Chapter 16
Sixteen
My heart skips a beat and my tongue tangles for a moment in my shock. And not only because I’m afraid Casimir will ask what I just bought.
Why couldn’t the courtesan be at least kind of a jerk like the other guys, so I’d have an easier time ignoring his epic gorgeousness?
I gather myself, setting my hands on my hips and lifting an eyebrow. “It does seem to be a pretty big coincidence.”
Casimir’s smile turns a bit sly, which somehow takes him to yet another level of breathtaking. “There’s a beauty goods shop just down the street that’s one of my favorites. I don’t suppose that happens to be where you’re headed next?”
We aren’t really supposed to be spending time together. Did he contrive this meeting to give us an excuse to talk?
What could he have wanted to talk about so urgently?
I’d better find out. I match his smile as well as I can. “Actually, it is.”
Casimir turns with a discreet gesture to indicate which way we should walk. “I’d be happy to give you some recommendations if you need them.”
“Sure, that sounds great.”
As we stroll farther down the street, I flick my gaze around to make sure no one’s all that close by. I’ve been getting a lot of practice at talking so that no one will overhear. “How did you know where I’d be?”
Casimir keeps his voice equally low. “I saw you heading out looking rather purposeful, and I remembered the herb shops you told us we should look into. This is the closest one. And I really do like the beauty store down here, so it wasn’t any hardship to wander by.”
Julita snickers. Oh, Cas. Isn’t he just lovely?
I suppose so. I still need to know: “What’s going on? Why did you need to talk to me?”
Casimir glances over at me, his pine-green eyes briefly pensive beneath the loose waves of his tawny hair. “Outside of our meetings, you haven’t had anyone you can really talk to other than Stavros, and I know he wasn’t entirely on board with the plan.”
He pauses, his eyes searching mine. “And I suppose Julita, but as much as we appreciate that she isn’t entirely gone, that can’t be an entirely comfortable situation for you either.
I thought you might be feeling isolated.
It must be a strain constantly putting on a persona in a setting you’re unused to. ”
So he followed me out here and waited around until he saw me… so that he could offer a little company? Even as I try to wrap my head around that generosity, a lump solidifies in my gut.
It is lovely of him.
What are the chances he’d bother if he knew what I really am—why I actually came out here?
“Thank you,” I say around the matching lump that’s crept into my throat. “You didn’t have to—”
“I know,” Casimir says easily, with a glint of his gemstone teeth. “But we are on this quest together, even if we have to pretend to be apart most of the time. We should support each other when we can.”
I can’t help giving him a skeptical sideways glance. “You didn’t have anything better to do?”
He knocks his elbow playfully against my arm. “No classes this afternoon. If it makes you feel better, my career’s entire purpose is making people happy. You can consider this field work.”
There’s probably something wrong with me that framing the situation that way does make me feel better. He hasn’t mentioned my recent purchase, so maybe I really am safe.
I can admit it’s a bit of a relief to talk to someone everyone else can see exists, who knows at least some of my secrets.
I study the shops along the curve of the road. “So, where is this beauty goods shop anyway?”
Casimir points. “That one with the pink trim along the edge of the roof. Their soap is the best you’ll find anywhere. If you’d like to be left with the softest skin imaginable, that’s the one to go with.”
I’m not sure I want to tell him that the softness of my skin isn’t something I’ve ever considered. I rub my thumb over my wrist surreptitiously and wonder if it’d feel horrifyingly rough to a noble courtesan.
Well, what does it matter? I’m not really a noble anyway, and I’ll go back to not being one, gods’ forgiveness or not, sooner rather than later.
Nonetheless, I let Casimir usher me into the store. The air inside is as perfumed as the herbal shop, but in a softer, sweeter way that reminds me of Casimir’s honeyed scent.
I like it on him, but I’m not sure I’d want to drown myself in the stuff.
While I stand there awkwardly, suddenly feeling as if I have ten pounds of grit on my skin and everyone can see it, Casimir goes to a display table and plucks up a few wrapped soaps.
The preteen girl in a modest dress who was giving the table’s legs a quick polish steps backward at that moment and bumps into him.
She jerks to the side with a flare of red in her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, sir. I didn’t see you there.”
Casimir waves off her concern. “It was barely a jostle.” He glances down at the table. “I can see you’ve been doing your job well.”
The girl’s stance relaxes. She shoots him a shy smile before turning to one of the other tables.
As I watch, a strange flutter passes through my chest that has nothing to do with the courtesan’s looks. There’s something almost wondrous about the ease with which he spreads his own contentment around him.
How does someone born in the inner wards become that generous?
Less wondrous is the reaction of the gaunt gentleman customer who’s also watching from where he was perusing the selection of colognes. He curls his lip in a sneer. “You don’t need to worry about ‘jostling’ him anyway. That’s practically his line of work.”
The elegant woman behind the store counter stiffens. Casimir doesn’t bat an eye.
He dips his head respectfully toward the man. “I’m sure we all deserve the same consideration.”
The man snorts and steps closer. “What consideration do you have for everyone else’s sensibilities, flashing your gaudy teeth around as if we don’t know what they mean? Bilking ‘clients’ for pay for what should be freely given? They shouldn’t allow degenerates like you—”
He moves to jab Casimir’s arm, and my hand instinctively jerks toward my nearest knife.
But Casimir moves faster.
With a flick of his fingers I can barely track, the courtesan catches the man’s wrist and twists. The man lets out a yelp at the sudden jarring angle.
An instant later, Casimir releases him. The gentleman backs away, hissing while he rubs his wrist.
Julita cackles. The puffed-up prig got what he deserved.
Casimir simply smiles. “Ardone blesses some of us with talents just as valuable to many as those brought by any of the other godlen. We all deserve compensation for our skills as well.”
The man starts to sputter, but the shopkeeper clears her throat. “I don’t allow folk in the shop who’ll harass my valued customers. I think it’s time for you to take your leave.”
The prick lets out a huff, but he goes. The lady aims an apologetic glance at Casimir. “I’m sorry your shopping was disturbed.”
He shrugs. “All’s well that ends well.”
As he motions me over to a far wall where several ornate hair pins and sticks rest on shallow wooden shelves, I can’t hold back my awed surprise. “Have you been taking lessons from Stavros?”
Casimir chuckles. “That would be more extensive than is really necessary. Part of the training for certain tracks of the companionship division covers defensive fighting. Enough to deal with the occasional judgmental ass like that one—or to step in if a patron comes under threat during our time together.”
I guess that makes sense, even if I’d never have thought of it myself. I fidget with my cloak, willing away the flush that’s spread all across my skin.
Is there something wrong with me that I find him even more appealing now that I know he could break a man’s wrist if he wanted to?
Casimir shows no sign that he’s noticed my discomfort. He picks up one of the hair pins.
“You know, this one would look amazing with the reddish sheen to your hair. That color is almost like amber. I’ll bet every woman at the college has been envying it… We might as well make them envy it more.”
He flashes another grin at me and brandishes the pin, which holds a vibrant teal stone that I can’t help thinking would also match my new favorite dress awfully well too. As much as I know about fashion coordination.
The metal around the gemstone gleams gold. My hand comes to rest on my pouch. “I don’t think I can afford—”
Casimir waves off my protest before I can finish it. “I consider it a service to the entire city to add to your beauty. It’s no hardship.”
I manage not to guffaw at the idea of me having much beauty to begin with. It takes more effort not to totally stiffen up when Casimir reaches to fix the pin in my hair, adjusting my current casual updo.
He’s so deftly graceful that his fingers barely graze my skin, but a quiver of heat races over my scalp and down my back anyway. His sandalwood smell trickles through the thicker perfumes of the shop.
As he eases back so I can look at myself in the polished silver mirror next to the shelves, I swallow thickly. The gem really does gleam strikingly against the reddish blond of my hair.
“There,” he says. “It’s absolutely meant to be, Kindness.”
He adds a grin with the lilting nickname, a callback to what he told me after he brought my dresses.
The reference only reminds me of just how kind he’s being.
I cast my gaze toward him. “I should be the one calling you that. Is this how you are with all your… your friends?”
I don’t know if I can really call myself his friend. I wouldn’t be in reality, if we were both being ourselves.
Of course, it might not even be me he’s thinking about when he makes a gesture like this. He’s being sweet to the woman who was his friend—and maybe more—who’s experiencing it on some level alongside me.
The reminder that he might not even be seeing me when he looks at me—not really—hits me like a bucket of icy water. My smile tightens, and I glance away.
Casimir answers in his usual gentle tone. “If I see an opportunity to bring some extra brightness into someone’s life, and it’s no trouble for me to do it, I do.” From the corner of my eye, I think I see his smile falter just a little too. “It’s what I was put in this world for.”
My attention jerks back to him, just as his expression turns thoughtful. He rests his hand on my arm, the warmth seeping through the silk sleeve of my dress. “It’s been a long time since anyone tried to make you happy, hasn’t it? Much too long.”
Between his touch and the too-accurate observation, my mind freezes up. All at once, I want nothing more than to escape his caring, perceptive gaze.
“Thank you,” I say quickly, detaching the pin. “I appreciate it; it’s just too much. I should be getting back to the college for Stavros’s next class.”
The second I’ve set the pin back on the shelf, I’m hurrying for the door.
“Ivy,” Casimir calls after me, but he won’t want to make a scene when we’re barely supposed to know each other. I don’t hear his footsteps behind me as I stride down the street.
What was that about? Julita asks. You’ve got to know Cas didn’t mean any harm by the remark. He really does want to please everyone.
And she obviously can’t see why that wouldn’t make me feel better. “I don’t like accepting gifts I can’t reciprocate,” I murmur, which is maybe a quarter of the truth.
Julita sniffs. Suit yourself. I don’t see any reason to refuse generosity when both people enjoy it. She pauses. I won’t be offended if you get more friendly with him—or any of the others—you know. Even if I were alive, it isn’t as if I’d staked any claim over them.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” But even after I’ve said that, I have to add, “Did you ever get… more than friendly with any of them?”
Oh, no, Julita says, as if she finds the idea absurd. Maybe a little flirtation, but, you know, sometimes that’s necessary to judge a man’s investment. I might consider them friends, but exposing the scourge sorcerers was the important thing. It wouldn’t do to distract them from our goal.
I’m weirdly relieved by her answer and also a little queasy, after seeing how devoted each of the men appear to be to her. But who am I to tell her how she should have run her life when she doesn’t even have one now?
By the time I’ve made it back to Florian’s central hill, the walk has smoothed out my thoughts. I ignore the thrum of the temple’s energy as I skirt it and then pace through the steps dictated by the passcode to enter the college.
As I cross the first courtyard to the outer school building, I scan the grounds around me out of habit. My gaze snags on a stout older man with silvered brown hair and a thick brow, who’s pointed out something to the boy beside him.
My steps slow just slightly while I take them in. The boy is far too young to attend the college, which welcomes students starting in their eighteenth year. I’d be surprised if he’s even old enough to have completed his dedication ceremony.
Julita notices my curiosity. It isn’t unusual for the staff to bring around young relatives or the children of friends who are considering what gift they might want to ask for or even which godlen to dedicate themselves to. Give them a little tour, a sense of what possibilities await.
Her explanation should make perfect sense. The boy looks every bit the noble child in his trim jacket and polished boots.
But just as I’m about to leave them behind, the kid taps his chest with a swift swirl of his fingers. Not the typical four-part gesture of the divinities, but an appeal I’ve never seen anyone outside the fringes make.
My feet stall in their tracks for a second before I force myself to move onward.
As subtly as I can, I spare another glance over my shoulder at the professor and the boy—taking in the slightly defensive hunch of the kid’s shoulders, the lower lip he’s gnawing at. My certainty expands until it’s an unshakable heaviness in my chest.
What’s wrong? Julita asks as I hustle through the entrance hall and across the inner courtyard to the Domi. I told you, it’s utterly normal.
I let out my breath with a low mutter. “And how normal is it for someone to bring a street urchin around, dressed up like a noble?”