Chapter 18
Eighteen
DEREK
Emily is talented, and tonight, she’s getting the credit she deserves. Bailey gifting her a song? That never happens in this industry. At least it never happened to us or anyone I know.
Emily removes the napkin from her lap and sets it on the table. “Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” she says at the same time my phone buzzes in my pocket.
She’d told me she would step out to call the kids before they went to bed. I set my phone alarm so I wouldn’t forget. She remembers without it, and that’s the difference between us. She’s always a mother no matter where she is.
As she heads for the door, I catch up with her. Taking her hand, I lead her to a quieter spot outside. “You think everything is going well?”
Maddox’s party is happening right now, and Emily’s grandmother hasn’t sent updates.
“Don’t know if you should be here,” she says biting her lower lip.
I thought we’d made progress today. Then, I remind myself a little flirting isn’t progress.
“I care about how today went for my son.” I run my hand down her bare shoulder, reveling in the softness of her warm skin. “I want to be here to find out how he’s doing.”
Emily brows pinch together for the briefest moment before she types in her phone. “I’ll talk to them first, then you can join.” She walks a few paces ahead of me. “Hi Nana, how’s it going?” Emily says to the screen.
“Hey.” Tyler stands a few feet away. “Everything okay?”
“Calling to see how James is doing at a party.” I check on Emily, but she shakes her head. I step closer to Tyler and check in with him about dinner. We chat for a minute, then Tyler looks over my shoulder toward Emily. “You sure this is a good idea?”
If roles were reversed, I’d be worried, too. I didn’t handle Emily leaving me well at all. Ever since Tyler came to live with us, we’ve stuck together and protected each other. Our bond is stronger than blood. I can’t be upset with him for how wary he is of Emily’s reappearance.
“We’re bound forever, and I need her to let me into James’ life. I have to sell her on how great this city is and how manageable it is to raise a family here. That’s as good as an idea I can come up with.”
Tyler glances down at the ground. “Don’t think manageable is the word.”
I glance over at Emily.
“She’s incredible. Throughout the day, she sees something the kids would like or do. They’re always on her mind.” An emptiness I haven’t felt in decades flows into my chest. “Those kids won the mom lottery. She easily gives them more than we ever had.”
I do something stupid. I hope. Images of the kids running around a big house with a big yard during the day and Emily and I tucking them into bed at night have my heart soaring. What stories will we read to them at night? After, will Emily and I curl up together outside and sip on her favorite tequila knowing our kids are safe and warm in their beds? And will she feel taken care of and protected in my arms?
Tyler does what he does. He sets his hand on my shoulder with a reassuring squeeze. “You’re right. But being a great mom doesn’t mean she’s a great girlfriend.”
And that’s Tyler’s other thing, reminding me of the sting of reality. Tyler opens his mouth to say something then closes it when Emily calls me over.
Right now, I’m all about finding out about James’s zoo party, and I excuse myself.
When Emily and I return to the private dining room, we can’t stop grinning at each other. James was too busy to talk to us, but Emily’s grandmother claimed he was talking to the other kids, playing with the animals, and Maddox didn’t leave his side. She even sent a picture of James laughing and petting a turtle.
In the dining room, the salad is served, wine glasses are full, and the volume has increased a few decibels. When they clear our plates, I pull Emily’s chair closer to mine.
“What are you doing?” she whispers at me.
I glare across the table and whisper back, “Claiming you.”
“What? That’s the most ridiculous thing you could say. Are you a caveman?”
“No, but I can be if Jax doesn’t stop watching you.” I don’t lower my voice and Bailey chimes in.
“Don’t mind him. He’s jealous I got Emily first.”
Emily and I swivel our heads in Bailey’s direction at the same time.
“Excuse me?” Emily utters, properly offended.
Bailey lets out a nervous laugh. “He’s looking for a replacement for me. Wants a fresh face. Someone he wants to discover.” She flicks her eyes over to Jax. “It’s quite naive, I think, but I’ve recommended he follow my lead and put out something different.”
“Not in line with the brand,” the exec from their label says.
“I’ve got a sweet song for you, Emily.” Bailey points her wine glass at Aiden. “He’s right, you need someone to talk to before you make any big decisions. This industry is cutthroat. You need to be at your best all the time. Right, boys?” She bats her lashes at Charlie who grins at her like he’s having her for dinner.
I don’t appreciate her referring to us as boys, but when hasn’t a group of women been called girls. It’s also Bailey, so I say nothing.
“We’re not afraid of hard work,” I say. “Been at this game long enough to carry a few scars.”
“A few?” Tyler chides and a wave of uncomfortable laughter follows.
“If you two are thinking about kids, you’ll be making some major sacrifices,” Bailey says, pointing between us with her wine glass and the red liquid sloshes toward the rim.
“Uh,” Emily looks at me, I nod, and she addresses Bailey. “I already have kids.”
“Well, that’s what I get for not doing my research.” Bailey laughs like there was a joke in there. “She’s all yours, Jax.”
The top of Emily’s cheeks color. “I appreciate the praise and the offer. I’m not getting any representation because I’m not looking for a career in music, and I’m certainly not some property to be passed off to anyone for some strange competition.”
I reach for her fist pressing into her thigh and wrap my hand over it.
All eyes fixate on us as the table remains silent. Bailey’s eyes narrow on Emily, and Aiden releases a low groan. If Aiden gives me shit about Emily offending Bailey, I’m done with this deal. Yes, Bailey could catapult us into a level of fame we’ve craved forever, but never at the cost of treating Emily like a pawn in some weird competition.
A glass clunks on the table and everyone’s attention pivots to Bailey. A slow smile spreads across her face. “I really like you.”
Emily lets out a loud breath. She unfurls her fingers, and I slide mine between hers. She squeezes my palm. I lean into her ear. “Need some air?”
She gives a subtle shake of her head and whispers back, “Hope I didn’t mess anything up for you. ”
“Never.”
Warmth spreads from my belly up. Emily being fierce is not a surprise. Her letting me hold her hand throughout dinner is.
“I hope she doesn’t pull out of the collaboration,” Emily says as soon as we slide into the backseat of our ride share to the hotel.
I doubt Emily compromised anything. And if she did, then we’ll rethink working with Bailey. “I doubt it. Charlie will get it back for us.”
“She was smitten with him.” For the first time tonight, Emily’s face loses the tension she carries. She tries to hide it, and I doubt anyone sees it, but it’s constantly there. She leans her head back on the seat and smiles at the car ceiling. My lips crave to kiss the miles of tan skin on her shoulders.
Her chest rises and dips with each breath. Movement by her feet draws my perusal south. She rubs her calf with her ankle. Her knees press together. I imagine her moving like that on the hotel bed, naked, with her hair loose over the white sheets, and her pretty mouth open in ecstasy.
“Tired?” If she’s not, I’ll find an excuse to reroute us elsewhere because I’m not ready to leave her side.
She rolls her head to my side. “I'm thinking about everything I need to do when I return. Need my brain to stop.”
“You want a distraction?” I sound way too eager for more alone time with her. “Let’s change into something casual and explore Broadway.”
“You can do that? Walk around like the rest of us earthlings and blend in?”
I can’t help the laugh that comes out. “I like hanging out with earthlings, especially one as beautiful as you.” I run my finger down her forearm. “No one will notice me when I’m next to you. ”
She rolls her eyes. “Really? That’s a cheesy one.”
“You asked for this,” I warn.
“What?” Her eyes widen. “I didn’t ask for—” Her complaint is cut off as I get my hand between her side and the seatback and start tickling. Yup, I’m back to being a teen with Emily next to me.
She yelps.
“Everything okay?” the driver asks.
“It’s all her fault.” I catch Emily’s hands as they attempt a revenge tickle.
“I’m okay,” Emily says, holding back her laughter. “He’s an—” she giggles as I lower my hand “—overgrown kid. Stop it.”
“We’re here,” the driver says as we pull up to the front of the hotel.
“What the?” Emily mumbles.
I follow her line of sight. In front of the lobby, the girl from earlier, Riley stands, phone ready with about twenty additional versions of her. Like hunters, their eyes drift over every car and every person who walks by.
“Did she say this was her senior trip?” I ask.
“Uh-huh,” Emily says, her hand frozen on the door handle.
“Can you drop us off somewhere else?” I ask the driver.
“Used to work here. There’s an entrance on the other side,” he says at the same time one of the Rileys’ points a finger at our car.
“Go!” Emily says.
With the skill of a stunt driver, he deftly maneuvers past the crowd of cars and stops in front of a door without a sign.
“Use your key card,” he says.
I thank him, scramble out of the car, and search for my key card in my wallet. The lock clicks open, and I yank Emily through the door. It shuts behind us, and we both breathe out our relief. There’s another door at the end of a long corridor. With Emily still in my grasp, I walk towards the door and stop halfway when she tugs on my hand. I turn around. Her eyes are wide, and there’s a shimmer in her eyes as she bites her bottom lip.
“What?” I say, my heart beats fast against my ribcage.
“You’re a teen sensation.” She almost chokes on her laughter.
“Don’t make fun.” I pull her to me so there isn’t much space and she can see I’m serious. “Fans gave me a career. I owe this to them. Whatever age.”
“You look too old,” she says, a playful smile on her lips.
Then Emily does the one thing that breaks me. She glances down at my lips. It’s quick, like she didn’t mean to and caught herself.
Gripping her hand tighter, I take a step forward. She backs up until the wall stops her.
Her chest puffs up and quickly deflates with each shallow breath she takes. My free hand lands next to her ear to keep a safe distance from her lips. I bring our joined hands between us. Her eyes drop one more time and then she looks up. It’s been a lifetime since I’ve seen those eyes shift to dark gray and fill with desire. Thunder brews behind them, but I’m the one releasing the fucking lighting.
“Emily.” Her name is barely audible. “Please.”
She blinks, and my spine prepares itself for the words of reason she should say to stop this insanity.
“We can’t.”
There. She said them. How come I’m not moving away? All I can think about is how her pretty lips will taste.
“We shouldn’t.” I clear my throat and let go of her hand. I give her extra space.
We walk to the other door in silence. I scan my keycard and open it for her. There’s an elevator, and I press the call button. It opens immediately. Our rooms are on the same floor, and heavy silence fills the car as the digital numbers tick by on the panel. I tuck my hands in my slacks pockets to avoid touching her soft hair, or the silky material of the dress, or the warm bare skin of her neck. I do it to stop me from grasping her waist, pressing her up against the back of the elevator, and telling her we can fucking try again.
“What was that?” she asks.
I didn’t open my mouth. Nothing came out. I shrug my shoulders. “Didn’t say anything.”
She stares at the door. “It would complicate everything.”
I turn my head towards her and scoff. “Isn’t it already?”
She faces me. “You don’t owe us anything. I’ve got this. And if it’s too much, you can leave like this never happened.”
Heat emanates from my core. I straighten to my full height. “I’m not walking away. No matter how much—” Although we’re enclosed in an elevator, it’s like hurricane force winds blow through and we’re being pushed as far away from each other as possible.
“You want me to walk away. To quit,” I say and track her expressions, every blink, and her quick breaths for a sign she truly believes I’d leave James. “You want me to say it’s too much. Maybe not today, but you want me to say it, eventually.”
“Better now than before we get attached.” Those strong shoulders of hers drop.
We . She said we . Not James. Not Victoria. We .
I let out a frustrated breath as the elevator dings. She walks out first, and I follow. Our rooms are a few doors apart, and no matter how upset she is, I walk her to her room. She stops and searches for the key card.
“Emily.” I try to push away the anger and frustration at the low bar she set for me. “You expect me to fail. To give up. To not be there for you. I’m not your parents. I also know I have to show you with my actions. I’ll be there. I’ll tell you exactly when I can or can’t be there for you. I won’t make promises to James and then not show up.”
“You don’t know that.” She closes her eyes. “What happens when it becomes too much?”
“Then we’ll work something out. Together. You’ll have to tell me when you’re not feeling supported. Or when you need more. And I’ll tell you when it’s getting difficult for me. Neither of us are mind readers, so we’ll have to talk and trust each other.”
“You’ll tell me if it’s too much? No matter how difficult?” She takes a step forward.
“Want to be honest right now? Tell me what you want?” I ask as my voice almost breaks.
She looks at the key card in her hand. “I’m tired. I don’t have someone I can count on.”
I crook my fingers under her chin and raise them until her shining eyes meet mine. “I want you to count on me. No matter where I am. And,” I take in a deep breath, “I want more than dinner with you. I want every night with you.”
Lightning strikes in my heart. She doesn’t respond right away, and with every ticking second, I’m ripped to pieces.
“Can’t,” she says.
Yup, I’ll be picking up the remains of my heart from the gray and black hotel carpet for the rest of my life. I shove all hope and desire back into my flayed heart.
“Well then, I guess it’s goodnight.” I tuck my hands back into my pockets and walk toward my room.
Instead of letting my dream of our family living on a farm in Tennessee, of Emily and I singing together, and being one of those couples who can’t keep their hands off each other from dimming, I recall the conversation in her backyard.
Nothing is impossible.