10. #2
“Is everything okay? I was on my way upstairs when you called,” I explained to the charge nurse as he motioned for me to sit in the chair across from him. “Is it Sully or Park? Park had that test this morning, didn’t he? What’s wrong?”
Ciro, who was accompanying me today, reached over and took my hand before he gently said, “Let the man talk, Stan.”
“Park’s tests came back just fine. His scans are normal, and his brain function is right where it should be, considering his diagnosis. Everything looks as well as can be expected. However, he had a breakthrough in therapy this morning, and he’s been upset ever since.”
“A breakthrough should be a good thing, though, right?”
“I don’t know. He’s been inconsolable ever since his appointment and has refused to leave his room for any reason since then.”
“Did the therapist say what they were talking about? What could have upset him like that?”
The nurse broke eye contact and looked at the floor before he said, “He remembered something about you.”
“Me?”
“Oh, shit,” Ciro mumbled.
“We gave him a sedative when his blood pressure shot up, so he’s resting now, but I felt like I should talk to you before you go in to see him.”
“Is the therapist available to talk to me for a minute?”
“When I found out you were here, I went ahead and paged her. She’s wrapping up with a patient and should be here momentarily.”
“Okay. Can you let her know that we’ll be with Sully?”
“I’ll do that.”
“Thank you for calling me. I’m glad you filled me in before I went barging in to visit him.”
“No problem. I believe Sully is in occupational therapy right now.”
“Thank you again,” I said as I stood up and looked at Ciro. “Let’s go.”
As we walked down the hall toward the elevator, I asked, “Do you think he remembered something about us?”
“Do you want him to?”
“I’m not sure,” I admitted. “Everything has changed since the shooting. I’m not the same woman I was then, nor is he the same man. And, of course, Sully is . . . Well, he’s not really Sully anymore.”
“I can’t imagine what that must feel like.”
“The doctors assured me that he’s completely unaware of how much he has changed, which I think is such a blessing.”
“I was talking about how it must feel for you and Park. Sully’s here, but he’s not here.”
“I know.”
“Park remembers Sully from before, but neither of them remembers what life was like with you.”
“It’s like I was erased from their memories.”
“Sorry, kiddo.”
“I’ll admit that was very hard to come to terms with. Occasionally, it reaches out of the blue and knocks me on my ass, but I take a deep breath and deal with it when that happens.” I laughed bitterly before I said, “Not that I have any other choice.”
“You do, but you don’t see it that way, because you’re a better person than anyone else I know.”
I stopped walking and stared at Ciro before I said, “That sounded like a compliment.”
“Shut up and keep walking,” Ciro muttered. He was quiet for a minute before he said, “You have the perfect out. Neither of them remembers falling in love with you, but your sense of honor is keeping you by their side anyway.”
“I can’t just abandon them!”
“They’re perfectly safe and happy. All of their needs are met, and they have each other. No one would ever say that you abandoned them, Stan.”
“That’s what it would feel like to me.”
“They’re different from the men you fell in love with. How does that make you feel?”
“I still love them, but it’s a different kind of love now. I can’t really say it’s a sisterly love. That would be too weird, considering our history..”
“It’s like the couples who have been together for the majority of their lives and then something happens to one of them, whether a health issue or accident, that permanently affects them for the rest of their life.
Their partner adjusts and learns to care for them and love them in a new and different way. ”
“That’s the very definition of real love, don’t you think?” I asked as I pushed open the door to the occupational therapy room.
I looked around at the patients working at the various stations and smiled at the ones who recognized me before I spotted Sully. He was toiling away on the blocks that frustrated him so badly, and I smiled when I saw that familiar stubborn look I loved so much.
“I didn’t before, but you’re making me think so.”
“What?” I asked Ciro as I looked over at him.
“That look on your face is unconditional love - something I thought only existed between parents and children.”
“If love has to come with conditions, then it’s not really love at all.”
I left Ciro at the door and maneuvered my way around the stations until I was standing behind the chair across from Sully. He still hadn’t noticed I was there, but the therapist who was working with a patient at the next table over motioned for me to go ahead and sit down.
Sully was doing something most people would consider a simple repetitive task, but for him, it was a challenge because it was working to build the fine motor skills, range of motion, and stamina he had lost. I watched him focus on the wooden blocks to the left of the short divider before he chose one to move over and drop on the other side.
He did this a few times before I realized that he wasn’t just choosing the block on top of the stack, but sorting by color.
“Hi there, handsome!”
Sully looked up at me and grinned as his eyes lit up with recognition. Even though the word was still slurred a bit, it filled my heart when he said, “Stan!”
“I see you’ve still got an obsession with sorting things by color.
” Sully nodded before he looked back down at the blocks and started working again.
“You know, it used to drive me and Park crazy when we had to watch you eat M&Ms or Skittles. You’d pour them all out and sort them by color before you’d put a single one in your mouth.
” Sully chuckled, so I said, “I understand the Skittles thing more than the M&Ms since they all taste the same, but it was still maddening. Made us nuts!”
“Mmm.Chocolate.”
“Did you already go through that stash I bought you?” I asked.
When Sully just nodded, I frowned at him, so he said, “Yes, I did.”
“Do you want an assortment this time, or just chocolate?”
Sully hummed, and I realized he was having a problem answering that question, so I asked, “Candy or chocolate?”
“All of it,” Sully said firmly before he continued with his task.
“So, do you want anything else?” Sully shook his head, so I asked, “Should I buy some snacks for Park?”
Sully looked up from the table and frowned for a moment before his eyes lit up and he said, “Sour!”
“Park loves sour stuff.”
“Yes, he does!”
I realized that our conversation had unlocked a memory for Sully, and I had to swallow hard to get rid of the lump in my throat before I said, “Okay, then. I’ll buy him some sour stuff. Do you want any?”
Sully scrunched up his face and stuck out his tongue before he said, “Ugh. No.”
I was glad that Sully remembered his likes and dislikes and so proud of him for expressing a new word. As soon as the therapist walked over to check his progress, I bragged on him until he blushed and hissed, “Hush!”
“Well, I guess that’s two new words for the day, huh?” I asked with a grin.
Sully and I laughed with the therapist, and I said my goodbyes before I kissed him on the cheek and left to go see about Park. As I neared Ciro, I smiled and told him what had happened as we walked. I saw sadness cloud his features. “Little steps, Ciro. Every single one counts.”
When we got to Park’s room downstairs, I tapped on the door as Ciro took a seat across the hall to wait for me.
Once Park called out for me to enter, I pasted a smile on my face and walked inside.
Park was sitting in his wheelchair in front of the window and looked over his shoulder when I said hello.
As I walked closer to him, he turned his chair so he could face me, but when I leaned down to kiss his cheek like I always did, he turned his face away.
I didn’t react to his denial. Instead, I just sat down on the end of his bed and crossed my legs as I waited for him to speak. When I first met Park and Sully, I quickly learned that Park was all business - serious almost all the time, whereas Sully was quick to smile and forever laughing.
The most important thing I’d learned was that Park liked to be in charge, and his injury definitely hadn’t changed that. Even though the doctors hadn’t mentioned it, I was sure that was part of the reason he had been so surly, and I was positive that was why he was frowning now.
He broke the silence by asking, “When were you going to tell me?”
I’d avoided so many subjects that his question honestly stumped me. “Tell you what?”
“About us?” Park said, motioning between us.
“What do you remember?”
“You’re not denying that we slept together?”
“No.”
“How could we do that to Sully?” Park asked, his voice choked with emotion.
“To Sully? You think we . . . You mean you don’t . . . Uh . . .”
“I love him, Stan. I’ve heard you say you love him too! If that’s true, how could we go behind his back like that?”
“Behind his back? Park, I’m not sure what memories have surfaced, but it wasn’t like that.”
“It’s not a memory that plays out like a movie but flashes of things, like snapshots flipping through my mind.”
“What do you remember?”
“Me and you.Naked.Together.”
“And that upsets you?”
“Yes! I love him , not you!”
Even though my heart was shattered, I knew I had to be honest with him. I quietly said, “We loved each other, Park. It wasn’t just me and you, Sully was part of us too. I’m not sure why you can’t remember that, but . . .”
Park’s eyes filled with tears before he choked out, “That’s why you’re here with us, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Even though we don’t . . . I mean, at least I didn’t . . . remember you like that?”
“Yes.”
Park was quiet for so long that I started to get worried.
Just as I opened my mouth to speak, he said, “I thought I was the luckiest man in the world when I met Sully, but now I know that we were luckier than we could have imagined because we found a woman who loves us even when we couldn’t love her back. ”
“You don’t remember when we were ‘us’ and may never get those memories back.
I don’t know what Sully remembers about me other than the friendship we’ve developed in the past few months, but I remember everything.
Even though our lives have changed and our relationship will never be what it once was, I made a promise to both of you that I’d love you forever and always be with you.
I’m keeping that promise, no matter what. ”
“Did you . . . Do you still love us?”
“Yes, but in a different way than I did then. When you woke up and didn’t remember anything about our relationship, I grieved and started healing from the heartbreak.
It took a while, but I discovered that I’m content being a friend and caretaker to both of you.
Even though that all-consuming love isn’t romantic anymore, my loyalty is still there.
That part of the love will never go away. ”
“I wish I could remember more,” Park whispered with obvious frustration.
“I’ll remember it all for the three of us. You just focus on healing your body and let your mind take some time to recover. Maybe your memories will come back, maybe they won’t.”
“And you’re going to stick around anyway?”
“Yes. No matter what I’ve got going on in my life, there will always be a place for you and Sully in it.”
“You promise?”
“With all my heart.”