is different, sure, and I know I’m the only guy you’ve been with—”
“Jesus, Cal, why are you so stuck on that? Is it an ego thing? ‘Oh look at me, I’m the Champion, I’m the only dick Silas Reed ever wanted’?” I teased.
Cal chuckled, the sound low and rough. “I mean yeah, I’m not gonna lie to you. I fucking love knowing I’m the only guy who’s ever fucked you into a mattress to the point where you’re drooling and can’t speak.”
My breath hitched at the image, but Cal waved a hand.
“You missed my entire point though. Do you like to top? At all?”
“I don’t mind it,” I stuttered, looking away. “It’s whatever. Besides, she worked constantly. She was a trauma nurse. Sex wasn’t exactly an all the time thing.”
Cal’s smirk deepened. He leaned forward, challenging me. “Oh, really? So you’re a switch now? I thought you wanted to be a pillow princess?”
My face was on fire.
“So, if I tell you right now to fuck me, you’ll do it?”
I froze. My mouth opened, but the hesitation was instant. My face scrunched in a mix of confusion and reluctance. I didn’t mind topping Cal, God, I definitely didn’t mind, but it wasn’t something I craved. Not often, anyways.
“No,” I admitted quietly, the fight leaving me.
“I mean… I did it in Tampa because I wanted to be close to you, and I like doing it when you want me to. I like when you want me that way. But it’s not something I want to do all the time.
” I looked down at the dark brown carpet.
“I don’t like being the one in control. It feels like… like I’m performing.”
Cal’s expression softened instantly. “I kind of put that together.”
I looked up at him. “You would have let me? If I said yes?”
He shrugged. “If you needed it. But I’m glad you said no. I don’t like it unless I’m in the mood specifically for that, which as you know isn’t common.”
“What about you? Did you date anyone?” I asked, my voice dropping. The air in the room felt heavier.
Cal didn’t flinch. “I saw a few women over the years. Just hookups.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I didn’t care about the women.
The women were different. When I was younger, I always felt Cal’s interest in women was a threat to the space I occupied, but now, that felt like a childish thought process.
His interest in men, however… that felt like a threat. Even as stupid as it sounded.
“And… guys?” I finally asked.
Cal sighed. He knew where this was heading before I did, I think. But the tunnel vision was already starting to consume me. “What does it matter, Si? You and I weren’t even friends.”
“I just want to know.”
“I wasn’t whoring around,” Cal said firmly. “But… yeah, sometimes. Two, maybe three times in seven years?”
The number was small, barely existent in a seven-year period, but inside my chest, I felt like a bomb went off.
The spiral started instantly. A movie reel began in my head, high definition and fucking intrusive.
I saw Cal in bed with faceless men. Men who knew exactly what they were doing.
Men who didn’t fumble with uncertainty. Men who weren’t weak.
Men that didn’t have baggage like panic attacks that made them feel like the entire world was collapsing minutes after sexting about all the things they wanted him to do.
“So guys that knew what they were actually doing,” I muttered bitterly, my hands shaking. “Guys with experience, that knew how to touch you without asking.”
“Silas. Don’t,” Cal warned gently.
My mind was in full spiral now. There was no returning. I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t want to instigate a fight, but my brain wasn’t coming off of this. I couldn’t even force it to.