Chapter 10 #3
The plane squeaks to a complete stop, and a gentle chime indicates that it’s safe for us to stand up and walk around. I watch through the window as stairs are rolled up to the plane by guys in overalls, and my ears pop as the door hisses open.
Kira stands with a stretch, groaning delicately.
“Come on, Tommy. I can’t wait to show you my apartment.
And Lexie told me she’ll meet us for brunch tomorrow morning as soon as her family’s plane lands and she can call for a ride.
Don’t worry, I’ll smooth things over between you two, she really likes you. She just got startled, that’s all.”
Nodding, I follow her, feeling meek and shellshocked and a little skittish. I flinch as Young-gi looms behind me, and we all descend the stairs in a line. My neck and back tingle like I can feel him breathing.
Kira leads me around the back of the plane, and I tiredly blink at two long, black town cars waiting for us. I’m so mentally and emotionally drained that I don’t understand what that means, until Kira turns to her uncle.
“Thanks, Uncle Young-gi,” she says shyly. “For everything. I’m sorry if I caused trouble for you. Are you staying in the city?”
Wait. Is this goodbye?
Goodbye?!
I spin and stare up at him, feeling like the rug just got ripped out from under me again. He pats her head just like he always does. “For now. Stay in touch, check-in regularly with my personnel. I’ll be in contact with the staff to get regular updates.”
“I will, I promise. I have to go back to class this week, I’ll be too busy to get into any trouble.”
And then their goodbyes are over, and Young-gi is looking at me. And he’s blank, blank as always, blank as ever, a wall of nothing and no hints to his feelings. He holds out a hand for me to shake, man to man I guess.
He’s about to tell me goodbye.
Fuck that shit.
He opens his mouth–
I turn my back on him and his hand, and climb into the car, leaving him talking to thin air. Fuck him. Goddamn fuck him, and his shit about being valuable. I don’t need him or his bullshit.
Kira scrambles in after me, and I wrap my arm around her without thinking, pulling her to my side.
She squeaks out a surprised laugh as the driver in front of us rolls up the privacy partition and starts to drive away. “Tommy, you’re already playing the part of fiancé? We don’t need to pretend in private.”
I imagine Young-gi standing on the tarmac, watching my car leave and wishing he hadn’t just tried to say goodbye to me. But I know that it’s more likely that he’s already in his own car, on his phone, not even thinking about me anymore.
“I don’t feel so good,” I whisper, putting my face on her shoulder. She gasps, and her hand flies to my forehead to check my temperature.
“We can stop by a clinic, if you need to? Oh, Tommy, what if you’re sick from jumping in the lake after me? I can’t believe we didn’t get you checked out by a doctor, ugh, I’m so stupid!”
“Kira,” I stop her panic with a hug, but keep myself hidden in the curtain of her hair. “It’s just motion sickness, alright? And I’m just… tired. I didn’t sleep on the plane.”
“You didn’t sleep at all? No wonder you’re tired. We’re about half an hour from the city, and then it takes another half hour just to get through traffic to my apartment. Do you want to stop for some nausea medication? Or some food? I’m starving, and maybe it will settle you.”
She pets my back, and I almost cry. Like a big, stupid baby. “I could eat.”
“Luke?” She calls, knocking on the partition. It hums as it rolls down.
“Ma’am?” the driver asks.
“Stop by Les étoiles, would you? We’re hungry.”
I let her handle the details, and mentally slip away. This is all just... too much.
So, I leave.
On autopilot, completely disassociated, I let my body go through the motions and try to pull myself together. Kira chats a little with me, but I can’t remember what I say, even seconds after I say it. I’m just not really here anymore.
We make jokes, I say I’m feeling better, we laugh and I tease her, and my eyes rove constantly–the only outward sign that all is not well. I play the part, like a practiced puppeteer, controlling my body from somewhere far away. Somewhere safer.
I honestly don’t remember most of tonight. We eat some food, then we get back into the car. We talk happily as we ride to her apartment.
I’m masking hard to keep up the ‘I’m fine’ facade, but it’s weighing on me. It’s getting harder with every passing minute. But I can’t process my emotions here. It isn’t safe. I can’t feel anything right now. I need to be somewhere by myself, somewhere alone. Somewhere no one can see me.
Finally, we walk into Kira’s huge apartment, all glossy and pretty and clean. I think I ask her where I’ll be staying. She brings me to her guest suite, and gives me a mini tour before saying goodnight, yawning and happy. I pat her head, hug her, smile and wave goodnight.
When the door is shut behind her, I stand there, frozen, and listen for her footsteps. It’s hard to hear them on the ultra-soft carpet, but I press my ear to the door so I can make sure she walks away.
Then I fall face down on the bed, and silently cry. Overwhelmed, lost, unsure, and strangely, bitterly disappointed.
Valuable; yeah, right. It’s all just a load of shit.