Chapter 18 #2
I drag in a breath. “No. I’m assuming they want to wait until they see what happens in the next couple of days, and then I may receive another invitation.”
Or another knife in my back, depending on how they evaluate my performance.
Stavros claps his hands. “All right. That aspect is settled. Has anyone else made even a sliver of progress toward unraveling this conspiracy?”
Each of the men has a little to say about gossip overheard or purchases of supplies, but nothing that gives us solid evidence. Always more threads to follow up on, which seem to wind onward and onward without ever reaching a useful end.
Maybe once I’ve found out more information directly from the scourge sorcerers, we’ll be able to stitch all those scraps together into a clearer picture.
Stavros declares the meeting is over with a thump of his boots as he steps back from the table. “It sounds as if we’ve covered everything. You all have lives to get back to. Well, for the most part.” His gaze flicks to me.
All at once, I balk at the thought of trudging back into his quarters and then spending the rest of the day tagging along at his classes while he offers more warm congeniality to his students in a minute than he has to me in weeks.
The words slip out before I’ve totally thought them through. “There’s a book of records in the storage room that I wanted to consult with Alek about. I’ll catch up with you in a few minutes.”
Stavros’s jaw clenches, but after he left me and the scholar alone for hours last night, he must feel he’d look more odd arguing than not. “I’ll need you for my cavalry class at the next bell. Make sure you’re not late.”
“I would never miss a chance to commune with the horses,” I inform him tartly, and usher Alek over to the side room.
The scholar comes along obligingly and turns to scan the shelves of supplies once we’re through the doorway. “What book did you find in here? I didn’t think—”
I tug him farther out of view. “There’s no book. I just wanted to do this without an audience.”
I tease my fingers into his thick hair and bob up to claim a kiss.
Alek makes a soft, urgent sound in his throat that makes me quiver in delight and kisses me back. One of his hands comes to rest on my hip while the other cups my cheek.
For a few moments, nothing matters but the heat of his mouth and the lean strength of his body aligned with mine. I want to stay right here, wrapped up in the heady pleasure of his affection, where no conspiracy or sneering nobles can reach me.
Unfortunately, I can’t escape my responsibilities for very long. I settle for hugging him tightly to me through one more lingering kiss before easing back.
We did have one bit of audience I couldn’t remove us from. Julita makes an awkward coughing sound. Ah, if this is going to continue, I suppose I should…
I give my head a subtle shake to tell her there’s no need for her to vanish herself and smile up at Alek. He’s gazing down at me with so much delight of his own that an uncharacteristic giggle bubbles up from my chest.
“Very sneaky,” he says.
I give his hair a teasing tug, remembering how exhilarated he got when we contrived to steal Ster. Torstem’s financial records a few weeks ago. “And you love it.”
Alek bows his head closer to mine. “Yes, I do.”
It’s strange seeing him in his mask now that I know what he looks like beneath it. I trace my fingers along the edge of it at his jaw. “I didn’t want to leave without doing that first. I hope that soon we’ll have enough time for me to see all of you again.”
He chuckles and leans in to brush a kiss to my cheek. “There’s a lot of you I’d like to see,” he murmurs by my ear. “Gods, I wish we could spend time together on anything other than meetings. If you didn’t have to be so careful with Ster. Torstem’s people watching you…”
“We can hope that won’t be for long.”
I don’t want to think about where we’ll end up when there is no more conspiracy to tackle. Will I be able to stay at the college? How would we get on if I have to return to my old haunts?
Those are problems for another day.
“We should get back,” I say, but I can’t resist gripping the front of his shirt and stealing one more quick kiss.
Right as Casimir steps past the doorway.
“There are a few chocolates left, if either of you—” he’s saying, but his warm voice falters as Alek and I jerk apart.
I grab the scholar’s hand before he can get too far, abruptly afraid he’ll take my startled reaction as shame. As I squeeze Alek’s fingers, Casimir’s gaze flicks between us.
I wait for him to laugh or make a playful remark about our subterfuge. It isn’t as if I’d expect the courtesan of all people to be offended by anyone indulging in a brief moment of bliss, even someone he’s done the same with himself.
But just for a second, the light fades from Casimir’s gorgeous face. In that moment, he looks so lost I forget how to breathe.
He recovers quickly with a straightening of his posture and a hasty smile that doesn’t totally cover the awkwardness of the moment. “I— Well, never mind. I apologize for accidentally interrupting.”
He retreats with a brisk bob of his head. I stare after him through a few thumps of my pulse, an ache expanding through my chest.
Was he actually sad to see me with another man? Why would it even matter to him, unless—
I shake myself out of my daze and turn back to Alek… who’s watching me with a wistful but not accusing expression.
“You should go after him,” he says. “Tell him how you feel.”
My fingers tighten around his where I’m still clutching his hand. “No. I don’t— It doesn’t change anything about how I feel about you. I told you—”
“I know. And I told you I wasn’t sure you should have to choose.” He steps closer and tips his head to press a kiss to my forehead. “I’m sure now that you shouldn’t. Signy managed to juggle three lovers. I think you’re nimble enough to handle two.”
I sputter a laugh. “I’m hardly another Signy.”
“I don’t know. I think someday they’ll be weaving tapestries and singing songs about you too.” Alek nudges me toward the door. “I want to see how happy you can look when you’re getting all the devotion you deserve. Go on, or I’ll have to confess on your behalf.”
I can’t say whether it’s the tenderness of his words or the panic that he might carry out his final threat that propels me back into the main meeting room.
Stavros and Benedikt have already departed, thank all that’s holy. Casimir is just gathering the napkins that were scattered on the table.
As I hurry over to him, he sets them on the box of chocolates and spins toward his ring of cord.
“Casimir,” I say. “I—”
“It’s all right,” he breaks in swiftly, with a much more convincing smile now that he’s had more time to gather himself. “I’m happy for you both. I was only surprised I hadn’t realized sooner. I’ll leave you to—”
“Wait.” I grasp his elbow.
Casimir turns back toward me to meet my gaze. Staring into his deep blue eyes, I find my thoughts have scrambled.
How am I supposed to “confess” in any way that doesn’t sound ridiculous? What if I mistook his reaction just now and he really was simply surprised?
Through the whirl of my thoughts, it occurs to me that there’s one way both of us can know exactly what we mean to each other.
My voice comes out quiet. “Use your gift on me.”
Casimir blinks. “What?”
“Use your gift. See what you could do that would make me happiest right now.”
It wouldn’t make me happy for him to lie. I’d rather he let me down easy if that’s what he needs to do.
The courtesan knits his brow for just a second before his stance relaxes. His eyes go a bit distant, and a quiver of magic passes through my nerves.
All at once, he’s tossing the chocolate box onto the table and wrapping his arms around me in the warmest of embraces.
“Oh, Kindness,” Casimir murmurs with a catch in his throat, his head lowered so his cheek rests against my temple. “Do you really not already know how much I adore you?”
I choke up a little too. “I mean, you seem to think a lot about everyone’s happiness—I didn’t realize I mattered that much more. I’m sorry I acted like I didn’t care. I was trying not to make a fool of myself.”
Casimir makes a rough noise and strokes his fingers over my hair.
“My fault. I was worried about overwhelming you, and instead— I’ve been falling for you since the first day we met.
You’re woven into me now. I get an ache in the pit of my stomach when we’re apart and a glow around my heart when you’re nearby. ”
He glances up, still holding me close, toward where Alek is ambling over to join us. “Not that I would try to claim you all for myself if you’re finding joy other places as well.”
I glance over at the scholar, my cheeks heating with a flutter of my nerves.
To my relief, Alek’s crooked smile is all fond amusement. “She doesn’t believe me when I tell her she’s going to become the next Signy.” He trails his fingers down the back of my arm. “I’m not sure how much more proof she needs.”
“I’d rather not have to face off against an entire imperial army any time soon,” I protest.
Casimir just chuckles. He ducks his head to seek out my lips.
As the courtesan’s kiss floods me with tingling warmth, Alek slips his arm around my waist from behind and presses his mouth to the side of my neck. My heart skips a beat.
It is overwhelming, being caught up between these two men, but only in the best possible way. I can barely believe this moment is actually happening while I’m in the middle of it.
Casimir draws back just an inch, his breath still caressing my lips when he speaks. “I’m not taking patrons now—not that kind. I wanted to be sure of where I stood with you first.”
I hesitate. “I saw you with that woman in the dining hall...”
He gives his head an emphatic shake. “She hired me to play music at a party she’s hosting. Nothing more intimate than that.”
“Oh.” I let out a shaky laugh and lean into Alek, looping my arm around his to show him how much I welcome his embrace too. “But—I mean, it’s your calling; it’s what you always meant to do…”
I can’t ask him to give something that important up, even if the thought of him caressing another woman—or man—makes my gut twist.
“I don’t know how I’ll handle things in the future,” Casimir says. “But for right now… I don’t think it’d be good for me to muddy the waters.”
I guess I can accept that. If he starts to seem miserable trying to hem himself in, I’ll have to speak up, however painful it might be for me.
It can’t be more painful than thinking I barely meant anything more than the women who pay him for his affections.
I lift my head toward Alek to aim a peck at his jaw. I wouldn’t have found out any of this if the scholar hadn’t pushed me. “Thank you.”
Alek’s arm tightens around me. His voice comes out a bit rough. “I think you’ve spent too long thinking you were barely worth anything at all, Ivy.” A wry note creeps in. “Now I’ll have some help convincing you otherwise.”
I’d like to linger here and find out how they’d continue their convincing, but my awareness of the impending class niggles at me. With a regretful sigh, I ease away from both of the men.
“If I’m not ready for class in time, Stavros will probably come for all our heads.”
“We’ll see you again soon.” Casimir gives my shoulder a quick squeeze, his eyes shining with so much affection it wraps around me like another embrace. “Stay safe, and know our thoughts are with you.”
As I reluctantly step toward my circle of cord, Julita finally speaks up again. Well. Capturing hearts all around, aren’t you?
She lets out a giggle that I can’t help thinking sounds a bit forced. I swallow thickly as I step into the ring.
Julita has always urged me on when it comes to pursuing her men… but she might not ever have expected more than one of them would return my interest.
She might not have been prepared to think about all the experiences she can now never hope to have for herself.
I don’t know how many of those experiences I’ll even get to have if I continue down the path I’m on.
I’ve found so much more here at Sovereign College than I could have predicted. And that means I have so much more to lose if this all goes wrong.