CHAPTER 4 #2
All I wanted was to turn into his front and press my face against his chest the way I used to be able to.
I wanted to feel the strength of his perfectly muscled arms wrap around me and remind me I wasn’t alone in my fucked up existence.
I could already smell his sandal wood aftershave that he always wore and it felt dangerously familiar.
Would he hold me if I turned into him? Would be give me the comfort I so desperately needed, even if just for a moment?
I actually turned, my body moving without my mind’s full agreement.
Jack looked so good in snug fitting black jeans, paired perfectly with a black shirt, the buttons at the top unbuttoned so I could see the contrast between bare skin at one side of his neck, and the dark ink of the tattoo that I knew ran up his side from his hip, all the way up to his neck.
His wild, dark hair hung wavily around his face as always and his blue eyes were locked right on my face as he too semmed to take me in.
That was what jolted me back to reality. While I was seeing the sexy as sin man I had crushed on for so many years, I knew he was seeing a shriveled, wrinkled, pale and weak version of the girl he had once known and I was ashamed and embarrassed.
“I don’t need your fucking help,” I hissed as I ripped the mug from his hand and moved as far from him as I could to the coffee machine.
I caught sight of Jack sighing deeply as he ran his tattooed hand through his hair in frustration. The fact I had to scold myself silently for finding even that sexy was a clear sign that it had been way too long since I got laid.
“So Colt hasn’t tuned his cell on for eight days,” I spoke up, getting back to what really mattered. “That’s not good. That thing is practically fucking glued to his hand. Something’s not right.”
“Yeah, I agree, and I’m definitely concerned. I want to go to Temple this morning and access the surveillance footage for that day,” Mason agreed.
“I can help you with that,” Deacon offered.
“Me,” I corrected as I rounded the large kitchen island and set my already exhausted body into one of the stools there.
“You can help me do that. I already told you guys I don’t need your help, nor do I want it,” I told Mason and Jack flatly as I briefly glanced between them, unable to look longer.
They had the same effect they’d had on me all those years ago, and I had to maintain a distance to stop myself from weakening,
“Ave…” Jack tried, but Mace cut him off.
“No choice I’m afraid, wildcat. This is my investigation now. You want to find Colt, you work with me,” he said smugly, and when I glared at him, the smile on his face made me want to junk punch the asshole.
“Does it really matter, as long as we find Colt?” Deacon said, clearly trying to calm the situation.
“Deak’s right,” Jack agreed. “Whatever happened between us needs to take back seat now, until we find Colt and ger him home. Surely we can all just find a way to work together?”
“Don’t look at me. She’s the one who seems to have the problem.
Got a stick up her ass about some imagined slight you and are supposed to have done over a decade ago.
Maybe if she had the guts to just come out and fucking say it, we could just clear the air, but oh no!
She’d rather stew over it and drown herself in fucking liquor!
” Mason blew up, the whole time his enraged glare locked right on me as he pointed an accusing finger.
I didn’t even know where to start biting back.
Mainly because he wasn’t wrong. Their slight against me was pretty much imagined, wasn’t it?
They had every right to play with that ither sub that night, and they sure as fuck weren’t in any way to blame for what happened afterwards.
That rested squarely on my idiotic shoulders and I knew it.
Maybe a fucked up part inside of me had blamed them for it all, and still did, but I knew that part was wrong.
No, what really pissed me off about them was that they were still the men I had always been in love with, even for the years that we’d been apart.
They were still strong, handsome, sexy, and as caring and good as they’d always been.
I, on the other hand wasn’t even a fraction of the girl I’d been back then, and I was ashamed and embarrassed about that, ashamed and embarrassed of myself.
I didn’t want them close to me, because I didn’t want them to see how far I had fallen and how fucked up I was, both inside and outside.
I hated the fact just seeing them for such a brief time, had brought back the feelings I had worked so hard to crush.
I still loved them both, and that fucking hurt, because I couldn’t have them.
I wasn’t good enough for them and I never would be.
“You’ve become a real asshole, Mace,” I tried to throw back, but it was lame and I knew it, my voice wobbling as emotion hit me hard.
Refusing to let them see any more I set down my coffee, grabbed my stick and left the room as fast as I could.
Tears were trickling down my cheeks as I reached Colt’s home office, but I didn’t stop to swipe them away in case any of them had followed me.
Instead I just slipped inside and slammed the door closed behind me.
It hurt too much being back there. There was so much of my past there, good and bad, and it all fucking tore at me. I couldn’t be there. I had to find Colt and get the hell away before it broke down the armor and walls I had worked so hard to build around myself, completely.
“Ava? Can I come in?” Jack called as he knocked on the door seconds after I slammed it shut. I still stood behind it, my hand gripping the doorknob like it was the only thing keeping me together.
“No,” I replied as I forced myself to take a breath. “I need to look through everything here. Tell Mase and Deacon to go to Temple and check the footage. We’ll meet at the club tonight at seven to go over what we have,” I went on more calmly.
“Yeah, okay,” he agreed. “I could help you…”
“No,” I stopped him, knowing what he was going to say. “I’m good. Go to the club too and speak to the staff. See if anyone saw Colt leave that night, and find out if there’s any gossip going around about where he could be. I’ll be there later.”
“I wish you’d just talk to me, love. We used to be able to talk about anything, you, me, and Mason. What happened?” he sighed.
“We grew up, Jack.” I didn’t wait for him to reply.
Instead I turned the lock on the door knob, then moved away from the door and over to Colt’s desk, swiping the drying tears from my face as I went.
It was no use crying over what was lost. I had a job to do, and that had to be my focus.
I’d find Colt, get him home and then get the hell out of there.
***
Two hours later I had been through every scrap of paper, date book, contract, and file in Colt’s office, and I had two leads.
One was a contract for the money Colt had borrowed.
It looked formal and legal, not like something anyone who would send the gunman to the my apartment would have put together, but who knew?
Maybe even loan sharks dealt with paperwork nowadays?
The loan was through a financial investment company called ‘ Kilner Investments’ and when I’d googled it the company website seemed fancy and definitely on the up and up.
The name on the contract was G. Neaverson, so I needed to track him down and speak with him.
Te other lead was in Colt’s personal date book.
He always kept two. One for business, which was always crammed with meetings, functions, fundraisers, and tons more business shit I wouldn’t do if my life depended on it.
The other was just his personal commitments like lunches with me when I used to live there with him, or poker night with the guys.
There was never anything much in it because Colt was mainly all business, no play.
But his date book for this year had two initials beside one P.M. every single Wednesday through March and April, then the initials started to show up more and more often.
Then two months ago they just stopped. The initial were K.M and I couldn’t think of a single associate of Colt’s I’d ever met whose name began with ‘K’ though I also realized it was likely a woman since he’d been meeting her so often.
Either way I needed to find out, since Colt had never mentioned a girlfriend, or anyone new in his social life in the few times we’d spoken in the last year.
Everything else I found just seemed like the usual – contracts for suppliers for the bars and restaurants, employee contracts and that kind of boring, standard business owner crap.
I couldn’t find anything to clue me into who the initials could have been for, which was frustrating. I knew I’d need to ask Jack and Mason if they knew anything, since they were the most likely people Colt would confide in about his love life, or maybe Deacon, since they seemed close too.
I placed the contract and date book into my back pack after taking another dose of pain meds.
I checked my gun was still where I left it in the zipped side pocket, loaded and ready if I needed it.
I’d be screwed if I did, since I didn’t have a concealed carry permit for New York, but I’d handle that if it came to it.
I didn’t feel safe enough in the city without my weapon.
I might bullshit that I could handle myself, but I knew as well as anyone I spouted that lie to, that I was at a series disadvantage with my injury and the effects that made me as steady as a beachball in the damned wind.
My gun and my knife were my only reassurance.
After making sure I returned everything to the drawers and cabinets just the way I’d found it – just the way my cray OCD brother liked and needed it to be – I unlocked the door and left the office as quietly as I could.
I was pretty sure the guys had all cleared out like I told them to, since the place had seemed silent for a while now, but I still peaked around the corner into the living room before I stepped into it.
Thankfully, it was empty, except for a paper bag on the coffee table right in the center.
I moved towards it squinting to read the note attached to the top.
Don’t forget to eat before you head out.
Call me if you need anything at all. Our deal still stands.
Deak x
His cell number was scrawled at the bottom of the little sticky note and I found myself smiling at his thoughtfulness. How long had it been since anyone cared whether I ate or not? And whose fault is that? Colt would care, I told myself, but I had pushed him away.
I pulled the note from the bag and typed Deacon’s number into my contacts, then put the note in my pocket and dove into the flaky pastries I found inside.
They were filled with fruit and before I had reached my car in the underground lot, I’d polished off all three.
I would need to find out where he bought them from, because they had been the greatest thing I’d eaten in years.
I was a little breathless as I sat in the driver’s seat of my car and threw my stick into the back, but the pain was manageable for now, so I knew I had to keep going while I could.
But before I started the car I pulled out my cell and brought up Deacon’s name.
I debated for a moment, but I wanted to thank him for his kindness.
AVA - Gonna need the name of your pastry supplier.
I think I’m an addict already. It’s Ava BTW.
DEACON – Don’t worry. I’ll hook you up. ;) You good?
AVA – Yep. Thanks for breakfast. C U later.
DEACON – Stay safe and call if you need me.
I decided not to tell him where I was headed, since he seemed to be in cahoots with Jack and Mason and the last thing I wanted was the turning up.
I needed a clear head to find Colt and I sure as heck didn’t have that when either of them were close.
I told myself I should also keep my distance from Deak too, since I seemed to be crushing on him like I crushed on Jeff Groves – the linebacker in my high school football team when I was fifteen years old, but I couldn’t.
Her had been good to me, and I liked him.
He made me feel calmer when he was close and as much as I denied it, I liked the way he’d taken care of me the previous night.
If I was going to survive being back in that city, I was going to need a friemd, and it couldn’t be Jack or Mason, no matter how much I wanted it to be.