Chapter 16
THE SHELVES IN FRONT of Josh were bursting with wonton and dumpling wrappers. It took him time to find the Shanghai style he was used to.
After the death of his parents, Josh’s education in all things Chinese fell by the wayside.
He could probably blame his white parents for it, but considering they were busy grieving their best friends while also acclimating to suddenly becoming parents to a five-year-old, he figured they deserved a pass.
Walking the aisles of an Asian supermarket was where he felt closest to his parents.
He’d sometimes browse the shelves looking for anything that might trigger a memory of one of their meals, inhaling the familiar scents that always lingered in his home and in the kitchen, trying to find ingredients to recreate dishes his mother made.
When he got to elementary school, there were only a few other Asian students in the entire school, and usually none in his classes.
The first time he had a class with another Chinese student wasn’t until middle school, and when she discovered he couldn’t speak the language like she could, she didn’t want anything to do with him.
Like he wasn’t Chinese enough for her, but he was definitely Chinese according to the rest of his classmates.
Or, sometimes, Vietnamese or Korean or Japanese.
People weren’t great at identifying the differences.
It never made sense to him, because he thought he was Josh first. People tended to see the color of his skin before recognizing he was a whole person with his own thoughts and feelings.
That was why Riley was so important to him. Thanks to meeting when they were infants, they never even realized they were different from each other. All that mattered was who they were as people.
As he got older, he came across more people accepting of his Chinese heritage and mostly white background.
Leigh Anne and Eddie Brown wanted him to keep his identity, so when they adopted him, they simply added Brown to the end of his name.
His license read Josh Wu Ming Tao Brown, but people referred to him as Josh Wu his whole life, like Wu was part of his personal name instead of representing the family he lost.
As he continued to walk the aisles, he wondered if it was time to send his DNA to one of those agencies that could find his family members, if he still had any.
His parents had been tight-lipped about any family back home, since they didn’t leave on the best of terms. They had mentioned a falling out to the Hansons and Browns, but didn’t give any details.
He could imagine how a traditional family may have been upset when his parents left for America in the name of science, but he found it hard to imagine those grudges would still linger after thirty years.
“Josh, I didn’t know you were here,” a female voice shouted from the end of the aisle, causing his head to snap in her direction.
“Nǐ hǎo, Auntie Chen. I didn’t see you at the customer service desk when I came in. I figured you were taking a day off for once,” he said as he approached the older woman and gave her a hug. “You deserve a vacation after all these years.”
“Nonsense,” she said, laughing. “This place would fall apart without me.”
Auntie Chen ran the Asian grocery with her husband and had been the first Chinese friend Josh had ever made.
She caught him wandering in her store in his teens, on the verge of tears as he desperately tried to find ingredients for his mom’s dumpling recipe.
She wrapped him in a hug after he fell apart explaining what he needed.
They had spent the rest of that day exploring the store together.
Auntie Chen gave him a tour of everything he’d need to know to replicate his mom’s recipes, even sharing some of her own when Josh could only describe the foods she used to cook.
From that day forward, she became his honorary auntie, guiding him in all things Chinese.
Thanks to her, he had that connection to his roots.
She was from Hong Kong, just like his parents, and also spoke Cantonese.
She even tried teaching him the language, which helped him remember the most basic words, but he had too much difficulty memorizing the hanzi characters to get much further.
Eventually, Josh’s frustration with the lessons ended in tears, so instead Auntie Chen focused on food and culture instead of the language. Between her and his therapist, he thought he turned out all right.
He’d even brought Leigh Anne to meet her a couple times and helped explain some family meals they could make together.
He’d never forget their first Lunar New Year with her. Their family had invited Auntie Chen and her husband to their house so they could lead them in their own dumpling workshop, and they all ate together. Riley had even been there, adamant that he should know how to make them as well.
It was the first time Josh had felt accepted by his family’s culture, but now he was curious for more.
“Funny I ran into you,” he said, nervous about her reaction. “I was thinking of sending my DNA in to see if I still have family in China. What do you think?”
“Make sure it’s a good company and not one that will steal all your DNA and try to clone you or something.”
He chuckled. “I’ll make sure it’s a good one. So, you think it’s a good idea?”
“Yes, there’s always room in your life for more family. It’s the best gift you could give yourself.”
Shifting his weight between his feet, he took a moment to steel himself to ask the question he was actually worried about. “What if they don’t want anything to do with me?”
She set her hands on his shoulders and waited until he was looking her in the eye.
“If they cannot accept you, that is their loss. But if they’re also submitting their DNA, maybe they’re looking for you. Don’t you want to find out?”
“Oh, wow, I never thought of it that way.”
He was in shock at Auntie Chen’s outlook. What if they’re looking for me?
“I’m sure Riley will help you with it too. How is that boy? Have you made an honest man of him yet?”
“Riley’s always honest with me,” Josh said, pausing as he wondered how honest they were being in regards to their new… development. “But yeah, he’ll for sure help me with this. I’ll talk to him about it once I get home with my groceries.”
She shook her head. “It’s a good thing you’re pretty. Take that boy out on a date, already.”
“A date?” he said, his jaw dropping. Could she tell something had happened between them? “He can do much better than me, Auntie Chen.”
“No, Josh,” she said. “No one could do better than you, and you remember that.”
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Auntie Chen’s words were still repeating in Josh’s head long after he got home from the market. What if they’re looking for me?
Over lunch, he asked Riley if he’d help him with the DNA test when they were finished with work, and of course he agreed. He was always there to help.
Once work was out of the way, they got comfortable on the couch and tried to figure out the best company to use for Josh's DNA. Riley had found a nonprofit organization called the Nanchang Project that specialized in uniting adopted children with their Chinese relatives. They’d have to submit his results before the organization could help Josh find the rest of his family, if they weren’t already on the DNA website.
“Okay so how do we submit my DNA?” he asked Riley as they browsed the different genealogy sites. “Do you have to cut me or something?”
Riley gave him the side-eye and navigated to a different page.
“Yeah, we have to drain all your blood. Dude, no. First of all, I could never cut you. We’re not doing that.
Second, it looks like you need to submit your saliva via a swab test they mail out to you, then we mail it back and wait for the results. ”
“That’s a relief,” he said, another thought popping into his head. “Wait, but we’ve kissed. And I’ve swallowed your come. Does that mean your DNA will be in my saliva?”
Riley’s hands stilled on his keyboard. Was that a dumb question? It seemed legitimate to Josh. He didn’t want his results to say he was English or German or whatever Euro-mix Riley was.
He cleared his throat, keeping his eyes on the screen. “We’ll have to not kiss the day of the test to make sure, I guess. It’s been a while since we did that so you should be fine… if you’re really worried about it.”
Was Riley blushing? Holy shit. He was no good for Riley, and he didn’t want to ruin what they already had. No matter what Auntie Chen said. Or Tobias. Or Elena. It didn’t matter how many people suggested it.
“We just won’t kiss again. It's not a big deal.”
“Yeah, no problem,” Riley said, his voice quiet.
“Did you… want to?”
Why wouldn’t Riley look at him?
“Nah, it was, um, a random thing. Doesn’t have to happen again.”
Josh was torn. Riley wasn’t himself, but Josh didn’t want to make things worse.
“Riley, look at me,” he said, scooting over until their bodies were touching from their arms to their thighs, his gaze finally panning over to Josh’s. “Did you want to do it again?”
The red in Riley's face remained. There was a strange look in his eyes that Josh had never seen.
“I think—”
The door crashed open, and Sophie came barreling through, dropping multiple bags in their entryway and immediately tripping over them as she stormed toward Riley and Josh to stand in front of them with an enthusiastic smile.
“You guys aren’t gonna believe the crazy post-holiday deals I got shopping.
I’ve been working with Tobias Moyer, getting him ready for the upcoming alumni game press conference, and holy shit, he doesn’t like talking to people, but at least he has that twink guy for a friend helping him get comfortable, and oh, my God, did you hear the Inferno might get that killer defenseman we’ve had our eyes on forever, Madson?
What are you guys doing for dinner? Do you want to go out? ”
Jesus Christ, it was so hard to keep track of Sophie’s stream of consciousness. That was so many words at once, and all Josh could remember was dinner.
The day would come when Riley and Josh would finally talk about what was happening between them, but not this day.