Chapter 24 #3
Ugh. Since when am I this needy? Since when am I hung up on someone?
A simmering resentment, a slowly bubbling annoyance, is building within me.
Not at Young-gi, although partly at him, sure, but mostly at myself.
Because is this who I really am now? Like, okay, maybe I’m becoming some shiny new Tommy, but do I really have to be like this?
Someone who needs and needs and needs all the time?
Do I really have to be someone who actually needs all that Daddy bullshit? Because it’s becoming clear to me that his Daddy energy is the secret sauce.
The chandelier above catches the lights and glitters, strains of music and the swelling sound of more people talking surrounds me, pulling me back into the present. My ass hurts. My ring finger feels heavy. Young-gi isn’t here and I don’t think I like that.
And I’m getting angry because–because…because why am I sitting here, thinking to myself that I wish he was here? I don’t need him, I don’t need anyone. That’s so annoying, so frustrating. So stupid.
“Ouch!” Kira’s little voice brings me back to myself. I loosen my fingers on hers immediately.
“I’m sorry, sorry,” I pull my hand away. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“It’s okay,” Kira forgives too easily. “Are you alright? I know I’ve been talking about myself all evening. How are you holding up with my uncle? Are you–”
“I’ve gotta go to the bathroom,” I say suddenly, standing up. I don’t want to talk about me, and definitely not about her uncle. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
As an afterthought, I lean down and kiss her cheek, because I’m supposed to be playing a part, dammit.
I’m here for a job. I’m not here to get distracted by Young-gi and the way he makes me feel.
It won’t last. Nothing ever does. Even if he’s a little curious, wants to do some experimenting with me, it won’t be permanent.
Storming into the bathroom, I check the stalls to make sure they’re empty, then lean heavily against one of the sinks with a sigh.
“What’s your problem?” I ask myself, fidgeting with my hands, twisting the ring on my finger. “Just get it together, Tommy.”
Tommy Sokolov.
I shiver. That’s not real, just a throwaway comment he made to tell off his bratva underlings. He didn’t mean it.
But…what if…
The bathroom door opens and I quickly start washing my hands, hoping I don’t look like a psychopath on the edge of a mental breakdown.
But instead of coming inside, the man–dressed as a waiter–tosses a manila folder at me before disappearing back into the restaurant.
It hits the floor a few feet from me with a loud thwack.
The door swings shut, and I’m alone again in the dimly lit room.
Huh?
I stare at the envelope, surprised. This is so unlike the violence I’m used to that it takes me a second to realize that this unexpected delivery is probably a threat.
And as soon as I realize that, the folder–that unassuming manila envelope–might as well be a snake between me and the exit. Unavoidable. Dangerous.
Lethal.
With a scowl, I snatch it up and tear it open. I’ll rip this fucking snake’s head off. With my fucking teeth if I have to.
The threat is for me, that’s obvious, so I’ll handle it myself. It’s probably from Brian, that bitch. Or Oscar. Hell, maybe someone else. I’m not exactly a gentle guy. I’ve made enemies.
They can threaten me all they want, but if this is how they do it, I’ve got nothing to be afraid of. Whoever it is, they’re a fucking coward. Not even coming at me in person, not communicating face to face.
But when I yank out the papers hidden within, I freeze. I stare.
I think I die a little.
Nausea and a wave of despair crashes over me until I’m sick with it. I stumble back against the sink.
It’s a slim stack of photos, five in total. They’re good quality, like they were taken in 4k HD or some bullshit like that.
It’s me, in the club. With Young-gi. Making out.
I take a moment to stare at the photos, and I can’t even enjoy the way Young-gi is so sexy, because these photos are damning. They’ll ruin everything I’m trying to do for Kira; they’ll implode the whole purpose of this charade.
My whole reason for being with him, the whole tenuous lie that keeps me in his orbit, in his life, is going to go up in flames. And I’ll be out on my ass, just like I always knew I would be. But I didn’t think it would happen so soon.
A letter typed out in bold black font is at the bottom of the stack and I read it, trembling with fury.
It’s mostly homophobic slurs, and a promise of oncoming blackmail.
A demand to wait for further instructions and a threat to show these pictures to no one, to tell no one, or they will be released to the public.
I take a deep breath, then another. I focus on counting my heartbeats.
Strategies and possibilities fly through my mind, but I have very few resources.
On my own, I’m ineffective. If I’m going to neutralize this threat, I’ll need help.
But I have no help. There is no course of action.
Only failure. This is the end. It’s time to face the music.
I shove everything back into the envelope and slip it into my inner jacket pocket, then walk out the door like nothing’s wrong.
With a smile and a chaste kiss, I return to Kira’s table. She looks up at me expectantly, but instead of sitting, I gently pull her to her feet. “We need to leave.”
I have to admit, she isn’t the kind of girl to hesitate. Maybe it’s Young-gi’s influence, but she nods and follows me to the door without a word of protest. I open the car door for her, slide in beside her.
And as soon as we’re alone together, I rip the envelope out of hiding and shove it into her hands. Doing what the blackmailer wants me to do and keeping this shit secret would play into their scheme, so I refuse.
“I’m sorry,” I say roughly. “This is all my fault.”
“Tommy, what are you talking about? What is this?” Her words grind to a halt.
Her gasp cuts me deep. I flinch, my eyes averted.
“I’m sorry, Kira, this isn’t what I wanted. That’s my fault.” And it burns because it’s true. Young-gi warned me that there might be people following me. He had his security guys watching the club that night, but a sneaky asshole with a camera went undetected. Now it’s too late to take it all back.
Kira’s voice is shocked and small. “Oh. My. God.”
I finally work up enough courage to face her. The pale shock on her face, the way she stares unblinking at the photos, makes my stomach heave. I grip the door handle as the car lurches into motion, the driver behind the partition taking us to her apartment.
A place I’m definitely not welcome anymore.
“Kira, I know this messes everything up. I’m so sorry. Our engagement story is ruined, the rumors–”
“Uncle Young-gi is gay?!” she exclaims. She jerks her head up, gaping at me, all her wide-eyed shock fixated on that instead of the threat. “Uncle Young-gi is–he’s–he’s gay? Since when? What?!”
“No–I mean, I don’t know, he’s… I think it’s just a novelty to him. Listen, that’s not–that’s not the point, Kira. Look at the letter!”
She flips through the photos, her pale cheeks going deep red, until she finds the letter. She reads it to herself, and a scowl steadily builds on her face.
I’ve never seen her scowl. It breaks my heart.
“This is all my fault,” I say again. “I’m sorry, Kira.”
“Why?”
“I–” Wait.. “What?”
“Why are you sorry?” she asks me, sounding almost stern. “You’ve done nothing wrong. Yeah, maybe the two of you should’ve been more discreet, but–”
“Nothing wrong?” I demand. “Kira, this ruins everything! I’m supposed to be your fiancé!
To keep the rumors about Brian and you hiring me as an escort and all that shit quiet!
And this is just, just icing on the fucking cake!
Because now, at best, you have a fiancé who is fucking your uncle and at worst they find out I’m a rent boy that you hired and then I fucked your uncle. ”
“You guys…” The expression on her face is mortified but curious. “I mean…did you…you know?”
“Oh my god,” I lean forward onto my knees. “I’m gonna be sick, everything is ruined, and you’re asking me if we ‘you know’?!”
“I’m just asking!”
“No, Kira, we didn’t. But it doesn’t matter, because those photos imply that we did. It will ruin our engagement news; it changes everything. You need to fire me. I’ll disappear. You can try and save your image, and maybe this will all blow over for you.”
Kira stares at the letter for another minute, re-reading it. The dark, quiet car is fraught with tension as I wallow in guilt and regret. Then, she slowly shakes her head. “No.”
“No?”
She raps her knuckles on the partition separating us from the driver. It buzzes as it lowers a few inches.
“Take us to my uncle, Nigel.”
“Ma’am? He–you want me to take you–”
“Call him and tell him that Tommy and I need him immediately. He will give you permission to bring me to him no matter where he is or what he’s doing. I swear it.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the driver agrees without any more protests, and the partition rises once more.
My stomach was heaving before, but now it’s doing backflips.
“We don’t need to go to him,” I choke out. “Just drop me off a few blocks from your apartment, I can walk home.”
“No.”
“He’s just going to fire me, Kira. I’d rather just go.”
“No.”
“Kira–”
“I said no!” And her shout surprises me enough that I really look at her.
Her little fists are clenched tight and she is staring at the letter like it kicked her dog.
“No one gets to threaten us. We’re Sokolovs.
We don’t run away from anything or anyone.
And we don’t let anyone disrespect us this way. ”
“I’m–I’m not–” I swallow hard, my heart pounding. “I’m not one of you, Kira. I’m nobody.”
“This says otherwise.” She lifts one of the photos. One where Young-gi and I aren’t kissing, but I’m in his lap, my eyes closed and head thrown back, and he’s looking up at me, holding me there so I don’t fall. He’s always such a brick wall, so expressionless, but in that photo?
He’s staring at me like I’m the only person in the room. Like I’m the only thing that matters, like he’s ravenous for me.
“We were just–it was just fooling around. He was just–” I shake my head. “Never mind.”
I sigh and slump into my chair, willing to be bossed around by this Sokolov, too, it seems. And for the rest of the drive, I try to kill the squirming little hope inside me that Kira is right, and Young-gi is going to fix all this.
I try to be practical, to be real, so I’m not disappointed.
But despite my best efforts, the hope remains.