Chapter 12
Twelve
EMILY
“All you have to do is say yes. You’ll have VIP access, and I’ll be with you the entire time. You can meet Bailey without the rush of a meet and greet.” Derek stands in front me, holding a spatula, wearing sunglasses, swim trunks, and an eager smile in Charlie’s beautiful backyard. His tattoos scatter across his arms, legs, and chest. They’re small, detailed line work, as opposed to large complex pieces, and I can’t help but think he considered their placement with care. Much like everything Derek does.
His abs are ridiculously sculpted with all sorts of divots and ridges. So are his broad shoulders and tree trunk legs. I keep catching myself staring at the deep auburn happy trail disappearing into low-slung board shorts hanging onto narrow hips.
Big dick energy. Mark’s comment intrudes on my effort to not drool on the tray of veggies I brought for the grill.
It’s not that I ever stopped thinking Derek was, as Holly would say hot fuckable, but I can’t let myself go there. I’m going home. We’re returning to what we know.
“What do you think?” Derek asks.
What was he asking? I scour my mind and he’s looking at me expectantly. “I don’t know what to say.” I don’t. Going to Nashville will be dangerous. I’d be giving him hope .
“Start with yes.” He reaches for my free hand and squeezes. “You’ll come to Nashville for the holiday.”
Riiiight. “I have responsibilities.”
He frowns. Definitely not the answer he’s expecting. “We’ll be back before they have time to miss you.”
I look over at the pool. My grandpa and Mark splash around with James and Victoria. Derek’s father couldn’t make it, and Tyler’s running late.
“It’s the biggest party of the year,” Charlie says from inside the pool, his chin resting on his folded arms over the ledge.
Derek’s throat works. “Have you thought about what I asked?”
“To stay or to go to Nashville?” I thought about staying. It's been a year, and this place doesn't feel like home. Maryland is home. It’s our sanctuary. It’s where we have the most stability. Moving to San Diego and then Nashville within a year is too much change for James and Victoria. Going back is what we have to do. Return to what they know.
“Both.” A crinkle appears over his sunglasses.
I can’t. I know I can’t. We’re locked in a silent staring contest, like we’re daring the other to relent.
“Hey, Emily. Did I tell you how hot you look?” Charlie’s voice interrupts whatever is happening between Derek and me. I dare a glance at Charlie, and he gives me an obvious perusal. I’m in a bikini top and swim shorts.
“Like twice, man.” Derek’s jaw clamps shut. “And in front of me.”
“Right. Well, it’s true,” Charlie says blowing me a kiss before swimming away.
Derek’s lips press into each other as he glares at Charlie’s retreating form like he’s trying to murder his best friend.
Derek clears his throat. “You do look great.”
“Thanks.” I set the tray down next to the grill Derek decided to manage. “I appreciate the offer. I can’t believe I’m saying no to meeting Bailey Southern, but I can’ t go.”
“Go where, mija ?” My grandmother appears, carrying bowls of salsa, chips and guacamole she made for the pool party and barbecue. Derek insisted we didn’t need to bring anything except our suits. Of course, she prepared everything for carne asada tacos to go with the burgers Derek is grilling.
“Nowhere,” I answer at the same time Derek says, “To meet Bailey Southern.”
He puts down the spatula, takes as much as he can from my nana, and places it on the table.
“ La cantante ?” She looks at me, her eyes taking me in like she’s never seen me before. Or maybe she’s imagining a younger me singing along to Bailey’s songs morning through night. “You said no? Estas loca?” She places a bowl on the table and waves me off, as if urging me to fly across the country this afternoon.
“It’s fourth of July and James has the party and we have to finish packing and cleaning. I’ve already changed our flights since James is going to the party.” I’m not convinced James’ invitation was genuine, but I won’t force him to miss out on the party.
“Oh.” Nana’s lips stay in the shape of an O.
“What is it?” I recognize the expression. Something she forgot to tell me.
“Well, you said you were leaving. Your grandfather and I booked a trip to Cancun and then we’re going to see your tía in Guanajuato. We’ll be gone all July.”
I love my grandparents. They should go to Cancun. They should visit our family. They lost the years they were supposed to be empty nesters to raise my brother and me. I can’t expect them to watch the kids every day, and this is exactly why I need to go home. If we’ve made it a year, it’s because James had school, and the nearby Y offered day camps. I had a part-time job during the school year I had to quit once summer started.
Derek and my nana study me, waiting for me to give them some sort of answer.
“I need to get the burgers and the carne, ” I say and disappear into the kitchen. Relief washes over me once I’m alone and no one is pressuring me. I place my hands on my hips and pace. There’s no way I can stay in San Diego. I have a mortgage to pay. I can’t pay to keep an empty house. Derek has money to throw around. I don’t.
Come to Nashville.
Stay.
How can he ask me when he doesn’t know the lengths I’ve gone to keep a solid foundation for James and Victoria?
“Emily.” Derek’s voice stops me from wearing out the kitchen tile.
“I can’t.” I sound like a broken record.
“I can help,” he says. “I can rent a house for us.”
Us? Is there an us? I won’t even think about that. “That’s not the issue.”
He pushes the sunglasses up, revealing the earnestness in his eyes. “What do you need? I can help.”
I can’t tell him everything. I run through my list of reasons in my head, curating what he needs to know. “I can’t pay a mortgage while I’m not working. Besides, we have friends, Ryan’s team, his best friend, their kids, we have a life there. And they can watch James. He has to start school. I needed to take care of things. It’s time to go back.”
Derek points at the giant sliding glass door overlooking the pool and La Jolla Shores beyond. “They have family here, too.”
I bend at the waist. I can’t fight the worries pushing me down. Strong hands land on my shoulders, setting me upright. “When was the last time you did something for you? Only for you?”
“What?”
“I can’t imagine what this past year has been like for you, but I’m guessing you’ve been taking care of business and putting everyone’s needs first.”
“As I should.” My voice breaks, but I steel my shoulders under his warm grip.
“What happens when you break under the weight of all this self-imposed pressure? Let others help. Your grandmother says they aren’t leaving until the seventh. She says they’ll watch the kids and take James to the party.”
He sounds so confident. He has no idea. “I think Maddox’s mother is expecting you at the party.”
He grins. “She should be happy to see your grandparents.”
“Funny.” I smile without letting it reach my eyes.
“We'll fly back in time for you to see your grandparents off. And if you still want to move, I’ll help. Heck, I’ll fly to Maryland with you.”
It’s not impossible, it’s that I don’t trust my grandparents to remember to do everything or Derek to help. Something always comes up. People don’t follow through.
“Mommy.” A dripping wet Victoria stands on the other side of the screen door, dancing with her little hands balled into fists. “Pee pee.”
Derek moves faster than me to the stack of towels on the sofa. He grabs two, wraps her in them and disappears down a hallway. I follow, and we barely make it in time for me to help her out of her suit to sit on the toilet.
When we find Derek, Victoria pulls on his board shorts. “Thank you.” Derek squats to her level, and she gives him a kiss on the cheek.
She used to do that to Ryan.
My eyes burn. I clear my throat several times.
“You’re welcome.”
“Don’t run,” I remind her as she darts toward the pool. I try to keep up, but she’s fast.
“I got her,” Mark says from the other side of the screen. Victoria stops next to him. After he checks her floaties are snug on her arms, he helps her wade into the pool.
“You’ve got family here, Em. You’ve got friends who want to help.”
Em. He called me Em .
“Haven’t heard that in a while,” I mumble.
Derek sighs. “If your grandparents can’t, Mark would watch them. Heck, Charlie and Tyler would, too, if they could. Tyler’s trying to have a kid. Would be good for him to practice.”
“Practice? On my kids? No thanks,” I say.
“On our son,” Derek corrects.
He shifts his weight.
Our son.
Multiple images of Derek over the years flit through my mind. The bright blond boy who walked up to me and told me one day he’d be famous. The skinny fifteen-year-old who begged me to kiss him. The man owning the stage in Virginia who was unaware he was a father. And the superstar who sang from his heart for his fans at Saddles.
Something drew us back together this summer. An ebb and flow caused by the unnamed thing between us. It’s not because of James. When we’re in each other’s orbits, it’s there, like a live wire buzzing and refusing to let us forget its presence. When I was with Ryan, Derek was a person from my past. I never could be upset with Derek for blocking me out of his life. I deserved it after the way I left him in Nashville.
The screen door opens, and a dried off Mark walks in with a pool towel hooked around his neck. He glances between Derek and me. “I’ve gotta go to work.”
I have the night off, but he doesn’t. He officially accepted Derek’s offer. Since the restaurant is under renovation, he kept his current job. He looks around the inside of Charlie’s house where the kitchen is the size of my cottage. “Mind if I take a shower?”
“Go ahead,” Derek says, “thanks for coming.”
“No problem.” Mark looks at me. “I think I left something in my car. Come with me.”
He turns his face away from Derek’s view and holds my gaze as if asking me something.
Derek slips outside and returns to the grill. When he’s gone, Mark says, “You look like you need a breather.”
I roll my neck to stretch out the tension. “Derek wants me to spend Fourth of July in Nashville. It’s a big celebration where they shut down Broadway and put up a stage. It’s a big deal, and he’ll introduce me to Bailey Southern.”
Mark stares at me with a blank expression.
I can’t help but let out a chuckle. “He wants me to be a fancy VIP with him. And I get to meet one of my favorite singers.”
Mark still stares at me.
“What?”
“Girl, go.” He dries off his hair with the towel. “When are you going to get a chance to see what his life is like? To meet someone you admire? Or to go to a big fucking party.”
“I don’t need any of it. You know I’m happy taking care of James and Victoria.”
“Of course you are. But you’re not only a mom. You’re Emily. I’ve seen the fun side of you. The fearless side. Go. Be you for once.”
“I take offense. I’m me all the time.”
“No, be the superstar I watch on stage almost every night. You belong amongst the country music royalty.”
I scoff. “Hardly. I’d be there as Derek James’ what? It won’t be a date.” Do I want it to be a date?
No. No. And no. I would be there as his friend.
“That’s not important.” The sincerity in his voice grabs my attention. “Doesn’t matter what you’re there as. You told me you didn’t know who he was now. This is a great way to learn. Besides, you do this for him, and he may do something for us for the fundraiser. Or you can ask that Bailey singer if she’ll donate.”
My face must have exploded, because Mark chuckles. “It’s an idea. Tit for tat. It’s worth a shot, or a weekend. You’ll be doing more good for more families if you get them to throw in an auction item.”
“I hate you,” I say.
“Because I’m right?” He looks over at the pool area.
“No, because I’ll be spending a long weekend with Derek.”
“Big dick energy,” Mark says as his attention snags on something behind me, and I swat at his arm .
He’s still staring. I hope it’s not one of Derek’s glares sent our way. He knows Mark isn’t into me. Derek never knew how to control his fiery jealousy.
“Tall, dark, and sex on two long sticks is here.”
I turn around and can’t help but feel a flutter in my chest at seeing the three Muddy Boots, Charlie, Tyler, and Derek, as they watch James play in the pool. Derek’s chest puffs up as he calls James to the edge of the pool. I glance over at Mark’s darkening eyes. “Found out Tyler and his wife are trying to get pregnant.”
“Well, damn,” he says.
“Don’t you have to get to work?” I give his solid arm a quick push, and he laughs.