Eliza
Three years ago
I probably shouldn’t be here.
Scratch that.
I definitely shouldn’t be here.
The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to turn around. Who went to their ex’s mom’s birthday dinner?!
In my defense, Celine went out of her way to call me, saying how she’d love to see me if I felt comfortable attending.
I couldn’t say no. Plus, I wanted to see her and wish her a happy birthday.
It was likely going to be the last time I’d see her now that Colin and I were broken up.
I knew Colin wouldn’t be here, but I wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse that I was here.
He had a trip with his friends this weekend.
While I was bummed for Celine that Colin wouldn’t be here to celebrate her, I couldn’t help the relief that I wouldn’t have to deal with him today.
From the moment I met Celine, she’d welcomed me into her home and supported my relationship with her son.
She didn’t skeptically eye my tattoos or nose ring.
Or turn her nose up at the fact that I enjoyed bartending.
Or say No, really, what are you actually going to do as a job after college?
when I told her I wanted to open a yoga studio in my hometown.
It wasn’t that I expected her to do any of that, but…I heard and saw things enough times that I assumed most people had similar thoughts.
I didn’t regret leaving home to go to college—I knew how lucky I was—but I wasn’t prepared for how lonely it’d be. How much I’d miss the feeling of home only to realize that what I thought of as home didn’t really exist anymore.
Yes, I could always go back to Golden Falls, but things would be different. I wouldn’t be living with my grandma anymore. Yes, I’d still be arguing and bickering with my brother, but we weren’t kids anymore.
It wasn’t a bad thing—it was the natural next step—but it left a heavy feeling in my stomach, nonetheless.
Being in Celine’s home lessened some of that. It reminded me that as life moved forward, there were new people to meet and new memories to make.
I didn’t need to be here for long. I’d say hi to Celine, give her her gift, have some food, and drive back home.
Turned out, my idea of a quick getaway was just that—an idea.
Celine greeted me with a warm hug and immediately pulled me into a handful of conversations to introduce me to her friends and family. While I’d expected her to introduce me as Colin’s ex Eliza, she didn’t. I was simply Eliza, and I loved her even more for that.
About an hour into the party, I spotted Celine carrying a stack of plates and quickly intercepted her. “I’ll take these back to the kitchen for you. Do you need me to bring you anything? Another drink? More food?”
Celine shook her head, giving my arm a gentle squeeze. “Thank you, hon. I don’t need anything else. Don’t worry about me.” Her eyes stayed on me for a moment, crinkling at the corners. “Did I mention how glad I am that you’re here?”
“Only a handful of times,” I teased, but a genuine smile spread across my lips. “I’m happy to celebrate you. Thank you for inviting me.”
Celine waved her hand. “No need to thank me. You know you’re always welcome here.”
I’d gotten to know Celine enough to believe she meant it and that it wasn’t an empty invitation. I wasn’t sure if I’d take her up on it, but…it was nice to hear. I gave her another smile before walking to the kitchen.
I stopped when I made it to the doorway.
Leo stood by the sink, rinsing dishes and placing them in the dishwasher.
I hadn’t seen him much today. He was busy mingling with guests when I arrived, all of whom complimented the food he’d prepared for his mom’s party and asked him about his upcoming move to Portland.
“I thought there was a rule that whoever cooks doesn’t need to do the dishes,” I said as I came up behind him, setting the plates on the counter. “Or are you tired of answering the same questions so you’re hiding out here?”
His shoulders lifted with his huff of a laugh, and he shook his head. “I’ve never heard of such a rule. You’re telling me I’ve been doing dishes all these years for nothing?”
I grinned at him, trying to nudge him out of the way—away from the sink—but his broad frame stood sturdy. Very sturdy. And stubborn.
But I was more stubborn. I gave his side another nudge, saying, “Let me help,” which earned me a grunt and a small concession. He stepped to the side, letting me rinse the dishes while he put them in the dishwasher.
We made small talk as we cleaned, but he kept his focus down, not sparing me a glance.
It shouldn’t have mattered—I didn’t even know why I noticed—but it stung.
We’d been friendly during the times we’d seen each other while I dated Colin, but I guessed it made sense why our dynamic had shifted.
Colin and I weren’t together anymore, so he didn’t have to pretend to be nice to me.
Or maybe he was frustrated that I broke up with his brother.
Although, I could’ve sworn there were moments when he was frustrated I was with Colin.
I’d been frustrated with myself during those moments, too.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. “You seem…” I trailed off, not sure how to fill that in and not necessarily wanting to bring up the break up.
“Everything’s fine.”
I rinsed the final plate and handed it to him, but instead of letting go when his large hand grabbed it, I held on, tugging it and forcing him to look at me. Fucking finally.
Except I immediately regretted it.
Heat simmered in his blue eyes. Hot and heavy. Dangerous.
His nostrils flared as his gaze dropped to my mouth then moved to the slope of my neck.
“Good,” I responded, barely able to hear my own words. “I’m glad everything’s fine.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
I liked his attention more than I should have.
I let go of the plate and reached behind me to steady myself against the counter.
I’d once overheard Colin tell Leo to stop flirting with me, and I thought it was ridiculous. Leo didn’t flirt with me. He understood me, but he didn’t flirt with me.
I stood by that, even if the look on his face right now contradicted everything. Had he looked at me like this before and I hadn’t noticed? Or was this the first time he’d actually seen me?
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I whispered, my voice breathy and gaze dropping to his mouth. My lips parted and chest heaved, the tension growing heavy and thick between us. The conversations and music from the other room were muted in my mind.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he countered.
I hadn’t realized I was looking at him a certain way, but I guess I was. Had I looked at him like this before?
There were a handful of reasons I broke up with Colin, but somewhere on the list was a lack of desire.
I felt more chemistry in this moment with Leo than I’d felt in the year I’d been with Colin—and it wasn’t for lack of trying.
When Colin and I had been together, it was always about what he wanted.
There were other things, too. Arguments. Comments here and there. Feeling like he only wanted me when it was convenient.
It took me longer to realize all this than I wanted to admit, but once I did, I knew I couldn’t continue seeing him. I didn’t regret the year I’d spent with him, but it did open my eyes to what I did and didn’t want.
I didn’t want a relationship. I didn’t want to be with someone who wanted to change things about me—even little things. I didn’t think there was someone out there who liked every little thing about me. Hell, even I didn’t like everything about me.
I wondered how Leo would kiss, because something told me he would focus on what I wanted. Which then led me to saying quite possibly one of the stupidest things I could’ve said…and I’ve said some stupid shit over the years.
“I’m looking at you like that,” I started, licking my lips, “because I want you to kiss me.”
My heart pounded in my ears, and I thought I took it too far, said too much.
Leo took two long steps toward me, closing the distance between us. My back would’ve hit the counter had it not been for his hand on my hip, pulling me flush against him. The tips of his calloused fingers slipped ever so slightly underneath my shirt, pressing into my skin.
“Don’t say shit like that, Eliza,” he warned, his voice dark, dangerous, and delicious.
“Why not?” I breathed, one of my hands instinctively reaching for his chest, my fingers wrapping around the soft fabric of his shirt. “What are you going to do about it?” I challenged, although it sounded more like pleading. Like just put us out of this misery and do something.
“Fuck,” Leo breathed, resting his forehead against mine. He was so close, and I could see from the crease in his forehead and the clench of his jaw that he was thinking about it.
But he’d thought about it for too long.
The moment was gone as quickly as it came.
“Leo, dear, will you open this champagne bottle for us?” an older woman’s voice sounded.
We were so close one moment and couldn’t be farther apart the next. Leo practically went to the other side of the kitchen, and I stayed firmly planted, hoping that the flush on my cheeks didn’t give us away.
But what was there to give away? Nothing had happened.
The woman, who was one of Leo’s grandmother’s friends, was still admiring the label. She slowly looked up, a startled, “Oh, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” leaving her as she looked between us.
“You didn’t—”
“We weren’t—”
We both said at the same time.
I inhaled deeply, trying to steady my racing heart. I tugged on the hem of my shirt, hiding the sliver of skin where Leo’s touch had been.
Leo, on the other hand, recovered much quicker. “Let’s get this champagne open for you, Dottie.”
For the rest of the party, and long after I’d gotten home, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Leo. About his hot touch, how his lips parted, how close he’d been. The text I sent him was the second stupidest thing I’d done that night.
Me
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what almost happened. I’m in Golden Falls if you want to catch up whenever you’re back in town.
And the third stupidest was how defeated I felt when I didn’t get a response.
It shouldn’t have mattered—it wouldn’t have led to anything. He was going to Portland, and I was moving back to Golden Falls.
I’d just gotten out of a relationship and had no interest jumping back into one—ever.