Chapter 54
HAILEE
Ifeel more contented and relaxed than I have in my entire life when we crawl into bed together a few hours later.
After Hayden impaled me on his dick on the couch, he carried me to the shower, where we may have indulged in another round before he took his time cleaning me up, which may have resulted in another orgasm for me.
After, he tugged one of his T-shirts over my head and led me back to the couch before ordering my favorite Thai takeout and making us drinks.
It was the perfect night after the most perfect day, and all of it was because of him.
His confession earlier about how much he wants this, his vision for our future, stays with me, and as he wraps his arms around me, his thigh hooked over my hip, the words I’ve been holding back finally spill out of me.
“I’m married.”
He stills, his eyes widening, his breath catching.
Regret swells inside me.
I should have told him this so long ago. And I hate that I’ve been keeping something so huge a secret, but…fuck. That look on his face right now, the disappointment, the hurt. I didn’t want to see it, but more than that, I didn’t want to put him through it.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier. I just…I—”
He presses two fingers against my lips, stopping me from saying anything more.
“It’s okay,” he assures me quietly.
“No, it’s not,” I cry, tugging his hand away. “You don’t get to be understanding, not over this. You should be mad, hurt, sad—angry, even.”
“Why would I be angry?”
“Because I’ve been lying to you. Because I’ve been keeping so much of my life hidden for fear of it scaring you off.”
I rear back when he laughs.
The fuck?
“Hayden, this isn’t funny,” I snap, twisting from him in an attempt to get away. But I don’t get anywhere, because he grabs my arm, holding me firm.
“You’re right. It’s not funny. It’s serious.
It’s your life, your past, the events that have made you who you are now.
Am I shocked? Hell, yeah, I’m fucking shocked.
But I could never be angry with you for protecting yourself.
You’ve told me enough to understand that you’ve been hurt.
I’m not annoyed that you keep things to yourself, I’m just fucking grateful whenever you decide that I’m worthy enough to tell me bits of what you’ve been through. ”
I close my eyes and shake my head as his words settle.
“How are you so understanding?” I whisper, cracking my eyelids open to look at him again.
“We’ve all been through things, Hails. Things that we don’t want to talk about or even think about.
But there’s nothing we can do about them now.
I’d do anything to have allowed Rylee to live a normal life, to have a future and a chance to fulfill all her dreams. But I couldn’t do anything back then, and I can’t do anything now.
“The decisions you made years ago…you can’t do anything about them now. All you can do is try to embrace them and come to terms with the fact they felt right at the time.”
“But they didn’t,” I argue. “They weren’t my decisions to make.
That’s what makes it all so much worse. If I could have made a decision then…
” I trail off. My stomach knots and my chest tightens as I think back to a time in my life I’ve spent years trying to forget.
But as much as I’ve tried, I’ve never been able to, not while I’m still connected to it.
Legally, I’m not Hailee Caldwell. I’m not my own person.
I haven’t been since the day I ignored my gut and all the red flags.
I’m Hailee Jefferson, and I hate it.
This time, when I try to roll away from Hayden, he allows me.
I climb to my feet and walk away from the bed. His eyes burn into me the entire time, but I don’t look back. I can’t. I can’t see that understanding on his face; it’ll break me.
“Did you want to talk me through it?” he asks as I curl myself into the chair that sits in front of the window in my bedroom and stare out at the night sky beyond.
No. I really don’t want to talk about it.
I haven’t told anyone any of it since I walked away. Doing so will make it feel real.
“It’s okay if you don’t,” Hayden says, his voice so soft and gentle.
A sob erupts before I can catch it, and my shoulders sink.
I don’t want to get upset over this. I just want it done. Behind me. Forgotten about. But until he agrees to let me go, none of that will happen.
“I’ve already told you about everything with Spencer and my parents and how everything changed once he died. Well…
“They replaced Spencer with Brandon Jefferson almost as easily as they did cars. It was incredibly painful to discover that our parents only cared about the business and the parts we played in it.
“He was…he is a wealthy, arrogant, egotistical jerk. He’s older than Spencer, but despite being in the same circles, they were never friends.
“His family…they get everything they want. They run a very successful law firm alongside the Walshes.”
“The Walshes? As in, Bea Walsh?”
“The one and only. Turns out, Brandon was friends with Bea’s eldest brother, although we don’t have any memories of ever meeting.”
“Wow. Okay.”
“Brandon was the youngest and didn’t have a seat at the top of the firm waiting for him like his older brother, so his parents looked elsewhere to build their empire.
“And they decided that with Spencer gone and no one to hand the company down to, Caldwell PR was where Brandon should be, and there was only one way to make it happen.
“Long story short, his parents spoke to mine, they agreed, and the next thing I knew, I was getting married.”
“Jesus, Hails.”
“I was in a bad place after the accident. I often look back and wonder why I didn’t stand my ground.
But I didn’t have the strength. As far as I could see, I’d lost everything.
My brother, my shot at a future, my confidence, and self-worth.
I went along with it because I was craving connection and support, and I naively thought that Brandon would give it to me.
“Turns out he was an even bigger asshole than I ever could have imagined.”
I squeeze my eyes closed, desperate to keep the tears in as memories of my time with him flicker through my head like a movie.
I don’t startle when Hayden’s warm hands land on me; I knew he was moving closer.
And instead of fighting him when he lifts me and slips beneath me, gathering me against his chest and holding me tight, I embrace his warmth, his strength, his understanding.
“They were the worst years of my life. He was controlling, abusive, aggressive, and angry. Everything girls are warned about growing up. But my parents didn’t care about all the obvious red flags.
They just had dollar signs in their eyes because, for how awful he was at home, he was a fantastic businessman.
Caldwell PR thrived under his leadership.
They got what they wanted. But at the cost of their daughter. ”
Hayden’s grip on me tightens, his lips pressing against the top of my head as silent tears finally spill free.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry they didn’t see your worth.”
“Me too,” I agree. “Walking away was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I left everything behind, and on a whim.”
“You’re incredible.”
I shrug. “I couldn’t stay there any longer. I didn’t care if I ended up in a shelter with nothing. I just couldn’t stay.”
He wants to ask what the final straw was. I can practically hear him thinking it, and while I have every intention of telling him every detail of my time as Brandon Jefferson’s wife, I can’t do it right now.
“You might have left with nothing, but look what you’ve built, Hails. You don’t need them. You don’t need anyone.”
“But what if I want someone?” I whisper. I’ve always refused to believe that would be true, but being with him is forcing me to think about everything differently.
“Then you’ve got him for as long as you want him.”
I snuggle deeper into his chest and breathe him in.
“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I’m yours, Hails. I’m in this for the long haul if that’s what you want. I…I…I really like you.”
A smile twitches at my lips, and I pull my face free so I can look into his eyes. My breath catches when I find that they’re full of emotion.
“I really like you too,” I confess.
“Yeah?” he asks, his face lighting up.
“Yeah. More than I ever knew possible.”
“It’s possible, baby. People find their happily ever after every day. You can, too.”
I wake feeling lighter and more hopeful. I don’t think I realized how much that secret was weighing me down. I still have so much to tell Hayden, but now he knows the worst of it. And he didn’t run—that’s the most important thing.
“Noooo,” Hayden complains when I attempt to roll out of bed.
“I’ve got to get to the arena. Go back to sleep.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
A smile crawls across my lips.
“How do you think I feel when you have a road game?”
“You miss me when I’m gone, baby?” he asks. I don’t need to look back to know he’s grinning, I can hear it in his smile.
“A little,” I confess, twisting around to kiss his cheek. “Sleep. I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“Who says I’ll still be here? I might have very important things to do and people to see.”
“Do you?”
“Nope, free as a bird.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Yeah, but you love me.”
My breath catches at his words, and his eyes fly open.
“I-I-I didn’t mean—”
I press my fingers against his lips just like he did to me last night.
“I’m starting to think I might,” I whisper.
I swear time stops, because his reaction happens in slow motion. His eyes widen, and his lips part before they curl into a smile.
“Hails?”
“One day at a time, yeah?”
“You can have as many days as you like,” he promises, giving me a kiss when I lean down for one.
Before he can deepen it and convince me to stay, I pull away and force myself to walk across the room.
“Hails?” he calls, stopping me in my tracks.
I look back over my shoulder and find his eyes. “I think I do, too.”