21. Zach
ZACH
I take the call from my agent the second my phone rings.
“Zach. Good news, you’re being offered the role.”
Giddy excitement wells up within me. I sit on Nate’s sofa, gently chewing my thumb as I process the news. Nate isn’t in. I wish he were here. But he’s not, so I have to do this on my own.
“Zach?”
“Sorry. That’s great. But, Melanie…” I hesitate. Can I do this? Yes. I can. I’ve been thinking about it since Nate took me back to my apartment. I will not be afraid anymore. I will not be ashamed. I take a deep breath, steeling myself. “There’s something we need to talk about.”
“Uh-oh. Sounds ominous. Shoot.”
“I’m gay.”
“Okay…” She draws the word out to three times its normal length.
“I don’t want to hide it anymore.”
“And you shouldn’t have to.”
I smile nervously, even though she’s not here to see it.
“But could you wait until after the first film is out and breaking the box office before you broadcast the fact you’re gay?”
“I— What?” I rub my hand over my thigh. “I wasn’t going to broadcast it. I don’t want to pretend to be straight anymore.”
“Sure, sure, and that’s great, and you should absolutely do that. After you’ve proved your worth to the studio.”
“Melanie…”
“I’m not saying don’t come out. I’m just asking you to wait. Now, when can you get here so we can get this contract signed?”
My stomach churns. I stare out the lounge windows, at the golf course and the city beyond it.
“Zach?” Melanie sing-songs.
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? This is your big break. A six-figure contract, box office bonuses, and the option to make two more movies if this one does well—which it will. This is the moment your career takes off.”
“I know… And I want this role. But I can’t take it at the expense of my happiness.”
“That’s a bit dramatic, isn’t it? I’m asking you to wait, not stay in the closet forever.”
I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. “It could be… What? Three years before this movie comes out?”
“It’s going to be CGI-heavy, so it could be longer. Five years, max.”
“I can’t hide my relationship for five years.”
“Zach—”
“Melanie,” I interrupt sternly enough to make her stop talking. “You’re my agent. You work for me. Call the studio. Tell them I will sign, but that I am going to live my life authentically. That I have a boyfriend and that I’m not going to pretend I don’t.”
She’s quiet for some time. Eventually, she sighs and says, “And if they decide to hire someone else on their shortlist instead?”
“Then this wasn’t the movie for me. Please, Melanie. I want to be honest with the studio. I want to do this the right way.”
“All right. Just hope they’ve fallen in love with your cute face.” She hangs up, leaving me with no option but to wait, stomach fluttering.
I wish Nate were here. I check my phone, but I don’t have any messages from him.
I stand and pace in front of the huge windows.
I love Nate’s apartment, but right now it feels like a prison.
I don’t think it would matter where I was.
Here. Halo House. The beach. A running trail.
Waiting is torture. Melanie might not even get back to me today. Or this week.
I about jump out of my skin when my phone rings and Melanie’s name flashes up. I answer.
“We’re joining a conference call,” she says. “Best behavior.”
“A conference—” I don’t have time to finish before there’s a beep and the sound quality changes, letting me know someone else has joined the call.
“Bruce, I’ve got Zach on the line.”
“Zach! I’ve got to say, we’re all very impressed with you here, and we’re looking forward to working with you, but Melanie tells me you’ve got a few concerns before you sign the contract.”
“Not concerns, exactly, sir.”
“No need to be so formal, son.”
“Uh, sorry.”
“Love the accent, by the way. We’ll be keeping that for the movie.”
I already knew that, as they asked me to use my own accent for the screen tests.
“So… Why aren’t you signing on the dotted line?”
“I’m gay, sir.”
“All right…?”
“It’s not something I’ve let anyone know, but I want to hold my boyfriend’s hand in public. I don’t want to hide.” I take a deep breath. “So I’m going to come out.” To hell with asking for permission. This is happening, no matter what.
Melanie cuts in. “I advised him to wait until—”
“Hold,” Bruce says. A beep tells me he’s put himself on mute.
Melanie mutters softly down the phone, her voice too quiet for me to tell what she’s saying.
I imagine she’s fretting. If this role gets taken away from me, she won’t get her ten percent cut.
Will she drop me if that happens? I press my fist against my thigh.
I don’t care if she does. I don’t care if no one wants to work with me again. I can’t hide anymore. I won’t.
Beep.
“Not a problem, Zach,” Bruce says cheerfully.
I blink. “What?”
“I said it’s not a problem. So you’re gay? So what? We love you. Your chemistry tests were perfect, and you’ve got a tribe of teenage fans from that cute indie movie you did. If we spin this right, it’ll help us promote the movie. Get that contract signed, Zach.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Looking forward to working with you.” He hangs up, leaving me and Melanie on the line.
“Are you going to sign now?” she asks.
“Yes!” I can’t stop grinning. I’m full of energy and need to move. I wish Nate were here. He’d hold me and ground me. Although maybe even he won’t be able to pin my feet to the ground. I feel like I have wings!
“Can you get here this evening?”
“Yes. Yes. I’ll grab a taxi… Uh… A cab. See you soon.”
She laughs. “See you soon.”
I end the call and text Nate while I run about the apartment, grabbing my trainers, keys—Nate gave me a spare set to his apartment in case I need to go out while he’s not here—and wallet.
Me: I got the role! I need to go downtown to sign the contract. I’ll text you the address. Meet me there?
By the time I’ve got my trainers on, Nate is calling me.
“Hey, Daddy, I thought you were busy?”
“I’ve just got in the car to come home. You got the role?”
“Yes! Can you believe it?”
He laughs softly. “Of course I can believe it, sweet boy. You’re amazing.”
“I’m going to get a taxi to my agent’s office. Will you meet me there? Can you? I… I want you to meet her.”
“As your security?”
“No.” I’m breathless and giddy. “As my boyfriend. I… I told her and the studio that I’m gay. I told them I’m not going to hide anymore. Can we go out on a date tonight? To celebrate? Oh, fuck, I’m rambling, aren’t I?”
“Baby.”
I pause, breathing hard. “Yes, Daddy?”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. I love you. I’m done hiding. I’m done being scared.”
“I am so proud of you, sweet boy. I’ll meet you there. I’d love to meet your agent. You know what this means?”
“What?”
“My mom is going to need to meet you.”
I laugh. “I can’t wait.”
After introducing Nate to Melanie, he gets kicked out of the room so we can go through the contract.
I read it carefully and then sign it. The sense of relief and elation I feel is incomparable.
I was excited when I signed on for Confessions, but this is different.
This is next level. The contract includes a strict non-disclosure agreement, so I can’t even tell my family.
Technically, Nate shouldn’t know anything either, but I know he won’t tell anyone.
His business relies on his and his agent’s discretion.
Afterwards, he drives us to a seafood restaurant in Headland Cove. He must have called ahead to make a reservation, because we get seated right away. My presence turns a few heads, which I wasn’t expecting in this sleepy town.
Nate points to a guy in a suit, eating alone at a corner table. “That’s Grant.”
I frown.
“He’s your protection tonight. I’m only pointing him out so you’re aware he’s here.”
Grant catches my eye and nods politely.
“Nate, I—”
“This is on me. Once your big news breaks, we can discuss your security requirements. And don’t worry about payment. There’s got to be some perks for dating the boss, right?” He moves his hand toward mine, stops, and brings it to rest beside his cutlery.
So far, nothing we’ve done would suggest we’re anything other than two friends, out for a meal. But that isn’t how I want to live anymore.
I take a breath and reach for his hand. “Thanks.” I fall short of calling him Daddy.
I’m aware of a couple of people staring at us.
My heart rate picks up, but I tease Nate’s fingers open so I can hold his hand nonetheless.
I love this man. I’m proud to be with him.
So what if our relationship hits social media before our meal is over?
Okay. Maybe I do care. But I’ve made my decision, and I’m not going to go back in the closet again.
If there’s any backlash, Nate will help me weather it.
“Oh no,” I mutter.
“What’s wrong?”
“My parents are going to find out I’ve effectively come out via social media, aren’t they?”
“And that you’ve got a boyfriend?” Nate ventures.
“Nah. They already know that. Mum emails me every week, remember? I mean, I don’t tell her everything, but some things are too important to keep secret.” Especially once I realized I was falling in love with Nate.
“Call them?” he suggests.
“It’s the middle of the night in the UK.”
“Of course.”
“I’ll call them first thing in the morning. Maybe I’ll catch them before they check out social media.”
“Fingers crossed.”
I look into his eyes and smile. “I love you.”
His eyes sparkle. “I love you, too, sweetheart.” He nods to the waiter who is hovering. “We should decide what we want to eat.”
Laughing, we flick open our menus and quickly select a dish and a drink each. Nate gestures to the waiter, who hurries over to take our order and, pink-faced, asks me for my autograph. I sign a page in his order book.
Nate threads his fingers together and rests his chin on them. “I went to visit Kurt today.”
“His grave?”
He nods.
“I would have gone with you.”
“You can come next time. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I felt like he was watching over me.”