Chapter 56
HAILEE
Isit staring out the window of my office, wishing I were somewhere else.
I almost caved, pulled on my swimsuit, and said fuck it to work and my responsibilities.
I could have. I’d been invited by almost everyone I’ve seen over the last few days.
Even Killer stopped me in the hallway to ask if I was going to Coach’s barbecue.
That set off alarm bells because, as far as I’m aware, Rett is the only member of the team who knows what’s going on, and he’s not brave enough to start spilling my secrets—or at least, I’m banking on the fact that he isn’t.
The truth is that while I’ve spent a few months fighting some of his battles for him and trying to protect his reputation, I don’t really know him.
The arena is weird on days when the team isn’t here. Despite the fact that they’re on an entirely different floor and spend most of their time fully focused on their training, there’s always a different atmosphere when they’re in.
Today, the mood around the front offices is weirdly somber. I’m pretty sure most of them don’t even know there’s a party going on that we’re not at, but there’s something in the air for sure.
Dragging my eyes back to my computer, I try to focus on what I need to do instead of daydreaming about what Hayden could be doing right now.
It’s stupid to miss him when he’s right across town, but knowing that I could be there only makes it worse.
I make it through a few emails when there’s a knock on my office door.
I frown, because Maisie should be out there, intercepting visitors.
With a pained sigh, I call out for whoever it is to enter and force a somewhat friendly smile on my face.
The door pushes open, and the second I see who it is, my chin drops.
“I hope you have time for a visitor,” Bea says as she closes the door behind her and moves toward the chair opposite me.
“What…what are you doing here? You should be eating burgers and getting a tan.”
“Yeah, I was. And I will be again. I just…something wasn’t sitting right with us being there and you being here.”
“It’s my job, Bea.”
“Yeah, no. I get that. I do. And I also understand you wanting to keep things with you and Hayden on the down low. It’s just…he looks so sad and—”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“He’s missing his girl,” she says softly.
“Did you just come here to guilt trip me?” I don’t mean for it to come out quite so snappy, but if Bea is taken aback, she doesn’t show it.
“Hailee,” she sighs. She doesn’t need to say anything else; I see it all in her eyes.
“Life is too short to be scared of the what-ifs. Tell me that you genuinely want to be sitting here right now when there is a whole backyard full of people at Coach’s house who want you there, and I’ll leave and never mention it again. ”
My mouth opens to tell her that this is where I need to be right now, but I can’t force the words out.
The truth is that I want to be there. I want to hang out with Hayden and our friends.
“I think…I think I’m falling for him, Bea.”
Her smile grows.
“That’s good, because I’m pretty sure he fell for you a while ago. That boy is besotted.”
My heart beats a little faster as I think of all the ways he’s shown me just how true that is. He’s done more for me in a few short weeks than those who are meant to love me unconditionally.
Thoughts of him there alone despite being surrounded by people make me second-guess everything.
Over the past few weeks, he’s done everything he can to prove to me that I’m the most important person in his life. He’s vowed to show me my worth, to listen to me, to show me that my voice and opinions are important.
And I’ve…
“We need to go,” I state, slamming my laptop closed and pulling it from the desk, slipping it into my purse.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I’m gonna need you to go by my place, though. I’m gonna need my swimsuit.”
“Yes, girl. Anything.”
She lets me go ahead and trails after me as I step out of my office.
Maisie gives me a double-take, and one look into my eyes has her wincing.
“I’m sorry, Miss Caldwell. Miss Walsh said that—”
“It’s okay, Maisie. Please can you take messages for me. If anything urgent comes in, I’ll have my cell, but I’m going to be out of the office for the rest of the day.”
“No problem, Miss Cald—”
“Please, call me Hailee,” I say with a smile.
“Uh, yeah, Of c-course, H-Hailee.”
With a nod, I take off, hurrying down the hallway toward the elevator.
“That was hilarious. She’s terrified of you.”
“I’m not that scary,” I muse.
“Uh…yeah, you are. You have grown-ass NHL players quaking in their boots. I’m pretty sure they’re more scared of you than they are Coach.”
“That’s ridiculous.” I scoff, but deep down, I kinda love it.
I love proving those from my past wrong and holding this position that they believe should be filled by a man.
The drive to my house is full of stories of what the guys have been up to all afternoon at Coach’s place.
I can’t help but smile as Bea talks about them all playing with the kids.
For as much as they might all be big, strong, and pretty scary, they’re also massive teddy bears when it comes to their teammates’ kids.
I hated sitting at my desk, imagining them all laughing and joking together. I desperately wanted to be there.
Was I self-sabotaging? Yes, probably.
I still can’t get my head around the fact that I could deserve all this happiness after years of convincing myself that I wasn’t destined to find it.
Trusting those around me is hard. I’ve been burned so badly, but I can see that allowing myself to do it will only improve my life.
In the last few weeks, I’ve laughed more than I can ever remember doing, whether that’s with Hayden, or Bea and the girls. It really is changing everything I thought I knew about what I needed.
I love my job, and I’m so fucking proud of what I’ve achieved. But I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t something missing. I tried ignoring it, smothering it with more work and pushing harder, but it’s always been there.
“Here we go,” Bea says, dragging me from my thoughts.
I blink, and my apartment building appears before me.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Any time,” she says, killing the engine and reaching for the door handle.
“No,” I say, my voice serious. “I don’t just mean for this. I mean…for not giving up on me. I know I haven’t been very easy to be friends with. But you’ve stuck around, and…I really appreciate it.”
“Hailee,” she breathes, her eyes glistening with tears already. “We’ve got to stick together. We’re family now.” She reaches for my hand and squeezes tightly. “We all need people around us. Sometimes, it just takes a while to find the right ones.”
“Yeah,” I agree, forcing the word past the lump in my throat.
Just like me, Bea walked away from the family she was born into with nothing but strength and determination.
We were brave enough to stand up for ourselves and break the bullshit cycles we were being dragged into.
Our families can live their lives however they see fit.
But us? We want better. We want real. Real relationships, real purpose.
We want happiness and laughter, and to be surrounded by those who will build us up, not beat us down.
“Come on, let’s go and get you sorted before I have a full-on emotional breakdown,” Bea says before finally pushing the door open and climbing out.
In only a few short minutes, we’re inside my apartment.
“Make yourself comfortable. I won’t be long.”
I hurry into my bedroom and pull open the drawer where my swimsuits are.
In my head, I know which one I’m selecting. A navy blue and white one-piece that covers enough skin to almost be professional. But when I reach in, that one isn’t the one that my fingers grab.
I hold my red bikini up and swallow thickly.
Hayden would love it.
My heart thumps against my ribs at the thought of showing off this much of myself while surrounded by the team.
In a rush, I rummage through the drawer again, remembering that when I bought it, I ordered two sets of bottoms. One that I would keep hidden from the public, and another that’s almost passable.
“Bingo,” I hiss, pulling the slightly larger piece of red fabric from the depths of the drawer.
It’ll still be small and show off a lot of skin, but at least my ass with its cellulite dimples won’t be on full display.
Stripping out of my work clothes, I pull the two-piece on, then shimmy a denim skirt up my legs and push my arms into a long shirt that will double as a cover-up.
I twist my curls up into a messy bun on top of my head and secure it with a couple of clips before shoving my feet into a pair of flip flops, throwing some essentials like sunscreen and underwear into a huge tote, and with one final look at myself in the mirror, I head back out.
Bea whistles in appreciation the second she sees me. “Oh, hell yes, girl.”
Swiping my sunglasses from the kitchen counter where I last abandoned them, I slip them onto my head and suck in as much courage as I can muster.
“Ready?” Bea asks, getting to her feet.
“I have no idea, but we’re doing this.”
She squeals in excitement. “You have no idea how happy I am for you. And you can trust us all. I promise you.”
“I know.” And I do know. The guys I work with daily are some of the kindest, most trustworthy people I’ve ever met.
They’ve proven time and time again just how fiercely loyal they are to each other.
I just need to trust that I’m included in their inner circle and embrace what’s to come.
It’s either that or I force Hayden to continue keeping our relationship from some of his best friends, from the world, and that’s not fair.
I’ve lived so much of my life in the shadows. It’s time to step out and show the world who I really am, consequences be damned.
Despite trying to stop it, my knee bounces all the way to Coach’s house. Bea keeps glancing over, but I think she’s as aware as I am that there’s nothing she can say that will relax me. I just need to hold my head high, pull on my big-girl pants, and walk in there as if I belong.
Oh God, I’m going to vomit.
My nerves and anxiety only get worse when Bea pulls her car to a stop on a street full of cars.
This is it.
It’s now or never.
“You’ve got this. Just think of Hayden and how happy he’s going to be.”
“I’m doing the right thing,” I say confidently.
“Then let’s go.”
Coach’s house is beautiful, his yard is well-kept, and he has an array of blooming flowers— although I have a suspicion that they might not be because of his green thumb. Of course, I may be wrong, but I don’t get gardening vibes from James Watson.
The sound of what’s happening in the backyard makes my stomach knot, but despite the unease, a smile twitches at my lips. The happiness and joy are palpable, and I so desperately want to be a part of that.
You can be.
I trail behind Bea, who lets herself in, marches through the kitchen, and heads to the back of the house, where the entire wall is missing, showcasing the backyard.
I loiter for a second, just taking a moment to compose myself before I walk out there.
“Hailee? You made it,” Freya says, having appeared from behind me.
“Yeah.”
“Are you okay? You look a little pale.”
“I’m okay. And I’m about to get even better.”
Summoning every ounce of strength I possess, I hold my head high and walk out to the backyard.
For long seconds, nothing happens.
Most of the team and the kids are playing volleyball in the pool, too distracted to see that there’s a new addition to the afternoon.
“Hailee,” Coach greets with a wide smile. “Grab yourself a drink, food,” he says, gesturing to the grill he’s manning, “and make yourself at home.”
“Thanks, Coach,” I say, my skin prickling with awareness as more people notice me.
I don’t look at them, though; my eyes are focused on the back of one person in the pool.
Turn around, baby, I silently beg.
I watch as Killer hits the ball, sending it flying over the net. Hayden takes off, ready to knock it straight back, but he must lose his footing because the next thing I know, he’s disappeared under the water.
It’s in that moment that Killer and Rett look up and spot me.
A wide grin spreads across Rett’s face, and just as Hayden breaks the surface, Killer shouts, “Oh, holy fuck. Boss lady is smoking.”
I swear, I stop breathing, and the next few seconds happen in slow motion as Hayden fights against the water to spin around, but the moment he does, and his eyes lock on mine, everything in my world settles into place.
This is exactly where I’m meant to be.