39. Leo
LEO
Colin
Are you going to be at Mom’s today?
Me
Yeah. I’ll be there around noon.
Colin
Can we talk?
Me
Sure.
I didn’t bother asking Colin what he wanted to talk about. Whatever he wanted to say couldn’t possibly make my mood worse. With it being Sunday, I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad that I wouldn’t see Eliza at Lake Ridge today.
Being in Eliza’s orbit but not being with her was its own form of torture, especially after knowing what it could be like.
There’d been countless times this week where I felt pulled to go to her, but I kept my distance, because I meant it when I agreed to give her space, regardless of what the outcome would be.
The busy days at Lake Ridge made it easy to keep my head down and focus on the work, but it also meant I was slipping back to my old habits. Working late, not taking breaks, and leaving little time for anything else.
Maybe I needed to stick with my original plan—have Golden Falls be a temporary stop and use this as a stepping stone to get to my next role.
Because I couldn’t stay if things continued like this.
I couldn’t handle the awkward run-ins and averted glances.
And if I couldn’t handle that, then how was I supposed to deal with seeing Eliza flirt with someone who wasn’t me? Or worse.
She’d said so herself—she wanted to go back to how things were before. Maybe she could, but I sure as hell couldn’t.
So, I’d continued conversations with the two restaurants in Chicago, and I planned to take a few days off at the end of the week to head down to the city for interviews.
Wes hadn’t said anything when I told him about the days off—not that I’d expected him to since he wasn’t that type of guy—but he could likely put the pieces together.
I think everyone could from the tension in the air.
Getting out of town, even if it was to Maple Bluffs, would be a good change of scenery.
Mom, Colin, and I were going to give the house a final walk-through and clean before the first open house next weekend. As much as Mom loved this house, I heard the excitement in her voice when she talked about what came next, and I couldn’t think of anyone who deserved it more.
Mom and Colin were at the front of the house, carrying a loveseat out of the garage, when I pulled my car up to the side, parking near the curb. I turned off the engine and hopped out, ready to help.
Colin took one look at me and said, “What happened to you? You look like shit.”
Mom scolded him but then grimaced when she turned back to me. “You don’t look great, Leo. Are you feeling okay? Should I make some tea?”
My jaw clenched. The last thing I needed was both of them ganging up on me. “I—” I started, but Mom quickly shook her head.
“I’ll make you a tea. Here, help your brother carry this to the curb. I have someone coming to pick it up.”
Because a tea in eighty degree weather was going to solve all my problems. I sighed, biting my tongue, and walked over to the side where my mom had been standing to take the weight of the couch from her. Last thing I wanted to do was take out my frustrations on her.
“Sure, Mom. That sounds good,” I said.
“But seriously, are you okay?” Colin asked, and when I looked at him over the god-awful orange couch that I didn’t even know my mom had, I swore I saw a flash of concern.
“I’m fine.”
We started carefully walking toward the curb.
“What did you want to talk about?” I asked, figuring we might as well get it over with.
“Oh, uh, I don’t know if now’s a good time.”
My nostrils flared, frustration brewing and patience already wearing thin. “Just get it out, Colin.”
“Jesus, what’s gotten into you?” he muttered.
We got to the end of the curb and carefully lowered the love seat to the ground.
Colin brushed his hands over his jeans. “It has to do with Eliza,” he said as we walked up the driveway.
“What does?”
“What I need to talk to you about,” he said, licking his lips nervously.
I narrowed my eyes at him, not understanding what he was getting at. I stopped walking and turned to face him, my arms crossed over my chest. “Get it out, then.”
I’d never seen my brother so nervous. He ran a hand through his hair and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
“Colin,” I gritted.
“Okay, okay.” He raised his hands in surrender and started to pace up and down the driveway.
“I thought it’d be fine if you two didn’t know, because why would it matter?
There was no way you and Eliza would end up together, but then you took the job at Lake Ridge, and you two ran into each other again.
You mentioned you two were friends. Mom said the same thing.
That you two have become close, and…I wondered if I should say something. ”
“Say something about what,” I ground out.
“So, that night at the bar when I went up to Eliza…it was mostly because I knew you wanted her but weren’t going to say anything.”
My jaw clenched and stomach turned, already hating where this was going, and I really hoped I was wrong.
“I wanted something you didn’t have. And I didn’t think anything of it, because she’s hot and easy to be around, but then we started dating, and…
” He shook his head. “I thought we could make it work, and I cared about her, but…I realized more and more how much you two had in common. Then, when she broke up with me, I didn’t think either of you needed to know the truth, because you were leaving for Portland. ”
“You didn’t think either of us needed to know the truth,” I repeated each word slowly, enunciating every letter because I couldn’t believe what my brother had shared.
Blood roared in my ears, and the flurry of emotions I’d been experiencing all week bubbled to the surface.
“What the actual fuck, Colin,” I roared, the anger, frustration, and growl in my voice shocking both of us.
“If you wanted something I didn’t have, go to the fucking store.
She’s a person, Colin! How could you do that to her? You two are supposed to be friends.”
“I know, I know,” he defended, quickly, carelessly. “I fucked up.”
I hastily ran a hand through my hair as I paced up and down the driveway.
“No, you don’t fucking know! Because if you did, you never would’ve done that.
I don’t care what your fucking deal is with me.
Getting her involved in the middle was out of line.
Do you not realize how much your relationship impacted her?
” I wasn’t about to share what Eliza had told me—he didn’t deserve to know—but he needed to know that it did have an impact on how she approached life.
How that coupled with her trauma and grief changed her view on relationships—and it wasn’t her fault.
Colin had tried to change things about Eliza because he saw how much we had in common. It had nothing to do with her and everything to do with him and his insecurities.
I wasn’t one to let my emotions show so clearly like this, but I had no control of it.
His words looped in my brain, and I thought it was some sick fucking joke.
It was the last thing I wanted Eliza to be a part of, and that gutted me.
She’d been open with me about the struggles she had with Colin, and now I was finding out it was something my brother did to show me up for whatever fucking reason.
“I—I guess I didn’t know.” He shook his head. “She never said anything. She always kept things to herself. It was impossible to know what she was thinking. I didn’t think it was that deep.”
“Because you didn’t make her feel safe! You didn’t make her feel like she could open up to you, and clearly it was for good reason.”
Colin scoffed, the unease he felt earlier now turning into anger and frustration.
“Here comes Leo yet again with all the answers. You always have to be right, don’t you?
You act so high and mighty, but don’t pretend like you’re innocent in all this.
” He turned toward me, glaring. “All your side conversations with her and things you had in common and the way you looked at her. Even when she was mine, you wanted to fuck her. And then first chance you got, you did.”
When I didn’t say anything, Colin stepped toward me, his finger raised and ready to poke my chest. “So, you did fuck her, didn’t you?”
“Get your finger out of my face,” I gritted. “And that’s none of your fucking business. You two are broken up. She doesn’t owe you anything.”
“And what about you, huh? You’re supposed to be my brother and you just go after my ex?”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked, shoving his chest.
Colin stumbled back, his face red as he nearly lost his balance on the driveway.
“You tell me that you used someone just to mess with me and now are all pissed off that I have feelings for her? Get your fucking story straight, because if you genuinely cared about her, you wouldn’t be acting like this.
If you genuinely cared about her, you know I wouldn’t have done anything.
But you didn’t. You never did. You treated her like shit and now are pissed off that she’s not giving you the time of day. ”
“You always get what you want and always act like you’re better than everyone. Maybe, for once, I didn’t want you to have what you wanted.”
“You think I always get what I want?” I let out a dry laugh, because he couldn’t have been more wrong.
I didn’t have the person I wanted most in this world.
“Do you even know what I want? What my goals are? No, because you’ve never asked.
You’re so goddamn selfish, Colin, that you likely just assume we want the same things in life.
We couldn’t be more different, and I’m fucking glad that’s the case.
” I gave him another look before walking up to the house and slamming the door behind me.
I didn’t know what I’d done to my brother to make him so pissed off, and maybe there wasn’t a single thing. Maybe it was the combination of experiences that led us to not having the best relationship to begin with.
The door opened and shut not long after.
“I don’t want you to be fucking miserable. Don’t make me sound like a jackass,” he called after me.
“Don’t need to. You’re doing a fine job yourself,” I called over my shoulder.
“Great, at least that’s something I’m good at.”
“What are you talking about now?” I couldn’t keep up with the back and forth, but it was obvious there was more here than the bombshell he’d dropped about his relationship with Eliza.
Mom came into the living room, arms crossed over her chest. “What in the world is going on in here? I expected this when you boys were growing up, but now?” She shook her head.
“I don’t know what’s been going on between you two over the last few years, but it might be long overdue to talk about it. ”
“That’s what I was trying to do!” Colin argued.
Mom pinched the bridge of her nose and looked down at her phone. “The person buying that couch is just around the corner. I’m going to go meet them while you two…figure this out. Like adults.”
Meanwhile, we both said, “Someone is buying that thing?”
She gave us both a look before sliding on her sandals and leaving through the front door.
“I can’t even be in the same room as you right now,” I said under my breath.
“I fucked up. You were right, and I was wrong. Is that what you want to hear?”
I turned to face him. “Do you hear yourself? You sound like a fucking five-year-old.”
“You don’t think I’m capable of doing anything right. That it doesn’t matter if I help because you’re going to swoop in and do it your way. It’s like you don’t think I’m capable of helping Mom or don’t trust me to show up if I say I’m going to show up.”
“Because there have been times you didn’t show up,” I interjected.
“If you say you’re going to be somewhere, especially with Mom, you better be there.
I don’t want her to have to do this alone.
I don’t want us to leave her waiting like all the times Dad did.
He might’ve shown up for us, but he didn’t show up for her, and I don’t want her to go through that again. ”
“I didn’t realize that.”
“You can’t just keep hurting people because you don’t have your shit figured out. Grow up and learn from your mistakes. Take accountability for what you’ve done, because I can’t keep doing this with you.”
“I know,” he said quietly, and I wondered if the gravity of everything was sinking in.
I wasn’t sure where my brother and I would go from here. It was hard to imagine trusting him after what had happened. I knew it would hurt our mom if Colin and I stopped talking, but if he didn’t get his shit together, there was no saving our already fractured relationship.
“And you have to tell Eliza. She deserves to know.” I wished I could be there for her when she found out, but I couldn’t help but think I’d likely be one of the last people she’d want to see.
“I’ve been trying to tell her.”
“Clearly, not hard enough.”
He nodded slowly. “Okay, yeah, I’ll tell her.”
“Soon.” I wanted her to know not because I hoped it would change something between us but because maybe it would allow her to heal whatever worries and stresses she was still holding on to.
His eyes flicked to me. “I’ll tell her soon.”
Right now, I didn’t think my brother’s word meant much, but it would have to do. It had to at least still mean something.