Chapter Eleven
Rip
At two in the morning, I should really have been asleep.
I’d refilled my coffee at midnight and worked on the dregs of the bitter stuff.
Cold, because I kept forgetting to drink it.
I probably should have called in one of the other dozen brothers who’d all signed up for security duty at Haven, but I couldn’t seem to commit.
Since I didn’t have the right to barge into Jade’s space and protect her there, keeping watch over her home seemed the only option open to me, so leaving this post felt like deserting Jade.
Knight sent an update several hours ago.
My brother had apparently lost his shit in court during the emergency hearing.
The judge expressed the same anger as Ethan, but Eric’s charge of Invasion of Privacy, Illegal Distribution of Intimate Images, Unlawful Recording, and a myriad of other charges related to harassment and stalking, didn’t come close to matching the devastation Eric had caused Jade.
While the potential for heavy fines and even house arrest or jail had been presented, Eric had the right to a fair trial.
My brother had pointed out Jade’s right to privacy had been taken away -- not to mention the fact the video had obviously been of her rape -- and all because Eric was a son of a bitch who thought he got to bully someone he considered weaker than him.
Too bad for Eric, because Jade had very, very strong people behind her now.
He’d been charged, but left on bail in a frustratingly short period of time.
The video was still accessible in places that didn’t respond to legal pressure quickly, but the active spread had slowed to a fraction of only an hour ago.
It wasn’t gone and likely never would be.
But the bleeding was being managed. Hopefully, once interest shifted to something else, the video would fade away into global oblivion.
I tried not to think about Jade two floors up, probably not sleeping. Definitely hurting. I felt like the biggest, most useless idiot in the world for not knowing how to help her. Frustration pressed down on me like a physical weight.
The light from the hallway outside the office shifted slightly as someone moved into the doorway.
I looked up, expecting to find one of my brothers, probably Inferno, there to make me leave and get some sleep.
Instead, Jade stood in the doorway in an oversize gray T-shirt and cotton sleep shorts, her feet bare on the hallway floor.
Her hair was down and loose around her face.
She had her arms crossed loosely at her midsection.
She looked like someone who had tried to sleep but had eventually given up on the attempt.
I nodded toward the spare chair against the wall.
One of the women had insisted on actual furniture in here, so instead of a hard, waiting room chair, an actual plush living room chair rested in the corner where anyone using it would be comfortable.
She came in quietly and settled into the chair, pulling her feet up under her. She looked at the screens for a moment.
“Do you mind if I sit in here with you for a while?” she asked.
“Not at all. You can sit with me as long as you want.”
She nodded. Didn’t speak again right away. The monitors cycled. I heard her breathe, steady and slow, which was better than the shallow, panicked breathing from earlier. She’d found some ground under her feet between then and now. I was glad.
“Does it bother you?” she asked after a while. “Staying up all night just watching. Doing this every night. Must feel like a lot of work for you.”
I thought about that for a moment. “No. It helps me relax because I know what’s going on around the people I care about.
” I glanced at the courtyard feed, not wanting to place too much emphasis on my words so I didn’t spook her.
“Doesn’t feel like work at all.” I turned my head to the side so I could see her but didn’t look directly at her.
“I have a driving need to…” I struggled with my words, needing to convey my feelings to her without scaring the bejesus out of her.
“I don’t know. Protect, uh, people.” I shook my head slightly, knowing I was fucking this all the way up.
Finally, I sighed and just laid it out there. “I need to protect you, Jade.”
She sucked in a breath but remained quiet. I felt her watching me, but I didn’t turn toward her yet, letting her decide whether she wanted me to look at her.
“Rip.”
“Yeah, honey.”
“This morning on the overlook.” She paused. “You said when I was ready, you’d be here. That you weren’t going anywhere.”
“I did,” I said without hesitation. “And I meant it.”
“I know you did.” She laid her head on her bent knee as she looked up at me.
“I’ve been trying to figure out why knowing you’re serious doesn’t scare me the way it should.
After everything.” She turned the question over for a moment.
“And I think it’s because you always ask.
Before you do anything. You’ve told me what you were going to do before you did it every single time we’ve interacted.
It never even occurred to me that a man taking me to a secluded area alone might not be the smartest thing I’d ever done, but you’re not just any man to me, Rip. ”
I turned and looked at her. The dim glow of the monitors still caught the haunted shadows under her eyes from the day’s events. “Yeah?”
“Eric never asked. About anything. I’d forgotten I could make my own choices.” She looked at the monitors. “I’ve been thinking about that.”
I set the coffee cup down carefully. “I’ve been trying to give you room,” I said.
“Space to figure out what you want without me making it complicated. More than I want to be with you, I want you safe and happy, however that looks.” I kept my voice level because that part was true.
It was also costing me something, and I didn’t see any reason to pretend it wasn’t.
“I know what it’s like to have choices stripped away.
I won’t do that to you. If you believe nothing else, I want you to know I will always ask you what you want.
And I’ll do my Goddamned level best to make it happen. ”
She looked at me directly. “Is that the only reason you’ve been keeping a distance?”
“No,” I said. “The other reason is that I didn’t want to start something when you were at the bottom of the worst thing that ever happened to you.
” I paused. “Giving you what you want now might not be what’s best for you.
Because, Jade, if you let me into your life when you’re desperately reaching for something better, it would be the same as manipulating you into choosing something you might not need.
And that’s the same as choosing for you.
You deserve better than that. And we both deserve to be happy without hurting each other. ”
She held my gaze for a long moment. Then she stood from the chair and crossed the small distance between us and stopped beside me so closely I could feel the warmth from her body.
After a while, she laid her hand on my shoulder and urged me to turn and look at her.
Then she put her hand on the side of my face, her palm against my jaw, and leaned in slowly.
This was nothing like the overlook. That had been desperate and grief-soaked.
This was deliberate. She took her time getting there, giving both of us the chance to know exactly what was happening and why.
When her mouth touched mine, there was no urgency in it.
She was testing the waters, needing to decide for herself why she had a desire to kiss me.
Or even if she should encourage me to give her the time she needed to make a good decision.
It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if she swore off men for the rest of her life.
I gave her several seconds to commit to her actions.
As much as I knew I could take her where I knew we both wanted to go, Jade needed to be ready for the journey.
When she continued the tentative kiss, I brought one hand up lightly against her face, my thumb caressing her cheek, and I kissed her back just as carefully as she’d kissed me.
She rested her forehead against mine as she ended the kiss, and I felt her exhale, slow and even. “Kissing you feels different,” she said quietly.
“From earlier?”
“From anything.”
I held her snugly against me. Jade had one hand fisted in my shirt, clinging sweetly.
I held her for a long time. Her breathing felt warm through my T-shirt and, for the first time since I’d met Jade, she didn’t tremble.
Instead, she seemed to fully relax and I hoped and prayed to whatever god looked down on us mere mortals that she’d relaxed because of her belief in me.
When she moved back, I reluctantly let her go.
She went back to her chair and pulled it closer to the desk before she settled into it again.
We sat in comfortable silence. I noticed she’d rested her hand on the arm of the chair and moved my hand to cover hers.
She turned her hand over, and we held hands loosely.
My heart leapt. I wanted to turn my head and smile at her but thought it best to enjoy the moment rather than call attention to it.
Ten minutes later, Jade’s eyes had drifted almost all the way closed.
She looked more relaxed than ever and there was a small, peaceful smile on her face.
She wasn’t fully asleep, I didn’t think, but her breathing had gone deep and even.
I liked being the one to help her come down from the day at whatever pace she needed.
Her phone chimed softly from where it rested on the corner of the desk where she’d set it when she came in. We both looked at it at the same instant. Jade reached for her phone and turned it over. The number calling showed as unlisted.
She answered on speaker. “Hello?”
Eric’s voice came through the small speaker and filled the room. “Enjoying your fifteen minutes of fame, Jade? Everyone’s seen what a whore you --”
I had the phone in my hand before he finished the sentence. I hit “end.” Placed the phone face down on the desk in front of me. Every instinct in my body screamed at me to pull her into my arms and hold her tight, but I didn’t know if that was the right move or not.
The moment I stood, Jade launched herself at me.
Her arms went around my waist, and she pressed her face against my chest as her whole body started shaking with her sobs.
All I could do now was hold her through it.
I needed to prove I could be her rock and would always be the person she could rely on most.
I put one hand to the back of her head, cradling it gently. The other arm I kept around her body to hold her steady, and I just let her cry it all out until she got rid of the worst of her grief and frustration.
“I’m sorry,” she said. Her voice was raw.
“Ain’t a Goddamned thing for you to be sorry about,” I said, harsher than I’d meant to.
“He’s terrorizing you, and you’ve never had a way to fight him before.
” I bent down to look down into her eyes, needing her to really see I meant business.
“If I’m the person who helps you feel safe to release your emotions, then it’s my fuckin’ privilege to be here for you. ”
She let out a breath and turned her face back against my chest. “Thank you so much, Rip,” she breathed, her voice barely above a whisper.
“You thank me when I lay that son of a bitch’s head at your feet, Jade.” I hadn’t meant to let that slip and half feared she’d pull away from me.
Jade went completely still, even held her breath for two full seconds.
Then she relaxed against me once more. “How about you turn your brother loose on him instead. Seems you might have a better shot of staying out of prison that way. And I think…” She trailed off.
“I think I might need you to not be in prison, Rip.”
I let out a long, slow breath. Had she phrased it any other way, I might have told her not to worry about me going back to prison. But the thought she might need me and I wouldn’t be with her smacked me in the face. I realized then and there I was completely, totally, and thoroughly fucked.
“You’re not always going to get your way by melting my heart, Jade.”
I thought I felt her smile against my chest. “Of course not.”
Yep. I was fucked. And I couldn’t be Goddamned happier about it.