13. Ivy
THIRTEEN
IVY
My thoughts are still on that fucking teddy bear as I sit across from my friends.
I’ve lost the thread of what they’re talking about but offer smiles and noises to deflect from my wandering mind.
A hand is suddenly in front of my face, waving. “Earth to Ivy.”
Shit. I snap my gaze to Katie’s, heat flooding my chest. Focus, Ivy.
She doesn’t mask her frown, letting her concern shine through as she studies me.
“Sorry.” I wince. “What did you say?
She and Dayna exchange glances, and those whispers drag me into the darkness again.
You’re damaged.
Broken.
They think you’re crazy.
“Are you okay?” Dayna’s brows are tight, and her concern chokes my lungs.
“Yeah.” The lie slips so easily, so practiced, that I don’t realise I’ve said it until I pause. These aren’t strangers. These are my fucking friends, the people I should be able to talk to. If I’d trusted them, opened up to them in the past, I might have escaped my situation with Link sooner.
I exhale, loud and weary. “No.”
“What’s going on?” Katie asks. “Tell us.”
So, I do. I open the flood gates and let the water pour out.
My nightmares…
The parts of my soul that are shredded like paper…
Fear that Link is biding his time…
My hopeless love for Riot.
When I finish, the air between us is heavy, and I fiddle with my fork, just so my hands are occupied.
This is the part where they block you and never speak to you again.
My stomach drops like I’ve stepped off a ledge into freefall, and I wait to hit the bottom.
But then Dayna reaches across the table and takes my hand in hers. I lift my gaze, expecting to see judgement, but her expression is fierce.
“How can we help?”
Tears burn my eyes, and my throat clogs with the emotion I can’t swallow down.
“I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with all this alone,” Katie adds.
“Well, not anymore.” Dayna sits back, her jaw clenched, her eyes hard. “You’re not alone.”
Fuck, don’t cry…
I don’t know why I thought they would reject me. They’re my ride or die friends, but Link’s voice is always in my head, whispering.
No one will believe you.
No one will care.
No one will save you.
“If it is Link doing this shit, do you want us to hire a hit man?” Katie asks. “I’m sure I can find someone.”
I snort and relax back into my chair. “I love you both.”
And I mean every word of that. Link made me believe no one would ever be in my corner, and that’s why I had to rely on him.
But he’s so wrong.
I have so many people who care about me.
“Good, because we love you too, Ivy.” Dayna lets go of my hand to take a drink of her coffee. It smells so strong, it could strip paint. “And we’re not letting you disappear again. So, whatever’s going on, we’re in this, okay?”
I nod. “Thanks.”
Katie sits forwards, pushing her hair over her shoulder. “We’ll dissect the Link stalking stuff in a second, but before we do… Ivy, maybe you should talk to someone about what happened to you.”
I flinch. I can’t help it. The thought of cutting my veins open and bleeding out in front of a stranger makes my stomach twist. I can’t do it.
“Maylie’s already tried, but I don’t know. I’m focused on Seren and moving forwards.”
“I know that, babe,” Katie says, “and you’re doing so well, but all this weight you’re carrying in your chest is going to suffocate you eventually.”
It feels like an omen the ways she says it, and a shiver trails along my spine, ice settling in my veins.
“I’ll think about it.” It’s all I can give her at this point, and I sigh. “I just wish I knew what he’s planning. Is he going to stay away? Is he plotting how to snatch Seren? Not knowing makes everything so much worse.”
“Babe, he’s not going to get close enough to breathe near Seren,” Dayna says. “You have two overprotective men in your life who have a reputation for making problems vanish.”
“Mace is busy taking care of my sister, and Riot?—”
“Has a bum you could bounce steel off.”
I bark a laugh. “Dayna!”
“Oh please, don’t pretend you haven’t noticed. Everyone has noticed. Even Katie, and she likes pussy.”
Katie nods. “It’s true. I might be convinced to date men,” she shudders, “if they all looked like him.”
“We’re not dating,” I say before they run with this fantasy.
“Yet.”
I shake my head, my heart sinking. “He doesn’t see me that way.”
“Babe,” Dayna gives me an impatient glare, “he’s been sleeping on your couch since he rode in like the proverbial hero to take care of your daughter.”
The most dangerous of all things blossoms in my belly. Hope. Maybe… just maybe…
“He’s only staying because of his brother and Maylie.”
Katie rolls her eyes. “Men don’t sleep on couches for their brother’s sake, Ivy. But they do when they want to get laid. That man wants you.”
I think about the heated looks between us, the touches, the time just existing together.
But I don’t dare allow myself to hope.
“Anyway, if your shithead ex tries anything,” Dayna says, dragging the conversation back, “you’re not going to be standing in front of him alone. You have us and your family.”
“And Mister Tall, Dark, and Brooding.” I snort at Katie’s waggling eyebrows.
Then my smile fades. “I’m scared he’ll hurt Seren to get to me.”
The noise of the restaurant fades into the background. Because this right here is the fear I haven’t dared to voice.
Katie dismisses my worries. “He’s not stupid enough to try anything while you have two members of the Untamed Sons in your life.”
“Yeah, those men have reputations.” I glance at Dayna. “There’s a reason Link has disappeared from your life for months now. One little word from Mace and the bastard shit his pants and ran.”
I glance down at my hands, my mind clear in a way it hasn’t been for a while. “I want to feel normal,” I admit. “My whole life is out of control.”
“No one blames you for feeling that way. You’ve been through hell and came out the other side. Most people wouldn’t have.”
Katie studies me for a moment. “Is that why you didn’t bring Seren? Are you worried something might happen while you’re here?”
“Yes.” I don’t even bother to lie. “If it’s just me, I can fight, but if she’s here, I’ll do everything to protect her.”
Katie lifts her mug and takes a long sip. The weight of the conversation hangs between us, but it’s not awkward. I feel like I have a wall behind me, a shield. I would never want them to step between me and Link, but knowing they’re here for me is enough.
“Have you considered that maybe… he’s just not going to turn up?”
I give Katie a questioning look. “What do you mean?”
“Men like Link need control. You’ve taken that from him, Ivy. I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you’re not interesting to him now. You or Seren. Link doesn’t want to be a father. He wanted to own you, control you, because it made him feel better about himself. I doubt he even cares about you.”
Her words settle around me like a weighted blanket.
“Maybe. I hope so.” I let my gaze scan the restaurant and the people enjoying lunch with their friends and family. Normal. Civilised. Could she be right? He’s just… done with me? “I wish he was dead, and I know that’s an awful thing to say, but I hate him. I hate everything he did to me and to the people I care about.”
“I’m still backing a hitman,” Katie says, breaking through the oppressive emotion.
“I bet your biker knows someone.” Dayna smirks. “They probably have guys like that on speed dial.”
Would Riot know a hitman?
“I’m not asking him to murder my ex, and just because he’s in a motorcycle club doesn’t mean he knows killers.”
Katie scoffs. “Oh, come on, we all know how these clubs work. It’s not a bad thing, Ivy. Who doesn’t want their own personal protector? He definitely knows assassins.”
I open my mouth to respond, but a shadow falls over the table as a figure fills my vision.
Panic clutches me as I tip my head back, half expecting Link to be standing there.
I lock eyes with Jackson.
What is he doing here?
This restaurant isn’t exactly on a busy route through this part of the city. It seems unlikely we’d just run into each other.
He smiles at me, a warm gesture that should make my belly dip, but it doesn’t.
“Ivy. We have to stop running into each other like this.”
My mouth flattens. “Jackson. It’s good to see you again.”
He’s not done or said anything to make me so inwardly hostile, and yet…
It’s just your trauma talking. Jackson isn’t a monster.
I force my body to relax.
“It’s weird seeing you out of a suit,” Dayna remarks, and I remember Jackson said he works in the same building as her. “Your father finally loosen the reins?”
He shakes his head. “Even he allows weekends off,” he says, not taking his eyes off me. “You didn’t message me. I waited.”
I didn’t. Riot took the card, and I didn’t ask for it.
Jackson is a part of my life that no longer exists. He represents a past I can’t reclaim nor do I want to.
“My daughter was in the hospital,” I explain.
I haven’t done anything wrong, so why do I feel the need to defend myself? I don’t owe him anything, least of all space in my life.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” His brows come together in practiced ease, as if he’s used to giving these false platitudes. “Is she feeling better now?”
“Yeah. She’s on the mend.”
His eyes light up. “Great. So, if you’re free next week, maybe we can meet up?”
Pushy bastard.
His persistence to push for dinner is moving my discomfort to something else entirely—fear.
“I’m sorry, Jackson, but life’s kind of crazy right now, what with my daughter’s illness and my sister being pregnant. I just… I don’t have time.”
His brows continue to slide towards each other. “Women have babies all the time and still can have dinner, Ivy. You’re doing it right now.”
Something in his tone sets my teeth on edge. It’s the patronising thread through those words, as if I’m overreacting for taking care of my pregnant sister or letting my daughter cut back on my social life. The fine hairs on my nape are standing to attention.
“Do your ears not work? Do you need me to write it down?” Katie’s voice is loud. “She said no.”
“And that was a prick thing to say,” Dayna snaps.
He slides his gaze towards her, and I see the moment his mask slips, just for a fraction of a heartbeat.
“I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I just want Ivy to understand that her life isn’t over because she had a kid at eighteen.”
There’s that note of derision again, like his words don’t match his feelings on the matter.
“Didn’t you hear? She’s dating a biker. He’s so attractive,” Katie drawls. “Like, sinfully so. Ivy’s getting the best sex of her life.”
What in the fresh hell is she doing? I’ve never so much as held hands with Riot, let alone fucked him. My cheeks flame as Jackson flicks his gaze towards me.
“The guy from the park?”
Shit. Katie nods at me, urging the lie. “Uh… yeah. Riot.”
Jackson’s jaw flexes as he takes a measured breath. “I didn’t realise you were into old men and criminals, Ivy.”
The bitterness in his tone would curdle milk, and it pisses me off. That’s not who Riot is. Sure, he’s not a saint, but he’s a good man—better than the pushy snob standing in front of me.
“He’s twenty-eight,” I counter. “Hardly old.”
“He’s a degenerate.”
My heckles rise, and I lean forward, my jaw clenched. “Watch your mouth.”
Anger flashes in his eyes, but it’s quickly snuffed out. The monster behind the nice guy act slips out of its cage once more.
He regains control remarkably fast.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” I don’t buy the switch in his demeanour at all. I’ve tangoed with the devil. I know exactly what kind of man Jackson is beneath the suits and fucking fancy hair. “I’m just worried about you, Ivy. You’re hanging around with dangerous people.”
Funny, because the only people who have ever been dangerous to me were not bikers.
“Do you mind, Jackson?” Dayna asks. “This is a private lunch. You’re not invited.”
He keeps control this time.
“And this is why I date women.” Katie’s smile is a little feral. “Let me break it down for you. Girls like older men. They’re sophisticated, they have cars and houses and the ability to pay for dates. They’re not living on their daddy’s charity.”
My chest seizes at the look he shoots, but Katie just smiles like he’s a naughty toddler.
“If you change your mind about dinner, Ivy, please let me know.”
“I won’t.” I stand, tossing my napkin on the table. “I need to use the ladies’ room.”
I don’t look back as I weave around the tables and head into the ladies’ room. My heart is cantering beneath my ribs as Dayna steps in behind me.
“Well, that was awkward,” she smirks, “and fun.”
“We shouldn’t leave Katie.”
Dayna waves me off. “Please, that girl is a psychopath when pushed. She can handle Jackson.” She moves to the sinks and begins to fix her lipstick. “What a moronic prick he is.”
“Right,” I agree. “I don’t know why he’s so insistent on taking me out.”
“Because you’re amazing, Ivy. Of course, he wants to take you out, but no is a full fucking sentence.”
I sigh, leaning against the wall behind me. “Two years ago, I would’ve been in tears if he’d asked me to dinner.”
“A lot can change in two years.” Isn’t that the truth? She watches me in the mirror. “Why aren’t you having dirty, filthy sex with Riot? The man wants you.”
I dip my chin towards my chest as I try to find the words to explain things between us. “It’s… complicated.”
I settle on that colossal understatement.
“Try me.”
“Riot makes?—”
“Your fanny flutter?”
Fuck. I bark a laugh. “Yeah, he does. When Riot is near me, every part of my body feels alive. I feel… I feel safe with him.”
Her face softens. “I get it.”
“Jackson on paper is the better choice. He’s reliable, normal. But?—”
“He doesn’t give you fanny flutters.” I shake my head. “Then Jackson needs to get a clue. He’s a big boy. He should be able to handle rejection.”
“I don’t know why he’s even interested.” I move to her, leaning against the sink as she reapplies her mascara. “I don’t exactly give off available vibes. I’m a mess.”
Anger flashes in her eyes. “You are an amazing person, Ivy Fernsby. You’re hilarious and kind, and literally the best person I’ve ever met. That’s why he’s being so pushy. But he’s also an adult, and just because he’s never heard the word before isn’t your problem. Maybe we should hire two hit men.”
I flash her a smile, but it fizzles out before it settles. “I don’t feel very hilarious.”
She scowls. “All the things I just said and that’s the one you focused on?” She pulls me into a tight squeeze, holding me so fiercely. “You went through hell, and you might not feel yourself right now, but you will in time. Now, go and pee before we start crying and things get weird.”
I head into the cubicle, doing my business before I go back to the sink to wash my hands. Dayna is still in one of the cubicles when my phone beeps. I pull it out, expecting it to be Maylie with an update about Seren, but it’s from Riot.
I open the message to a picture of him and my daughter sitting together in the living room. Maylie is in the background with my brother and Mace. The way he smiles at Seren makes my belly dip. The man looks good holding my baby, too good. My brain is running wild with images that I should not allow to develop.
You look like you’re having a good time.
Riot
It would be better if you were here with us.
Simple words and yet they unlock a warmth inside me that I haven’t felt for a long time.
“What are you smiling about?”
I jolt as she peers over my shoulder. “Oh.” Her voice is soft, melting. “Now, I get why you don’t feel anything toward Jackson. Fuck, if I liked commitment, I’d be a puddle right now.”
“It’s only a picture. It doesn’t mean anything. Riot’s just a friend.”
“Girl, that man is not your friend.” She goes to the sink and washes her hands. “He’s at your apartment, sitting with your baby, while you’re out having fun. And messaging you to say ‘wish you were here’.”
Confusion wars inside me. “Riot’s not the guy who settles down, Dayna. And he only cares because he adores my sister and his brother.”
Even as I say those words, I know it’s a lie. There is so much more behind why he spends time with us.
Dayna reaches for a paper towel. “Please tell me you don’t actually believe that.”
“I don’t know what to believe.”
“You’re thinking about this way too deep. The man likes you. Lean into that. Have the best sex of your life and whatever fun comes with that.”
As enticing as that sounds, the situation is not that simple. “He doesn’t see me that way, and even if he did, I can’t start something with anyone right now.”
“Because…?”
I chew on my bottom lip as I consider my words. She is either going to think I’m completely insane and never want to speak to me again, or she’s going to brush it off like Maylie did. “There’s something I didn’t tell you before. When we got home from the hospital, there was a teddy in Seren’s bag.”
“Okay.”
“I think… I think Link put it there.”
Her eyes flare at me. “Wow. You really jumped to conclusions there.”
I rush to defend myself as she tosses the towel in the bin. “I know him and how his twisted mind works, Dayna. He loves fucking with me, and what better way than using my daughter? He’d get off on the thrill of putting it in her things for me to find later.”
“You think he did this while you were at the hospital?” I shrug. “You can’t just walk onto a ward, Ivy. There’s no way he just strolled on in and put it in her stuff.”
She doesn’t believe me. My stomach sinks. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
I turn, but she grabs my arm. “Hold on. I’m not saying I don’t believe you, but it’s a big leap.”
“You’re right. It’s probably nothing.”
“No one else put it there?”
I shake my head. “I asked everyone.”
“Okay. Well, we have to work through the evidence. The likeliest explanation is usually the one that’s right, but sometimes shit can surprise you.” She stares at me a beat. “If it is him, why would he send a teddy bear?”
I lean back against the wall behind me, my legs feeling weak. “To let me know that he can get to Seren whenever he chooses.”
My stomach churns violently.
“Why now?”
That’s the part I can’t answer. The Link I know would never have been content to disappear and bide his time before showing his hand. He didn’t have the patience for that. “I don’t know.”
“Anytime you decide you want to get rid of that prick, I’ll dig the hole.”
She laughs as she releases me and heads for the door. She may have been joking, but I’m starting to think killing my ex might be the only way to keep my daughter safe.
And that terrifies me.