Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
Alek, Benedikt, and Stavros jerk to a halt at the sight of me. As I stare back at them, my nerves too frayed for me to gather myself in that instant, Casimir hustles after me. “Ivy, I think—”
The caustic bark of Stavros’s laugh draws the courtesan up short. All three of the other men’s gazes flick to Casimir and then back to me.
Benedikt’s eyebrows shoot up as Alek’s eyes widen.
I’m abruptly aware of the sweat-damp strands of hair clinging to my temples, of the neckline of my dress drooping sloppily at my shoulders because I retied the laces too hastily.
Of the flush that hasn’t quite left Casimir’s face and probably still colors my cheeks. Of his unbelted tunic and his own rumpled hair.
We might as well have a conjured sign over our heads proclaiming, “We rutted.”
Any remaining heat drains from my body. I yank at the sleeves of my dress—too little, too late.
Stavros steps forward with a jab of his hand toward me. “This is where you ran off to? To jump onto Casimir? These two made it sound like you were half dead.”
I can’t stop myself from glowering at Alek and Benedikt, who are still staring at me in incredulous shock. If I even was half dead in the grips of my magic’s attack, it was only temporary.
“I’m fine,” I snap, drawing myself up taller. I’m not going to let them shame me for an act they’ve no doubt engaged in dozens of times themselves with women who meant less than Casimir means to me. Even if that last bit still has my own shame burning in my chest. “I needed some time alone.”
A guffaw sputters out of Benedikt. “It appears you had good company for that alone time.”
Before I can do more than glare at him, Casimir eases closer to me. “Were you attacked again, Ivy? You didn’t say—”
Shit and smitings, now he’s going to join the judgmental brigade too.
“There was nothing to say,” I cut in. “I’m fine. It was an after-effect of whatever magic was thrown at me before—it wasn’t fun, but it passed.”
Alek speaks up with a strained voice. “You were coughing up blood.”
I make my tone as flippant as I can manage. “Not the first time and it probably won’t be the last. Can we get on to more important things—like what this meeting was supposed to be for?”
They’ve got to be early—Casimir and I weren’t enjoying ourselves for that long. I guess they went hunting for me after they realized I’d left Stavros’s quarters and decided to check the archive.
“You’re not invincible,” Stavros growls. “If you care about this mission, you should be looking after yourself, not running around throwing caution to the wind.”
Why, because I might risk my ghostly passenger?
I fold my arms over my chest. “Does that only go for me? I hope to the gods you three weren’t barging around the college together, letting everyone see you’ve been colluding on something.”
Benedikt’s tone turns sharper than usual. “Yes, forgive us for the grave sin of being worried about you.”
“We were careful about it,” Alek adds, even terser than before. “We didn’t forget what matters.”
Is he implying I did?
I hug myself tighter as Stavros looms over me. “Don’t try to turn this around on us. You’re the one who went sneaking off after even more evidence that you’ve become a target, just to get your rocks off.”
Apparently the commotion has been enough to bring Julita back into full consciousness, because her laugh ripples through my thoughts. My goodness. What are they all so worked up about? Upset because you paid a little more attention to Cas than the rest of them? Boys are such boars.
Her mocking tone sets my nerves even more on edge.
I take a step back, my ass bumping the edge of the desk. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I wasn’t planning that. I didn’t even know Casimir would be down here. I just—”
“You just weren’t thinking,” Stavros interrupts in a savage tone.
“Clearly. The fate of the entire city—gods, the entire continent—could rest on what we’re doing here, and it turns out you’ll toss that all aside for a roll-about.
My expectations were slightly higher than that, even for a street rat. ”
“You made a commitment,” Alek adds. “You can’t forget about it whenever you want.”
Julita snorts. Gods above. As if any of them would have listened to me about the problem if they hadn’t been hoping they’d get into my drawers.
A sour taste creeps through my mouth. “I’ve kept my commitments—which I never even asked for. None of this was my idea!”
Stavros sneers down at me. “No, it was Julita’s. You made a commitment to her. What does she think of you throwing yourself at Casimir instead of staying focused on the mission you came here for? You should listen to her instead of—”
Something in me cracks. I release a broken laugh so harsh Stavros’s voice falters.
This is what it comes down to in the end: no matter what I’ve done, they can’t see me as anything but fringe trash while I’m dying for their fucking cause.
Well, I’m really done now.
“You want to know what Julita thinks?” I say, casting my gaze around at all of them. “She was goading me on, and now she’s laughing at the bunch of you for losing your heads over it. You really have no idea how she actually saw you all, do you?”
Julita’s voice wavers. Ivy? I’m not sure—
I snort to cut her off.
She was perfectly happy to take over my entire body when it served her purposes. I’m done with her too.
I hurtle on without waiting for her to keep weighing in.
“Sure, she cared about the investigation. That’s all she cared about.
The four of you were just hapless dupes to her—the people she figured would be most useful to her, the people with some weakness she could exploit to get you invested, to be sure you wouldn’t back out on her.
You talk about her like she was a divine being, and maybe that’s appropriate, because to her you were definitely worth nothing unless you were acting like her adoring devouts. ”
Please, Ivy, don’t—they don’t need to hear—I would never have—
“Why should we believe anything you say about her?” Alek demands, his shoulders gone rigid.
But I see the self-doubt already darkening Benedikt’s eyes, tensing Casimir’s face.
“I think you already know,” I retort. “You just wanted to believe she saw something more in you than you did. That’s how she roped you in to begin with.
That’s how she roped me in, for fuck’s sake.
But if this is the thanks I’m going to get after I’ve stuck my neck on the line a dozen times, I’ve had enough. ”
I shoulder through their semi-circle around me and stride toward the far wall.
Stavros shakes himself out of his stunned silence quickly enough to snatch after my arm, but I dart out of the way and tug on the books to open up the passage.
“Ivy, you can’t just—” he shouts after me, and then his voice is lost to the darkness of the staircase.
I sprint up the steps as fast as my legs will carry me.
Julita feels as if she’s whirling in my head. No. This isn’t good. You’ve got to go back. They’re going to think— Please. Just stop for a second.
I dash down the hall in the direction of the secluded back door, not interested in having this conversation. Not interested in having any conversation.
Tears that infuriate me sting at my eyes. My jaw is set so tight my teeth are aching.
They’re just a bunch of arrogant, ignorant noble twits. All of them, Julita too. It’s ridiculous to think they could ever tackle a real disaster.
And I can’t either—not here, and not on my own. I never should have imagined I could.
Me with my riven soul, impress the godlen into forgiving me for the blood on my hands? I must have been insane.
Julita cajoled me; Julita made me feel I could be important. She leveraged my weakness too, without even knowing exactly how deep it ran.
Well, I see everything clearly now. I’m not going to play the fool anymore.
As I veer around the corner where the hall narrows, my gaze fixes on the small door up ahead. I have to get out through the gate. Then I’ll be free enough.
Not much chance of the men chasing me into the fringes after the confrontation we just had. Let them stew in their memories of how wonderfully perfect Julita supposedly was.
For some reason, the thought makes my stomach churn harder. My fingers curl into my palms hard enough to prick the skin.
I hustle past the final row of narrow columns before the door, hearing nothing but the pounding of my pulse and the furor of my frustrations—and a blast of air rams into me from behind.
I lurch toward the nearest column, too fast to catch my balance. My forehead slams into the stone surface.
Pain splinters through my skull, setting my mind reeling.
Wind? There shouldn’t be any wind blasting through the Domi’s hallways.
It was conjured, just like when Julita—
Another surge of furious air smacks me against the column before I can turn around. With it comes a brutal pain that rips through my abdomen from my back.
The searing gash of a thick blade that’s just slammed between my ribs.