Chapter 19
Allegra
Over the next two weeks, I spend my days on campus, hanging with my friends. My evenings take place downtown at the NGO or visiting my brother. My nights are for Beirut and my shifts. But my sleeping hours? Those are spent wrapped in Derek’s embrace.
My mornings begin with his lips on mine, or with his head between my thighs, coaxing me to greet the day. At night, my sleep kicks in after the high of a mind-blowing orgasm, expertly delivered by Derek’s skillful fingers and mouth and incomparable cock.
Basically, I’m living in bliss. Waltzing along cloud nine.
“Someone got the D last night,” Nova comments when I sit down at the table.
“Here.” Kenny passes me a caramel latte I seldom purchase given the price. But it’s one of my favorites.
I grin at my friends. “Correct,” I tell Nova who snorts and claps. “And thank you.” I give Kenny a side hug.
“What’d I miss?” Ivy asks, taking the seat beside mine.
“Your girl’s blissed out.” Nova points at me. “And I got a date tonight!” She shimmies her shoulders.
“You do?” I lean forward. “With who?”
“A football player.” She lowers her voice. “There’s speculation that he’s going to get drafted.”
“Damn, girl,” Ivy mutters. “I’m having no luck in the collegiate athlete pool.”
“You should come to his next game with me,” Nova decides.
Mckenna sighs. “How do you guys have time to date? I’m drowning in—”
“Don’t say schoolwork,” Nova cuts her off. “Kenny, it’s our senior year.”
“Yeah.” Ivy nods in agreement. “No one is gonna fail you.”
“You guys, she’s going to law school!” I remind them.
Mckenna shrugs. “I just hope I can keep up.”
“You will,” I say reassuringly.
“Talking about keeping up…” Nova raises her eyebrow. “You and Reign?”
I laugh. “Things are…good. We’ve got a good thing going at the moment and I don’t want to mess with that.”
“How would you mess with it?” Kenny asks.
I sigh. “Levi is not a fan. He keeps telling me that I shouldn’t trust Derek, that I’m making a mistake, that he’s not the guy I think he is.”
“Who do you think he is?” Kenny presses.
“How is Levi?” Nova wonders.
“Just, worthy of a second chance,” I respond to Kenny first. “I mean, he—”
“Really hurt you,” Mckenna reminds me.
Ivy nods thoughtfully. “You were gutted.”
“You got a blonde bob. Although now it’s more lob, which suits you better.” Nova points at me as if my choice of hairstyle settles just how devastated I was. Rock freaking bottom.
“Yes, I remember,” I remind her. “But since he’s been back, he’s done nothing but show up for me. I mean, the apartment.” I widen my eyes at my friends.
“And the hot sex,” Nova mutters.
“Just, keep it casual,” Ivy advises. “I think your current outlook is a good one. You’re clearly having fun with him and there’s something more there but no need to rush it or label it or whatever. Not unless you trust him?” She raises a skeptical eyebrow.
I pause. Chewing my bottom lip, I think over her question. I don’t trust Derek with the blind faith I had before last summer. Maybe that was silly of me though. It was na?ve. Now, I know better.
Still, a part of me wants to trust Derek. I want to place my faith in him and know, without a doubt, that he’s got my back. That he cares for me. That he loves me. Could he ever truly love me?
I heave out a sigh. “I like where we’re at right now.”
“Good,” Kenny says, her tone clipped. “And Levi?”
I smile. “He’s my brother again. The old Levi.
Our conversations are interesting and funny and he’s not shying away from the hard stuff either.
We’ve talked more about Mom and Dad and our upbringing.
He’s admitted how checked out he was last summer and how shitty he treated me, and the band.
I mean, there’s a lot to unpack but we’re getting there.
The only distancing topic between us right now is Derek. ”
Ivy sighs. “That’s hard.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “Levi’s my family. He’s my…home.”
“You’ve wanted to mend your relationship with him for years,” Ivy points out.
“Since we met you freshman year,” Nova recalls.
“I won’t jeopardize that. Not when he’s putting in the work to prove that he cares about our relationship as much as I do,” I say slowly.
“Even if he throws down the gauntlet?” Nova wrinkles her nose.
I look at her, confused.
“Gives you an ultimatum,” she clarifies.
“What?” I sputter, running a hand through my hair. “Like…him or Derek?”
My friends stare at me, but no one offers a rebuttal.
I sigh. Snort. “No, no, I don’t think he’d do that.”
“I hope not,” Ivy murmurs.
I shake my head again and steer the conversation back to Nova and the football player.
But her words stick with me.
Would Levi give me an ultimatum? Would Derek?
And who would I choose? Which relationship can I count on?
The fact that I don’t know unsettles me as much as my wanting to believe in both.
Can any woman really have her cake and eat it too? Or will we always hang suspended between our love and our family, our heart divided in two, our emotions a swirling mess of love and obligation, desire and commitment.
“Hey, baby,” he greets me when I open the front door.
With one word, one smirk, one step forward, Derek’s presence eats up the air in my apartment. His energy expands and my attraction to him activates. I rush him like a schoolgirl. Throwing my arms around his neck, I kiss him hard.
Between the conversation with my friends and my visit with Levi, I want Derek desperately.
I want him to have his way with me and show me, with his body, through our chemistry, how well-suited we are.
How good things are going. I want him to remind me that I made the right choice by letting him in again.
By giving my body up to his nimble hands, by encouraging his tongue to invade my mouth.
“Whoa, slow down.” He laughs, catching me around the waist as I wrap my legs around his hips. “What’s the rush?”
“Missed you,” I murmur.
One side of his mouth tics up. “Me too. Are you hungry?” He palms my ass before setting me back on my feet. “Or we could go out for a drink?”
I tilt my head. “Now? Why go out when we can stay here? Get busy…” My eyes dart to my bedroom.
Derek’s eyes darken and he presses his lips together. Jamming his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he shrugs. “I don’t know. Could be nice to get out, do something together. Hang.”
I freeze. “What? Like…a date?”
Derek’s quiet for a long moment. His eyes search mine. His jawline hardens and the muscle underneath his right eye twitches. “Yeah,” he breathes out. “I want to take you on a date, Allegra. I want to do this”—he gestures between us—“with you.”
“We’re already doing it,” I remind him, grinning cheekily.
He snorts but doesn’t smile. “Why don’t you want to go out with me?”
“Why are you trying to make this more than…this?” I gesture around my apartment. What’s wrong with late nights and hot sex? With slowly letting down our walls and talking? Why isn’t that enough?
“Because I want more than this. I want more than just your body and your hot mouth. I want to spend time with you. And talk about things. Real things.”
“We talk,” I sound defensive.
“Sometimes,” he agrees. He cocks his head. “You deflect a lot.”
I sigh and toss a hand in the air. “Now, you’re going to analyze me?”
“It’s just an observation. I want to know more about your work with the NGO and the homelessness placements. You haven’t mentioned much about your friends, or your visits with Levi, or—”
“Is this about Levi?” I cut in.
“What?”
“Is this because Levi and you aren’t talking? Are you trying to prove something?”
“Like what?” He looks truly lost. I should back down; I should stop my line of thinking and definitely not turn it into a line of questioning.
Even if he throws down the gauntlet? Nova’s words roll through my mind. What if Derek offers me an ultimatum instead of Levi?
“Do you want me to choose between you and my brother?” I blurt out, internally wincing the second I do. I’m making this worse; I’m making an issue out of thin fucking air.
Derek rears back. A flash of hurt cuts through his eyes before he shakes his head in disbelief.
“Is that what you think? You think I’d try to fuck with your family shit when I know how important it is to you?
Hell, when I have no fucking family to speak of?
” He chuckles humorlessly. “I watched you all damn summer, Allegra. Witnessed you fight for Levi’s attention, saw your face fucking crumble when he blew you off.
Hated that your mom wouldn’t meet you for a damn lunch.
Or that your dad wouldn’t take your calls. ”
Embarrassment rolls through me at his reminders. Followed by humiliation. Then, the burn of shame.
“You think I’d want to pit you between me and your brother, my best damn friend?” he asks, his voice low. “Fuck, you really don’t trust me.”
“It’s not—”
“Forget it,” he interjects. “You told me as much. I just thought, the last two weeks…” He grips the back of his neck. “I hoped your opinion of me was changing.”
“I—” I sigh, take a deep breath, and let it out slowly. I’m not going to apologize for being confused, or wary. But, “Let’s go out and get a drink. Let’s…hang.”
Derek snorts. “What? Now?”
I shrug. “Why not?”
“‘Cause you just flipped the fucking switch on me.”
“I’m flipping it back.” I stand straighter, challenging him to dare me. I know I flipped him bullshit. But so has he. I’m not apologizing for how I feel, for the fears I have, but I can acknowledge that tossing them in his face wasn’t fair. So… “I’ll buy the first round.”
Now, he laughs. “Get out of here. I’ll take you for a fucking drink, Stellina.”
A flicker of relief shoots through me when he uses my nickname. He’s not holding a grudge.
“I’d like that,” I say sincerely.
Derek rolls his eyes. “Go get dressed.”
I grin. “I’ll be ready in ten.”
“Yeah. See how simple this could’ve been?” he calls after me.
I ignore his question and change into tight black jeans and a ruby red halter top. I slip on some nude heels and grab a purse.
When I step out of my bedroom, Derek drinks me in. “You’re gorgeous, Allegra. Still burning too fucking hot and bright.”
I smile and walk over to him.
When I get close, his arm darts out. He pulls me against his chest and kisses my lips. The kiss holds an edge, as if he’s trying to convince me that this is real. Or remind himself that it means something true. His hand grabs a handful of my ass and I drag my chest across his as I arch up into him.
He pulls back to stare at me for a long moment. I don’t blink or break eye contact. Instead, I drown in his whiskey eyes and wonder if Derek Reiner is salvation or sin.
“Come on.” He taps my ass.
I lace my fingers with his and let him whisk me out on a date. We hit a popular wine bar and sit at the bar, talking about real things, until it’s nearly 2 a.m.
Then, Derek takes me home, lays me down, and works my body over.
We come together passionately, a beautiful song of desire.
Our joining is a steady drum roll of touches and kisses that intensifies into a soul-baring crescendo.
My body shatters for him and he gives me all that vulnerability he hides from the world.
He gives me Derek, the man behind Reign.
With his arms around my naked body, my eyes flutter closed.
Tomorrow, I promise myself, we’ll talk. I’ll be open and honest with him. I’ll give him the words I’ve been denying him.
But when I wake in the morning, his side of the bed is empty.
Once again, he’s already gone.