Chapter 17
HAYDEN
Being back at the arena with the guys is amazing. The dressing room banter, the jokes on the ice, putting all my equipment on and remembering that there is more to my life than just grief is everything I need.
But the interviews, the questions, and the need to wear a smile all fucking day is exhausting.
Thankfully, there was no talk of Rylee or what I’ve been through this summer, exactly as I want it.
But I spend all day on edge, waiting for someone to bring it up.
It’s not that I don’t want to talk about her—I do.
I want to honor her life and her hopes and dreams in every way I can. Just not today. Not here. Not yet.
I have plans. Plans that will see me telling the world just how incredible my sister was.
And when the time is right, I’ll stand up and do her proud.
I’m just not sure when that’ll be and how much time I’m going to need.
I certainly know that I’m going to need a shit ton of help to get my idea off the ground.
I stand shoulder to shoulder with my teammates, each of us in full equipment and standing on benches to get our final photos of the day. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much, but while I might have laughed and joked with my teammates, most of my joy today has been fake for the camera.
There have only been a handful of times when my happiness was completely genuine, and that was when a certain five-foot-two, fierce goddess of a woman walked into the room.
She’s been in and out all day, and every sighting of her perked me up, but the times she stayed and watched, got involved, or changed something up, were the best parts of my day.
Watching her absolutely dominate her role is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Well, aside from that red bikini. Goddamn, that was something else.
“Man, I can’t wait to get back on that ice,” Linc says as I follow him back to the dressing room after we’ve been dismissed for the day.
“Funny. Weren’t you only saying a few days ago that you weren’t ready?” Rett teases.
“I know, but now we’re back, I’m fucking gagging for it.”
“That’s what she said,” Killer jokes a beat before Rett slams him against the wall.
“That’s my fucking sister,” Rett snarls, getting right in his face, only to be shoved away by Linc.
“And my fucking wife.”
“And his trainer,” the woman in question shouts from down the hallway. “Stand down, boys, I can fight my own battles. And I know exactly how to make Killer cry like an itty-bitty baby.”
“As if,” Killer mutters as he pushes from the wall.
“Ah, so you weren’t begging me to stop the other day when we were working on your hamstring?”
“No.” He sulks. “I don’t remember any such thing.”
Parker shakes her head and ducks into the trainers’ room, revealing the woman standing behind her talking to Brooke and Coach.
Hailee glances up, and she gives me a double take, as if she wasn’t expecting to see me standing here.
A smile pulls at her lips, and suddenly, I feel ten feet tall.
The guys continue, but my legs refuse to keep going—and thank fuck they don’t because not two seconds later, Hailee excuses herself and closes the distance between us.
“Hey,” I say as butterflies erupt in my stomach.
“Hey,” she replies with a soft smile. “How did you find today?”
“Yeah, you know. Hard as fuck but also good.”
“No one said anything, did they?”
I shake my head.
“Good. They were under strict orders.”
“Hails,” I breathe, grateful as fuck for her and needing her to know it.
“Hayden,” she warns, her fierce tone sending a rush of desire through me.
Would she be as commanding and dominant in the bedroom? I’d fucking love to find out.
“Thank you,” I say, dragging my head out of the gutter.
“Any problems, you know where my office is.”
I take a step forward, unable to stop myself.
“I know where your apartment is, too,” I rasp, ducking my head to keep eye contact with her.
“Hayden.”
“Fucking love it when you say my name like that.”
Shut up, you idiot. She’s not interested.
But the way her lips pop open and her eyes widen makes me wonder.
Is she? Maybe just a tiny bit?
No, she’s just doing her job and making sure everything you don’t want in the media is kept under wraps. Stop thinking her intentions mean anything more than that.
“Sorry. I’m sorry.” I’m not, not even a little bit. But it sounds good, right? “What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab some din—”
“Marilyn, hurry the fuck up. Those tacos won’t wait,” Killer bellows.
I hang my head, wishing that I hadn’t agreed to go out with the guys.
“Seems like you’ve got plans,” Hailee says, sounding suspiciously relieved that she doesn’t need to let me down.
“Maybe another night then?”
“Mmm…maybe,” she agrees before taking a step back. “You know where I am if you need me.”
“That’s a dangerous offer right there, Hails. What if I need you tonight?”
She stares at me, and I try really fucking hard not to read into the silence, but I do. I fucking drown in it.
“Marilyn?” Linc shouts this time.
I take two steps back, my eyes still on her.
“Alright, keep Parker’s panties on, I’m coming.”
“Have a good evening,” Hailee says.
“You’re going to the ball, right? Friday night?”
She nods. “Of course. Working, obviously.”
“Obviously,” I repeat. “If you have a few free minutes, though, maybe you could save a dance for me.”
She doesn’t respond; instead, she just smiles at me as Brooke calls her name and marches toward us.
“I got some great content of you earlier, Monroe. The bunnies are gonna love it.”
I swear something flickers in Hailee’s eyes as Brooke says that, but I can’t be sure it’s not just wishful thinking.
“Great. I’ll look forward to all the attention. Later, ladies,” I say, giving them a salute before ducking into the locker room.
“At fucking last,” Killer mutters, walking toward me with a towel around his waist. “I’m too fucking hungry to be waiting on your ass.”
“You could leave me behind,” I suggest as I begin undressing.
“Oh no, we never leave a man behind. That’s not how this team works.”
I make quick work of getting cleaned up, and then I follow them all to the parking garage before we head toward our regular dive bar, the Fractured Compass.
Our usual booth is waiting for us, and we slip in as if no time has passed since we were all last here. To be fair, they might have been coming here all the time I was away. It might only be me who hasn’t been here since our Stanley Cup loss.
Without having to say anything, beers are delivered to our table, and then not long after, food begins arriving. It fills every inch of the table. It’s devoured almost as fast as it arrives, and we’re soon having a second round delivered.
Spirits are high, and everyone is excited for the clean slate of a new season ahead of us.
We came so close last year but missed out on the Cup right at the last moment.
But as disappointing as it was, we also have to celebrate just how much we achieved.
I know some of the others have come close with previous teams, but we got further than any other Vipers team has in years.
That’s a huge achievement, and if we finish second again this year, then I for one will be fucking ecstatic.
It’s a huge feat. Sure, it’s not the W, but fuck, it’s still so incredible.
Little Hayden, who used to force his sister to sit and watch hockey week after week, whether it be on TV or at my practices, could never have believed I’d have gotten here.
It’s a dream come true. I just wish she could have seen more.
Having her watch me lift that Cup…fuck, it—
Emotion claws its way up my throat, and I have no choice but to shove Rett out of the booth so I can escape.
“Monroe?” he questions, but I don’t stop. Instead, I race toward the door. The second I’m outside, I slow down and take a breath.
“Fuck,” I breathe, taking off down the street toward where I know there’s a small park.
I don’t look back to see if anyone is following me. I just keep going, each step harder than the last.
I stumble into the park and collapse on a bench, my head falling into my hands as grief consumes me.
All day I’ve fought it, but I’m only so strong. I guess this was inevitable.
My shoulders shake, tears spilling free as I stop fighting and just let go.
I don’t know how much time passes; it could be seconds or minutes as I sit there drowning, but at some point, warmth hits both of my sides and arms are thrown around my shoulders.
“We got you, man,” a familiar voice says, before another adds, “Feel everything you need to feel. We’ll hold you up.”
Their support only makes me cry harder.
They sit there silently, flanking me as I completely fall apart. And much like when I did the same with Hailee, I feel safe.
“I’m okay,” I finally force out, sitting up a little and wiping my face with the back of my hands.
“We know,” Killer says confidently. “We never thought you weren’t.”
“Today was a lot, huh?” Rett mutters.
“I thought getting back to it, having the distraction would be good. But I just kept waiting for someone to ask me about her, about it all, and…fuck. I don’t think I realized how much pressure it was putting on me.”
“Did anyone ask?”
I shake my head. “Hailee made sure they didn’t.”
“If you’ve got her on your side, then you’re golden. She won’t let anyone hurt you, and should they be stupid and go against her, well, I’m not sure I want to know what would happen next. That woman is scary as fuck,” Killer states, making me laugh.
I get it. There’s a side of Hailee that’s fucking terrifying. But there's also that other side that she’s allowed me to see just a hint of that is at complete odds with that persona.
“Yeah. She’s good people.”
“The fucking best,” Rett agrees, turning both mine and Killer’s attention to him. “What? It’s true. Don’t fucking tell her I said that, though.”
“You got it, man,” I agree before slumping back on the bench and letting out a heavy sigh.
“What do you want to do now?” Killer asks.
“I…” Fuck, I really want to sweet-talk my way into Hailee’s apartment and find out if she’ll let me in again. But, as much as I want to do that, I’m not sure I’d cope with the rejection if she sent me away. “Um…”
“Wanna come back to ours and play CoD with Bea?” Rett offers.
“Holy shit, are you finally admitting that she’s better than you?” Killer balks.
“No,” Rett starts firmly. “I just know that Monroe prefers playing with her. Their tactics align better.”
“Oh yeah, that’s why.” Killer laughs.
“Yeah, as long as she doesn’t mind us crashing her quiet night in.”
“I think she’ll be okay.”
“We’ll just send you first. She can’t be mad at you.”
“Oh, great, way to make me feel guilty.”
“He’s joking. Bea loves you like a brother and you know it.”
“I…I love you guys, too. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, man. We know. And we love you too,” Rett says.
“We’re a team. Family,” Killer adds.
“Fuck,” I bark, wiping at my eyes again.
“Come on, I’ll message the others, give them the bad news that they’ve got to pick up the bill.”
“I’ll pay ’em back,” I offer.
“Shut the fuck up, Monroe. They’ve all got more than enough money to cover us.”