2. Chapter 2
Chapter two
NOAH
I’m not sure how long I sit there in silence, staring at the amber liquid staining the wall.
It feels like an eternity as I try to understand what was that defining moment.
We spoke just yesterday, his voice light and excited.
We were planning a day trip, not that I knew where, but just a moment to leave reality behind.
And now I’ll never get that peace with him.
I’ll never get anything with him ever again.
My body feels numb, my cheeks stained with tears I didn’t know I still had, the silent sobs causing my chest to restrict until it truly is physical pain that I feel. There’s no strength left to stand, no one to call for support… just…
A knock interrupts my thoughts as I hurriedly wipe my face and turn around to see one of the long-term veterans who has been staying at the hospital due to a chronic injury. He’s the one everyone considers as the father figure of this wing, all salt and pepper hair, and a wicked tongue.
“Yeah?” My voice wobbles as I stumble to my feet, pulling my doctor’s coat a little tighter around me.
He gives me a once-over, worried about my frazzled state but doesn’t address it. “Got someone looking for you.” He wiggles his brows a few times before gesturing down the hall and disappearing.
I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now, not while I’m feeling like a fucking failure of a doctor.
It also doesn’t help that people are always looking for me.
Previous superiors trying to get me for another deployment after a successful one right after I graduated.
Veterans who have heard I’m Kurt’s baby brother.
Or just people who need a softer hand than some of the other doctors in the clinic.
Apparently, my bedside manner is a little more desired.
I sigh and push out of my own little cave, taking several deep breaths to gather my bearings.
I’ll let myself fully break down tonight after I visit Ronny’s mother, hoping that she’ll still see me after all this.
I’m a few steps down the hall when Kurt’s boisterous laughter hits my ears.
Fucking hell, I lost track of time and am not in the right headspace to deal with his chaos.
Unfortunately, I’m not fast enough, trying to retreat and failing as Kurt turns around.
His eyes widen, his grin spreading across his face as he yells down the hall.
“Baby bro!” There’s a bunch of laughter as he all but launches himself toward me, picking me up, and twirling me around before setting me back down.
I force myself to take a breath, my nostrils flaring as I fight the tears. “Hey,” I managed without sounding broken.
He rustles my hair like he used to do when we were kids, his knuckles scraping across my head. “Although, I shouldn’t call you that anymore, should I? We’re basically the same size. God, it’s so good to see you. A nice changeup from their ugly mugs.”
I should have known that Kurt wouldn’t notice I’m in pain. He never does, really. Kurt is loud about what he wants and needs. I keep most of that shit to myself, so even here, right now, after losing Ronny, I keep a neutral expression so that I can escape faster.
“Move out of the way, dipshit. It’s my turn.”
My vision fills with Sebastian’s wide shoulders, the reason why everyone just calls him Beast. His deep green eyes glitter as he sees me, giving me a tight, warm hug that I want to disappear into.
My heart hammers in my chest anyway, the hug lasting longer than is appropriate until Kurt playfully pulls him off of me.
“Come on. Let’s go see the rest of the guys.” Kurt turns back to me, patting my shoulder. “Good to see you, Noah. We’ll be making dinner, alright? See you then.”
I nod, choking on a sob as Kurt and the others disappear outside, laughing and joking. Declan and Logan weren’t in that group but they can’t be far off. I manage to make it a few more steps before feeling Sebastian’s presence behind me.
“Noah, babe.” His voice is a low purr as he reaches out to rest his hands on my arms before walking forward so that his chest is against my back.
I want to soak up this warmth, this feeling of safety, but I’ll break and that’s just not an option.
“What is going on? I know you’re not okay.
You weren’t on the phone and you definitely aren’t now. ”
This time the sob escapes me as I pull from Sebastian, shaking my head. “Don’t. I just… it hurts. Fuck. I need a moment.”
I race down the hall and into my office, closing the door behind me so that I can lean against it, my breaths coming in heavy pants.
The tears start again even as I bite my tongue to keep the sobs at bay.
It hurts so fucking bad and the only people who can save me in this moment are Ginny and Sarah.
Women who will understand this pain, this loss, the hole in my heart.
I’m not sure how I’ll ever be able to make it up to them, for not being able to keep Ronny here just a little bit longer.
Some part of me thinks that my demons should have stolen me too.