Chapter Two #2
“We’ve got the all clear from Knight,” Rip said softly.
He glanced Mia’s way as he spoke, but his gaze came back to me.
“Everything is fine. We had a door sensor trigger on the east wing. One of our newest little residents found the emergency door and went exploring.” I thought I heard a hint of amusement in this voice.
“The guys are making a couple passes around the area. We’ve put an extra guy on the monitors until we’re absolutely sure. I won’t let anyone get to you.”
I couldn’t seem to look away from Rip. For some reason, I fully believed him. If Eric came for me, this man absolutely would stand between him and me.
Who was I kidding? Even if I somehow thought I deserved to be special, my past actions told the true story. Rip would stand between Eric and anyone he thought Eric threatened. I ducked my head.
Rip remained in front of the one-way glass, keeping an eye on the lobby while he went through screens on his tablet again.
My heartbeat was still jackhammering against my ribs. My hands were shaking worse than before. I pressed them flat on my thighs and tried to look like someone who had handled that reasonably well.
I had not handled that reasonably well. At all.
I stared at the water bottle in front of me. I hadn’t seen Mia place it on the table. I hadn’t even noticed when Rip had moved closer. My fingers hovered over the plastic, still trembling violently. Mia stood nearby and placed a hand on my shoulder.
I looked up, finding Rip’s gaze on me. He held mine for a beat of several seconds, studying me.
He must have found what he needed because he gave me a slow nod and backed away.
“Use your panic button if you need me. Even if you’re just scared.
I’ll watch over you.” He sounded so sincere I nearly sobbed in both relief and despair.
My fingers closed around the bottle, their trembling temporarily stilled by the need to grip something solid. The plastic crackled slightly under my grip.
With Eric, every act of “kindness” had been a transaction.
A down payment on future debt. Water when I was thirsty meant I owed him gratitude, meant I needed to make it up to him later.
His gestures of care always came with invisible strings, subtle manipulations that I’d only recognize hours or days later when he’d remind me of his generosity and what I owed him in return.
“Drink,” Rip said softly, his voice low enough that only I could hear. “As much as you can.” Then he turned his attention back to his tablet.
I twisted off the cap and took a sip. The cool water slid down my throat, momentarily washing away the metallic taste of fear. I hadn’t realized how dry my mouth had become. “Thank you,” I managed, my voice still unsteady. “For standing between us and the outside.”
He nodded, acknowledging my thanks without forcing me to engage further. The absence of expectation was so foreign I almost didn’t recognize it for what it was.
Mia stood a few feet away, watching our interaction with an expression I couldn’t quite read. She thought she knew me, thought I was a confident, strong woman. Not this trembling creature afraid of her own shadow. Whatever she saw in this moment made her expression soften slightly.
“Better?” she asked, nodding toward the water bottle in my hand.
I nodded, unable to formulate anything more coherent. The shaking in my hands had subsided to a fine tremor, but I still felt hollowed out, like my insides had been scooped away and replaced with static.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice steadier now.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Jade.” Mia sat close, her hand gripping mine gently.
Rip came out of his office again. “Knight said it’s safe to let everyone come and go as usual,” he said. He tucked the tablet under one arm. “We should let the others know so they don’t feel trapped.”
Mia nodded. “I can tell Hannah if you want to stay here with…” Her voice trailed off as she glanced at me.
I felt heat rise to my face. The last thing I wanted was to be treated like I needed special handling, even though my behavior had demonstrated exactly that.
“I’m fine now,” I said quickly, straightening my spine with effort.
“Really.” I managed to meet Rip’s gaze directly. “Thank you, guys, for helping me.”
Rip nodded once. Then, with a glance that encompassed both Mia and me, he turned and headed back to the security office.
As he walked away, I noticed Mia watching me watching him, a small furrow between her brows that smoothed away when she caught me looking.
“He’s a good guy,” she said quietly. “Oktober said Knuckles brought Rip here a few months ago, but he took some time to settle into life outside. Oktober said Rip wouldn’t be here if Knuckles didn’t trust him with all our lives. ”
“I feel safer at Haven than I’ve felt in a really long time,” I said.
“These last weeks, if a guy is wearing a vest with the club logo on it, they get the benefit of the doubt. Everyone here has been kind and supportive. Not only are the guys not creeps, they treat us all like little sisters they need to protect. All of them.”
Mia sighed and looked away. She still held my hand and I clung, refusing to be the first to let go.
“I wanted to hate you, Jade.” She spoke softly, but I heard every word, and each syllable felt like a dagger to my heart.
“I wanted to keep reminding myself that you’d stabbed me in the back.
” She took in a shuddering breath. “But when I saw you --” Her voice broke and she covered her mouth, taking several breaths before continuing.
“When I saw you the day Ms. Thompson brought you here, I knew you had a story I didn’t know or understand.
” She squeezed my hand before letting go and standing.
“Give me some time, Jade. We’ll talk. I can’t promise I can forgive, but I’m going to really try because I know you’re as much a victim as I am.
Maybe more.” A tear tracked down her cheek.
“I just need to lick my wounds for a bit.”
“You don’t owe me forgiveness, Mia. And I’m the one who should apologize and beg forgiveness. And I will. I do. But you’re under no obligation to forgive me. I’m not sure I could if I were in your shoes. Just…” I swallowed. “Just please don’t make me leave. Not yet, Mia.”
“Oh, Jade. No. This is your home as long as you want to stay. I thought Hannah made that clear.” Mia actually pulled me to my feet to hug me.
“No matter how angry or hurt I am, Jade, I’d never make you leave.
I saw what he did to you. I’m sure that wasn’t the first time.
No one starts out with a beating like you got.
” She sighed, still hugging me fiercely.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?” She made me hold her gaze so I could see the truth in her eyes.
I nodded. “Yes. Thank you, Mia.”
“Why not go take a nap? I know a panic attack can make you feel like shit afterward. At least, they do me.”
“After the fire?”
“Yes. It’s usually a nightmare, but sometimes, if the wind gusts too warm or hard, I feel like I’m suffocating. I always have to lie down after.”
“Maybe I will.” I smiled at her.
I stood and made my way back to my room. As I passed the security office, Rip turned his head to look at me. For a moment we stared at each other. This man had seen me at my most vulnerable and hadn’t ridiculed me. He’d supported me. I looked away first, unable to hold that steady gaze any longer.
“Thank you,” I whispered, though I wasn’t sure he could hear me from this distance.
He nodded once, a slight dip of his chin, then turned back to the monitors.
I continued down the hallway to my small room, shut the door behind me, and leaned against it. My legs finally gave out, and I slid to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees as the delayed reaction hit me full force. The tears came silently.
Rip’s face floated in my mind -- the intensity of his gaze and promise of protection. And Mia’s unexpected kindness, the possibility that she might someday forgive me. All of it was more than I deserved.
I pulled myself up from the floor and crawled onto the narrow bed.
As I curled onto my side, I realized that for the first time in years, I felt something close to hope.
Not the desperate, clinging hope that had sustained me through the worst of Eric’s abuse, but something steadier.
Something that whispered that maybe, just maybe, I could find my footing and have a new and better life.