17. Seventeen
Seventeen
I ’m so confused. Surely, I should feel something significant? The entire bonding process literally changes a vampire. Yet two days after I gave myself to Erin, I feel no different.
Erin finally agrees to go home, which, as much as I hate it, I need. It’s become too easy to have her next to me all the time, and if I was in a better frame of mind, I would do everything in my power to keep it that way, but I’m not.
With Erin gone, I call a family meeting. I haven’t had a chance to tell them about Erin and I bonding. Honestly, I thought they might have been able to tell, but once again, I’m wrong.
My family is sitting at the table waiting for me to speak. I take several gulps of wine to help steady myself. “I need to ask you something, without interruption or comment until I say.” My eyes scan every Loch making sure they agree. There is no point trying to talk to them about this if the moment I announce Erin and I fucked they lose their shit and start celebrating. I wish that could happen, but I know there is something amiss .
“We agree, love, say your piece and ask your questions,” my father replies.
“I need to know how it felt inside when you bonded with your mates physically.” I see my mother’s eyes open wide with glee, but my father stops her from opening her mouth with a look. I silently thank him. “I need you to be specific.”
Laurence is the first to answer. “Calm.”
“Serene,” Lucille answers.
Mother raises her hand. “May I ask a question?” I nod. “Have you been physically intimate with Erin?”
“Yes, but I don’t think the bond worked.” My voice cracks with emotion. What does it mean? Did Erin’s soul reject mine? Was it just sex for her and she isn’t invested in me?
“What happened?” Jacob asks.
“We slept with each other two days ago.”
“And how did you feel?” Aliah interjects.
“Apart from the usual pleasure, I felt… an energy, something wild inside. I was pleasuring her, and this feeling got so strong I couldn’t hear anything but a swarming noise. I couldn’t see anything. It was all-consuming. Like I was close to something but couldn’t quite touch it. I thought maybe we had to climax together for it to work, but now I don’t think that’s the problem.”
Lucille lets out a snort of laughter. “It doesn’t matter who squirts first, you idiot.” Her mocking breaks what little control I have left. Instead of the anger that I usually feel towards my sister, I just feel beaten. Tears stream down my face and sobs wrack my body.
The scraping of a chair is the only thing I hear until Lucille’s voice is close to my ear. “I’m sorry, Amelia.” In all my life I can count on one hand the amount of times Lucille has apologized to me.
“It didn’t work, did it,” I hiccup. “I can’t bond with Erin.”
Lucille wraps her arms around me, holding me as I let out days and days of sadness and fear. Finally, I’m all cried out. “I don’t think it worked,” Lucille whispers. “But I think it will.”
“How?” I’m at a loss. Erin and I are dating. We’re getting closer every day. We’ve bonded physically. What else is there? Maybe it’s time we all faced the facts that this was always going to be a long shot and now we have the answer. On my thirtieth birthday, I will be an unmated vampire.
“Amelia, darling,” my mom softly calls. I lift my head to find everyone looking at me with pain in their eyes. “Have you told Erin who you are?”
“No, not yet.”
“Then there is your answer,” Maria states. “A vampire’s bond has to be physical and emotional. By that, it means giving yourself entirely to your mate. You are keeping such a massive part of yourself from her, there is no way the bond can stick.”
“Maria’s right,” Marcus says. “From what you have described, that wild feeling was your soul reaching out, searching for Erin’s. But Erin’s soul doesn’t know yours yet. The only way to make that happen is to be completely open with her. She has to accept all of you, just as you do her.”
“I don’t know how to do it,” I answer. “When we are together, I could be fooled into thinking she has always been by my side, but then I remember it’s still such a short period. I fear the moment I reveal who I am, she’ll be gone. ”
“So, there’s two things you’re not giving her. The truth of who you are and your trust.”
“I think it’s fair to say that in the history of humans finding out we exist, it never goes particularly well,” I scoff.
“Are you really lumping your mate in with the general human population?” Father asks.
“Amelia, you’re scared. You know Erin is the one. Instead of following your natural instincts and primal feelings, you’re letting that big brain of yours get in the way.” Aliah isn’t wrong. Once again, if this was a vampire I was mating with, I certainly wouldn’t be in my head about it.
“Tell me how to do this,” I practically plead.
“We do it as a family.” Mother places both hands firmly on the table as she rises. In full matriarch mode, Victoria Loch has all our attention. “The mating process is yours alone, Amelia. I understand that, but this part? This we can help you with. Breaking such news is going to be hard on you and Erin.”
“How do you think she will react?” I can’t help but ask. So far, all I have been able to conjure are worst-case scenarios.
“I think she will be naturally shocked and skeptical. However, she isn’t stupid. She clocked on to your so-called ulcer quickly. She knows something is going on. I would also wager she is finding her attraction to you confusing.”
“Thanks,” I joke. The table titters.
“You know what I mean. You are growing close at a remarkable speed, even for lesbians,” Mother says, returning the joke. “Erin might be more receptive to the truth if we can explain her feelings towards you.”
“Your mother is right, Amelia. Let us do this part together. ”
“When?” Lucille asks. She’s still hovering by my side, her hand on my shoulder.
“Let’s set up dinner this weekend.”
“Agreed,” calls Laurence. The rest of the table joins in their agreements.
“Once she knows, you all need to go back to your lives, wives, husbands and children,” I say.
“We return to normal when you are out of danger,” Marcus pipes up. I roll my eyes playfully.
“Any idea how we open the conversation?” Jacob asks.
“Yeah, it’s not like we can just casually tell her there are vampires in the world,” Maria chuckles.
“We need to approach it factually. Dispel all the garbage spouted out by idiot humans,” I say.
“Maybe not calling her race idiots, might be the first thing we address.” Lucas laughs. “Remember, you are mating with one. You’re going to need to really overhaul your attitude towards them.”
“I’ll try,” I grin.
“Try hard. Remember, it’s things like that which will keep you from being with her fully. As much as Erin has to accept you entirely, you must do the same.”
“I’m sure we’ve had this discussion before,” Jacob sighs.
“Well, we’ll have it again and again until Amelia gets it through her abnormally thick skull,” Lucille states.
“Okay, so, Family Loch, we’re all set for Saturday as the day we come out,” Lucas laughs .
I laugh along with them all, but there is no amusement inside my head. Not when I could lose Erin forever, in just a few short days.
“How are you?” Claire asks. It’s T-Minus two days until I spill all my secrets to Erin. She and I have spent every night together, wrapped up in sweaty limbs. Erin’s appetite for sex rivals my own, or it’s just that we can’t get enough of each other. On the surface, I have been my usual self. Erin hasn’t seemed to catch on to the river of anxiety that flows through my veins as the time counts down.
I returned to Insomnia and the penthouse after the family meeting. Immediately, I filled Claire in on everything that occurred and what was to come. As usual, she is my rock, giving me space when needed, but never too far away in case I crumble.
“I’m okay today. Although ask me in a few hours and we’ll see.” My fear and anxiety levels seem to peak and trough through the day. One second I feel excited, almost hopeful about telling Erin; it will be a weight off all our shoulders. But then in an instant, I see doom and catastrophe. I’m just thankful the serum is still working.
“Only a few more days, sweetie, and either way, you’ll be moving forward.”
“Not if she leaves,” I laugh.
“Yes, even if she leaves. At least you will have a direction. Right now you’re just stuck in limbo waiting. ”
“Yes, but I’m having fantastic sex in limbo. If she leaves, the sex leaves too!” Claire swats my shoulder, laughing. Making jokes and laughing at my dire future outcome is one way I’m stopping myself from curling up into a ball and rocking until Saturday arrives.
“You’re too much,” she laughs.
“Who’s too much?” Erin chimes next to my ear. Her voice is a melody that plays my clit to perfection.
“Your girlfriend,” Claire laughs. That’s the first time anyone has used the term to describe us. My eyes dart to Erin, to see how she reacts.
“She’s never too much,” Erin chuckles, kissing my cheek and squeezing my ass. Okay, so she didn’t object to the label. That’s great. Or did she just dismiss it? Damn, I need to clarify that before my brain latches on to another negative connotation. I cannot live under another black cloud. I already have enough.
“Girlfriend, huh?” I say under my breath. Erin is still close to my face.
“Too soon?” she asks.
“Nope, just wanted to make sure I have permission to shout it from the rooftops.”
“You are too much,” she laughs.
I take her hips and pull her close to me. “I’ll show you too much later.” Our mouths crash together, the kiss turning urgent in seconds.
Claire clears her throat, laughing. “Jesus, calm down, you’ll set the sprinklers off. Plus, Ms. Loch, there is no fraternizing on shift. Your rules.”
I mock glare at Claire but release Erin. “Fine, I’m going to the office to look at spreadsheets. ”
“Is that your version of a cold shower?” Claire asks.
“Yes, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll do the staff rota,” I laugh.
Hovering by the door that leads to the office, I watch Erin for a few more seconds. I need to soak up as much of her as possible before Saturday. If I can memorize her smile, her laugh and the way she looks at me, I might just make it through Saturday, because I’m pretty sure the looks she’ll be giving me then won’t hold the same adoration.
“Will you go?” Claire shouts. I salute, shooting a wink at Erin. Settling at my desk, I skim the files and folders littered about. There are plenty of things I should do, but my focus is shot.
Now and then I shoot a glance at the security monitors. I like to keep an eye out for any troublesome customers, but tonight I want to see my girlfriend. I could close my eyes and sense her, but tonight I need to see her.
What I don’t need to see is Mack North leaning across the bar talking to Erin. Before I allow myself to indulge the jealousy curdling my stomach, I remember my mother’s words. I have to give Erin my trust. With that, I turn away and continue to work.