Chapter 6
COOPER
“You got it! High five,” Felix enthused, offering his hand to Benji, who was grinning from ear to ear. Benji slapped their hands together, bursting into beautiful, bubbling laughter.
After being late last time, I’d made a point of being early to pick up Benji from class this time. It wasn’t unusual for parents to watch the end of a lesson, but I’d been so determined not to be late that I was the first—and only—one here.
I’d never spent much time in the pristine studio, all white walls and pale, perfect, polished floors, with the huge mirror taking up a whole wall so I couldn’t completely avoid seeing the awkward way I was perched on end of the too-short bench that ran along the opposite wall.
Thankfully, no one was paying me any attention.
Felix had glanced at me when I came in, and we’d exchanged a nod, but he hadn’t looked at me again since.
That was fine by me. When he looked at me, I felt… something. Something that made my skin feel a size too small, or like maybe he could see through it.
Talking with him the other day had felt good, though.
Peaceful. I hadn’t really had time to talk at length with an adult not directly related to me since I moved here.
We hadn’t exactly had a soul-baring, deep and meaningful conversation, but I’d told him things I had no one else to say to.
He’d listened. Really listened, as though he cared what I was saying.
“Now show me again,” Felix said, stepping back. “Everyone,” he added. “Positions.”
Benji was an angel—and I’d fist fight anyone who said otherwise in front of me or him—but I knew enough about kids his age to know that the way the other five of them rushed to the barre along with him said something about Felix. He was good with kids.
I’d heard more about him in the two days since Monday’s dance class than I had about anything else. Benji was enchanted.
Secretly, I got that. There was something enchanting about him.
I watched as he took the kids through the positions—Benji had showed me a hundred times, so I knew what they were doing.
First position, second position, and so on.
Felix walked along the row at the barre, tapping on kids to correct them as they held each position in turn, murmuring praise as they followed his instructions.
Other parents started filtering in within a few minutes—faces I knew to nod at in the street, but no one I’d ever really talked to. I should have, I supposed, for Benji’s sake. This was a part of his life.
I just… didn’t know what to say to them. I was, for a start, the only man who ever showed up here. Aside from that, I wasn’t necessarily great at talking to anyone.
Which was why Felix stood out so much. I was still awkward with him, but it didn’t seem to matter so much.
“Do you think he’s single?”
I started at the whisper and turned to see a woman I recognized as Sarah’s mom sitting beside me, a broad, conspiratorial grin on her face.
“Who?” I asked, though I realized the next second who she meant.
She raised an eyebrow, jerking her head toward Felix. “Who do you think?”
I think he’s gay, I didn’t say. I had no idea whether or not that was common knowledge, and I didn’t want to out him. Besides, he’d mentioned an ex-boyfriend, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t into women, too.
“Uhh. Couldn’t say,” I said. I was supposed to be playing along, probably.
“Anna,” the woman said, offering her hand. “You’re Benji’s uncle, yeah? Laura’s brother?”
I shook Anna’s hand and nodded on autopilot, feeling as though I was in freefall at the mention of Laura’s name.
“Uh, yeah.” I paused to swallow past a lump in my throat. “Yeah, how did you…?”
Laura had moved away from Otter Bay long before Benji was born, like I had.
“We were in the same year in school,” Anna said. “Stayed in touch after. Just Facebook updates, that kind of thing. I was sorry to hear…”
“Yeah,” I said when it became obvious she couldn’t figure out how to end that sentence. “Yeah, umm…”
“Coop!” Benji called out, rushing over to me. Class, apparently, was over. I held my arms out to catch him, squeezing him a little tighter than usual as he flung himself around my neck. “Did you see? I did it! Felix said I got the arabesque perfect.”
“I did see it.” I smiled at him, the wave of grief that’d been threatening to pull me under a heartbeat ago washing away as though it’d never been there. “But I already knew you were perfect,” I added, booping his nose. “We ready to go.”
“If I might have a moment?” a familiar voice said over my head. Felix.
Beside me, Anna made no attempt to hide the way she looked him up and down.
I couldn’t blame her. Felix was beautiful. All lean, elegant lines. To me, he was every inch the career dancer. Everything about him.
I nodded. Judging by the way the corner of Felix’s lips turned up and his ridiculously blue eyes glinted, I knew what was coming.
He folded himself down onto the floor in one motion I couldn’t have hoped to copy, sitting cross-legged in front of me, with Benji between us. Benji turned to look at him, uninterested in me now that Felix was around. The thought made me smile again.
“I have a favor to ask you, Benji,” he said, glancing at me. I gave him a nod. I knew Benji could handle it, and if I had to rob a bank and suck a hundred dicks to make his dreams come true—whether he stuck to ballet or got into something else—I’d do it. No questions asked.
“Okay,” Benji said, as serious as any six-year-old had ever been.
“I want to put you in the lead part for the competition,” Felix said. “But only if you want it.”
I didn’t need to be able to see Benji’s face to know what it looked like—the way his little shoulders pulled back was enough to tell me that he was staring at Felix wide-eyed, mouth hanging open.
Felix’s eyes glittered as they flicked over Benji’s face, a slow smile spreading across his lips as Benji started to nod. He had an incredible smile.
“Yes,” he said. “Yes! Yes, please? I’ll work harder than ever.”
Felix laughed, holding up a hand to stop him. “I know. I know you will, which is why I’m asking. I have to have someone I can rely on, and I know I can rely on you.”
Benji nodded again. Felix glanced at me, which was when I realized I was grinning at the two of them.
“Congratulations,” a voice murmured from beside me. Anna.
I’d forgotten all about her with my attention on Benji and Felix.
“I didn’t do anything,” I said, turning to her. “It’s all Benji.”
A look I couldn’t quite read passed over her face, but it ended in a wry smile that didn’t feel unkind. “Laura would be proud,” she said, standing and taking Sarah’s hand. “Of both of you.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I nodded silently. She nodded back, then turned away, heading for the studio door.
When I looked back to Benji, he’d turned around to face me again, beaming so wide he’d run out of room on his tiny face. My heart swelled at the way his eyes were sparkling, lit up with excitement. I wanted him to look like that every day.
“Did you hear?” he asked.
“I heard,” I said, so proud of him I almost didn’t have room in my chest to fill my lungs with air. “And I know you’re gonna be amazing.”
Felix rose behind Benji. I didn’t know what to say to him. He’d made Benji’s little life. Thank you didn’t seem to cover it.
I stood while I was thinking, grabbing Benji’s dance bag and slinging it over my shoulder.
“He’s earned it,” Felix said. “Before you thank me. This isn’t a favor.”
“Of course not,” I said, sure it genuinely wasn’t. I didn’t think Felix was the kind of person who’d do that—it wouldn’t be fair to Benji or the other kids if he wasn’t the right person for the lead. It wasn’t about being nice to Benji, and it definitely wasn’t for my sake.
All the same, I was grateful.
“Good,” Felix said with a decisive nod. “See you next class?”
“Not if I see you first,” I said channeling my dad so automatically that I didn’t realize what I was saying until the words were out.
Felix raised an eyebrow, the corner of his lips twitching.
Not if I see you first. He must’ve thought I was ridiculous.
“I’ll just… go, before I say anything else,” I said. “At all.”
Felix’s lips curved another few degrees before he looked down at Benji. “You, I will definitely see next class. We’ve got a lot of work to do.”
Benji nodded solemnly. “Yes, Mr. Bennet. I promise.”
He tugged on my hand to pull me out of the studio, down the stairs, and into the street.
Every third word I heard on the way home was Felix.