8. Nate
NATE
We spend the next few days going for a run in the morning—I introduce Zach to the most secluded jogging spots I know—and hanging out at Halo House the rest of the day.
It turns out, he’s pretty good at chess.
We’re not always alone. Some of the other residents join us, leading to a very competitive game of Monopoly.
I don’t push Zach to do anything, let alone talk.
But, gradually, the light returns to his eyes.
I leave just before they start cooking dinner, the offer of a goodbye hug always there.
Sometimes it’s brief, other times Zach clings to me as he did in the conservatory, his face pressed to my shoulder, his fingers gripping my suit jacket like he never wants to let go.
One morning, I show up in shorts and a T-shirt, rather than running gear.
“I thought we might go to the beach,” I say, when Zach stares at me, confused.
He shakes his head. “I don’t think… I mean, won’t the beach be crowded?”
“I know a place. Trust me?”
He hesitates for a moment before nodding. “Okay.”
“Go get changed.” I can’t help but smile when he runs off obediently.
There’s something about him. Something that makes him more special than anyone else I’ve ever been a patron to here at Halo House.
Maybe it’s the way he smiles at me, when he thinks I’m not looking, or the way he’s gradually letting his guard down, brick by brick.
Some of the guys I’ve been a patron to asked me to call them ‘boy’—or another pet name—and called me ‘Daddy’ right away, others never at all.
It wouldn’t surprise me if Zach never does.
He’s not in the kink scene, after all. Would he want to be?
I’d guide him if he did. Show him how wonderful and empowering it could be.
He returns wearing stone-colored knee-length shorts and a tight-fitting sky-blue T-shirt that hugs his muscles wonderfully. I can’t help but drink in how stunning he looks, although I do force myself to look away far sooner than I want to.
“Let’s go,” I say.
We jump in the car, Zach choosing the music as I concentrate on driving. I get to the coast road and turn south, windows down, so the wind whips through our hair.
After an hour or so, we arrive at a secluded walled villa, with a security guard on duty outside the gate.
“Umm… Nate…”
I flash Zach a grin. “Trust me.”
The security guard wanders over to the car and leans down to get a better look at us. “Morning, Nate. Come on in.” He uses a remote control to open the tall, heavy-duty gate.
I drive through slowly, parking as close to the path that leads down to a private beach as possible. We get out, and I go to the trunk to pull out the breakfast picnic I packed, along with a blanket and sunscreen.
“Is this where you live?” Zach asks, awestruck.
I laugh. “I wish! No, it belongs to one of my clients. Someone I was a close protection officer for. When I started my own business, they came with me. They’re filming on location at the moment, so they said it was fine for us to borrow their beach.”
“They own a beach?” Zach squeaks.
“This stretch of it, yes. And because the paparazzi know they’re on location, none of them will be hanging around here.” I cup his cheek. “It’s safe here, Zach. You can relax.”
He presses into my touch. “Thank you.”
We find a spot in slight shade beneath palm trees and spread out the blanket. I put breakfast out, to the backing track of waves crashing against the sand, the breeze rustling the long fronds of the palm trees, and gulls squawking.
Zach sits, hugging his arms loosely around his raised knees. “It’s beautiful here. Am I allowed to know who your client is?”
“No, sorry. I signed an NDA. Everyone who works for me does, too. We value our clients’ privacy.”
“I’m glad you take it seriously.”
“Very. I’ve built a reputation for myself and my company, built on trust and discretion. I won’t put that at risk. Breakfast?”
He looks at the food, eyes widening. “This is amazing.”
“I wanted to spoil you.”
I’m pretty sure I’ve brought too much food: layered yoghurts in mason jars, fruit skewers, mini bagels lathered in cream cheese, muffin-tin frittatas, fluffy croissants and pastries, and a flask of iced coffee.
“You’ve definitely done that,” he says, blushing. “Thank you.” He picks up a croissant, breaks it in two, and nibbles on one half as he stares at the ocean. “It’s beautiful here. So peaceful.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Still raw. Still trying to convince myself I shouldn’t be reacting the way I am.”
My heart aches for him.
“Still can’t face the thought of going back to my apartment.”
“Have you heard from the cops?”
He presses his lips into a wobbly line. “They’ve pressed charges and set bail, which she was able to pay. So, she’s out on the streets, at least until the trial. Maybe forever, if she’s found not guilty. I can’t go back, Nate. Not while there’s a chance she might show up.”
“I can help you file a restraining order against her.”
“My agent’s already done that.”
I’m glad he’s confided in his agent. It’s important they know what’s going on and why Zach needs to take some time out from auditions.
“But what if she ignores it?” he asks.
“Then she’ll get arrested again for being in violation of the restraining order and her bail conditions.”
He hugs his knees tighter. “I hate being scared, Nate.”
I put my arm around his shoulders and draw him close, so his head is resting on my shoulder. “I’m here. No one knows where you’re staying. You’re safe at Halo House.”
“I can’t stay there forever. I know there was one guy, Tony, who stayed for a few years, but even he’s gone now. From what I gather, most people are helped to get on their feet within a year. I’m pretty sure I’d outstay my welcome if I stayed even a twelfth of that time.”
“You wouldn’t,” I assure him.
“I don’t know what to do.”
I stroke his hair.
“I watched my first pantomime when I was five, and from that moment on, I knew I wanted to be an actor. I wanted to be a star. And now… If being a star means I have to live in fear, it’s just not worth it.”
“You don’t,” I promise. “You’ve had a rough introduction to stardom, but what that woman did—the obsession she developed—it’s the exception, not the norm, Zach.”
“And the paparazzi?”
“They like to overstep. But a good CPO can keep them off your back.”
“I can’t afford that.”
“It’s a good thing you know a guy who runs a CPO agency, then, isn’t it?”
“Nate—”
“I insist.”
He lifts his head and stares at me intently. “Surely this… relationship… will end the moment I decide to leave Halo House?”
“It can, but it doesn’t have to. I can take care of you for as long as you need me to.” Or as long as he wants me to.
“Why?”
Because he’s beautiful. Because every time he smiles, it makes me happy. “I want to help. It’s what caregivers do.”
“It’s what Daddies do?” He lifts his brows slightly as he speaks.
I smile. “Yes.” Am I overstepping? I should dial it down. I want to make him feel safe, not freak him out further.
He finishes his croissant and reaches for a fruit skewer, picking each juicy piece off with his fingers. “You must be sick of hearing me talk about this.”
“No.”
“Well, I’m sick of talking about it. My head’s messed up. I need distracting. Tell me more about you?”
“What do you want to know?”
“Anything. Everything. You’ve got a niece, but no kids of your own. Surely you must be seeing someone?”
“No.”
He gives me an incredulous look. “But you’re—” He swallows, his cheeks pinking as he looks away and stuffs half a strawberry into his mouth.
What was he going to say?
“Very single,” I assure him. “Sometimes I find a partner in a kink club for a night, to play, more than anything. But I haven’t met anyone I want a serious relationship with.”
“Is that what you’re looking for?” he asks softly. “Something serious?”
“Maybe. I guess I’ll know if I ever find the right person.” I nudge his shoulder with my own. “What about you? Are you seeing anyone?” I can guess the answer.
“No. I mean, it’s hard to be in a relationship when you’re in the closet.”
“Hook-ups?”
He shakes his head. “Not since I moved to LA. At first, I was too busy, then after the film blew up, I just decided it wasn’t worth the risk, you know?”
I don’t know, but I can imagine.
“Umm… When you say ‘play’… What do you mean?”
“That depends on the boy I hook up with. Some enjoy being spanked, others like to be tied up. One boy just wanted to be blindfolded and cuddled.”
“Why?”
“He said it helped him to relax. He was a CEO, so his work was very stressful. He went to kink clubs to unwind. Being blindfolded and held by a Daddy allowed him to let go completely.”
Zach frowns. “A CEO? How old was he?”
I hum. “Fifty, maybe? I told you, age has nothing to do with the Daddy/boy dynamic. All that matters is that we’re both consenting adults. I’ve played with boys who are younger, the same age, and older than me. As long as they want to submit, they’re a boy.”
He nibbles on a piece of melon, his expression thoughtful. “What’s it like?” he asks eventually. “Letting go?”
“It can be amazing, as long as you’re with someone who makes you feel safe.”
“How—” He shakes his head.
“Go on,” I prompt.
“How would you help me relax? I mean, completely and utterly relax?”
My heart skips. “I’d hold you in my arms. I also think you’d benefit from a blindfold.”
“Like the CEO?”
I smile. “Yes. I think it would help. Give you one less thing to worry about. I’d put a silk blindfold around your eyes, and cradle you on my lap.”
He makes a soft, strangled noise. “That sounds nice,” he whispers. “I’ve never…”
“You could, if you want to.”
He glances at me, expression uncertain. “Do you think I’d like it?’
I shrug. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’d like to think you would.”
“What if I didn’t?”
“We’d have safe words, so you could ask for the scene to end whenever you want.”
“Scene?”
“Yes. That’s what it’s called when a Dom and sub play together. They agree on what’s going to happen during the scene beforehand, so there are no surprises. All kink play should be risk-aware and consensual. Always.”
Zach puts the skewer down and selects a pastry. “There’s a risk in being blindfolded and cuddled?”
“There’s risk in everything. Being blindfolded strips away one of your senses and heightens the others.
It makes you extremely vulnerable. You’re trusting your partner to keep you safe.
Trusting they’ll only touch you in ways you want them to.
And when that touch comes, it’ll feel more intense than if you could see it coming.
It will be a surprise, even if you know where your partner is allowed to touch you.
You might realize you have a fear of the dark.
Most people have never experienced absolute darkness.
There might be a moment of panic; if there is, it needs to be communicated so that the scene can end, and your partner can take care of you.
There’s never any shame in needing to stop. Never.”
“Wow… That’s… I wouldn’t have thought of any of that.”
“Perhaps not, but a good Dom will.”
He nods, picking at the pastry.
Should I keep talking, or does he have all the information he needs?
When he’s been quiet for some time, I say, “If you were interested, we’d start with a short scene. Just a few minutes long, with the type of eyemask you can sleep in. Something comfortable.”
“And you’d hold me?” he asks, his voice so quiet it’s barely audible above the waves.
“Yes.”
“I… I think I’d like to try that.”
“Are you sure?”
He nods slowly. “Not here. Not now. But soon. Maybe.”
I brush my fingertips over his hand. “Just say the word, Zach.”
“Where?” He swallows hard and then clears his throat. “Where would we…? All the spaces downstairs at Halo House are too public, and you’re not allowed onto the first floor.” He squeezes his eyes shut for a second. “Second floor. Sorry. I still haven’t got used to that.”
“Two countries, divided by one language,” I say with a chuckle.
“You can say that again.”
“As for the where… We could go to my place, or there are rooms on the first floor that we’re allowed to use.
I’ve slept there more times than I can count when a boy has needed me to stay late to take care of them.
Think about it. There’s no pressure from me.
I want to take care of you and help you regain your confidence.
That doesn’t have to involve kink at all. ”
“I know. But… It might help. I… I’m so tense all the time. I relax a little when you’re around, especially when you hold me, but not fully.”
“I’ll give you whatever you need.”
He smiles and lays his head on my shoulder again. “I know. Thank you. You’re amazing. I’m so glad Phoenix introduced us.”
I rest my chin on the top of his head. “So am I.” I resist the urge to kiss his hair. “You’re amazing, too.”