14. #2
I looked around the small living area and still didn’t see my shirt but noticed that the coffee pot in the kitchen was full and there was a piece of paper stuck in the mug beside it.
I scratched my still bare stomach as I walked that way and pulled the paper out of the mug before I filled it.
I turned around to lean against the counter and sipped my coffee as I read.
Dear Rin,
I’m sorry that I wasn’t in bed with you when you woke up this morning. It’s not because of anything that either of us has done but because there’s a truth that I haven’t shared with you that I’m afraid may get in the way of any more mornings where I get to wake up in your arms.
It’s not normal for me to fall into bed with a man so easily.
Don’t let this inflate your ego any more than it already is, but there’s something special about you.
I haven’t quite figured out what it is yet, but I have a feeling it has something to do with the charm you ooze and the smiles you so readily share.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I like both of those things.
Honestly, there’s so much more that I like about you that it scares me a little.
Situations like this don’t happen often in real life, although I’ve recently seen a few relationships start under odd circumstances that easily turned into love.
But those are their stories. Even though I hope to have a love like that someday, I can’t predict the future. I can only worry about it.
I know it probably seems like a cowardly way out, but I’m already in the air on my way back to New York.
My father sent the jet for me sometime last night because his cousin flew in from Italy to introduce us to his wife and new baby which means that my entire family will be there waiting for me to join them in celebrating the new additions to the Romano family.
Obviously, I didn’t plan to leave today, but I promise to make this trip short.
I hope that the next time I take a flight home, you’ll be sitting in the seat beside me, ready for me to show you my world just like you’ve started introducing me to yours.
I’ve already danced around the subject more than I should have, so now it’s time to tell you why I’m worried that you’re not going to be happy to see me when I return. Know that I won’t blame you at all if that’s the case. I promise.
(And just so you know, when a Romano makes a promise, we stick by it no matter what. We’re kind of known for that.)
I’m going to lay it out for you simply and bare my soul, which I must admit is a lot easier to do in this note than to do in person. I probably wouldn’t be able to get through it without crying like I’m doing right now.
I took another sip of my coffee and then set it on the counter so I could go on to the second page of what I was quickly starting to believe was a Dear John letter.
I sure the fuck hoped that wasn’t the case, but I couldn’t imagine what deep dark secret Stan had that would make her believe I wouldn’t want to talk to her again.
There was no way to know but to keep reading.
I put the first page behind the second and then picked up my coffee to keep reading, eager to know what was that painful for her.
A few years ago, I fell head over heels in love. I was young, but I knew that it was true love - the kind you read about in romance novels or see on the big screen. My relationship had it all: secrecy, drama, intrigue, and, most of all, an abundance of love.
I fell in love with my guards, Sully and Park.
The two men who my father had chosen to protect me were gay because he was sure that they’d be the safest option to watch over his daughter.
What my father didn’t know was that his guards were bisexual and, at the time he assigned them to me, they were dating a woman who worked at the hotel where my family lives.
That relationship didn’t work out, probably because Park and Sully began to see me in a new light - a light that was taboo because of their loyalty to my father and The Four Families.
Fortunately for me - the young woman with stars in her eyes and love in her heart, they ignored all the rules and risked everything for me.
“Holy shit,” I whispered before I took another sip of my coffee.
I suddenly remembered the conversation in the shop with my cousin who said that if anyone could understand Constance and her life, it would be me.
Of course I wouldn’t think twice about a throuple, because my parents had been in a very loving one for most of my childhood until drugs and deception ripped it all apart.
For the first time in my life, I had a little freedom.
I was out of my father’s house and living close to campus with my two guards who attended classes with me.
So, when Park and Sully finally admitted their feelings for me, we were in our own little world - one that we pretended was far away from the one that ruled us.
For a time, we had it all - laughter, companionship, and love that filled all three of us with joy.
But then, reality set in and something happened that would change our lives forever.
However, it brought the love that we shared out of the shadows and into the middle of a family drama that none of us were quite prepared for.
In the course of that spectacle playing out, Park and Sully were horrifically injured.
It was touch-and-go for both of them in the beginning.
Sully suffered a head injury that has left him a shell of his former self.
I’m not sure we’ll ever know what he remembers about us, if anything at all.
That doesn’t matter right now, though. What matters is his recovery and helping him learn how to do all the many basic things that came to him naturally before.
Park’s injuries were also severe. He suffered a stroke that affected the memory center of his brain.
He didn’t lose all of his memories, just the ones that included me.
He’s still in love with Sully and is eager to see him every day, and Sully can’t wait to spend time with him.
However, I’m just Constance Romano now . . . their boss’ daughter.
“Oh, shit,” I whispered, my heart breaking for the woman who had been so in love, only to lose it all so suddenly. “That’s fucking horrible.”
When we first met, I was watching Park and Sully in the therapy room at the hospital, where I pulled every string I could find to get both of them a room. I was coming to grips with the fact that they still love each other so much and in a way that they’ll never again share with me.
You were so kind to me that day, and for the first time since I fell for Park and Sully, I noticed another man: you.
I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before, but my family is really big on allegiance and devotion. It’s something that has been drilled into me since birth and comes so naturally that I can’t imagine giving up on someone I love. And I definitely still love Park and Sully.
But over the last few months, I’ve come to realize that I love them differently than before. The love we shared bridges the divide that is caused by them not loving me back. I made promises to them - the same promises that they made to me.
Forever. Nothing would ever get in the way of our love, and we’d stick by each other through thick and thin.
Well, this isn’t exactly that - it’s more of an “in sickness and in health” situation, which I believe applies even though we were never married.
I moved to Colorado to find a place that could help Park and Sully, and I bought a massive property with the expectation that I’ll share it with them one day when they’re able to live outside of the hospital walls.
I won’t share it as the woman they planned to spend the rest of their lives with, but as the supportive friend who is loyal to the end and willing to stick by them even when they’re not sure why.
The only issue I see with that situation is that whoever chooses to spend their life with me will have to do the same for Park and Sully.
I’ll have to be with someone that appreciates the loyalty that takes.
When I find someone that can do that and who will be willing to share our home in this very unique situation, I’ll vow the same loyalty to him along with a love that will last until my dying breath.
I don’t know if you’re that guy, but I do know that you’re a man who appreciates honesty, so I felt that I should give that to you.
When I woke up wrapped in your arms, I had the realization that I needed to really say goodbye to the past and the expectations I had, so I didn’t just write you a letter, I wrote one to Park and Sully too.
It felt very freeing to get everything out on paper.
If you’d like to read what I wrote to them, feel free.
They’re in the drawer beneath the coffee maker.
You could very well be the only one that ever reads them because I’m saving them just in case a miracle happens and one of them suddenly remembers a time when I was more than just one of the Romanos.
Park has had a few flashes of memory that confused him more than anything, and I explained everything as well as I could.
However, if the situation arises again, I’ll need these letters to help explain why I moved on even though I still see them almost every day.
Also in the drawer with the letters is the journal I started soon after the guys were injured.
I thought that I would give it to them someday after they woke up and moved on with our lives.
I thought it would help explain what was going on while they were unconscious and show them how much I cared for them and that I never lost hope.
And I honestly haven’t lost hope, but my hopes have changed.
All I want is for Park and Sully to be happy in whatever shape that happiness may take - whether it’s joy from small victories or waking up next to each other and never taking another day for granted.
At first, I felt horrible that I was even considering moving on from the future that we’d planned, but I’ve accepted that it’s not going to happen.
Both men swore that all they wanted was for me to be happy, and I realize now that my happiness will be something I work towards on my own while I also support them in any way I can.
I hope this letter explains what I can’t seem to say out loud. I like you so much that I felt like I just couldn’t go any further without telling you my truth. I’ll be in New York for a few days but available by phone if you want to talk or text.
If you’d rather do neither, I’ll understand. I promise.
Always loyal,
Stan
“Fuck me,” I whispered as I tossed the pages onto the counter. I ran my hand over my hair and blew out a long breath as I tried to process everything I’d just read.
It was a lot, but it was honest and brave. Two qualities that I appreciated more than most.